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18 Honest Reasons Why You Don’t Have Friends that Care About You

Are you wondering why you don’t have friends to call on whenever the need arises? Sometimes we need to look within and change our behavior a little. 

why you don't have friends

Are you having a hard time keeping friends? Or, do you find yourself constantly being let down by people you think are friends? Are you such a bad person that no one wants to be around you anymore? Don’t worry, it’s unlikely! If you don’t have friends to call on, real friends, it’s time to do some soul searching and find out why.

Sometimes we choose people and call them friends without really taking the time to get to know them. Then, when things get tough and you need a shoulder to cry on, they’re not there.

The reason? You haven’t had the experiences together and the time to build up a true connection with them. [Read: Good friends are like stars: 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

There is a very real difference between a person you call a friend and someone who is a real friend. Always know the difference!

Or, are you making unforgivable mistakes that push people away from you, or force them to take you for granted? It’s also possible that the blame isn’t completely on other people and that maybe you’re making a few errors that contribute to the situation.

[Read: 16 reasons why you’re always being taken for granted by the people in your life]

The difference between a fair-weather friend and a real friend

It’s important to understand what a real friend looks like, before you start crying “I don’t have any friends”. If you surround yourself with people who are nothing but fair-weather friends, you’ll never feel like you have a squad to call your own.

They come and go, they’re unreliable, and you don’t share the things that really matter. It’s almost as if you’re nearly there, but something is missing to make that real connection click into place. [Read: 15 signs your friends are users who drain the happiness out of you]

If you feel you don’t have friends, first you need to look at what you’re doing and check it’s not partly your fault. Secondly, you need to take a long, hard look at your circle. Is there someone drilling holes in the bottom of your boat behind your back?

The difference between a fair-weather friend and a real friend isn’t necessarily in the amount of time you spend together.

I don’t see my best friend sometimes for weeks at a time, but we both know that should we need one another, we just need to pick up the phone.

A real friend gives you that sense of security and comfort. With a fair-weather friend, you’re never completely sure whether they’re on your side or not. [Read: What makes a good friend: The art of honing your friendship skills]

If they talk behind your back, they’re never there when you need them, and they’re jealous of your successes in life, they’re not a real friend.

On the other hand, if they’re your biggest cheerleader, you know they’d be there for you if you needed them, and they defend you at all costs, you’ve found yourself a keeper. [Read: 15 signs to know if you have shitty friends and need new ones right now!]

18 possible reasons why you don’t have friends

Are your best friends walking away from you all the time?

Well, here are 18 reasons why they’re probably doing that to you.

Ask yourself if you’re doing any of these things subconsciously. If so, make a conscious effort to change yourself for the better if you want your friends to stick around for longer.

[Read: When & how to end a friendship if they’re toxic and holding you back]

1. You try too hard, and it shows

You come off as too clingy and needy. Are you constantly pursuing people to meet you, even when they don’t seem too keen to make time for you? Or, when you meet a friend or a group of friends, do you constantly try to get everyone to stay back, even if it’s very clear that they’re bored stiff? [Read: What makes someone a clingy friend and how to change ASAP]

Spending time with a new friend may matter a lot to you, but when you try too hard, you could come off as a clingy and annoying person.

Just relax, and be more laidback. Your friends don’t have to know you have nothing better to do when they’re gone. Just pretend like you’re busy too, and say goodbye before the atmosphere starts to stiffen up with awkwardness. [Read: How your self respect affects your relationship with your friends]

2. If you don’t have friends, are you too negative?

You’re full of dark energy of the bad kind, and you make people feel uncomfortable around you. Have you ever seen characters in movies or people on the street that make you feel uncomfortable, and you just don’t know why?

You may not pay too much attention to your thoughts. But when you’re too full of negativity, bitterness or anger, it shows. It makes people want to move a few inches away from you even when they sit next to you.

Try to focus on positive thinking and make a pact with yourself to be a more upbeat person. It might not happen overnight, but baby steps will get you there. [Read: Are you full of negative energy? How to stop your negative energy from ruining your life]

3. You have a hard time picking up social cues

Is the person you’re talking to getting bored? Do you even realize this is the third time they’re looking at their watch? Did you even notice that your friend has been staring at their Facebook page on their phone while you’re in the middle of an “interesting” conversation?

Just because you think you’re having a fun time doesn’t mean everyone else is. Pay attention to the behavior of people around you when you talk to them. Change the conversation the minute you see others becoming distracted. [Read: The complete guide to making great conversations with anyone and making them love you!]

4. You’re a selfish person

If you’re more worried about your own needs than anyone else’s, that’s the number one reason why you don’t have friends.

When you meet your friends, all you’re concerned about is about YOU having a good time. You don’t think about an evening out with friends as a collective moment to get together and have fun.

Instead, you selfishly extract happiness out of the conversation with others, and you’re interested in hearing what you want to hear or talk about.

You always want more than you give. Remember, when you’re not willing to give back, you’re not going to get anything in the first place. [Read: 10 signs you’re a selfish person and 5 ways to change yourself]

5. You don’t have friends because you read between the lines

And, you read it way too much! You constantly assume the whole world revolves around you. So, your friend shared a quote on facebook? Wait, does that have something to do with you? Was there a secret message addressed to you? Is he or she trying to say something to you? Stop!

Stop trying to constantly assume that there’s a hidden agenda or meaning behind everything a friend does or says, and that it somehow has something to do with you.

When you start reading between the lines all the time, you’re going to end up making a lot of assumptions. You get one assumption wrong somewhere, and every assumption beyond that is going to be all wrong. It will get worse if you confront a friend over an assumption and then find yourself looking like an idiot. [Read: Are you losing a friend or are both of you just drifting away over time?]

6. You whine all the time!

People hate whiners more than they hate the plague, even if they don’t realize it! Do you find yourself complaining about something all the time? Do yourself and the world a favor and stop the whining.

Everyone has enough crap going on in their own lives, and they don’t want to be burdened by your complaints and lack of happiness. Be happy, look at the bright side and shower the world with happiness and laughs. You’ll be loved in no time! [Read: 15 tips to be really nice and loved by all immediately]

7. You create psychological barriers

Do you ever hold back a thought because you think you may sound silly for saying it? And most importantly, do you feel uncomfortable around your friends?

If you do, your body language may be picked up by your friends’ subconscious minds and make them feel uncomfortable and restless around you.

8. You’re a boring conversationalist

You speak about things that just don’t interest the people you’re around. Also, you just don’t know when to stop. Just because something interests you doesn’t mean the whole world should be fascinated by it!

Here’s a cue, if a friend listens to what you have to say without making any effort to add their own views, in all probability, they’re just waiting to run away from you. [Read: Easy ways to be funny and interesting, and make people love your company!]

9. You drain the energy of those around you

You’re a toxic friend. You always leave people in a bad mood when you say goodbye. Your friends are happier when you leave than when you’re around.

It could be the things you say, or the choice of words you use to say something, that just makes people want to curl their toes around you. Harsh? Yes, but if you can recognize this in yourself, you can do something about it.

Are your friends planning get-togethers behind your back without inviting you over? Well, sorry to say it, but there’s a very, very big chance that you’re a toxic friend. [Read: The 10 types of toxic friends who make other friends feel miserable]

10. You’re in the wrong crowd

Sometimes, annoying people don’t like you even when you’re really nice, and that’s probably because they have a preconceived notion about who you are.

This could be through rumors or based on your not-so-secret past. You can’t change that, and the effort you’re going to take to make them believe you’re a really nice person is just not worth it.

11. You’re right. You always are.

That’s what you think! You argue over the silliest of things. You think an interesting argument is the perfect way to keep a conversation alive.

Can you really define a healthy argument? Do you have the urge to contradict people aggressively over the smallest of things, perhaps to prove them wrong or to make yourself feel better?

Do people give up arguments easily around you? Well, here’s something you need to know. When people give up arguments within a minute or two while talking to you, it’s not a case of you making a strong point. It’s a case of others saying “whatever… gosh, this person is annoying!” [Read: 10 kinds of really bad friends you have to avoid in your life]

12. You forget your friends when you don’t need them

Do you really pay attention to your friends? Or, do you just ignore your friends and their calls and texts when you’re having fun with someone else? Do you avoid your friends when you start dating someone new?

You really need to think about this one. You may not realize it, but you may be taking your friends for granted and assuming they’ll always stick around for you, whether you have time for them or not.

On the other hand, your friends may be hurt because of the way you treat them, and may choose to avoid you. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t know it!]

13. You’re insecure and jealous

You have trust issues and feel threatened each time your friend meets someone new. You subconsciously make it a point to make your friend feel bad for ignoring you or spending time with someone other than you. When you’re jealous, it always shows.

Your friends will absolutely hate being around you, especially when you try to make them feel guilty for meeting or spending time with others, instead of you.

14. You’ve jumped or dropped a social status

People are most comfortable around people of their own social status. It’s a hidden secret that’s only whispered in hushes.

Did your startup make it big and now you’re really rich all of a sudden? Your poorer old friends may start ignoring you and think you’re a rich show off all of a sudden. That’s because they feel threatened by your new-found success. [Read: 15 Signs of a bad friend to always be on the lookout for]

If you were a richer person a year ago than you are now, there’s a good chance that your old friends may think lowly of you and bitch about you behind your back. You’ll be the social pariah because you’re “not good enough for them” anymore!

You can’t do anything about it, so just find yourself a few new friends who’ll appreciate you for who you really are. [Read: 25 memorable life lessons that can change your life for the better!]

15. You’re an introvert

Do you feel happiest when you’re alone? Perhaps, you’re an introvert who’s trying to come out of their shell.

You probably want to make new friends, but you just don’t know how to go about it without rubbing someone up the wrong way. Take your time, learn from past experiences and make sure you don’t repeat your mistakes. [Read: The right way to make new friends when you can’t find any!]

16. You’re fake!

You’re so fake you make Barbie look real! And everyone around you can see it. You may think you’re very smart and can cover the fact that you’re a liar who says nice things just to get things done.

However, if your friends see through your behavior, you’ll be losing friends like you were squeezing sand in your hands.

17. You’re too demanding

You have a lot of expectations of your friends, and voice your displeasure very vocally when they can’t do something for you.

For some reason, you have this notion in your head that friends are out there to help you and it’s your right to ask them for help when you need to get something done. It probably worked well in your school days, but you can’t really expect friends to make time for the silliest of your whims all the time! [Read: How to make more friends when you’re feeling lonelier than ever]

18. You’re not making the effort

Are you really trying to meet people, or are you sitting at home waiting for the miracle gods to stir up something for you? Making friends requires a lot of effort, just like work or making money. The best part about making friends is that it has an exponential effect!

When you make one friend, that person will lead you to two more. Those two will lead you to four more, and so on! But for people to be interested in you and enjoy your company, you need to be pleasant, happy, fun and most importantly, giving. [Read: 15 signs of a taker in a relationship – Are you a giver or taker?]

“I don’t have any friends” – The last word

If you don’t have friends, it’s not always your fault. You need to remember that. If someone doesn’t want to be your friend, you have a choice to walk away too.

There’s no reason for you to cling on to someone who clearly doesn’t think of you as a priority. You’ll only make yourself look like an idiot for trying to grasp onto someone who’s squirming to run away from you.

Focus on meeting people and building up a connection before you start calling them your friend. The other point? ALWAYS be yourself! Allow your true character to shine through, be kind, and remember that friendship is give and take.

[Read: Should you make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them?]

The next time another friend walks away from you, see if you find any of these reasons why you don’t have friends to be true. It’s possible that you’re unintentionally driving your good friends away from you without realizing it!

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Elizabeth Arthur
A mom of two who’s currently working on a novel, Elizabeth Arthur lives in Cornwall. And when she’s not chasing her boys around the house, she enjoys sittin...
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