Home  >  My Life  >  A Better Life

18 Signs You’re Asexual & Don’t Like Getting Laid As Much As Others

With all the types of sexualities out there, you’ve probably heard of asexuality. You might even be one. Keep reading to know the signs you’re asexual.

signs you're asexual

When it comes to sexuality, it’s never black and white. It’s more of a grey scale. Most of us aren’t 100% attracted to one sex. It’s actually more of a mix. But is it possible to not be interested in either sex? Does that exist? The answer is yes. If you’ve questioned yourself, asking why you’re not sexually attracted to anyone, it could be that you show signs you’re asexual.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that if you ever find that you are asexual. It simply means that you’re not interested in having sexual relations with anyone, and you’re fine with that.

In fact, it’s possible that you never knew you were asexual until you read this feature.

[Read: Asexual people and what it’s like for them in the dating world]

What is asexuality?

Wondering what asexuality is exactly?

Asexuality is when you generally feel no sexual attraction towards others. You could feel romantically attracted to someone, but when it comes to sex, even if you do indulge in it for the sake of the other person, you don’t particularly enjoy it at all.

But then again, asexuality isn’t black and white either. It lies on a spectrum.

Some people feel sexual attraction towards others sometimes, and some others don’t feel it at all. If you’ve ever felt this way throughout your life, for most of your life, or during certain phases, you need to know that you’re not alone in this either.

Nearly 1% of the world’s population is asexual. It’s rather rare so most people don’t believe it’s actually a thing, especially because asexuality lies on a spectrum where some people are totally averse to sex, while some put up with it or even enjoy it rarely.

When you’re asexual, you generally just don’t feel the urge to have sex with anyone, even with your past partners or your present one. [Read: What does sexual attraction really feel like?]

How do you know you’re asexual?

Being asexual is something that isn’t quite evident as the other sexualities. Not to invalidate asexuality, but the signs you’re asexual can be subtle until you assess yourself closely. Being not interested in sex is just the first out of many signs of asexuality.

As an asexual, a lot of people have probably told you that maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet, or you’re traumatized about something, or worse, you’re doing it all wrong.

But it’s none of these things, and perhaps, you were actually just asexual all long. Does this mean you can’t develop connections as an asexual? No, of course not!

You can be asexual but still have romantic feelings for someone, but that’s for another story. Your sexuality and romantic orientation can be different from one another.

[Read: List of sexualities: 15 sexual orientations you need to know about]

18 signs you’re asexual even if you don’t know it yet

If you wonder if you’re asexual, you came to the right place. We’re going to show you ways to figure it all out. It’s time you found out the true signs you’re asexual.

1. You’re not interested in sex

Whether you have or haven’t had sex, you’re simply not interested in sex. You never experienced a moment where you felt aroused or if someone touched you, you became horny. While other people are busy hooking up and having sexual relationships, it just was never your thing.

Even if you’ve tried experimenting before, you didn’t feel anything. The lack of interest in sex is just one of the many signs you’re asexual. [Read: What it’s like for an asexual person in the dating world]

2. You never liked anyone

Actually, you’ve never had a typical crush before. When you were in high school and everyone wanted get in each other’s pants, you were never interested nor felt any urges to do that. You never understood what people felt when they had a crush.

This is because you think the concept of a crush is based on both infatuation and lust, which are both things you can hardly feel as an asexual. You never got the feeling everyone felt when they had a crush and they can’t wait to get their hands on them. [Read: The aromantic dilemma and 16 myths and truths about their love life]

3. You feel uncomfortable at the thought of dating

While everyone else around you is trying to land themselves a significant other, you find it weird and repulsive. You shudder at the thought of dating people. Like, ew.

You’ve tried to like it, but the idea of dating someone and having any kind of sexual intimacy with them just repulses you. You’ve found the idea of being alone quite comfortable if you’re being honest.

4. It doesn’t stem from trauma

Ah, yes. Here’s something you hear all the time from those around you. Some people who choose not to have sex, do so because of past sexual trauma. This just isn’t the case for you.

Rather, you just lack sexual attraction for other people. One of the signs you’re asexual is when there’s no specific reason for your lack of sexual attraction for someone. It’s just the way you are, because of your asexuality.

5. You’re more into personalities than faces

You can see the Brad Pitt of faces and still not be turned on. For you, sexual attraction isn’t about someone’s body or face. Whether they have washboard abs or bulging muscles don’t concern you. What you’re into is their brain. If you do get turned on, it’s because of the connection you have with them.

You’re very picky about who you have sexual relationships with. If you do have sexual intimacy with someone, it will rarely be because you feel it, but because you admire their personality and traits. [Read: The 10 clues you’re attracted to intelligence]

6. You went to the doctor and you’re fine

One of the signs you’re asexual is when you actually wondered if something really was wrong with you, and you went to get a medical opinion. You probably thought you had a hormonal problem, but your doctor said you’re as healthy as a horse.

There’s nothing wrong with your hormones that could affect your libido. Which probably means you’re asexual. Nothing’s wrong with you and you’re absolutely fine. You just found out what your sexuality really is.

7. You like romance, without the sex

Being asexual doesn’t mean you’re not interested in a romantic relationship, you’re just not down for having sex all of the time. And if romantic relationships didn’t include sex, your dreams would finally come true. You basically feel more like yourself when you’re not having sex with someone.

After all, that’s what being asexual is. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be romantic; you definitely can! A lot of asexuals are actually natural romantics since they focus all their energy on emotional and mental intimacy instead. [Read: Panromantic asexual – What it is and what it really isn’t]

8. Sex isn’t a factor for you

When you meet someone, you’re not trying to find a way to sleep with them. Sex isn’t a motivating factor for you when it comes to relationships.

Instead, you see other factors as important. This is why when it comes to your list is priorities in dating, physical intimacy often lies at the bottom of your list.

9. You appreciate attractiveness, but nothing more

For an average person, physical appearance matters a lot. That’s what matters in a first impression, and it still matters even as you get to know them. All the build-up for sex is based on a lot of factors, including how you look. But for an asexual, they appreciate it, but it isn’t everything for them.

Anything beyond that, you can’t envision. You can’t picture any sexual relationship with them. It’s similar to lesbians seeing men. They know what a hot man looks like, but they don’t want to sleep with them. [Read: Identifying with grey asexuality in a world of sex]

10. You feel forced when having sex

Your partner isn’t forcing you into sex, instead, you force yourself. Sex isn’t fun for you, it’s more of a chore. You probably experiment with sex toys and kinks to make sex stimulating for you.

Especially when you really like the person you’re with *romantically*, you try your best to enjoy it when having sex. But even then, it just doesn’t feel natural for you – and that’s one of the signs you’re asexual.

11. You aren’t into relationships

You have friends and family, but when it comes to intimate relationships, it’s not your thing. Cuddling and even romantic relationships may be okay for you, but you’re most likely uninterested in anything more than platonic friendships.

Again, asexuals can be in romantic relationships, but just not sexual relationships. However, when it comes down to it, they generally feel more like themselves with platonic friendships.

12. You are rarely attracted to someone

Attraction is a complicated concept and people often think sexual attraction is the only thing that matters. However, many kinds of attraction can take place such as mental and emotional attraction.

On the off chance you are attracted to someone, it’s because of the way they are or their mindset.

Remember, asexuality is a spectrum, not black and white. You can still be sexually attracted to people but on a less intense level. [Read: Panromantic asexual – What it is and what it isn’t]

13. You need a close bond to feel sexual attraction

When you do feel a close bond with someone, then you feel yourself becoming aroused. This is actually a form of asexuality called demisexuality. This means you’re willing to have sex with the right person, but other than that, you don’t have sex.

So you can expect that one of the signs you’re asexual is when you need some form of substantial bond with them to feel sexual attraction. [Read: The demisexual – How to feel lust and the best ways to connect with one]

14. You enjoy masturbating

Contrary to popular belief, yes, asexuals can definitely masturbate even without desiring sexual intimacy with someone.

Being asexual means you’re not sexually attracted to other people, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be sexually connected with yourself.

In reality, asexual people enjoy masturbating, this is called autochorisexuallity. Solo masturbation feels good to you. [Read: Sexy masturbation moves to try out on yourself]

15. You’re happy without sex

This should be pretty obvious by this point, but the lack of sex makes you happy. You don’t seek for it and you don’t miss it, even when it’s been years without sexual intimacy. You’re just happier without sex. You feel the most natural. If you’re happier when you’re not in a relationship or having sex, you’re probably asexual.

And this is completely normal and okay. Sex does not define a person’s happiness. So if you’re happy without sex, this is one of the signs you’re asexual.

16. You CAN have relationships that last

As an asexual, the most common misconception is that relationships can’t last. You may wonder, if there’s no sex, how can it last? But again, your sexual and romantic orientation are two different things. So you can be asexual but your romantic orientation can be straight.

So if your partner either shares the same sexuality or they understand your asexuality or you end up having a sexual attraction for them because of who they are as a person, that’s how a relationship can work. [Read: The different types of gender & why you really need to know them]

17. Your attraction can shift overtime

Remember that sexuality is fluid and what your sexuality is right now can be different months or years later. Even despite all these signs you’re asexual that we’ve listed here, you can feel like an asexual now, and feel more desirous of having sex later on. And that’s okay!

It doesn’t mean it was “just a phase”, but sexuality is and will always be a fluid thing that varies along a spectrum. And by the way, this still means you’re asexual even if you identify differently later on.

18. You’re not being celibate

Again, people think you’re being celibate or saving yourself for marriage when that just isn’t the case.

As an asexual, you don’t feel it anywhere in your body. There’s no feeling of horniness or desire for anyone, not even someone you date. Not even the hottest person in the room everyone’s crushing on. That’s because you’re asexual!

[Read: Romantic orientation: The most common ones all of us must know]

So, what is an asexual?

As an asexual, sex falls on the least of your priorities. It’s not something you deeply crave when building connections and you’d actually prefer to be without it. That’s what being asexual is.

You’ve now seen the signs you’re asexual. If you relate with most of these, you’re most probably asexual. And that’s completely okay!

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

LovePanky icon
Team LovePanky
The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...