When you don’t have a great relationship with yourself, you can’t possibly learn to love other people. Learn how to love yourself first and foremost.
In life, there are times when we feel like a failure. But that’s no reason to hate yourself or think you’re no good. Understanding how to love yourself can help you cope with failure, rebuild your confidence, and enjoy a better life.
Unfortunately, there’s no class in our school system called “Learning how to love yourself.” Wouldn’t that be great if we all took a class like that? You’ll be surprised how loving yourself is connected to multiple aspects of life, such as success, happiness, love, and even family relationships.
If you don’t love yourself, then everything else is affected. This means that your perception of yourself is most likely inadequate if you don’t see yourself as worthy.
But the truth is, the art of learning how to love yourself is easier said than done. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]
Why don’t we love ourselves?
There’s no single explanation for why we don’t love ourselves enough, but it’s sometimes caused by bad experiences in childhood. Or, it can also be caused by a toxic relationship or friendship that encouraged you to have that perception of yourself.
You don’t feel like you’re adequate because someone mistreated you, and you think this is how you deserve to be treated. We are our worst critics after all, so it’s a normal struggle.
However, at some point, you need to learn how to love yourself if you want to be truly happy in life.
The way we love ourselves affects all our decisions in life. If anything, loving yourself can prevent you from terrible decisions you’ll likely regret in the future. [Read: Why do I hate myself so much? Learn to love yourself instead]
The route to learning how to love yourself
For the world to love you and respect you, you need to love yourself and respect yourself too.
Do you think you’re good company? Would you like to spend time with someone who’s just like you? Try to find your own weaknesses and change your life with these pointers on how to love yourself.
Be truthful while assessing your flaws because you alone can change your life. [Read: How to make new friends when you can’t find any friends]
The good news is that even if you feel like you don’t love yourself, you can learn. You are not destined to be a self-loather forever. But first, you need to realize that all the thoughts in your head about yourself are just that… thoughts. Thoughts aren’t necessarily true.
Here are some ways you can learn how to love yourself and become happier.
1. Respect who you are
Before you understand how to love yourself, you must learn to respect yourself. Do you genuinely respect yourself?
Stop focusing on your negative aspects and focus on the aspects you’re good at. We’re all human and all of us have our own flaws and good sides, whether it’s seen by others or not.
By only acknowledging the negative side, you’re forgetting the wonderful side that can actually be shared with others. [Read: How to be happy in life all the time]
2. Be open to loving yourself
Love and happiness come from within, and unless you’re ready to respect yourself for the positive person that you are, you’ll have a hard time loving yourself or getting any love from the world.
The first step to learning how to love yourself is to be open to the idea in the first place. [Read: How to find love without trying too hard]
3. Focus on health and fitness
Putting on weight is easy and having an average physique is doable. But why stop there? Enroll in a workout program and try to get the physique you’ve always dreamt of.
You may be overweight, but sitting back on a couch and wondering how to lose weight is not going to help you anyways.
It takes years of negative behavior to start hating the person staring back at you in the mirror. But if you really want to, you can work out just for a couple of months and start to see a positive change that can do wonders for your confidence and self respect. [Read: How to get motivated to exercise and stick to it]
4. Be determined and believe in yourself
Remember that old adage, ‘every long journey starts with a single step’. You may be depressed or unhappy being the person that you are. But if you are truly determined, you can change every single thing you hate about yourself from today itself.
If you really want to know how to love yourself, be determined and focus on starting to make little positive changes every day. It could be issues related to your work, health, or even your own personal dreams.
Whatever they may be, be determined and pursue them with all your heart. By doing this, you’ll respect and love yourself a lot more. [Read: I don’t know what to do with my life]
5. Focus on your appearance and posture
Appearances may be shallow, but unfortunately, it’s the shallow things like clothes, money and weight issues that make us feel good about ourselves. When you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside, and vice versa.
Spend time to understand your physique and pick clothes up that look good on you. Get a great haircut, buy well fitting clothes and dress like a million bucks. You won’t believe how much of a positive boost just good clothes and a great posture can give anyone.
After all, when you look good and are complimented by someone else, you’d feel a lot better about yourself, wouldn’t you? [Read: What men want in a woman]
6. Identify your role model
You may not need a role model to understand how to love yourself, but it can be a great help in becoming a better person and having a focused dream.
Do you look up at someone or wish you could be like them? By understanding the way they think or deal with difficulties in their life, it can give you the inspiration to learn and become a better person by following their footsteps.
7. Push yourself to achieve more
Every time you push yourself to achieve more, it makes you more confident of your own abilities. And confidence always draws awe and respect, which leads to self love.
Bring positive changes into your life every single day. Even if you could spend just an hour every day on making yourself a better person, you would be able to see a considerable change in a month’s time.
Try to find the path that you’ll love, be it on a professional front or at home, and stick to the path until you feel you’ve achieved what you’ve been looking for.
Success and self love come with perseverance and dedication, and it can be achieved as long as you don’t give up on yourself. [Read: How to be successful in life]
8. Go out and meet people
You’re not alone. You aren’t the only one who feels miserable with their life. Life isn’t unfair only to you. The decision to change your life and understand how to love yourself still lies in your own hands. Always remember that. Change begins and ends with you, and your determination. [Read: Why you can’t find love]
For starters, go out and meet people. Join clubs or communities that interest you and meet people who share your passion or dreams.
By interacting with happy people who share your thoughts, you’ll feel better about yourself. And when others love you and your company, you’ll love yourself and respect yourself more.
9. Don’t be too critical of yourself
Learning to love yourself takes time and initiative. It’s a wonderful feeling to look good, be admired by everyone around you and loved by everyone including yourself. But it does take time. Never be too critical of yourself and expect immediate changes.
Give yourself some time, and wait for the good times to roll in. We can assure you that just following these simple tips on how to love yourself can change your life.
Just trust these steps and allow the tree of love and confidence to take root and grow into a wonderful beauty, without being critical of the progress. [Read: Sense of self – 26 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]
10. Never be a pushover
You can listen to someone else, but never let them dominate you or control your thoughts. Every time you let someone push you over, your confidence takes a beating and you end up hating yourself.
If your friends take you for granted or treat you like you’re not important, perhaps it’s time you stopped spending so much time with them.
Spend time with people who respect you and want your company, and your ego and your love for yourself will grow. [Read: 18 honest reasons why you don’t have friends that care about you]
11. Stay in control of your life
Some men feel emasculated by their wives, and some women feel like they’re being dominated by a domineering husband. Try to stand on your own two feet and your own achievements.
By letting someone else control you or your opinions, you’d feel conflicted in your mind and end up feeling weak and helpless. On the other hand, hearing negative opinions from the people you love too can make you dislike yourself.
12. Write down your good qualities
Look, it’s so easy to critique yourself for all your negative qualities rather than looking at your strengths and weaknesses. However, you need to realize that writing down your good qualities will help you learn how to love yourself. You might be a very nice person, or maybe you’re really smart.
Write down as many as you think of and then look them over as often as you can. You’ll thank us later for doing this regularly! [Read: Why you MUST love yourself first before falling in love]
13. Write down your bad qualities
While it’s helpful to write down your good qualities, this goes for your bad qualities as well. This is much easier to do since we’re natural critics. Then, look them over and tell yourself why they aren’t bad.
Or if even they are, then you need to tell yourself how you are going to change those qualities. We can’t change all qualities we don’t like about ourselves, but we can try to make some of them better.
14. Set goals and find purpose
Goals are really important if you want to learn how to love yourself. Whether it’s losing weight, finding a job, or something as general as getting your sh*t together, you need to set goals. It gives you a sense of purpose and direction in life to keep you going forward.
Most importantly, it distracts you enough from dwelling in self-pity if ever you’re going through something devastating and difficult. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 17 ways to make your own sunshine]
15. Talk to a friend
People are way harder on themselves than other people are. Our friends love us, and they usually see the best in us even when we don’t. It’s why friendships are so pure and why they can lift you when you’re feeling so judgmental and critical towards yourself.
By talking to a friend, it can change your perception. If other people see the beauty in even your flaws, so should you! [Read: What makes a good friend – The art of honing your friendship skills]
16. Go to a therapist
The thing is, you’re not crazy, and there’s nothing wrong with you just because you talk to a therapist. Society pushes this unhealthy notion on therapy that we should all just learn to let go of.
While friends are great to have as a support system, they are no substitute for a trained therapist or psychologist.
If you think your self-esteem is particularly low, try to find a therapist to help you through it. Your therapist will give you effective coping mechanisms to increase your self-image, helping you love yourself more. [Read: Emotional baggage – How to help someone put it down and find freedom]
17. Monitor your self-talk
This is really where all our self-esteem begins and ends. No one can change how you feel about yourself except you. But you have to first notice all the bad things you say about yourself – to yourself.
If you tend to talk negatively to yourself, this is also a sign you don’t respect yourself enough. If you want to know how to love yourself, then you need to monitor your self-talk. [Read: Feeling unlovable? 12 life changing truths you need to know]
18. Keep a journal
This is a useful tool to use when you are beginning to monitor your self-talk. When you catch yourself saying something bad about yourself, write it down in your journal. You get to reflect on everything and assess the way you talk to yourself.
The minute you see how badly you really talk to yourself, you can be more self-aware about your words moving forward. Remember that the way you’re thinking isn’t often what’s real.
19. Only associate with positive people
Negative people can drag anyone down with them. In fact, they want everyone around them to feel just as bad about themselves as they do. The people you surround yourself with will impact you more powerfully than you think, so choose your peers wisely.
You can’t learn how to love yourself if you don’t surround yourself with the right people. [Read: Best lesson to live by – Why you should surround yourself with positive people]
20. Reflect on your accomplishments
We know how easy it is to focus on what you did wrong, but remember that there are also some things you did right.
We have all accomplished good things in our life, so remember those times and give yourself a pat on the back while you’re at it, and reflect on every one of your accomplishments. *both big and small!*
21. Look at what you’re grateful for
There is always, always something to be grateful for. Even if it’s just the roof over your head, food on your table, and a bed to sleep on, hey, that’s more than most of the people in the world have. When you’re in a state of appreciation, it’s more difficult to hate yourself.
Gratitude is a far stronger emotion than all the negativity you’re feeling towards yourself, so use that to your advantage! [Read: How to be grateful – The most authentic ways to feel and express it]
22. Be patient with yourself
Remember, learning how to love yourself won’t happen overnight. The older you are, the more past programming you are going to have to undo. So there’s no reason for you to rush learning how to love yourself.
It takes a lot of self-awareness and reprogramming for you to change how you perceive yourself entirely. When you’re patient, you’re also consistent in bettering yourself every day and trust us, the results will pay off!
23. Stay true to your values
Don’t compromise who you are for other people. If you’re hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself and somehow make you compromise your values and who you are, then stop doing that.
Stay true to yourself. Your values reflect who you are entirely, so you can’t keep adjusting your values to please other people. [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]
24. Be selfish
This sounds like a weird tip. But people who love themselves can set boundaries. They do this because they know they are worth it. It’s the reason why people pleasers often have issues with loving themselves and seeing their self-worth.
If you want to know how to love yourself, we’re not saying you need solely focus only on yourself, but at least learn to set boundaries. Don’t be a doormat for other people; you’ll end up empty! [Read: How to set boundaries with friends without hurting or insulting them]
25. Forgive yourself, and forgive other people
Forgiveness is the key to not only self-love, but to loving others. We have all done things in life that we regret. So, forgive yourself and do it better next time. And give others the same courtesy. You’ll always have difficulty in learning how to love yourself if you don’t forgive yourself first.
Forgive, and then let go. [Read: How to forgive yourself & free yourself of the weight of guilt]
26. Visualize
This one might sound cheesy, but there is a lot of research that proves the power of visualization is real. Even Olympic athletes use it. So, visualize yourself loving yourself.
That way, you will eventually trick your subconscious into believing it is true. If you imagine it as your reality, it’ll eventually feel natural to you until you do end up loving yourself! [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets to self-improvement]
27. Don’t compare yourself to others
Comparison will rob your joy faster than anything else in this world. If you want to learn how to love yourself, then stop comparing yourself to others. What good will you get out of comparison, anyway?
You need to realize that your pace and progress will be different from others, so comparison isn’t a valid option. If anything, it’ll just bring out your insecurities and flaws.
28. Don’t seek validation from others
Validation will never come from the opinions of others, but it comes from within. Loving yourself doesn’t come from constantly seeking approval from others and from caring about everyone else’s opinions.
It’s your life, so at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your own. [Read: How to respect yourself – 14 secrets of self-worth and self-belief]
29. Realize you’re not perfect
If you’re a perfectionist, then you’ll struggle with your self-image and self-worth for a long time to come. Learning how to love yourself comes from letting go of the ideals of perfectionism and coming to terms with your quirks and flaws.
Perfectionism is an impossible standard that you can never achieve. The earlier you realize that, the better. [Read: Dating a perfectionist – 12 things you must know before you date one]
30. Heal from your trauma
Your trauma is one of the reasons you don’t love yourself in the first place and think that you’re inadequate or worthless. So if you want to learn how to love yourself, healing from your trauma is the key. Whether it’s your childhood trauma or relationship trauma, but you need to seek closure and acceptance to let go of the damage it caused in your life.
Everyone has something they wish never happened in their lives, but you can’t change the past, no matter what. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]
31. Refrain from overthinking
Overthinking is a terrible habit we’re all guilty of, some more than others. The more you overthink and constantly think of the worst possible scenarios that can happen, the more likely it’s going to happen.
No matter how hard it is to control your thoughts, you need to reprogram your mind to think more positively. [Read: How to stop overthinking – Secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]
32. Practice self-love activities
Self-love activities can help you feel more balanced within yourself. But also remember that self-love activities alone aren’t a magic pill for learning how to love yourself more. [Read: How to be more confident with 12 simple daily self-love habits]
They only serve to help you appreciate yourself and prioritize yourself more, but it’s not the only basis of loving yourself. So even if you constantly pamper yourself and exercise, these activities aren’t enough to love yourself entirely.
33. Have a plan for failure and rejection
When things go wrong, do you tend to have a plan, or do you resort to self-blame immediately? If you’re serious about loving yourself, then you can’t blame yourself every time. *it’s not healthy, and it isn’t always your fault!*
By having a plan and sticking to that plan, you can be more logical when failure and rejection happens. [Read: Feeling like a failure? How to find your will & change your mindset]
34. Hold on to the reasons why you should love yourself
Why do you want to love yourself? Is it to feel more confident, to speak up more, to develop better friendships and relationships?
Having reasons why you need to focus on self-love can help you remember exactly why you’re trying to learn how to love yourself. Just in case you feel like giving up on yourself, these reasons will help you remember and keep you trying. [Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]
The first step to self-love starts now!
Don’t let anything negative come in the way of your positivity and enthusiasm to have a better life. Your loved ones may be trying to help you at times, so take their advice if you must, but always stay in control of your own life and listen to the voices in your head.
Always remember to make at least one positive change in your life every single day. Figuring out how to love yourself can seem like a huge task. But as long as you take an initiative to change yourself one baby step at a time, you’ll feel happier and more loved than ever before, every single day.
Loving yourself takes a lot of patience, respect, and effort. Just like you pour everything to love other people, the same should go for yourself!
Remember that you’re just as deserving of self-love, and there’s no reason you should refrain from giving yourself the love you so freely give to other people.
[Read: How to be happy again – 20 powerful ways to draw happiness from within]
Change your life for the better with these simple and easy-to-follow tips on how to love yourself and become a much better you. And always remember, even the longest of journeys start with a single step.
