Mixed Signals From a Girl: Why She Does It, 18 Signs & Ways to Respond

It’s never any fun when you’re getting mixed signals from a girl. But, it happens. Here are the things to look for, why they do it, and what you should do.

mixed signals from a girl

Men who have experienced dating are familiar with the frustration of getting mixed signals from a girl. To illustrate, it’s like dealing with a semi-bipolar person where you’re constantly thrown into a tug of war between moments of sweet affection, and bouts of cold, cruel indifference all happening in less than a day for no apparent reason.

Needless to say, this kind of ordeal can drive any man crazy to the point of giving up. If only women knew how to communicate their true intentions directly, you can imagine that the world, or at least relationships, would be less complicated.

We may wish it were the case, but it seems that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. That leaves us with only one option. And that is, learning how to read mixed signals from a girl.

[Read: Shit test – What it is, 17 ways girls use it and how to pass it in style]

What are mixed signals anyway?

The rules of attraction are simple. When you like a person, you tend to talk to them a lot, spend time with them, or get physically intimate.

On the other hand, people that we don’t want anything to do with are met with indifference or the occasional hostility. We are consistent with the emotions we show to the people we like or hate.

When it comes to mixed signals from a girl, you get a wavering dose of both. It is the proverbial blowing hot and cold. You experience affection and attention at first, and moments later she treats you like a suspicious stranger before switching to her sweet disposition once again. [Read: Blowing hot and cold – Why someone does this, the stages and how to deal with it]

Why do girls give mixed signals?

1. She is legitimately undecided with you

Given the benefit of the doubt, there are rare instances where a girl blows hot and cold because she is legitimately undecided on whether to consider your advances or not.

Guys sometimes need to understand that some girls just experience second thoughts when it comes to their men. They must accept the fact that receiving mixed signals will be a part of the dating process. [Read: How to read mixed signals and slowly turn it into love]

2. She has an indecisive personality

While the first category is experiencing a genuine dilemma, these kinds of girls have a truly indecisive streak in their DNA and can’t help but give a guy mixed signals.

They are the types who will take hours to choose an item from the menu. And they will probably switch orders at the last minute.

Only bad luck will have it that they also show this indecisive behavior when it comes to considering a man’s affections.

3. She’s testing your patience

Some women with extreme personalities are always on the lookout for a specific kind of man who can handle them in a relationship.

And as a test of your patience, a girl often resorts to giving mixed signals to see if you’ll handle her antics in case she decides to go out with you in the future. [Read: Why do girls play games and test guys in the early stages of dating?]

4. She’s a bit flirty and probably entertaining other men besides you

Girls love their share of attention and if you were in a place where multiple girls chased you around, wouldn’t it feel great? In this case, a girl may give a man mixed signals if she’s keeping him in reserve along with countless other men.

They will show you a bit of affection, sufficient to keep you chasing her tail while she basks in the glorious attention that the other guys on her list give her.

Being in this position can be a real bummer. At least you know that you’re not the only guy who got her dose of mixed signals. [Read: 20 signs she’s leading you on, using you and only pretending to like you]

5. She wants to play hard to get

In some situations, the girl you’re pursuing really likes you but chooses to play hard to get for several reasons. One of these is to protect her pride as a woman.

Compared to men, women take rejection harder and never fully reciprocate the affections of a man who showed her some interest. A girl often gives mixed signals to keep you going until the time is right.

The second reason, women think men are more attracted and loyal to women they had to pursue first. By giving a man mixed signals and “toying” with him a bit, there is some assurance that the man will stick with her longer than the one who did not give any form of effort to getting the girl. [Read: Is she playing hard to get or just uninterested? 20 signs to know for sure]

The obvious signs of mixed signals from a girl to look out for

Now that you know why a girl might give out mixed signals, let’s take a look at some of the most common ones you might run across. Once you know what to look for, you will save yourself a lot of headaches in the future. 

1. She doesn’t contact you when you thought she would

Most people have been waiting around for that special person to respond to their text or call. Or maybe you asked her to hang out or even sent her a funny meme – hours ago.

You might theorize that she’s busy at work, but you can only do that for so long before you have to stop lying to yourself.

Or maybe she doesn’t follow up after what you thought was a great date. She could also only text her when it’s convenient or she wants something. Either way, you’re probably feeling a bit disconcerted about it for a reason. It’s a message that this girl is giving you mixed signals and she’s not that invested in you. [Read: 19 wily signs she only wants your attention and not a relationship]

2. You find out she has been talking to her ex

If your girl is so happy with you, then why would she even want to talk to her ex? Sure, some of us need closure. But there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to exes. They could still be good friends, but that’s rare.

So, if you think that she is talking to her ex way too much for your liking, then maybe she’s keeping him around just in case things don’t work out with the two of you. Or maybe she hasn’t gotten over him and you’re just a rebound. [Read: Rebound guy – 19 signs you’re one and ways to avoid a girl that’s hooked to an ex]

3. Her words and actions don’t match

She talks a good game by saying all the right things that you want to hear.

Saying things like, “Oh I can’t wait to see you!” or “I miss you!” might seem like a normal thing to say. But if you hear those words, but her actions are saying something else, then you have a problem.

Maybe when you try to make plans with her, she’s always too busy. Sure, we’re all busy. But if she says she can’t wait to see you yet she can never, ever find the time, then that’s very fishy behavior. You’re clearly not a priority for her if she does that. And in all probability, this girl is giving you mixed signals and just toying you.

4. Different behavior on social media and real life

If she watches your social media stories right after you post them, you might be thinking that’s because you are popping up early in her list because she’s interested enough to tap on it. She might even comment or respond with a lot of emojis. Sounds good, right? 

But… that’s where the attention kind of ends. She takes a long time to respond to your DM when you excitedly message her. Or you see her post a photo at home alone when she said she had plans that night and couldn’t see you.

So, if her social media actions are inconsistent with real life, then she’s probably lying to everyone, or clearly not into you. [Read: What do girls look for in a guy? The worthy traits of a real catch]

5. She won’t open up, but she expects you to

A good relationship requires having emotional intimacy and connection. And the only way you can achieve that is to self-disclose to one another by opening up about things that are important to you. 

So, if you find that you’re the only one sharing your emotions and your past, then you have a one-way relationship. She might be curious or nosey enough to want to hear information about you, but she doesn’t feel like she wants to reciprocate.

6. She flirts with other guys

Well, this should be a big glaring red flag if you’re looking for signs a girl is giving you mixed signals. And sure, some girls are just naturally very friendly and flirty. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just a natural instinct sometimes. However, it’s how and why she does it that matters.

If she seems like she is going out of her way to get male attention other than from you, then she probably is. That means that your attention isn’t enough for her.

She might be keeping her options open or trying to send you a hint that you’re not the one she really wants to be with. [Read: Girlfriend flirts with everyone? 35 signs, reasons and how to deal with it]

7. You haven’t defined the relationship

When you make the transition from dating to being in an exclusive, committed relationship, it should be an easy one. You might think things are progressing to that point, but she might dodge any questions or conversation that even hints at commitment.

She might give noncommittal responses. For example, if you ask to hang out again, she might say, “that sounds like fun” without actually committing to a specific time.

Or, if you ask where your relationship stands, she might say “let’s just see where it goes.”

8. She won’t show you affection in public

It could be that she doesn’t have a problem showing you affection when you are alone. But if she won’t hold your hand or put her arm around you, or walks with a lot of space between the two of you, then that is a problem. [Read: Public displays of affection – how to do it, PDA etiquette, and 26 must-knows]

When a girl is truly interested in you, her words and actions match. If she tells you that she really likes being with you or that she misses you, her body language will match that. 

9. She shows mixed signals over text

If her texting behaviors are making you crazy, then this girl is giving you mixed signals over text too. Maybe you send a message to her, and she leaves it on read for hours without responding. Then suddenly, just when you gave up hope that she’d respond, she does answer you.

Or, maybe she sends very short answers in her texts. You might text a few sentences, and she’ll respond with “K” or “Yes” or “Definitely.” She doesn’t extend the conversation because she doesn’t want to. [Read: How often should you text a girl? 24 must-know rules of texting]

How to deal with mixed signals from a girl

There are several ways to deal with mixed signals from a girl depending on her reason for why she’s throwing them in the first place.

The first step is getting to know the girl you pursue and how she plays her game. In the end, your goal is to move things forward and take yourself seriously. After all, you’re spending time and effort for her to reciprocate.

1. Play her game and let her have a taste of her own medicine

Girls are not the only ones who can give mixed signals! You can tame the proverbial shrew by reacting accordingly if she gives you the cold shoulder.

If she’s a girl who genuinely likes you, she will be alarmed by the fact that her wishy-washy attitude may push you away for good. This way, she takes you more seriously and drops the mind games for good. [Read: How to play hard to get with a girl – The mistakes many guys make and do it just right]

2. Escalate your game and be more aggressive

If a girl uses mixed signals to test you, take it as a sign to up the ante. Be more aggressive and straightforward in your pursuit of her.

If you were previously timid and prone to adopt the good guy persona, maybe this time you sweep her off her feet with a little more attitude.

3. Ask her upfront and call her out

This is a very tricky route, but if done correctly, you show your resolve and you’re not one to play around.

Asking her upfront may come as a shock and take her back, but if you stand your ground and talk to her sincerely, she may appreciate your honesty and straightforward manner. [Read: How to stop playing relationship games and focus on love instead]

4. Forget about her

This is usually the last resort and reserved for girls who are only into you for the attention you give them. If from the beginning you’ve seen red flags that pursuing her is a lost cause, don’t waste any further effort. Direct your attention to another girl.

Should mixed signals from a girl be treated as a form of rejection?

Now that you know all about the mixed signals from a girl, should you take it as a rejection from her? Well, the short and easy answer is – yes. That’s probably not what you want to hear. You want to hold out hope and see encouraging things in her behavior.

But stop lying to yourself, because you won’t find any good reasons why a girl would give you mixed signals unless she’s not sure of you, or only using you as a backup.

Here’s the only thing you need to know. When a girl is really into you, she won’t send mixed signals. She’d be scared of losing you.

Period. End of story. It’s actually very simple.

[Read: Is she an attention whore who’s just using you?]

There are a bunch of reasons you could get mixed signals from a girl. It all falls on guys to understand how mixed signals work and come up with ways to deal with it to move the romantic pursuit forward.

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