Why Your Long-Time Girlfriend Refuses to Have Sex

Was your girlfriend fiery in the sack, but now you feel her flame has fizzled? Here’s why your long time girl is no longer interested.

girlfriend not interested in sex

Did your sex life used to be an all-night rager between you and your girlfriend? Did it feel like torture if you had to go more than a day without getting down and dirty together? Maybe your wife or girlfriend is the hottest, best sex partner you’ve ever had. If this is the case, it can make it that much more difficult when your long-time partner starts getting disinterested in your sex life.

Whatever the reason for her denying you sex, it’s a dangerous game when either partner in a relationship is denying their partner sexual intimacies – not only because it feels great, but more importantly, because this is one of the most essential ways for couples to connect and strengthen their bond together.

If you’ve been with your girlfriend or partner for a long time now, and she’s suddenly not interested in having sex with you, it’s in your best interest, as her man, and in the best interest of your relationship to find out why.

Why she won’t have sex with you

For those too shy to ask, here are a couple of solid reasons why your girl may not be feeling too frisky between the sheets these days.

#1 She’s bored or not getting the type of sex she wants. As humans, we grow and change over time. What once satisfied her in the bedroom might not be what does it for her anymore. It might not be that she isn’t interested in sex, it may just be that she wants a different type.

Maybe she’s veered more towards oral, S&M, slow sex, rough sex, using toys, role-playing, or any host of other kinks that can be developed later in life. Next time you’re going to be intimate, introduce something new into your bedroom routine and watch her be dazzled. [Read: 10 ways to open up about your kinky side]

#2 She’s not just tired – she’s exhausted. Just like you, your wife or girlfriend might just be exhausted. Has she been working extra hours? Busy taking care of the kids? Is she dealing with extra stress, or a sick family member?

When bunched together, these things are not only stressful, they can be a real mood killer. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re “selfish” or “a pig” for requesting sex from your partner – just make sure you do it in the right away. Anything that comes off as whiney or accusatory won’t be received well.

Instead of going for it right before bed, why not set the mood by indulging in a relaxing weekend together? Get a babysitter, order takeout, and take the weekend off. Use this time to go out for a couples’ massage or exchange them at home, complete with a long bubble bath, some wine, and the right mood music, and you may just be on your way to scoring.

#3 When’s the last time you went down on her? Hell, forget doing down on her. When’s the last time you engaged in even the most basic forms of foreplay: deep kissing, caressing her body, touching erogenous zones, licking her nipples, and all that good stuff?

Sex when you’re a new couple is exhilarating, and you’re both doing your best to please each other in every way imaginable. Every touch is exciting: a new avenue to explore with your scintillating new lover.

But, as time goes on, you may be less inclined to work your magic, and more likely to roll over before bed, requesting a quickie. It’s not exactly romantic, and it isn’t likely to make her feel very sexy or desired. Putting some hardcore, newlywed effort into it may just be the thing you need to reignite your gal’s passions. [Read: 8 tips and tricks to give her oral sex like a boss]

#4 She’s tired of faking it. It may just be that after many years of trying to orgasm during sex with you, your girlfriend is simply sick of trying, and sick of faking it. Don’t feel bad if your girlfriend has been faking it. In the end… no, you haven’t been doing what she needs to get her off, but you can’t fix what you don’t know is wrong!

Your girlfriend should be upfront with you. After all, you’re an awesome guy who would do anything to make her come, right? Right!

If you suspect your girlfriend’s been faking and that sexual frustration is the reason for her shooting you down, your best bet is to come out into the open and ask her if she is having real O’s, or just Oscar-worthy performances.

Tell her you want to make her come hard, and that your next session is going to be all about her. After the initial embarrassment, she’ll be much more excited to jump into the sack with your promise of patience and tongue-tingling action. [Read: 22 reasons she’s faking her orgasms]

#5 She’s getting it from someone else. Unfortunately, the same as the worst case scenario as when you were dating may be true today. If she’s not getting it from you, she very well may be getting it from someone else. Unlike men, who will keep sleeping with their partner and their mistress, women are more likely to form an emotional bond once they begin sleeping with a new partner.

If she’s sleeping with someone else, she will be less likely to sleep with you in that same time period. If you suspect your girlfriend is cheating, you need to calmly ask her about it ASAP. Just because she’s feeling unfulfilled doesn’t mean you should get possible STDs as punishment! [Read: 25 reasons why women cheat so easily]

#6 She is going through an emotional change due to…

– Menopause. Due to the loss of estrogen and out of whack hormones during menopause, your wife’s sex drive may have taken a complete nosedive. The good news? Her lack of sex drive has nothing to do with you or your mad sex skills! The bad news? Menopause can last a long time. Ouch.

– She’s on birth control. Has your partner recently started taking a new form of birth control? Ironically, the same pill being taken to prevent pregnancy is the same culprit for removing some of the testosterone found in women’s bodies responsible for giving them all of those happy, lusty feelings.

Whether it’s being dumped, being fired, or having your partner turn down your orgasmic intentions, one thing’s for sure: getting rejected sucks, especially by someone you love.

[Read: 10 naughty ways to get over a sexual dry spell with your partner]

If your girlfriend’s sex drive has changed, then you need to figure out why – and fast! Don’t let a lack of sex, connection, intimacy, and that fabulous love drug oxytocin get your relationship down in the dumps. Open communication with your lady should have you back on your way to regular romps in between the sheets.

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Waverly Smith
Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that people...
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