Have you intentionally or accidentally neglected a friend? Its not too late to learn how to apologize for ghosting a friend.
From time to time, life gets in the way, and you may end up having to apologize for ghosting a friend. Whether we mean to or not, we sometimes end up neglecting our friends. It’s a reason, but not really an excuse. After all, how hard is it to send an occasional text message?
Perhaps you ghosted your friend on purpose, and now are beginning to see the error of your ways.
If you think you have ghosted your friend and regret it, it is not too late to repair the relationship. But first, you learn how to apologize for ghosting a friend, and how to apologize in the right way.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting started off as a term for romantic situations. But it can actually be used for any type of situation: friends, work colleagues, family members, etc.
Ghosting basically means that you suddenly go AWOL in someone’s life. You stop answering their calls and texts. You don’t give a reason or an explanation, communication just ends. This usually leaves the recipient confused, hurt and wondering what they did wrong to deserve the silent treatment. [Read: What is ghosting? How does it really impact your life?]
Why would you ghost your friend?
First we have to ask ourselves how we got here. To apologize for ghosting your friend, you first have to find out why you did it.
There are a lot of reasons ghosting happens. It’s possible that you did it intentionally– maybe you were angry at your friend. Maybe you thought your friend had done something to you but you didn’t want to face up to it, so disappearing felt like the easier option. Or maybe you ghosted them because you felt too overwhelmed to be a friend to them.
The more likely culprit is unintentional. Things happen— you were stressed, busy at work or going through a difficult situation in the family. If that is the case, it is understandable that communication dropped, but you could let them know instead of just dropping off the face of the earth. Only you know why you suddenly ghosted your friend.
If one day you wake up and feel bad about it, then it’s important that you’re the bigger person and apologize. Of course, learning how to apologize for ghosting a friend isn’t a quick ‘ah, sorry about that’ type of affair. Ghosting is a mean thing to do to someone who cares about you, and apologizing for it is something which needs an explanation and an understanding that perhaps the damage has already been done. [Read: 10 scenarios where it’s completely okay to ghost a friend]
How long does it have to be to count as ghosting?
You can ghost a friend for any length of time, and the term still sticks. For instance, you might go quiet on them for a week or so, and it’s still ghosting. You could suddenly stop speaking to them for no reason whatsoever, for months on end, and that’s still ghosting.
The point is, you suddenly go quiet. You are well within your rights to be busy, or uncommunicative, but you should let those who care about you know. Otherwise, they will think you are ignoring them and find that hurtful, or worse, worry that something terrible has happened to you. Your sudden cold shoulder is hurtful, even if it’s unintentional, and your friend deserves an apology if you hope to continue the friendship. [Read: Why friends ghost each other and why it hurts so fiercely when they do it]
How to apologize for ghosting a friend
As always, the first step to apologizing is taking accountability.
Acknowledge in your own mind that you were in the wrong in ghosting your friend. Yes, even if you didn’t mean to ghost them. Your friend should understand that life got busy and chaotic, but it’s not an excuse for refusing to talk to them.
Once you have that sorted, you can move forward to talking to them about it.
How hard this is going to be depends upon how long you were ghosting your friend for and how hard they have taken it. Everyone deals with things in a different way, and you might find that your friend simply shrugged it off and figured that you had your own things going on.
Of course, that doesn’t mean it might not have hurt them deep down. If the ghosting was for much longer, you have a harder task on your hands. [Read: How to end a friendship like a mature grown up]
Don’t downplay your ghosting
You may be tempted to downplay your ghosting as “not a big deal.” But really, that isn’t for you to decide. Your friend will tell you how much you ghosting them did or didn’t upset them. You should listen to this, and take it to heart. Making sure your friend feels listened to is a big step towards repairing the relationship.
If your friend said it didn’t bother them, apologize anyway. You don’t have to beg for forgiveness or anything, but a simple apology can go a long way towards showing that you are a reliable and accountable person. [Read: How to get your best friend back: why we drift & 20 ways to feel close]
Be honest
Understanding how to apologize for ghosting a friend comes down to being authentic and honest. A disingenuous apology often does more damage than good, and this isn’t a situation you can lie yourself out of.
No one can tell you exactly what to say when you apologize. It all depends on how long the ghosting went on for. Did you go silent for months or even years? In that case, good luck, you’ll need it. You’ll need to really sit down and explain your reasons and they had better be good ones.
However, if you only ghosted for a few days or a week, you might be able to get away with it if you can simply explain in honest terms and show that you’re really sorry. Sit them down and explain. Tell them your reasons and explain that you know it was wrong, and that you won’t do it again.
Don’t make excuses
When you apologize you need to take accountability for your ghosting. You can give reasons for your actions in your apology, but you can’t make excuses.
You’ve probably heard a few apologies like those in your life, and they usually go something like “I’m sorry, BUT–” followed by an excuse for why it’s not their fault. That’s not really apologizing, because there is no accountability there. You are just trying to make the situation someone else’s fault, and no one is buying it.
[Read: How to reconnect and rebuild your lost friendships]
Acknowledge what you did was hurtful
To you, the ghosting might not have seemed like a big deal. But if your friend was hurt by it, you can’t argue with them about how they feel. Instead, you should try to see where your friend is coming from.
Remember that regardless of how long you were missing from their lives, you probably left a large gap. They would have questioned whether they did something to hurt you without realizing it or whether they said something wrong.
They might have wondered if something happened to you and worried unnecessarily. It really isn’t something friends should be doing to one another. [Read: 15 signs you’re the friend who uses other friends and leaves them]
Empathize your friend
In order to apologize, you need to see where your friend is coming from. How would you like it if someone did the same to you? You probably wouldn’t like it.
You see, when someone romantically ghosts you, e.g. if you’re talking to someone on social media and they suddenly go quiet and start leaving your messages unread, or even worse, on read, it’s painful. You curse them and tell yourself that they’re a terrible person for doing this to you. To be honest, it hurts.
So, when someone you care about, someone you have a close friendship with, does the very same thing, it’s ten times more painful.
The fact that you ghosted your friend, no matter how long you did it for, tells your friend that you don’t value the friendship as much as they thought. Even if they decide to forgive you, you are going to have to work to override that perception. Read: How to be a good friend and hone your friendship skills]
Accept their response
What they do is what they do. You have no control over it.
If your friend decides to forgive you, great! You can begin to rebuild the trust that was lost, and hopefully someday become as close as you were before. However, if your friend doesn’t accept your apology for ghosting, or does but no longer wants to be friends with you, you have your answer.
Don’t try to insist that your friend accept your apology. A true apology is offered without the expectation of automatic forgiveness. You have to accept that they have their own feelings on the matter.Accept that it might also take time. Don’t expect miracles overnight.
No matter what your friend decides to do, forgive you or not, you can at least have the peace of mind that you did the right thing. We all make mistakes, but not everyone is big enough to accept their poor decision and apologize for it. If your friend decides not to accept your apology, take it as a learning experience for future friendships.
Don’t do it again
In taking accountability for your actions, you need to see what you did, accept that it was wrong, and most importantly, don’t do it again. If you have apologized for ghosting your friend, don’t do it.
That may seem obvious, but for many an accepted apology is viewed as an invitation to repeat that behavior. Mainly because they “got away with it.” This kind of thinking is going to land you with no friends very, very quickly.
If you managed to be forgiven for your ghosting, don’t make your friend regret forgiving you by repeating the situation that got you there in the first place. [Read: Ghosting a friend: the only reasons when it’s okay to ghost them]
Whatever problems or life occurrences caused you to ghost, figure out what they are and fix them. If you don’t, this situation is bound to repeat itself and you’re going to end up with no friends.
Maybe you have anxiety around attachment or struggle with telling people how you feel, causing you to shut down. A therapist can help you find the root of the issue and heal.
If you know that you are going to need to go incommunicado for a certain amount of time, let your loved ones know that you are just busy and not ignoring them. These small actions can help rebuild broken trust by showing that you aren’t just going to disappear again.
Will your friend accept you apology for ghosting them?
Who knows? It’s their choice whether they choose to forgive you or not. You can’t do anything about it. All you can do is explain what you did and why you did it, express your regret, and allow them to see how real you are.
You cannot control their actions, just like they couldn’t control yours when you suddenly went MIA on them. But whether or not you think it will be accepted, you should apologize. Because it’s the right thing to do, and will help you sleep better at night.
[Read: How to make up with a friend when you just can’t bear to lose them]
Learning how to apologize for ghosting a friend really comes down to being honest and genuine, showing remorse, and letting what will be, be. What your friend decides to do about it is up to them.
