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Have No Social Life: 15 Ways to Get Yourself the Friends You Want

Spending more time with your cat than people? We all have those times, but if the no social life sticks around, it’s time to go make some friends.

no social life

There was a period of time, around four months, where I didn’t leave my house. My best friend got her first boyfriend, I had a fight with my other friends, so, instead, I said fuck it. I spent the entire winter laying in front of my fireplace, watching the news with my parents. I’m not going to lie, I really did love this time away from literally everyone. I went to school, went to work, stayed at home—a continuous no social life loop for four months.

15 ways to revamp your no social life to a good time

Now, sometimes, you need this time on your own. Maybe you feel the need to be on your own and that’s okay. However, if you prolong this into a long period of time, like me, then it’s time you tried to get out of this no social life cycle.

I thought I was having a good time, in some way I was. However, I started to distance myself further and further away from my friends. This is when your time alone becomes a little worrisome. So, if you notice you have no social life, it’s time to get yourself one.

Because sometimes, you need more company than your cat.

#1 What, a social life? Before I even get into this, do you really lack a social life? I’m not saying that what you’re feeling isn’t real. But, nowadays with all this social media, many people feel that a social life is only a social life if they’re surrounded by three hundred “friends.”

If you only have two or three friends who you hang out with on a regular basis, then you have a social life. Don’t get caught up in the fakeness that you see on social media. [Read: Why social media makes you feel really insecure]

#2 Why do you lack a social life? Now there are a couple reasons as to why you don’t have a social life. No social life is either due to loneliness or shyness. You probably experience one of these two emotions which you should overcome.

Loneliness is due to the feeling your body creates when you lack a social connection. Shyness is the fear of social criticism. Try to look within yourself to understand which feeling you experience.

#3 People probably want to hang out with you. If you suffer from loneliness and shyness, you need to understand that people around you want to hang out with you. There are seven billion people on this planet. Trust me, someone wants to hang out with you.

Now, whether you want to hang out with them is a different question. However, if you feel lonely or shy, you may be interpreting people in a negative way, rather than a positive way. [Read: 30 ways to overcome feelings of loneliness]

#4 You have to make this a priority. You need to make your social life a priority, especially if you don’t have one. You need to put in a lot of time in making connections and maintaining those relationships.

Most of my friends are from high school. It’s not that I don’t have friends from university, but I simply cannot put the time into maintaining these new relationships. Now, don’t drop out of school to go clubbing every weekend, but do prioritize a certain amount of time per week into seeing friends. [Read: How to make friends after college – 15 ways to make it effortless]

#5 Accept invitations. I’m horrible at this one, in fact, I’m a huge flake. I know what I am, it’s not a good quality, but I just want to stay home and watch Vice documentaries with my dog. But that won’t keep you friends, let me tell ya.

Instead of staying in and watching Netflix, you need to go out. So, when someone asks you out, say yes. You don’t have to say yes all the time, but the more times you say yes and go, the better your social life will be.

#6 Don’t be afraid of rejection. You may be scared to ask people to hang out because you’re scared of rejection. Everyone is scared of rejection, I’ve been turned down many times. However, it’s not because they don’t want to hang out with you. Okay, some people may say no because of that, but other people are busy with school, work, boyfriends/girlfriends. If you don’t ask people to hang out, you end up at home alone, so you lose nothing.

#7 You must talk. You don’t need to talk all the time, but, what you do talk about needs some substance. Conversation is what makes a relationship grow and develop. Now, in the beginning, you don’t need deep conversations. Your goal is just to become comfortable with talking to new people and creating connections. [Read: Good friends are like stars – How to build long lasting friendships]

#8 You don’t have to talk to people you don’t want to. Now, push yourself to talk to people. But, if you really don’t want to invest your time and energy with someone who you don’t want to talk to, then don’t. It’s already hard enough for you to talk to new people, so, don’t burden yourself with talking to people that you’re not interested in.

#9 Find people with similar interests. The best way to develop a social life is to surround yourself with people who share similar interests as you. What you need to do is join groups and activities that you genuinely find interesting. That way, you’ll be surrounded by people who enjoy things that you do. This means, you already share something in common which pushes you one step ahead of the bunch.

#10 Keep it positive. Listen, making friends isn’t easy. When I moved to a new city, I really struggled for the first couple months. I was depressed, I was in a panic, I thought I was going to be alone.

However, I went online and joined some social groups which then pushed me to meet these people in person. Now, some of these people I met online are my closest friends. [Read: How to make real friends outside of your social networks]

#11 Don’t be afraid to go online. The internet is a magical place which provides you with so many opportunities. Like I said above, I made many friends from going online, I even have friends from Tinder. Whatever the website is, whether it’s Facebook, Tinder, Couchsurfing—use them to your advantage by building relationships.

#12 I know you’re excited but stay calm. You’re probably excited to make friends. Don’t look too eager. I know you want friends, but the whole “Oh my god, hi, let’s be best friends” vibe makes people feel uncomfortable. Though excited, just remember that this person wants to spend time with you, so there’s no need to fear or worry. [Read: How to be likeable – 15 easy ways to make anyone fall in love with you]

#13 Be open-minded. When you try to build a social life, you need to be open-minded to the people you encounter. I mean, you don’t have a social life. So, honestly, you shouldn’t be judging others.

You’re going to meet many people. You don’t have to be friends with all of them, but you do have to see the good in them. Then, you look at the differences and see if this is something you’d like in your life.

#14 Be consistent. If you finally get a couple of friendships going, you need to keep them growing. This means you up-keep them. I know, this sounds like a lot of work, but that’s what friendships are, they are work. I mean, the benefits outweigh the negatives, but you’re going to have to work on them. Hang out with them, listen to their problems, help them out—you know, basic things.[Read: 12 quick tips to add more people to your social circle]

#15 Don’t be afraid to open up. Now if you just met this person, you don’t necessarily have to tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, just open up to people eventually. This is the only way your friendships moves from shallow to deep connections. Of course, you’ll do this when you feel comfortable and when the time is right.

[Read: 15 ways to make new friends as an adult]

Now that you know the ways you to go from no social life to a full calendar, you need to put it into action. It won’t be easy, especially if you’ve been on your own for a while, but just go slow and easy and have fun!

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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