Why Do Girls Play Games & Test Guys in the Early Stages of Dating?

Have you ever wondered why do girls play games when in the early stages of dating? Perhaps it’s down to the fact that we can’t figure guys out either!

Why Do Girls Play Games

Is the woman in your life playing the odd game or two? Do you find it hard to really figure out what she’s thinking or trying to achieve? If you’re wondering why do girls play games or shit test guys, you’re not alone. It’s a very common fact that girls play games in relationships and dating. I can say that with confidence because I am one!

[Read: Shit test 101 – What it is and how to successfully pass all her tests]

Yes, I will admit to playing the odd game every now and again, and whilst I tend to do it less now I’m a little wiser, I wouldn’t rule it out in the future!

Why do we do this?

Because half the time we have no idea what is going through our partner’s mind, or the person we’re attempting to date, and we want to try and get a specific type of reaction.

Now, I will admit one thing. The games we play often backfire. You see, you can’t control the way someone is going to think or react. When asking why do girls play games, you’ll see that the most common game we play is the silent treatment. We assume that by being quiet and ignoring you, you’ll come running and ask us what is wrong.

Most of the time this doesn’t work, but that doesn’t stop us trying!

[Read: What is she trying to tell you when a woman pulls away]

In this case, we’re trying to get attention. We want you to say “baby, what’s wrong today?” and give us a hug to make everything better. However, this often backfires and we get equal amounts of silence coming our way.

Another is the “I’m fine” tactic. It all comes down to how you say it, but saying that you’re fine actually means you’re not. If the girl in your life saying “I’m fine” but with a certain amount of fire on the word “fine”, or with a particular amount of indifference, the chances are they are far from fine and you should drop everything and try and figure out what is wrong immediately. Avoid this at your peril! [Read: When a girl says “I’m fine” and 14 more deadly terms used by women]

So, why do girls play games?

Let’s be honest – Why do girls play games in dating and relationships?

You might not have realized this, but everyone in dating and relationships plays games to some degree, but it might be that you don’t actually notice you’re doing it. In order to try and figure out what is going on, we attempt to get attention via gamesmanship.

I’ll be the first to hold my hands up at how ridiculous it all is. Surely if we really want to know something or say something we should just vocalize it and find out first hand. By playing games, we’re attempting to manipulate the situation and that’s never a good idea.

Despite that, we continue to do it. I continue to do it!

[Read: How to stop playing relationship games and focus on loving instead]

In many ways, it comes down to a lack of communication. From my experience, guys in particular are not fantastic at expressing their feelings vocally. I don’t want to generalize, but that’s what I’ve experienced in the past. If you’re in a relationship with a girl who is great at game playing, ask yourself whether you’re communicating effectively too.

I’m not suggesting that game playing is right, but it does usually come down to the girl not getting what they need or want.

For me, whenever I’ve attempted to try and get my partner to show me attention and used games to do it, I’ve become frustrated when it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. This usually made me ten times more annoyed and it spilled over into an argument. I expected them to be able to read my mind, I expected them to simply know what was wrong without me having to say it!

You see, poor communication works both ways and it’s at the heart of game playing.

[Read: How to communicate better in a relationship and understand each other]

So, is game playing the right thing to do?

Absolutely not!

By explaining why do girls play games, I’m not attempting to legitimize it in any way. I do it, and I’m not proud to admit it. My friends do it, my sister does it, pretty much everyone I know does it. It’s because it comes so easily to us.

When we’re not getting the reaction we want, sure we try and push things in our direction. Is it just girls? No!

Guys play games too! If you’re a guy, how many times have you ghosted a girl simply to try and get her to come running? Have you tired the “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” routine? That’s a game in itself, and it’s just as cruel and annoying as the games which girls play.

We’re all guilty of game playing, it’s just that girls get called out on it so much more because we’re considered to be manipulating a situation to our own liking. Surely that’s what a guy does when he tries to make a girl jealous or doesn’t return her calls, only to come running when he hears that she might have met someone new? [Read: Why guys play games and think it’s a great way to get girls]

Nobody is without fault here, because when the heart is involved, we do stupid things to try and get what we want. Our common sense isn’t working so well because it’s eclipsed by the heart. So why do girls play games? Because we care!

You might think that’s some kind of twisted logic, but in my case especially, it’s true! I would bet for most girls it’s the same reason.

When we want attention and you’re not giving it to us, we don’t want to turn around and say “please give me attention”, because it sounds pathetic! We might be pathetic for wanting it, but so what? If you care or like someone, you want their attention in your life because it makes you feel good! That’s exactly what a guy is doing when he’s intentionally ghosting a girl with the agenda to go back to her, but in a different way!

We’re not doing it to be mean or underhanded, we’re doing it because we have the best intentions at heart. Are we right in the way we go about it? Probably not, but if it gets us what we want and need, surely we’re on the right track?

[Read: How to tell if a girl is playing mind games and doesn’t care about you at all]

In guess in a perfect world, there would be no need to play games, no need to try and get what we need in a so-called underhanded way and no need to try and figure out something which is confusing us. However, we don’t live in a perfect world and relationships are hard. Girls have a hard time when it comes to being accused of game playing, but it’s important to understand that everyone does it, simply in different ways.

So, why do girls play games? Because we’re human and because we care. The games can vary, sure, but the bottom line is the same. However, if the game causes hurt or pain, that’s something else entirely. I’m all for games which lead to the right place and bring people closer together, but if you’re playing games which cause conflict and pit people against each other, you need to ask yourself why you’re doing it, and stop it immediately.

[Read: 11 biggest tests a girl puts every guy through in a relationship]

Trying to work out why do girls play games can be confusing, especially if you don’t have a deep insight into the female mind! The best way around it is communication; talk to each other, try and work out what is going on. And if you really can’t find a way through it, well, perhaps you’re really not meant for each other in the first place. Love has a strange way of working itself out.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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