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Feeling Like A Failure? 14 Ways To Find Your Will & Change Your Mindset

Feeling like a failure is quite possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. But you can always do something about this and turn this feeling around.

Feeling Like A Failure

Feeling like a failure is something we all know too well. Whether it is in regards to work, relationships or anything else, that feeling eats away at you. Feeling like a failure lowers your confidence, gets you down, and sets you back from trying. Think about the way rejection makes you feel.

Failure is the same; only it’s even more personal because it’s internal. When you dwell on your losses, you will never be able to move forward. This is why it’s essential to move forward from failure before you get stuck in it.

You can face feeling like a failure and flip that feeling on its head. You just may need a little guidance to get there. [Read: The fear of failure and why you should never be afraid to fail]

Are you feeling like a failure?

Feeling like a failure can get in the way of so much in your life. It can halt you from succeeding. It can prevent you from being happy. And it can lower your self-esteem so drastically you just want to give up. But, with that being said, feeling like a failure can be a short-lived experience.

You may have failed a test, made a mistake on the job, or been dumped. But after that initial shock, you can be inspired again. No matter how easy it is to think that your failures define you, it’s your ability to get back up that will define you. After all, failures are a part of life.

Even the most successful people today failed several times in their lives before they could get to where they are now. So, you can’t give up now, not when you’ve come so far. Give it a few days before really getting down on yourself.

If a few days or weeks have passed and you can’t seem to shake feeling like a failure, you may need to rethink some things about yourself and why you feel this way. Sometimes, all you require is a change of mindset when you’re feeling like a failure. [Read: Feeling defeated? 15 ways to overcome feeling stuck and lost in life]

Why are you feeling like a failure?

Now it is time to analyze this feeling. Why is it that you’re feeling like a failure? Have you actually failed at something or are you looking at a situation from a skewed point of view? Just because we may be feeling like a failure doesn’t mean we are. [Read: 25 memorable life lessons that can help you perfect your life]

So, what happened? Was what happened out of your control? Did you get a bad grade on a term paper? Did you work your hardest and feel disappointed in yourself or did you wait until the last minute and rush it? Think about what led to this feeling? Were you dumped?

Did you mess up by cheating or did your partner and you just want different things? Sometimes a situation can lead us to feel like a failure when, in fact, things just didn’t work out as we had planned. And that is life. Feeling like a failure can be for different reasons, but sometimes, you also need a change in perspective.

You can’t give up just because you failed a few times in your life. If you look at the reason you’re feeling like a failure and think you could have done more, then you have something to work on, which is good.

If you look back and know you did everything you could, but it still didn’t work out, then you have to face that. Not everything is under our control, and that’s okay. [Read: The 13 signs of self-loathing and the damage it can do to your life]

Why you can’t dwell on feeling like a failure

Look, you’re not the only person to experience failure or to feel this way. We’ve all experienced those moments where we don’t want to get out of bed because we’ve failed a few times in our life. But you shouldn’t dwell on those moments. Failure happens to everyone, and you can’t grow if you don’t fall a few times first.

Failure makes you strong, and it’s the primary key to success and learning. Before you dwell on your self-sabotaging thoughts and see yourself as a worthless and inadequate person because of your failure, hold on to the fact that you tried your best.

If there are any what-if scenarios you regret not doing, then use it as a lesson and work on your skills and abilities. After all, the best way to counter feeling like a failure is to focus on your own personal development. [Read: Is your negative thinking ruining your life? 20 signs and tips to cope]

How to stop feeling like a failure

Feeling like a failure does not have to be a bad thing. It does not have to get you down or bum you out. In fact, feeling like a failure can be a good thing, if you can see it that way.

Failure can inspire you, it can motivate you, and it can change how you approach things. So, how do you stop feeling like a failure and start feeling like a success?

1. Accept the situation

One reason feeling like a failure feels so awful is because we dwell on it. We sit and soak in that bad feeling and let it get to us. We look at what happened and get angry, upset, or disappointed. We may even have trouble accepting it. As we mentioned earlier, there will always be things beyond your control, and that’s okay.

You can’t dwell on those things you can’t control, but it’s better to focus on the things you can. Instead of fighting the fact that you failed, accept it. Failure is a part of life for everyone.

Each person no matter how successful has experienced failure. If you don’t want to feel stuck, accept it and let it go. [Read: How to find yourself again after a seriously low point in your life]

2. Remove blame

Try not to blame anyone. As humans, it is our nature to figure things out. We want to know why we failed. Was it our fault? Was it someone else’s? Were we sabotaged? This is playing the blame game and it’s as useful to your mind as asking “what if?”

We blame everything on ourselves when we don’t achieve our desired outcome or get the results we want. We blame others for being lacking in another area. If you’re feeling like a failure, stop being obsessed with finding a source of blame.

All this does is take that failure and turn it into bitterness. And bitterness is not a good look on anyone. All it does is prove that this one instance has power over you. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]

3. Analyze what happened

Stop looking to blame others and look at the facts. You made a plan. Did you follow it? Did something go wrong? What was out of your control? And how does this failure affect you now? Does this not working out open you up to new possibilities? Is there something better right around the corner?

These are all practical questions you should be asking yourself if you’re feeling like a failure. Analyze what happened and how you could improve, but don’t overthink it to the point that it’s all you think about. Remember, your failure should never define you. [Read: How to stop making the same mistakes in a relationship and learn]

4. Look to the future

Try not to dwell on this one failure. If your favorite actor perished at every rejection, would he or she be who they are now? Instead of focusing on the past, look to the future. What opportunities are at your fingertips? Can you get a new job? Can you take some time for yourself? Can you find a new passion or focus?

Think about all the good this failure could lead you to. If you just change your perspective, failure just opened the door for opportunity. The potential is limitless, and one loss doesn’t stop you from reaching your goal, whatever that might be. [Read: How to be positive and find that silver lining immediately]

5. Redefine failure

Redefining failure is one of the harder things on this list, but it is also one of the most vital. From a young age, we were taught that failure is not an option. Getting an F on a test was bad so as we grew up any failure felt that same way.

Feeling like a failure means we feel like we are not good enough, we are not as good as others, we didn’t do well, we messed up. But, failure does not have to be a bad thing. Failure is a chance to recover. It is a chance to show our true strength. Failure isn’t a sign of weakness, but it’s a sign of resilience and growth.

Failure doesn’t make you weak. Someone who never fails has never had to overcome it. But if you’ve been knocked down, you’ll get back up stronger and with more fight and passion to succeed. Failure should not get you down, but lift you up and inspire you to do even better. [Read: How to succeed in life – Everything you need right now]

6. Be aware of risks

Sometimes feeling like a failure sucks so much because we didn’t see it coming. We didn’t entertain the idea that this wouldn’t work out. But when you put effort into something, there is always a risk. Even if you do your best and try harder than ever before, there are no guarantees.

Life will always be full of surprises and no matter how much we want to control every outcome, we can’t. That’s what makes life so surprising and mysterious. Accepting that as a fact and going for it anyway shows true faith and power.

Being afraid to fail paralyzes us and prevents us from trying. Everything is a matter of risk, but you need to be willing to take a giant leap of faith anyway. [Read: 10 mind tricks to regain control and get your life together]

7. Try again

Once you face feeling like a failure and pick yourself up, it is time to try again. Wipe that frown off your face and put on your game day gear. Accept failure as a part of life, career, romance, and keep living life to the fullest. Don’t stop trying and improving in the best way you can.

Feeling like a failure doesn’t mean the end of your story or life. But it will be if that’s where you choose to remain. Remember that failure shows growth and resilience, so show that to the world. If you fail, get back up and continue to try again.

If you still fail, keep trying. What matters is that you never give up. Change the course of your path if you have to, but don’t quit. [Read: How to take that next step to success and achieve your dreams]

8. Recognize any self-sabotaging coping mechanisms

No matter how difficult it is to overcome feeling like a failure, it’s not an excuse to destroy yourself further. So no drinking, smoking, doing drugs, or anything that can harm your progress. Failure might feel like the worst thing right now, but it’s not the end of the world.

However, it will be if you engage in any self-sabotaging tactics. You need to be stronger than your pain and defeat, so this often requires a lot of strength and resilience within you, which you clearly have. But don’t let your failure define you – rise above it and prove that it’s not the end. [Read: Sabotaging your happiness: 12 ways you can ruin your life]

9. Change your plan of action

When we fail at life, there are two perspectives we can choose from. We can either let it destroy us or use it as an opportunity to change our plan of action. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, you could develop an action plan and change things.

Let’s say you failed your test. Instead of dwelling on that failure, you can change your method of studying, such as studying smarter, especially if you tend to cram your exams. A little adjustment to your plan can do so much for avoiding failure the next time around. [Read: How to be a happier person: 20 joy-filled steps to change your life]

10. Realize success doesn’t happen without failure

We all have this idea that success is achieved right away, but that’s not how things happen. Successful people today didn’t get to where they are without failing a few times. Failing makes you better in life and learn from your mistakes. So even if you wanted to succeed overnight, it’s unrealistic to think that way.

Just look at the many success stories that faced a lot of defeat and rejection their way before reaching the peak of success. That wouldn’t have happened if they let their failures defeat them, and you should think the same way! [Read: how to be successful in life]

11. Face your fear of failure

What about failure makes you so afraid? We all fear failure or rejection and while it makes us feel defeated for a while, it also makes us stronger. By facing your fear of failure, you realize that it will never define you, not unless you want it to.

So if you’re going to overcome feeling like a failure, like anything in life, all you have to do is face your fears, and you’ll eventually get there. You need to step out of your comfort zone and avoid letting the fear of failure hold you back.

Maybe you’re afraid of going on another job interview because you failed the last time, or you don’t want to get into another relationship because of your history in the past. But the past is not the same as the present. Your history doesn’t dictate your future; you do. [Read: How to be fearless: 13 ways to set aside fear and live your life]

12. Change your mindset

You will never overcome feeling like a failure if you don’t change your mindset first. So if you want to avoid being defined by your failure, change your perception of things. When something terrible happens, we tend to blame ourselves and think we’re not worth anything or that we’ll never accomplish anything adequate in life.

But this is your negative thoughts taking place. Granted that it’s challenging to think positive in such a bad situation, but you need to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Use failure as your motivation to keep going and strive to become better. That’s the only way you won’t get defeated by your failure. [Read: How to think positive and reprogram your mind to stay positive]

13. Be around motivating people

The best way you can counter your negative thoughts is to be around motivated people. When you fail at something, they will remind you of the light at the end of the tunnel and push you to keep striving for success.

If you’re constantly around negative people or get consumed by social media, you’ll be comparing yourself to others for eternity. By changing your peers and environment, you’ll find yourself more capable of overcoming feeling like a failure. [Read: How to motivate yourself to do pretty much anything]

14. Find a healthy distraction

Distractions are everything when it comes to overcoming failure, just as long as you choose healthy distractions instead of destructive ones. So hit the gym, exercise, hang out with your friends, or you can even pick up a new hobby.

Finding a healthy distraction can help you deal with your thoughts and encourage you to get back up and try again. Similar to how distractions help in overcoming heartbreak, it can work the same way for overcoming failure. [Read: Secret to happiness: The uncomplicated guide for a happy life]

So, how do you overcome feeling like a failure?

It’s easier said than done, but it takes a lot of willpower and resilience to overcome failure. You will experience several failures in your life, but you can’t stay stuck in any of them.

Life is full of limitless possibilities, and one failure could just be the beginning of another adventure for you. But you’ll never get to see that if you never get back up and try again.

Feeling like a failure does not have to stop you from trying to succeed, in fact, it should push you even harder. You are so much stronger than you think. You just have to realize it for yourself, too.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...