Learning how to start a conversation with a stranger might be nerve-wracking, but they’re just a person too! Follow these tips to boost your confidence.
Are you someone who knows how to start a conversation with a stranger while waiting for the bus or standing in the supermarket queue? Be honest. Most people shy away from talking to people they don’t know. They’re terrified they’ll turn out to be a clinger or a serial killer, or simply because of their own anxiety.
For many, however, they avoid talking to anyone unless they decide to speak first. They’re terrified that if they make that first move, the other person will think they’re strange and simply smile politely, while waiting for the first opportunity to move away.
But, when you start to talk to strangers randomly, you’ll see that many people are just waiting for someone else to make the first move. Then, you can have an enriching and enjoyable conversation out of nowhere. Who knows where it may lead. You might meet the new love of your life or at least a very good new friend!
[Read: How to open up to people – 15 tips and reasons why you need to get talking and be vulnerable]
Wait, we were told never to talk to strangers …
When you were a child, did your parents tell you not to talk to strangers? Well, they were right back then. But, now you’re grown, the situation is different. For sure, don’t talk to someone who is downright odd. You can rely upon your intuition to tell you who to avoid and who is pretty okay to chat away to.
Everyone is a stranger, to begin with. Your friends were strangers to you once upon a time.
So, while your parents were right to tell you to avoid strangers when you were young, the same advice doesn’t hold quite the same weight now you’re old enough to figure things out for yourself! [Read: Drawing a blank – Try these 25 good conversation starters]
What to consider when deciding how to start a conversation with a stranger
Our advice? Just go for it! There are a few things which can it make easier. Let’s examine a few things you need to bear in mind when working out how to start a conversation with a stranger.
1. Be mindful of who you choose
Of course, be open to talking to anyone, but there are some people who aren’t the best candidates. You’ll recognize the ones you can talk to versus the ones it’s best not to as you get more experienced in talking to strangers.
As we mentioned earlier, this is why your parents told you not to speak to people you don’t know when you were small – you couldn’t figure out the ones to avoid at that age.
For instance, it’s not a good idea to try and speak to someone who looks angry, someone who’s just come off the phone from having an argument, someone who looks generally very aggressive, or someone reading a book. Remember, some people want to be alone and unbothered! [Read: Understanding what it means to be vulnerable in life]
Once you’ve identified a person you’d like to start a conversation with, ascertain eye contact. This will allow you to figure out whether this is a good choice or not.
A quick fleeting glance and a smile should do it. If they hold your eye contact or smile back, then you might have found your next conversation friend.
This is one of the biggest things to bear in mind when deciding how to start a conversation with a stranger. If they refuse to hold your eye contact and turn away abruptly, move your attention elsewhere.
In many ways, this is the best way to feel out whether the person you’ve chosen is likely to actually want to talk to you. [Read: How to make eye contact while making sure you don’t look creepy]
3. Read their body language
We all give off signals without realizing it. Sometimes, our body language can be deafening. We mentioned earlier about being mindful of who you choose. A person closed up and with defensive body language is not someone who wants to chat.
Alternatively, if they aren’t crossing their arms over their body, frowning, *hopefully not* crying, or scowling in your direction, their body language is open enough for you to drum up a conversation. Eye contact also flows into body language. [Read: 7 easy conversation starters when you talk to people]
4. Small talk works
The number one best way to start a conversation with a stranger is to talk about the weather or comment upon a situation that you’re both in.
Small talk is a fantastic ice breaker. If you’re both in a queue in a coffee shop and it’s taking forever, use a little humor and say ‘I think they’ve gone to pick the coffee beans’ and smile.
If you’re both outside waiting for the bus, ‘this rain never seems to stop.’ It doesn’t have to be a hilarious one-liner, it simply needs to be disarming, and something you can both connect with. [Read: How to keep a conversation going and make anyone love talking to you]
5. Compliments always work too
Everyone loves to be complimented. Humans love to have their egos stroked after all! A great way to start a conversation is to say something like ‘I love your dress’, or ‘that shirt is a lovely color.’
It doesn’t have to be anything major, witty or inspiring! Be careful to walk the line between a compliment and full-on flirting, but a compliment is often one of the best answers to how to start a conversation with a stranger.
6. Make sure you smile a lot
Okay, we’re not suggesting you paste a smile on your face and look deranged. However, regular smiling and eye contact as a combination will help to disarm the other person and let them know that you’re friendly and not about to grab their bag and run away.
Smiles help us feel comfortable. Think about people you’ve spoken to in the past, did it make you want to continue talking to them if they were frowning all the time? No!
Smile and you will make the other person feel comfortable, encouraging the conversation to continue. [Read: How to make small talk and start talking to anyone you’d like to]
7. Avoid ‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions
Asking questions that require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer isn’t the best way to encourage a conversation.
Instead, opt for open-ended questions, e.g. ‘what do you think about the weather today?’ You basically ask questions that require a sentence to answer. From there you reply, they reply back, etc. Before you know it, you’ve got a conversation flowing away! [Read: 35 best text conversation starters for the shy and socially awkward]
8. Get over your own anxiety
Honestly, what is the worst that could happen? The worst thing is that they smile and move away. So, what? No harm done!
It might be slightly embarrassing for roughly five seconds, but at least you tried. The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow. Then, the easier you will find it next time you’re wondering how to start a conversation with a stranger. [Read: How to be less shy and more comfortable when you meet new people]
9. Avoid negative conversation starters
We mentioned about small talk earlier but you should avoid anything negative. That means not starting a conversation by making a snide remark about another person.
For instance, if someone walks past and they’re wearing a terrible outfit, it’s not the best conversation starter to say “oh look at the state of that person.”
The stranger you’re trying to talk to will assume that you’re a gossip or not the nicest person around. Also, how do you know that the person who’s just walked past isn’t their relative?
10. Also avoid controversial subjects
There are some subjects you should avoid until you’ve got to know someone a little better. For instance, anything political or religious are things you should avoid when learning how to start a conversation with a stranger. These types of subjects are very sensitive and can cause offense if you say something which they don’t agree with.
Save these types of chats for people you know well, or when perhaps you’ve got to know this person a little better, at some point down the line. [Read: How to get someone to like you within the first minute of talking to them]
11. Know when to stop talking
While learning how to start a conversation with a stranger, you also have to know when to stop.
Don’t be that person who talks endlessly and the other person is desperate to get away. Read their body language and take the hint. If they look bored, they’ve started fidgeting or they’re saying “hmm” and “mmm” a lot, that’s probably time to wrap things up and move along. [Read: People who talk too much – Why they do it and how to handle them]
12. Don’t expect every conversation to turn into a friendship
Chatting away with strangers is a great thing to do, but don’t expect every conversation to turn into a life-long friendship. You might not even swap numbers or ever even see them again, but that’s not the point.
The idea is that you’re connecting with other people, building confidence, and making your day much more positive as a result.
If you end up being friends, that’s great, but if not, it’s not an opportunity lost at all. [Read: How to make new friends as an adult – 15 ways to do it right]
Start taking the plunge
Plucking up the courage to actually come out and say something to someone you have never met before gets easier the more you do it. Remember, they’re just a person like you are. They’re not some magical being that shines light out of their head!
This is just someone who may be just as keen to talk to you, as you are to them. You’re simply the one brave enough to make the first move.
You will meet many people by smiling, making small comments, and complimenting them whenever you want to. Some may remain friends, some will just be fleeting people you meet, but all of them will leave you with an interesting story of some kind.
If the conversation leads to nothing more, at least you connected with another person for a short period of time. That’s what life is all about!
[Read: 13 steps to come out of your shell and stop feeling shy around people]
Learning how to start a conversation with a stranger isn’t an art form. It’s simply about confidence, picking your person carefully, and just being a human being. We all love a compliment, we all love to talk. Go for it!