When a Girl Says She Needs Space: What She Means & You Should Do

You love her, but when she says she needs space, what does she mean? When a girl says she needs space, should you do something or back off?

when a girl says she needs space

When a girl says she needs space, it can catch you off guard. What does that mean? Are you on a break? Does she need an hour? Or a month?

And if that moment comes, is it your fault? What did you do to piss her off?

Sure, maybe you did something wrong, but that isn’t always the case. When a girl says she needs space, it could mean a lot of things. And, some of those things actually have nothing to do with you.

Try not to get in your own head too much. When a girl says she needs space, don’t assume you know what that means for your relationship.

[Read: How to give space and stay close without drifting apart]

Space isn’t always bad

Before we offer you all the meanings behind what space may mean to her and how you should handle it, hear this. Just because she wants space doesn’t mean you’re breaking up.

Space rarely means a break. It rarely means something awful.

Think about when you need space. Sometimes you just want to sit and play video games without a conversation. That doesn’t mean you don’t love her, it just means you want some alone time. There is nothing wrong with that.

Maybe you are used to her always wanting to talk or share her feelings so you assume something is wrong when she wants to be apart from you. [Read: How to know when to give your partner space]

Overthinking and jumping to conclusions when she says she needs space will only drive you crazy. It will make it harder for you to give her the space she needs and that could actually push her away.

Before we go any further, I just don’t want you to assume the worst. Sometimes, space is just space.

When a girl says she needs space

Listen, as a woman, I can tell you every woman has their own reason for needing space. Yes, I know, we’re complex. But don’t take it so personally. Instead, figure out why she’s asking for some space and then form an opinion. [Read: When a woman pulls away – What she’s really trying to tell you]

Is she just stressed? Or maybe she is upset with you and needs to cool off before talking about it. There are a lot of reasons as to why she says she needs space. You want to take a look at all of them before jumping to conclusions.

Perhaps it is something you said. Or, maybe she feels overwhelmed. If you truly want to find out, ask her. But until then, let’s look at the reasons why she needs space and what you need to do after she tells you this.

1. She just needs some space

I know this sounds crazy but sometimes, it’s not even as complicated as you think it is. She could have a lot going on with school, work, or have personal issues at home. Taking the time to see you is just too much for her to handle right now. She is exhausted and frazzled, so she needs to rest.

When a girl says she needs space, it doesn’t mean she wants to dump you. It doesn’t mean you suck or made her upset. It just means she needs some time to get things in order or to relax. If you know her life is hectic, this is probably the reason why. She’s trying to gain control of her life again and needs some space to herself to do that. [Read: The 10 things men need to accept about women]

2. She misses her life before you

Since she has been with you, she hasn’t gone out with her girlfriends. She hasn’t gone dancing at the clubs, and it’s itching her. She just wants some time on her own to enjoy the things she loves doing.

This doesn’t necessarily mean she is sick of you or not happy, it just means she wants some of her independence. Just like you want to hang with the guys, she needs that time too.

It’s probably not that you’re controlling her, but she’s clearly feeling unable to do the things she used to do when she’s around you. It could just be that you’ve had a whirlwind relationship that has been amazing and overwhelming. It’s great but she hasn’t had time for other focuses. [Read: How to be independent while in a relationship]

The space she’s asking for is to spend time doing other things she likes.

3. She sees you too often

She sees you a lot. Yes, she loves spending time with you, but right now she’s sick of your face. Maybe she needs to work through her feelings. And yes, she could be irritated by something you did. When a girl says she needs space, sometimes she just wants a couple of days to hang around the house in her PJs without seeing your face.

I know this sounds harsh, but too much of anyone can be a lot. She may be used to spending time alone, so being around you a lot could just be too much interaction. Maybe you just chew too loudly sometimes and she wants to enjoy a meal in silence. [Read: How to avoid being clingy and stop being a stage 5 clinger]

4. She’s thinking about ending the relationship

Having sex with someone that you don’t want to be with anymore isn’t fun. Neither is spending time with him.

Now, don’t jump right away to this conclusion. Usually, if this is the case, there would have been clear signs prior to this decision. She would be pulling away physically and retreating. When someone is waiting to break up with you, they may not even say they need space, but just take it.

But, in the event that is what it means for your girlfriend, she may be seeing if she enjoys time away from you. [Read: Does your girlfriend want a break? All the real reasons why]

5. Things aren’t changing

Has she asked you to help around the house thousands of times? Have you followed through? She is sick of nagging you. So, she’s asking for space. It looks like she’s doing everything she can to not breakup with you, but you’re not leaving her much choice.

Clearly, you know if you’ve changed your behavior or not. If you haven’t and the relationship has come to this point: do you even want to be with her? There is a reason she isn’t happy, and in that case, you may not be either. [Read: Are you a good person?]

6. She’s struggling to talk to you

Girls aren’t always open books. When a girl says she needs space, she may have something going on that she is really struggling with. Being around you and not being able to tell you for some reason is getting to her.

Maybe she’s afraid to admit something or is worried about your reaction. Or, she could just be overwhelmed and in denial. This space is what she needs to reflect without your influence.

What to do when she says she needs space

Your first reaction to when she says she needs space may be to fix the problem. Guys are fixers, after all. But, wait up a second.

Read through these guidelines and see if there is a better path for you. There probably is.

1. Give her space

Don’t argue with her, don’t beg on your knees for her to stay. Space doesn’t means she’s leaving you. And assuming that and freaking out will only push her further away.

She’s asking for space, so give her space. Take a couple of days off from talking. When she is ready, she will reach out. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and have a better romance]

2. Spend time with friends and family

I know this sounds lame, but there’s no point sitting at home waiting for her to message you. She won’t be sending you texts right away. Dwelling on it will make you feel crazy.

This is now your chance to spend time with the people you’ve ditched when you were focused on her.

Talk to your friends, try to see their point of view. Maybe they see something that you don’t. You don’t even have to talk about her. Just try to enjoy your space too. Who knows, you may have been so worried about her space, you didn’t even realize you needed some too. [Read: Do you need space in the relationship?]

3. Think about the relationship

Are you happy in the relationship? Maybe you are so worried about her being unhappy, you didn’t even realize that you want space too.

When a girl says she needs space, ask yourself if there’s something that’s been building up over the past months or weeks? What are your weaknesses in the relationship? Is there something you’ve been overlooking or ignoring?

Sometimes, you get so used to a relationship being the way it is, you don’t see the problems that are right in front of you. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]

4. Talk to her

Eventually, you’ll sit down and talk with her. Now, this may be after a couple of days or even a couple of weeks. But the point is, you are now able to sit down and discuss what’s really going on.

Let her share with you why she needed space and how it was for her. Did she get the time she needed? Did she miss you? Also, talk about what you’ve been thinking about, your weaknesses, and the relationship as a whole. What have you realized during this time?

Was this space to help you grow closer or to help you back away? [Read: 14 steps to improve your communication skills with your partner]

5. Remain loyal

If you think this is your time to hook up with random chicks, you’re wrong. When a girl says she needs space, remember that her asking for space doesn’t mean you are on a temporary break. You are still together. Unless she’s specifically told you that the relationship is on a break, then you’re technically still together.

Plus, this isn’t the time to be sleeping around. You’re supposed to be reflecting on the relationship, remember? But if you are hooking up, or wanting to, maybe the relationship wasn’t meant to last. This could also be why she wanted the space to begin with. [Read: The must-follow rules to follow when you’re on a relationship break]

6. When you see her, don’t try to get in her pants

If you haven’t seen her for a couple of days or weeks, don’t jump on the opportunity to get into her pants. This wasn’t just a pause. This space was called for. Talk about it.

I get it, you’re feeling sex-deprived, but you have a bigger problem on your hands. Your relationship. Focus on that first and foremost.

[Read: How to give someone space without losing them]

Now that you have a clearer picture of why, you can figure out what to do when a girl says she needs space. Regardless, give her the space she needs.

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