23 Signs She’s Using You, Walking All Over You & Playing You For Fun

If you’ve wondered ‘is she using me’ even once, there’s something not quite right. Learn the signs she’s using you and work out the truth once and for all. 

signs she's using you

Men tend to think the more they invest in the girl, the more she’ll appreciate and love them. Sadly, even though you could be dropping big bucks on her and giving her all the attention in the world, it doesn’t mean she feels the same. That’s why you need to learn the signs she’s using you.

Are you someone who will be open and vulnerable and take a risk on your love? That’s great, but it does leave you open to manipulation by the wrong type of woman. If you’ve wondered even just once ‘is she using me’, then you’re probably picking up on signs.

First of all, love isn’t easy. When we do find it, it gets even harder. Now, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t fall in love—you should! It’s one of the best feelings you’ll experience.

But you want to make sure that you’re giving your heart to someone who actually wants to cherish it. [Read: Is she an attention whore who’s using you?]

It’s time to wake up to the signs around you

You fell for her hard. Really hard. You spend your paychecks buying her expensive gifts, taking her out to the best restaurants, and making sure you buy yourself some new clothes to impress her.

The point is, everything you’re doing, it’s for her. If she wasn’t using you, it is sweet, a little excessive, but sweet.

But what’s for sure is that she’s enjoying the pampering without emotionally investing in you. Yeah, we know, it sounds shitty, but it’s often true. If you don’t want to be used as a stepping stone, then it’s time you figured out what’s really going on. [Read: How to quickly spot the signs of a bad girlfriend]

The signs she’s using you and you need to move on

Women aren’t stupid. We see how many men have side chicks and don’t respect the point of being in a relationship. So, to deal with this, we keep our options open even when we might really like you.

Why is this? It’s all done so that we save ourselves from getting hurt. We’re not saying she’s a good or bad person because of this, we’re telling you what it is.

Stringing anyone along is a selfish thing to do while you’re keeping your options open. This shows huge trust issues, ones that will take time to overcome. If someone is stringing you along, you respect yourself, so find someone new. Cause we all know, it’s not cool.

If she is using you, put a stop to things before they get any worse. When we mean worse, we mean you continue to fall more in love while she treats you like garbage. So, let’s get you well-acquainted with the signs so you can put the pieces of the puzzle together. It’s time to open your eyes! [Read: How to listen to your masculine instincts]

1. You feel incomplete

When you’re around her, you feel like something is missing, almost as if you’re not complete. Obviously, this is because she’s not reciprocating with her emotions. This is why you’re doing all of this.

You want to please her and make her fall for you but instead, the plan backfired and now you’ve fallen into your own trap.

When it comes to learning the signs she’s using you, do not overlook your gut feeling.

2. She runs the show

You’re feeling like you’re doing all the work, and that’s because you are. You’re going above and beyond to please her, yet she never does anything for you. We wouldn’t call this a fair relationship, would you?

If she’s the one holding the power in the relationship, it doesn’t mean she’s using you, but it does show that you’re in an unhealthy relationship.

A relationship has two people in it, not just one. You might even have wondered ‘is she using me’ once or twice, because you can feel the imbalance. [Read: The critical signs you need to watch for in an unhealthy relationship]

3. You’re her shoulder of support

If she needs emotional support, you’re the shoulder she runs to. Most of the conversations are about her life and the problems in it.

But what happens when you have a problem? Does she sit and listen or is she suddenly too busy to listen to you? If she’s only patient when she shares her problems with you, then it’s no longer a two-way street, and one of the clearest signs she’s using you.

4. She rewards you if you do something for her

It’s similar to dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. Basically, she manipulates you into doing something for her that you may not feel comfortable doing in order for you to get the carrot in front of your face.

Now, the “carrot” could be sex, commitment, or even affection. Whatever it is that you need from the relationship, she’s using it to get what she wants. [Read: 16 subtle signs a narcissist is manipulating and abusing you]

5. She’s a pretty complex person

When you finally have enough and question her about her behavior and whether or not she wants to be with you, she’s sobbing in your arms.

She needs attention and validation and she needs it right now. She’s about an inch away from losing it. So, she brings out the excuses that she’s complicated and going through some personal things in her life… blah blah blah.

Keep an eye on this. Does she almost always break down, acts vulnerable and comes crawling to you each time you stand up for yourself, or try to push her away? You’re not dealing with a complicated woman, it’s one of the signs she’s using you.

6. She often needs her space

Okay, so she hung out with you on the weekend but now, she needs her space. Treating you like every other guy. But you thought you had something special, right? This is probably going to lead you to wonder ‘is she using me’ and you’d probably be right.

Right when you feel discouraged, she comes back, reeling you back in. When she takes her space from you, she’s probably weighing up her other options. [Read: What you need to do when she starts playing hard to get]

7. Her people don’t know you

She has friends, let’s not be ignorant. But you’ve never met them before. Or if you have, maybe once or twice.

Her friends are the ones that are going to critique you, but she doesn’t even introduce you to them. That’s because she doesn’t see you as someone she’s going to be with. Rather, you’re a stepping stone to the next guy. 

8. She’s into your bank account

Unfortunately, this is one of the most obvious signs she’s using you. You may hate your job and complain about it all the time, but she loves it.

She’s usually a great listener when it comes to your bank account and financial status. Why? Because that’s one of the major reasons she’s with you. If not, who would buy her everything she wants and more? [Read: All the signs you’re dating a genuine 24k gold digger]

9. You often question if she’s into you

Deep down, when you go to bed at night, you’re wondering if she even likes you and you’re often wondering ‘is she using me.’ Now, aside from your self-esteem, your gut is telling you the truth. If you have the feeling that she’s using you for everything you have, well, then you’re probably right. [Read: Why you should listen to your gut all the time]

10. Your family and friends don’t like her

It’s highly likely that your friends have met her first before your family. The good thing about friends and family is that they’re usually upfront and honest with you.

In other words, they don’t like her. At the same time, she’s trying to push you further away from them, trying to shift your attention onto her and only her. It’s a tactic to keep you all to herself, but only when it suits her.

11. She’s only into you at certain times of the day

This sounds weird but have you noticed that she only hangs out with you before the evening or only after 10 pm? It’s strange behavior but completely makes sense. If it’s after 10 pm, she may only see you as a booty call and doesn’t want to invest any more time into you.

Before the evening, she isn’t interested in spending her nights beside you. She’s simply putting you on shifts to suit her. It’s one of the signs she’s using you because otherwise the time of day just wouldn’t matter. [Read: 15 signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere]

12. You’re afraid to say “no”

It’s strange but when you’re in a one-sided relationship and your partner is manipulating you, you’re afraid to say “no.”

You worry about how they’ll react and what the punishment will be for not going along with their plan. But this is simply a form of manipulation and it’s not something you should put up with. [Read: What to do when you’re not happy in a relationship]

13. When you say what you want, you’re a bad person for it

You may be slowly catching onto the fact that you’re not getting what you want out of the relationship. You’re probably often wondering ‘is she using me’ or if she even cares.

Now, if your needs aren’t being met, then you may have approached her, telling her how it feels. Instead of her understanding, she points the finger at you.

She calls you selfish for only wanting sex and intimacy. She may also tell you that you’re not providing for her if you’re low on money. This is one of the major signs she’s using you and she’s in defense mode [Read: How a manipulative woman can leave you lost and confused]

14. She doesn’t commit to any long-term plans

Long-term could mean a couple of months from now or years from now, but the point is, she’s not committing to anything.

Maybe you have a wedding coming up in a month and asked her to be your date. But instead of her saying “yes”, she gives you a “maybe” and some flaky excuse that goes with it. This is a sign that she’s not sure if she’s going to be with you that far ahead.

15. She likes the good things in life

Don’t we all? We’re not calling her a gold digger because that wouldn’t be fair. But when you’re taking her out, she wants to go to the best places, have you buy her the nicest things, and treat her extremely well.

However, she’s not looking for anything emotional with you. In fact, you feel more like a credit card than a boyfriend. [Read: How to date a high maintenance girl without going broke]

16. Your conversations are only superficial

You don’t really get into an intense conversation, nothing that makes you feel emotionally connected to her. You’ll talk about your day, work, friends, but nothing that will make her open to you emotionally.

She doesn’t talk about her childhood, anything personal going on in her life now, or how she feels about you. That’s one of the signs she’s using you because she’s not opening up to allow you close to her.

17. She’s always slow to reply to you

Whether it’s via text message or phone call, she’s not quick to get back to you. Of course, some people are too busy at work to reply, but you always have a minute to quickly reply to someone you care about.

Especially in today’s world where we’re all glued to our phones. But if she takes hours to reply, she doesn’t really care and that’s simply because she’s keeping you around for what she wants. [Read: 13 wily ways of an attention seeker who only wants attention]

18. She doesn’t remember the small details

We all know how important the small things are when it comes to relationships. The details that we know about the other person make all the difference. But she doesn’t remember the small things.

Maybe you had an important meeting today, but she never asked you how it went because she didn’t remember.

19. You don’t feel safe

She’s not going to kill you in the middle of the night, that’s not what we’re talking about. Around her, you don’t feel secure with yourself or the relationship.

You feel that she’ll leave when she has a better opportunity come her way. Since you’re reading this, you know quite well what this feeling is like and it’s certainly one of the signs she’s using you. [Read: Insecurity in a relationship – How to feel safer and feel more loved]

20. She mentions her ex frequently

Of course, we all mention our exes from time to time, especially if we spent a lot of time with them in the past. These are people we cannot simply avoid, they’re in our memories.

But, if she’s going on and on about her ex, well, she’s clearly not over him. This is a huge sign that shows you, you’re not the one and that she’s probably with you for another reason. [Read: The subtle signs your girlfriend is hooked on her ex]

21. There’s no affection

Unless you’re in the bedroom. When you have sex, she displays signs of affection, however, when you’re out in public or talking to each other one-on-one, she’s cold. There’s no physical contact or sweet words exchanged between you.

If anything, she’s making sure she doesn’t cross over the line. It causes you to question ‘is she using me’ and it’s probably a sign that indeed she is. [Read: Pillow princess and what it means if a girl is labeled as one]

22. You’ve been warned about her

Well, if you’ve been warned then come on, man. If people around you are telling you she’s no good and that she’s done this before, you fell into this on your own.

She’s probably beautiful and the sex is good, so why would you stop something that’s going well for you? This is why! You really need to focus on these signs she’s using you! [Read: 21 signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere!]

23. She’s never there when you need her

Maybe you had a rough day at work or a fight with a friend. These are the times when you turn to your partner to console and support you. But alas, she’s nowhere to be found. And that’s because she actually doesn’t care about any of it. Call her when you’re feeling better so you don’t rain on her parade.

What do you do now?

You’ve been wondering ‘is she using me’ and now you know the signs. So, what’s the outcome? What do you think? If you’re pretty sure that she’s using you then you need to stop and take a look at the relationship. 

It’s entirely possible that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. In that case, sit her down and have a conversation. Be sure to use “I” statements, such as “I feel like …” rather than “you’re always” or “you make me feel.”

Explain that you feel like the relationship is a little one-sided and you want to change that. If she’s really totally unaware of how she’s acting, she’ll be shocked into changing her ways and therefore changing the relationship. 

However, if she comes over all defensive or she refuses to make the changes you’ve talked about, you really have to assess whether this relationship is worth your time. When you’re putting in all the effort and getting nothing out of it, while she’s reaping all the rewards, you should simply walk away.

There’s a woman out there who will be more than happy to have that balanced and two-sided, loving relationship you crave. It’s not this woman, that’s all. 

[Read: Signs you’re the rebound guy she is using to move on]

What can we say, love is blind. Now you know the signs she’s using you, what are you going to do now that you’re sure?

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