Society tends to focus on female insecurities, but what about the men? What do men feel insecure about, and what do women think about them?
These are tough questions to answer, because most men aren’t exactly open about their insecurities. And yet, all men are insecure about one thing or another, just like women. As it turns out, if you’re human, you’re going to have things you wish you could change about yourself, regardless of the front we put on to the world.
However, once you’re in a relationship with someone, you peel back the layers of your armor, and uncover those insecurities. But however vulnerable you may feel when your defenses are down, that’s exactly how much more understanding your partner will become. So, if you’re a guy who’s self-conscious about the following things, let me be the one to tell you that these things hardly affect the way we think about you.
What your girl thinks of the things you don’t like about yourself
Here are some of the most common things you might feel insecure about and why we ladies think these insecurities shouldn’t bother you all that much.
#1 Your “gut,” “beer belly,” “love handles,” or whatever endearing term you may have for it. Let’s kick things off with some bluntness: do we wish the “gut” was gone and the abs were there? Sure, why not? But do we really mind that you have some fat in your gut? We don’t particularly care–it’s just how things are.
Some women may only date men who are in shape, but most men aren’t in shape, so most women aren’t dating men in shape. Having a little belly fat isn’t the end of the world, and it certainly makes us women feel a little more secure about our weight.
More so, having a bit of a stomach means you’re human and relatable! We may think, “this guy is cool and down to earth,” especially when compared to the tool walking down the street with his abs of steel. If you want to lose weight, that’s fine, but don’t feel like you aren’t attractive because of your stomach. If we’re dating you, it means we think you’re hot, regardless of what you might think of yourself.
#2 The size of your feet. Seriously, what is this–high school? That myth about the size of your feet being an indication of your penis size has been disproven over and over again. We all know the size of your hands and feet do not at all correlate to your dick size.
To be honest, we just straight up look at your pants when we think you aren’t looking, so hey, no surprise there! If we’re dating you, then the cat’s already out of the bag. And if we haven’t seen your package yet, we probably will in the near future, and we won’t be looking at your feet to tell us what to expect.
#3 What our family and friends think about you. Yes, we care about what our family and friends think about you, too, but ultimately, a real woman won’t let that dictate what happens. A girl might dump you if daddy doesn’t like your face, or if her bestie thinks you’re going to be a mistake. A woman, conversely, will acknowledge others’ opinions of you, but won’t kick you to the curb for not being a fan favorite. If she’s your fan, she’ll stick by you no matter what, unless you prove time and time again that everyone else is right. [Read: Are you the type of guy she’ll show off to her mom?]
#4 Your beard-growing prowess. Think of it this way: not every woman likes a beard, just like not every man likes a woman with short hair. Everyone has a preference, so this may not be a bad thing to some women!
Now, if you’re still insecure, let’s look at it a bit more logically: if she is attracted to you despite your smooth face, then she thinks you look good without the beard! The problem is solved, so now it’s time to move on and get over the fact that you can’t grow a beard. Play up your own strengths, whatever those may be, and remember that somewhere out there, there’s a man who has a beard that his partner can’t stand. [Read: To grow a beard or not? 10 tips to make up your mind]
#5 Your more successful girlfriend. There’s nothing more unattractive than a man who feels like a loser compared to his woman, so stop. A man should be supportive, encouraging, and–above all–proud of his partner. If you feel like a loser compared to your girlfriend because she makes more money, welcome to 2015–the modern world, where women sometimes make more than their male partners.
If you feel insecure because you feel like you don’t measure up by comparison, use that as your motivation to improve, and stop whining about it. Women want men who can take charge and carve their own path to excellence. Women want men who notice what needs to be changed and actually do something about it, rather than standing there, sulking.
#6 Your attractiveness and where you fall on a general scale. There are three types of people as far as relationships go: the ones who only have eyes for their partners, the ones who window shop but never buy, and the ones who cheat.
If you’re concerned about your number on the scale of attractiveness, first consider what type of person your girl is. If she’s the type that only has eyes for you, you have nothing to worry about; to her, you’re already a 10. If she’s the type who does look, remember that while some other guys she knows might be 10s, you’re also a 10 to her, and she chose to be with you.
Now, if your girl is a cheater, it probably shouldn’t matter what she thinks of you, because in the eyes of a cheater, anyone can be a 10 if they’re horny enough.
All in all, you may not be the hottest guy in the room, your town, or your office. But in the eyes of the woman who loves you, there’s more to you than just your looks and that’s what makes you a solid 10 in her eyes. [Read: 13 steps to be the sexy guy you’ve always wanted to be]
#7 How strong you actually are. It’s true that women want strong men, but nothing screams “I’m very weak and don’t have the strength to manhandle you in bed,” like letting this insecurity take over. If you aren’t comfortable with your strength and feel like you could be better, then do something about it! Get some strength training done, go to the gym, work out, eat right, or simply lift some weights while watching TV.
Just keep in mind all those times when we asked you for help with lifting some groceries or opening the pickle jar. Every single time you manage to do something for us that we aren’t able to do, you’ve already taken on “Hulk” status for us. [Read: 30 alpha male characteristics that make you a real alpha]
#8 The amount of acceptable “nerd talk” you can get away with without making us as dry as the Sahara Desert. Nerd talk includes video game, tabletop game, book, movie, or TV show knowledge. If you want to tell us about the Turian race biology from Mass Effect, but you’re afraid of coming off as a complete nerd, here’s one rule that never fails: first consider what your partner is actually into.
If your partner does play games, then you’re probably safe to conduct some nerd talk. If she loves Mass Effect, then bring up the Turian race! If she doesn’t know anything about tabletop games and doesn’t seem interested, then don’t bring it up. If you do, keep it short, simple, and as relevant to her interests as possible.
The moral of today’s story is that every man has insecurities, much like women do, but the solution is always the same: if it bothers you, change it. If you stress over something about your body, your life, or whatever else, take the necessary steps to change this for the better. [Read: What men think impresses women and what actually does]
For most women, these 8 common sources of insecurity are meaningless; if we’re dating you, you’re already a catch in our eyes. We won’t care about your beer belly, or your lack of a beard, as long as we love you and feel that love reciprocated.
