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Why Do I Feel So Alone? 14 Truths That Can Heal & Change Your Life

Feeling like you’re all alone in the world is a heartbreaking feeling that we wouldn’t wish on anyone. So if you’re thinking, why do I feel so alone, here are some answers.

why do i feel so alone

While being alone is different from being lonely, the lines can easily overlap. You can end up feeling alone, whether or not you have many people who love you. So if you’re thinking, why do I always feel so alone, several factors can contribute to this awful feeling.

The sad reality is that we leave this world the same way we enter it, alone. In between the entering and the leaving, however, we are wired to create connections, help one another get through this ride, and provide support to one another.

Easy in concept, but it isn’t simple for every type of personality.

If you’re dealing with a particularly difficult situation, it’s normal to feel this way. But if you feel this regularly, there could be something deeper that contributes to you feeling alone.

[Read: How to let go of your fear of being alone and find real peace again]

What makes us feel alone?

Feeling alone is a terrible and awful feeling, and we avoid feeling that way as much as we can. It’s the reason why we always distract ourselves with social media, things, and people, even those that are unhealthy. It’s also why we choose to stay in toxic friendships and relationships.

None of us like being alone because we associate it with something that’s really terrible.

But there are reasons that contribute to this. Maybe you’re the type of person who can’t stand being alone, and never tried. Maybe you push everyone away until they can no longer tolerate being around you. Or maybe, there’s something in your past you can’t let go of, and it’s why you feel so alone.

Knowing the reasons why you feel so alone may not bring more people into your life, but it can help you understand yourself better.

When you know the root cause, you can take it from there and tackle the problem. Of course, there’s always the possibility this feeling is temporary, especially if you’re just dealing with something difficult like grief and loss. [Read: 15 revealing truths about feeling alone in a relationship]

Why do I feel so alone? 14 truths and reasons to help you heal from the loneliness

Typically, when people feel continually alone, even when they have people in their life, there is an internal force behind their feelings.

Whether you are feeling alone after a big breakup, or for no reason at all, the only one who can change your feelings of loneliness is you.

Learning to be okay with being alone is the key to not being lonely. The reality is that feeling alone rarely stems from not having anyone in your life, but some other driving force. Here are some reasons why you keep asking… why do I feel so alone? [Read: Loneliness in relationships – 4 why’s and 7 ways to fix it]

1. You have an underlying mood disorder

There are times when people have an underlying mood disorder that predisposes them to feel anxious and depressed. When you are depressed, it is hard to feel anything but lost and alone. The feeling of hopelessness is one of the biggest driving forces behind feelings of loneliness.

So if you’re dealing with a specific mental health problem like anxiety or depression, it’s normal to have thoughts like these. That is why people who have depression can be surrounded by hundreds of people in their life, and still, feel alone.

If you are continually asking the question, why do I feel so alone, then it may be worth talking to a counselor to see if a mood disorder is at the heart of your feelings. [Read: Why we need to break down the stigma of mental illness]

2. You can’t let go of the past

If you had a loss in the past that you can’t seem to get over, then it can keep you stuck feeling lonely. Whether it’s a breakup or the death of someone important in your life, if you keep that place filled with memories, then it’s stopping you from filling it with love and other people.

While it can be challenging to let go of the past, it’s necessary to stop feeling alone. No matter how hard you hold on to the past, you can never change what has happened.

You have to grieve, rationalize, and try to move forward so that you can fill that empty and lonely space with love and fullness again. [Read: I feel lonely – 30 ways to overcome the feeling of loneliness]

3. You don’t know who you are

This is such an integral aspect if you keep wondering, why do I feel so alone? There are times in life when we wake up feeling like a fake. If you have always let other people tell you who and what you are, then you aren’t ever really sure what is real and what is created in your mind.

We’re constantly surrounded by people telling us who we are and who we aren’t. But at the end of the day, the only person who can define who you truly are is yourself. If you are feeling alone, it may be time to take stock and evaluate who you are. who you want to be, and start working towards achieving that.

Shut off the voices in your head telling you what and can’t do because you already know who you are deep down. [Read: The 3 stages to embrace and overcome loneliness]

4. You never do what you want

Sometimes, feeling alone is really just feeling unfulfilled. If you are a dreamer who feels stuck and like you aren’t ever moving forward, that can feel isolating. Feeling stuck can lead to hopelessness and a feeling of being alone and lonely.

If you want to stop asking the question, why do I feel so alone, it may involve you following through with your dreams and stopping yourself from being stuck by your own mental limitations. People who are moving ahead don’t have time to feel alone; they are bettering themselves and working toward being the happy person they long to be.

So this is your chance to go after your aspirations in life and overcome your regrets of stagnation.

Stop letting fear take over, and just take a leap of faith! What are you so afraid of? [Read: How to find your passion – 13 secrets to seek it in simple things]

5. You feel sorry for yourself

There are times when we can get stuck feeling sorry for ourselves like the world has done us wrong. When you feel negative about your life and wallow in your own self-pity, it is difficult to feel loved and fulfilled.

We dwell in sorrow and sadness because we have a negative perception of the world. It can also lead to self-sabotaging and pushing people away, even when they are willing to be there for you. 

You think you’re worthless, don’t deserve to be loved, or inadequate, and it affects your confidence and your existing relationships and friendships.

If you are always looking for the dark side and saying “woe is me,” you may be overlooking the people who are trying their hardest to love and be with you. [Read: How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and end the pity party once and for all]

6. You are too guarded

If you have been hurt in the past, you may be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of being alone. Not wanting to be hurt in another relationship, you may be pushing other people away unconsciously and then telling yourself, “See, no one cares for me.”

It’s hard to break down your walls for others, especially when you’ve been betrayed in the past. But not everyone is out to get you. The higher the walls you build, the more you’ll feel alone. So if you keep thinking, why do I feel so alone, being guarded could be a significant reason behind that.

After all, we can be our own worst enemy if we’re not careful. The reality is that you aren’t protecting yourself from anything by pushing people away. You have to be vulnerable to gain closeness, and if you aren’t willing, you may stay stuck feeling lonely forever. [Read: What does it mean to be truly vulnerable? 15 quick ways to start opening up more]

7. You are using vices to fill the loneliness, but they aren’t working

Whether it’s heartbreak, grief, loss, or anything unbearable, we just love drowning ourselves with alcohol, sex, drugs, or whatever self-sabotaging habit that distracts us from the pain.

Is it healthy? No. Yet we do it anyway, as it distracts our pain. People who feel lonely typically use vices to make themselves feel less alone.

The problem is that the vices are only further keeping you stuck in your lonely feelings. Bottoming you out, you wake feeling a little less human, spent, and empty. If you want to stop feeling lonely, put the vices away and try to live wholly in the world without crutches.

You can’t depend on these vices, because even as they might work for a second, your feelings are still there. You just numbed yourself from the pain for a moment. [Read: Positive vibes – 17 ways to welcome positive energy into your life]

8. You are addicted to social media

Social media is a great tool to help people connect… or is it? There are some personalities that simply aren’t made for social media sites like Facebook. Being addicted to having a cyber life may be taking you further away from your real one, and filling you with more insecurities and pain at the same time.

If you are always comparing your life to someone else’s pictures of partying and happiness, what you aren’t realizing is that no one posts pictures of themselves when they are feeling lonely and sad. Social media was created to connect more, but there’s also a downside – it can also make you lonely.

Remember, people post their highlights on social media, and what you’re comparing yourself with isn’t real. You never know the story behind a certain post. All you see is the perfect and glamorous side.

What should you do instead? Ignore social media for a while, and stop being a spectator and be a participant in your own life. [Read: How to make new and genuine friends outside your social networks]

9. You haven’t healed from trauma

If you’re constantly asking yourself, why do I feel so alone, it can have something to do with your trauma. You will always feel alone if there’s something in your past you haven’t healed from yet. Maybe it’s a terrible childhood or a toxic relationship, but the feeling of loneliness will constantly be recurring if you don’t find a way to heal from it.

Granted that it’s easier said than done, but if you want this feeling to go away eventually, deal with your issues first.

Loneliness often stems from something empty or heavy within, so it’s crucial to first deal with your baggage and trauma. [Read: How to deal with guilt & drop the baggage weighing you down]

10. You fear intimacy or vulnerability

There’s nothing easy about intimacy or vulnerability. But if you fear it, it can be a possible reason you feel so alone. Remember that when you’re holding on to your fear of vulnerability, you’re also keeping people at arm’s length.

So even if others want to love you and connect with you, you’re the only one preventing that from happening because of your fear. You can work on feeling less lonely by overcoming your fear of intimacy and vulnerability.

While almost everyone has this fear, the difference is that not everyone lets it control them. You need to stop letting this fear control you, and instead, open up to people and life again. [Read: How to open up to people – 15 reasons and ways to be vulnerable again]

11. You have a negative perception

When you hold on to a negative perception about everything, including how you see yourself, you will always feel alone.

The reason for this is there will be a void in your heart when you see everything negatively. You tend to think the world is always out to get you or that you’re inadequate.

So if you’re asking, why do I feel so alone, it can be because of your negative perception. It’s easier said than done to change your mindset, especially when you’re accustomed to negative thinking, but you need to reprogram your mind to reduce feeling alone. [Read: How to think positive and reprogram your mind to stay positive]

12. You’re putting up a facade

As you grow older, you realize just how easy it is to put up a mask and pretend to be someone you’re not. So if you’re putting up a facade, you’ll always feel alone because you’re not letting yourself be honest and authentic to others. You always have this mask that prevents you from being your true self.

Because of this, you can’t properly connect with others, encouraging feelings of loneliness and isolation. So if you’re wondering, why do I feel so alone, just drop the mask and show your true colors.

It might seem scary and uncomfortable at first, but it’s a risk you need to take to develop a real connection with others. If you’re always pretending, you’ll always feel alone – simple as that. [Read: How to be yourself – 14 steps to unfake your life & love being you]

13. You’re introverted and awkward

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert, especially if it’s who you’ve always been. But it can be a factor in feeling alone from time to time. If you don’t know how to engage in conversations in any social setting, it will keep you stuck in your own world. Introverts get lonely too!

So if this is you, it might be the time to expand your horizons and get out of your comfort zone. Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t do something new.

You can always choose to work on your social skills and talk more, as that can really help in making you feel less alone. You don’t have to change who you are and transform yourself into an extrovert, but just improve your skills and take it from there. [Read: Introvert problems – 12 quick fixes to nip the bad ones in the bud]

14. You isolated yourself

Isolation truly is a powerful thing, and it’s easy to dwell on it when you get used to the feeling. So if you’re wondering, why do I feel so alone, maybe it’s not because you’re lonely, but you got so used to just being around your own company.

Perhaps it started as a way of dealing with your heartbreak or grief. And now you got so used to it! After all, nobody can hurt you when you’re alone, right? But you need people, and you need to let others in.

You will always feel alone if the only person you rely on to make yourself happy is yourself. Even if you’ve been hurt before, realize that the past does not equal the present.

[Read: Secret to happiness – The uncomplicated guide for a happy life]

So, why do you feel so alone?

Feelings of loneliness aren’t about not having anyone in your life. Feeling alone comes from within.

You can literally be surrounded by love, and hundreds of people in your life and still feel lonely if you are mentally keeping yourself there.

[Read: How to live in the moment – 20 positive ways to live in the now]

These are the reasons that could explain feeling so alone in life. Only you can make yourself feel fulfilled, and only then will you stop asking the question – why do I feel so alone. Start small, and make these changes, your life will only get better from here.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...