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Graysexual: What It Is and the Common Qualities of Greysexuality

Sometimes sexualities can be a little hard to describe. If you’re graysexual, it might be even harder to identify. Here’s everything you should know.


As we become more and more educated on the different types of sexualities, we’re learning that there are far more out there than we thought. For example, graysexual is one that you may not have heard of before today.

If you’re struggling to identify with a sexuality, you’re not alone. Even with everything we know today, there are many who still feel lost when it comes to their sexualities. They don’t feel like they connect to anyone. It can feel frustrating at times.

Why people want to connect to a specific sexuality

Some people may be out there wondering why others need to find a word to describe how they feel. Well, I’m here to tell those people why. Everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere. They want to feel understood and accepted.

That’s why we search for a certain word to describe ourselves. If you don’t know what your sexuality is, it can make you feel a little lost. When you learn a name for something that describes you perfectly, it’s like you’ve found validation in your feelings. [Read: Heteroflexible – all you need to know about this rare sexuality]

What is graysexual and how to know if it describes you

For those of you who aren’t sure what graysexual is, have no fear. We’re here to describe just what it is and help you realize if it’s your sexuality. Maybe this can help you not only know yourself deeper but help you realize that your sexuality is valid.

Graysexual covers a larger umbrella of people

There are many people out there who don’t identify with any of the other sexualities listed in the LGBTQIA+. They feel as though they don’t know how to describe themselves.

Many graysexual individuals would describe themselves as asexual, but not always. That’s the tricky part. They can sometimes identify with being asexual but at the same time, they do feel sexual attraction. It’s just very rare for them. [Read: How to know the difference between pansexual and bisexual]

Are you graysexual?

If you’re wondering if your sexuality would fall under the graysexual umbrella, we might be able to help. Here are certain qualities those who are graysexual have. Maybe they’ll describe you perfectly.

#1 You don’t feel sexual desire for either sex. Being graysexual means you fall under the asexual umbrella. Anyone who is asexual is someone who doesn’t desire sex. If you feel the need to be close to someone and be emotionally intimate without being sexual, you fall under this category. [Read: Asexual people in the dating world – How does it work?]

#2 But occasionally you’ll feel arousal. However, you may feel sexual arousal at times. It can feel as though a switch has been flipped to on only on certain days. There’s really no rhyme or reason to it.

Feeling aroused may also come during very specific times if you’re graysexual. You may also not be sure if you feel sexual arousal or if what you’re feeling is sexual desire.

#3 You enjoy sex, but only under certain circumstances. If you’re very, very selective about your sexual desires, then you could be described as graysexual. If there are very strict circumstances in which you feel aroused and want to have sex, then this sexuality may describe how you’re feeling. [Read: Why you don’t want to have sex anymore]

#4 You don’t relate to asexuality completely. By now you know that asexual is when you don’t have any sexual desires at all. Sex has no meaning or appeal to you. However, if you know this and don’t completely relate to the other characteristics of asexuality, you could be graysexual. You may be on the asexual spectrum, but not be asexual.

#5 Your sexual desires are fluid with no real reason for it. One day you could be very attracted to someone sexually and feel absolutely nothing the next. This is called being fluid within the asexual umbrella. Your sexual desire ebbs and flows and you can’t control it. This can also feel like your libido is shifting, but it’s not the same.

#6 It’s hard for you to pinpoint your sexual desires. Do you sometimes feel sexually aroused but have no idea why? If it’s really hard for you to pinpoint what turns you on and what makes you want sex, you could be graysexual.

Oftentimes, those who describe themselves as graysexual will never be able to tell you what gets them going. This is because they can’t even tell themselves. If one thing that makes you desire sex last week is doing nothing for you this week, it might just be because you’re graysexual. [Read: Sexually fluid – What does it mean in the dating world?]

#7 You can relate to more than one sexuality. Maybe you think you fall under multiple sexualities. That’s definitely a possibility. When you feel as though you can relate to multiple sexualities but not just one completely, you might be graysexual.

Things to remember if you feel lost in your sexuality

It can be easy to get lost in the hype of knowing what your sexuality is. If you’re questioning yours, here are some important things to remember. [Read: How to know if you’re actually gay]

#1 You’re not alone. There are many people out there who feel exactly the same way you do. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Not knowing your sexuality doesn’t mean you’re out there by yourself floating between all the other sexualities. In fact, you’re in your own category altogether.

Never think that you’re alone in feeling the way you do. There are always people out there who can relate and who feel the same way. Never forget that no matter what, you’ll never be by yourself in how you feel. [Read: Panromantic asexual and what you need to know]

#2 Your sexuality is valid – no matter what. Even if you never find a category that “properly” describes how you feel, just know that your desires are valid. You are still just as important as anyone else who fits neatly into a category. Whatever your sexuality is, even if you never find a perfect term for it, is valid and just as real as any other one.

#3 It’s okay if you don’t know how you feel. There are plenty of people out there who don’t know exactly how they feel. They’re not sure who they like or what they desire. And that’s completely okay. You never have to know exactly what it is you need. So long as you’re happy with your life, it doesn’t matter.

[Read: Identifying with gray asexuality in a world of sex]

Knowing your sexuality is something all people want. We all want to feel validated or like we belong. If you’re not sure where you fall, perhaps you’re graysexual. This list will help you know.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...