Is a Girl Playing Mind Games? 20 Signs She Is & Ways to Deal with Them

You think she likes you, but then she gives you mixed messages. Here’s how to tell if a girl playing mind games, why she does it, and what to do about it.

girl is playing mind games

Though playing games isn’t respectful or appreciated, many people end up doing it. If you’re wondering how to tell if a girl is playing mind games with you, it’s actually easier than you think to read her intentions.

Some guys love playing mind games because it’s an ego boost, or they want to keep a girl interested while they try to get other chicks. Then, there are also girls who play games for the same reasons.

When it comes to playing games, both men and women are guilty of doing it. And these games, though they may seem fun for the person in control, is extremely harmful.

These mind games have the ability to damage people who are looking for love and connection emotionally. [Read: How to stop playing relationship games and start loving instead]

But you don’t need to get sucked into the game. If you’re interested in a woman and you’re noticing that something isn’t right, it’s time to put a stop to it. You don’t deserve to get dragged down by someone else’s ego and insecurities.

And, of course, when you’re into someone, it’s hard to pull away, but you need to move on. So if you’re wondering how to tell if she’s playing mind games with you, take a look at these signs. If she is, then you know what you need to do. No one deserves to get played, and you’re going to leave before it gets worse.

Why do girls play mind games?

Playing mind games is just another way of saying that she’s leading you on. People do it for a lot of different reasons, which we’ll discuss later.

But the point of it is to put her in control by being manipulative while leaving you trying to figure out what’s going on. It’s just a downright dishonest thing to do to another person. [Read: Gaslighted? 14 signs a narcissist is playing mind games with you]

When a girl plays games, she is intentionally not being transparent and forthright with you. But what would be the point? Why in the world would she play games with you?

Well, there is some kind of logic to playing games, sadly. Girls usually play them because it’s a way for them to address their own fears around intimacy and relationships. It’s a very immature coping mechanism that she uses to hide her feelings and be vulnerable with you.

When a girl does this, she doesn’t know how to cope with intense adult feelings. Instead, she would rather play these games in order to feel in control of the situation. This behavior can stem from something that happened to her in childhood.

Some people play games because they see it as a tactical approach to dating. It’s almost like playing a chess game to them. But the problem with doing this is that it hurts you – she “wins” and you “lose.” 

If she is so determined to “win” the game, then she will cheat, lie, and withhold from you. This competitive spirit can be toxic in dating and relationships. Instead, it should be a collaborative, win-win experience for both of you.

How to tell if a girl is playing mind games

Better late than never. [Read: What a guy needs to do when a girl plays hard to get]

1. You feel something isn’t right

You have intuition, don’t assume it’s a quality only women have. We’re animals, after all. When you’re with her, you feel something isn’t right. And that’s something you need to pay attention to. When your gut is sending you warning signs, take those feelings, and examine them. What’s giving you that vibe?

2. It’s hot and cold

You never know what you’re going to get with her, and that’s partially why you’re attracted to her. One minute she’s hot, the next minute she’s cold.

This is a classic mind game that sucks us in easily. But, this isn’t something you want to explore. She’s trying to control and play with your emotions by acting hot and cold. [Read: Blowing hot and cold and the 3 stages girls use to hook you]

3. She ignores your texts

We all get busy, but when we like someone, we take a minute to send them a text. If she’s taking hours to text you back or ignores your texts completely, this is a sign she’s playing you.

And if she behaves like this, she isn’t worth your time. Move on to someone who is interested in you.

4. She flirts with other people in front of you

When you two are at a bar or club, she doesn’t waste any time flirting with other people. Aside from it being degrading towards you, it also shows her immaturity.

She’s trying to get you jealous and shows that you’re just a toy for her. [Read: How to read a girl’s mixed signals and interpret them]

5. You make all the first moves

She never texts you first or asks you to hang out; everything is dumped on you. Some women believe the man should always make the first move at first, but at some point, it needs to become mutual.

If you’re the only one investing in the relationship, you need to ask yourself whether she wants to be with you or not.

6. She bails on you

If you’re wondering how to tell if she’s playing mind games with you, ask yourself how reliable she is, is she trustworthy or is she an unpredictable flake?

You two have decided on going to a movie or for dinner, but at the last minute, she decides to cancel plans and bail on you.

Of course, she has a lame excuse, maybe her dog is sick, or she suddenly came down with a cold; either way, you know it’s full of crap. Bailing once isn’t something to be concerned about, but if she frequently does this, she’s playing you. [Read: 15 signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere]

7. Guys are all over her social media

Every picture she posts has hundreds of likes and comments only from men. Of course, this begs the question, are you just one of those guys? Of course, this doesn’t mean she’s having sex with all of them, but in your mind, you’re thinking, who are all these guys?

8. She acts like she doesn’t care

Well, this is an easy one; it’s because she doesn’t care. When you’re around her, she’s indifferent, making you work even harder for her attention.

But that’s all a part of the game. While you’re chasing her around, trying to please her, she’s getting exactly what she wants. [Read: How to recognize a girl who’s an attention whore – 13 signs to know for sure]

9. She’s just mean

How can we say this nicely, she acts incredibly rude towards you, and you take it. You accept her attitude and behavior because you like her, but in reality, she’s just pushing you to the edge because she can.

If she was into you, she wouldn’t be acting like this. But because she’s not really into you, she’s walking all over you.

10. You two aren’t intimate

Listen, some women don’t want to be intimate until a specific time, and that’s fine and should be respected. But if you two have been seeing each other for some time, and you’re not even getting a hug, something is up.

When two people are into each other, at some point, they’re affectionate and intimate. If you’re unsure about this, it’s best to talk to her about it. [Read: 15 types of bad girlfriends who’ll make your life hell]

11. She’s sweet when she needs something

And that’s the only time she’s sweet towards you. She’ll have no problem calling or texting you when she needs you to do something for her.

And once you do what she wants, she’ll distract you with your reward and then go back to her old ways. Of course, you keep going back for more.

12. You’re just a “friend” 

When she introduces you to people, you’re her “friend.” But when it’s just you two hanging out, it’s not very friend-like at all.

If she introduces you as a friend and has given you the “friend” talk, then she’s not interested in you as anything more. But she doesn’t mind having you think there’s something more going on.

13. You two don’t have any photos together

If she was truly into you, you’d be all over her social media. She would want people to see she’s with you. But you don’t exist on her social media.

Whether it’s Facebook or Instagram, there aren’t any photos of you two, and if there are, she makes it clear you’re her friend and nothing more. [Read: The cock tease – How to recognize the flirty games she plays]

Different types of mind games girls play

14. Playing hard to get

This game is when the girl acts distant like she doesn’t like you very much. In this situation, she won’t express that she likes you, even if you tell her that you are into her.

She does this to make you feel like you have to work hard to win her affection. Instead of being “hot and cold,” she’s just “cold.”

15. Breadcrumbing

This is a dating game when her interest in you is only half-hearted. She strings you along with flirty messages without really trying to advance the relationship or even seeing you.

It is a way to lead you on by acting like there’s potential between the two of you, but there really isn’t. [Read: The shameless signs of breadcrumbing people use for an ego boost]

16. Making you jealous

Another way to play with your feelings is to make it seem like there is someone else she’s talking to or dating. She wants to force you to compete for her affections.

The reason she does this is that she wants to test you and see if you really care. She could talk about her ex or flirt with other guys in front of you. [Read: How to overcome jealousy and walk away from its destructive energy]

17. Ghosting or zombieing

Ghosting is intentionally not replying to messages in order to make you wonder if she’s lost interest or is dating someone else.

She’s trying to make herself a scarce resource in order to feel more valuable and desirable. Zombieing happens when she comes and goes into your life after a prolonged period of ghosting.

18. Love-bombing

Love-bombing is almost the opposite of playing hard-to-get and ghosting/zombieing. It’s like playing “hot and cold” with no “cold” – just the “hot.”

She would come on very strongly to you at first, stronger than you even want her to. Then, she will act very serious and romantic in order to convince you that you are her dream man. [Read: Love bombing and 21 signs a girl is manipulating you hard to fall in love]

19. Negging

A “neg” is a backhanded compliment that is made to make you feel insecure and lower your confidence. There are a lot of different ways a girl can do this, but negging is very toxic to do when you’re dating someone.

It places more importance on having sex through random hookups with strangers than on developing a real emotional connection with you. [Read: Negging game – the philosophy of negging and how to use it right]

20. Benching

This isn’t necessarily a dating mind game because it’s not something she could play with you if you’re actually dating.

Instead, it’s a game she might play with you when she’s attracted to someone else. She’ll be minorly flirtatious with you in order to keep your interest up in case something doesn’t work out with another guy – or even her boyfriend. This can be seen as a form of micro-cheating. [Read: What is benching and 17 signs you’re just being strung along right now]

How to deal with a girl who is playing mind games

Part of what makes a girl’s mind games so powerful is that they’re rarely obvious. So, it creates the fear of calling her out for what could just simply be an innocent behavior.

That’s why it’s difficult to figure out whether or not you should confront her. Because of this, a lot of guys just keep quiet so they don’t seem needy and they don’t want to be embarrassed.

However, just because you’re not sure if she’s really playing games *and therefore not jumping to accusations* doesn’t mean you should just be a doormat and experience all that frustration without saying something. [Read: How to make a girl jealous and leave her begging for your attention]

So, you can simply ask her to explain her behavior. Asking questions can throw her off guard because she’s probably not expecting you to catch on to her mind game playing.

You can say things like, “Do you mean that or are you just joking?” or “I don’t understand. Why is it that you’re not calling or texting me back?”

If she doesn’t answer your questions, then just stop contacting her. Go silent for as long as it takes. Sure, it won’t be easy, but it’s the best thing to do.

However, if she does respond to your questions, you’ll have a better idea of whether or not there is any potential with her. If she tries to gaslight you and make you feel like you’re being unreasonable, then it’s definitely time to end things with her.

[Read: Gorgeous women – How to attract their attention and win them over]

After reading these signs on how to tell if a girl is playing mind games with you, what do you think? Is she messing with your mind and using you? Well, if she is, it’s time to walk away before you feel miserable. Or worse, before you’re discarded by her, which she eventually will.

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