24 Scary Signs of a Controlling Girlfriend & Ways to Take a Stand

Does your girlfriend make your life a little uncomfortable at times? Check these signs of a controlling girlfriend and see if she is one!

Signs of a Controlling Girlfriend

Often, we place the idea of controlling firmly in the camp of guys. Girls are just as able to control within a relationship. We might not hear about it as much, but let’s be honest, any kind of signs of a controlling girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t a good thing.

There is a big difference between a girl who can be firmly labeled as controlling and a girl simply fighting for her relationship because her partner is treating her badly, and she isn’t quite ready to let go.

With that being said, control is not a good thing in a relationship. You both need to be free to do what you need to do while enjoying your time together. Trust is vital, and when you’re trying to control someone’s actions, you’re not showing that you trust them too much.

[Read: Don’t push away a girl who shows these 20 signs she cares for you]

What does it mean to be controlling?

You might be wondering what we’re actually talking about here. When you’re controlling as a partner, you push your will onto the other person, or it could be that you’re just too rigid with them.

For instance, they might say that they’re going out with their friends for the night, and rather than saying “great, go enjoy yourself”, you’re calling them every half an hour and checking their social media for updates.

There are countless other signs of a controlling girlfriend, which is why it’s important to be aware of them. When you notice these signs on a regular basis, you have to sit up and take notice. An intervention is required for the sake of your relationship.

When your partner is controlling, your relationship cannot flow and develop naturally. That’s not good news for your future together. [Read: How to handle controlling behavior in a relationship]

Signs of a controlling girlfriend to watch out for

To help you figure out which side of the line your girlfriend is on, first check your own behavior and work out whether everything is good on your side. You might be making her act in a certain way without realizing it!

Use these 30 signs of an insecure girlfriend and things you can do to help her to fix it. Sometimes, you may be subconsciously making your girlfriend feel insecure. And if that’s the case, it’s your fault and you need to fix it before labeling her a controlling girlfriend!

However, for the most part, if your girlfriend is being controlling, it’s an issue she needs to face, with your help and reassurance, of course.

Take a look and see how many of these signs of a controlling girlfriend you’re able to agree on. [Read: 14 common traits of controlling people and how to deal with them]

1. Whenever you argue, you’re always the one who gets the blame

If you argue, which everyone does occasionally, do you always end up being the one who has the blame firmly at their feet, even though it’s not always your fault at all?

Does she always deflect her blame onto you and make herself look like a relationship angel?

This is certainly one sign of a controlling girlfriend, as well as an increase in arguments. Simply because she is trying to pull down your self-esteem by placing more blame at your feet. [Read: What traits set apart selfless love from selfish love]

2. She is quickly angered when she doesn’t get her own way

A controlling person can easily become angry when they don’t get their own way, so if your girlfriend can fly off the handle pretty quickly, that’s a surefire sign to be aware of.

She’s likely to use threats as a manipulation tactic too, trying to get you to do what she wants in a more effective way.

3. When she does something well, you have to know about it

A controlling person loves praise, so when she does something well, e.g. she cooks a meal, she’s likely to want a lot of praise for it.

This exaggeration is one of the clearest signs of a controlling girlfriend. She is also likely to want everyone around you, e.g. mutual friends, to know how wonderful a girlfriend she is. [Read: 13 signs you’re being used by a girl who walks all over you]

4. Nothing you do is ever good enough

No matter what you do, she is never satisfied and always wants you to do more. By doing this, she’s making you feel like what you do isn’t good enough for her, when in reality it’s simply unrealistic demands.

Over time, you will believe all of this and think that perhaps you’re not good enough after all. Of course, the truth is that you are.

5. She questions everything you do

The bottom line? A controlling girlfriend has low self-confidence, resulting in her constantly questioning what you’re doing. Her lack of trust isn’t because of anything you’ve done, it’s because she doesn’t have the confidence in herself. [Read: Controlling or caring? The thin line that shouldn’t be crossed]

6. She puts you down

She often pulls you down and makes you feel humiliated. She might have a slightly underhanded nickname for you or question the things you do, with a look on her face that says what you’re doing is clearly stupid. This can drag your self-confidence down to the same level as hers.

7. She uses sex as a tool for manipulation

Girls know how important sex is to a guy. As a result, she’s likely to use that against you as a control technique.

This may not be the same issue in same-sex relationships, women aren’t quite so “out there” about their need for sex. However, it does vary from person to person. If she withholds sex or manipulates you with sex, it’s a sign of a controlling girlfriend. [Read: 12 signs of a manipulative woman that can leave you lost and confused]

8. She often threatens to leave you

It’s clear manipulation when a girl is always threatening to leave their partner without an intention to do so. As a result, you’ll do whatever she wants to stop her from doing it. In reality, she was never going to go through with her threat.

9. She is extremely jealous

Everyone is jealous occasionally. If you can’t do anything without her showing signs of the green-eyed monster, question why that is.

If you’re not doing anything wrong, the problem sits at her own feet. Remember that we all become a little jealous sometimes. It’s not a clear sign if it’s only the odd time. [Read: 18 no-fail ways to calm down a jealous girlfriend]

10. She often speaks for you

This can be small things such as ordering for you at a restaurant, or chipping in when someone asks your opinion and giving hers instead.

She doesn’t want you to have a say because she’s worried that you will shine and then someone will steal you from her. It’s crazy, for sure, but insecurity is at the heart of control and that’s exactly what’s driving her actions with this sign.

11. She doesn’t let you have time alone or with friends

Is she always there? That could be in person or on the phone, but she’s always checking in with you ‘just because’ or suffocating your alone time. If you’re going out with your friends, she might call you regularly, or message you constantly and expect you to always reply quickly.

Again, she’s worried about what you’re getting up to because she’s jealous you’re spending time with other people, and not her. [Read: Time apart in a relationship – 15 reasons why & how to do it right]

12. She often doubts you and your actions

She can’t take anything at face value. If you say you were with your brother at a game, she will ask you countless questions, almost as if she’s trying to catch you out. You might wonder whether she trusts you, but it’s more her issue than yours. This can often make you feel like you’re not able to do anything without her and it’s extremely suffocating.

13. She wants to know all the details, and we mean, all of them

Does she ask for your social media passwords? If so, you need to question why. It’s a form of control and it shows how little trust she has in the relationship.

You’ve probably done nothing to make her feel that way, but it’s one of the signs of a controlling girlfriend. At first, you probably think it’s sweet that she wants to know so much about your life, but in the end, it will be just too much. [Read: The terrible psycho girlfriend and 16 clues you’re in a relationship with one]

14. She always wants to know where you are

You can’t go out for a spontaneous beer with the guys from work without telling her. Similarly, forget crashing on your brother’s sofa after a night of playing games and talking. This will simply lead to more questions and demanding to know where you are.

She wants to know where you are and she won’t let it drop until you tell her. Again, at first, the questions might seem cute, but over time it’s going to make you feel like you’re constantly being watched.

15. She can’t stand it if you enjoy yourself and she’s not there

Let’s say you go to watch a band with some friends and you rave about how much fun it was on your social media pages, or to her directly. She will not like it.

The reason is because she wasn’t there and she feels like she’s missing out on something. She wants to be involved in every single event in your life, including the random nights out that lead to a lot of fun. [Read: How to help a possessive girlfriend from clingy to amazing!]

16. She loves to say “I told you so”

Is this something she says regularly? If so, it’s one of the signs of a controlling girlfriend, because she always wants to be right.

It can be anything, even something that she never told you about before, but she will take the opportunity to gloat anyways. It gives her the upper hand, and controlling people love to have the upper hand.

17. There is one rule for you and another for her

She hates it when you go out with friends after work or if you stay out late. However, she does those two things herself and doesn’t raise an eyebrow or even wonder if she’s doing anything wrong.

If you call her out on it, she’ll come up with a very creative excuse to cover her back. There is one rule for you and a totally different one for her.

18. She uses gaslighting

Have you heard of gaslighting? It’s something that we often hear attached to narcissists and their manipulative ways, but anyone can use gaslighting.

If this happens to you a lot, it’s one of the signs of a controlling girlfriend once more. She will say one thing and do another, or she will do something and then make out that you’re lying or losing your mind when you call her out on it.

She’s basically manipulating you by making you doubt your own mind. If this is a sign you can nod along to regularly, you need to address it immediately. [Read: Gaslighting and 16 signs your lover is messing with your mind]

19. She makes decisions on your behalf

Not only does she often speak for you but she might also make decisions for you too. Sometimes without even consulting you.

This can be something small, like where to go for dinner, or it can be something big, such as where to book your annual vacation to, or which house you’re going to buy together. These are decisions that either need to be made by you, because they’re about you, or made together.

20. She’s nosey about everything

Does she listen to your phone conversations and wants to know who it was and what they said? Does she have to know about every single detail in your life?

It’s classic controlling behavior! There’s a difference between a question in passing because she’s genuinely interested, and wanting to know all the details because she just has to know.

21. She loves throwing the guilt trip your way

Again, this is manipulation. When you don’t agree to do something for her, or you can’t go somewhere because you have other plans, does she put on the sad face and make you feel bad?

If she’s great at making you feel guilty so you’ll change your mind and do something, she’s subtly controlling you. You might not even realize it! [Read: Guilt-tripping in a relationship – What it is & how to respond to it]

22. She often accuses you of being a bad partner, even though you’re not

She might say that you don’t treat her well, or that you’re neglecting her in some way. Maybe she will tell you that you’re never around for her. If these things are true, you need to make some changes.

However, if you’re pretty sure that they’re not true at all, question whether she’s manipulating you. Manipulation is often very under the radar, and by making you feel like the bad partner, you’re more likely to do things her way. Can you see what she’s doing?

24. You often question your relationship

If you’re noticing a few of these signs of a controlling girlfriend, you’ve probably started questioning the relationship. It might be that you’re not too sure if she’s controlling you or not, but you know something isn’t quite right. When someone is controlling, you can’t be comfortable.

So, if you’re regularly questioning whether the relationship is making you happy anymore, you have to ask yourself why. [Read: Relationship doubts – How to recognize them & make the right decision]

How many of these signs do you see in your relationship?

If there is just one, it’s not likely to be a huge problem. It could simply be an issue you both should work through together. In that case, sit down and talk about the problem. Explain why it is bothering you and come to a conclusion which allows you to both be happy and work through the relationship issue.

However, if you agree with several of the signs, the chances are that you have a controlling girlfriend on your hands. So, what do you do?

It really depends on you and the severity of the control. You could sit down and discuss the problem with your girlfriend. Is she likely to admit her controlling ways? Probably not. A controlling person can rarely see the error of their ways. They simply assume that what they are doing is done out of love. It’s far from love in reality. [Read: 20 signs your girlfriend is way too overprotective]

The importance of boundaries, to stop you losing your mind

Set clear boundaries about what you will and won’t tolerate in the relationship. Then, give it a little time. See if your boundaries are respected. If they are, perhaps your girlfriend simply wasn’t aware of her behavior. Problem solved!

However, if those boundaries are breached time and time again, seriously question whether the relationship is doomed to fail.

Control isn’t a healthy feature of any type of relationship. A healthy relationship doesn’t need someone to manipulate or control the other one. There should be a free, trusting exchange between both partners.

If you’re struggling because your girlfriend shows many signs of a controlling girlfriend and you’re sure that the problem can’t be rectified, do you want to continue in this relationship?

The victims of controlling relationships are usually so under the spell of the controlling partner they don’t realize what is going on at first. It takes a breakthrough moment and a lot of deep thinking to finally understand the truth.

[Read: Can you have a happy relationship with a controlling woman?]

There are many signs of a controlling girlfriend. One single episode does not add up to a controlling relationship. But, if several signs are true, seriously consider if the relationship has a future.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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