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Trophy Husband: Your Golden Guide to be a Rich Girl’s Bitch

Men are unafraid of getting themselves wealthy, influential, and powerful women for wives. If you like the idea of being a trophy husband, read on.

Trophy Husband

The trophy husband life sounds like something out of a twisted, dystopian Stepford Wives movie. But you must admit—it’s enticing. Days of nothing but gym appointments, extravagant galas, packing kids’ lunchboxes, playing soccer with your son… Plus, if those rose-colored days ever become too much, you always have the rest of the afternoon to sit back, relax, put up your loafer-wearing feet, and gloss everything over with a bottle of craft beer.
How to become a trophy husband
While the trophy wife concept is nothing new and even been the subject of many a reality show, the idea of a trophy husband refreshes the old stereotype. Many men achieved this status and rank in the elite circle of society’s trophy spouses. [Read: What exactly is a trophy wife and why do all men desire one?]
So how does one exactly achieve trophy husband status? Is it really ever more than just finding an aging baroness? Well, read these tips to easily become the trophy husband of your own dreams.
#1 Invest in your looks. First of all, look the part. Aside from maintaining proper hygiene, get a membership at the gym and start running and pumping. Make it a lifetime goal to achieve and maintain those six-pack abs and those to-die-for pecs. But don’t just settle there.
Get yourself a tanning appointment on top of your manicure, pedicure, massage, and spa schedules. *Who says only girls should have all the fun anyway?* Doing all these on a regular basis to maintain that Ken doll look can put a big hole in your pocket. But it’s all going to pay off in the end when you achieve your trophy husband status. [Read: How to be the “hot guy” – 20 rules to instant hotness]
#2 Study something useless. You have to be able to keep up with current events and carry on a sensible conversation about what is happening to those orcas in the oceans, or those poor children in third world countries. Get educated, but don’t get carried away. Don’t major in Economics or Management. Study something like World History or French so your future wife won’t expect you to have a real job.
#3 Buy the right clothes. And we mean no wife-beaters or old community college sweat shirts. Once again, we reiterate—you have to look the part. Looking the part is almost half the battle. So get yourself some Abercrombie and Fitches, Lacostes, and a handful of designer items. Well, stick with affordable fashion at least until you can land the big fish and break the bank on the more expensive labels.
Eventually, you won’t have to worry about the price tag, of course, because your wife will be paying for all your credit card debts. [Read: 23 hacks to be a lot more attractive to women instantly]
#4 Be with the “it” crowd. You have to be in the right place, at the right time, and with the right people if you want to become the trophy husband your future wife is looking for. First, have a circle of friends who knows someone who knows someone who is the CEO of this up-and-coming tech company. Then, get yourself invited to hoity-toity events such as fundraisers, polo matches, golf tournaments, and the highest of high teas so you chance upon many prospects.
#5 Find a woman with status. And money. Once you’re in with high society, you bring on the charm and start taking your pick. Choose someone with the most expensive clothes and jewelry. Preferably someone who remains active, so she attends more parties to parade you around in. Don’t pick someone near your age, though. She might end up replacing you with someone else. Find someone who is ripe enough for you to shower with affection as she showers you with expensive cars in return. [Read: Your inside guide to what having a sugar mommy really means]
#6 Stay at home. So you have talents or skills, but that doesn’t mean you have to get a job. No-oh! You tell your woman your talents anchor you at home—which you share now. You either have a craft you have to hone in a special room just off your mansion “together” or your blog needs maintaining at the comforts of your designer furnished home office.
#7 Learn to cook. Since you stay home, you have to do something to make your lady look forward to coming home. *Read: keep her happy and you’ll be happy too.* Aside from the usual sensual massages you give, she also relishes the fact that you cook her gourmet meals. In fact, she even boasts about it to her friends. So learn to cook really well! [Read: 9 most effective ways to be a more romantic guy]
#8 Create the illusion. Since being a trophy husband is primarily all about appearances, you have to show that you’re more than just meets the eye—or at least, create the illusion. Appearances, remember? Enroll in dance classes. If you’re done with that, enroll in yoga. Then enroll in learning how to cook Persian cuisine. Then volunteer in a soup kitchen. Show that beneath your trophy husband exterior is someone who cares, someone his wife can be proud to show off.
#9 Have a couple of kids. A good reason to stay at home. Get your go-getter CEO wife as early as you can, especially before she hits menopause. If the natural way doesn’t work, there are plenty of options for you both, such as artificial insemination, surrogacy, and adoption. A handful of broods is enough to keep you at home and occupy you with PTA meetings and soccer practices.
#10 Set up a foundation. In order to project how great you are at time management *and of course, you are*, you have to get involved in charity. This gives the impression that you aren’t just chugging wine or playing video games at home. Devote your spare time *your whole day* to direct a foundation, such as the Movement for the Welfare of Squeaking Antarctic Parrots, so you have more time chugging wine and playing video games.
#11 Get surgery. You’re a glistening gold cup in the trophy case of all trophy husbands, not some worn out plaque that looks chewed out. So if age is catching up on you, gift your wife something special by making her husband look like David Beckham instead of Hugh Hefner. Go under the knife—it’s fine, you’re not really paying for it anyway.
#12 Don’t you dare sign that prenup! You’ve worked sooo hard getting to where you are now and you have invested so much of her money on yourself. It’s just fair you have your share of her riches, which you have helped her spend. So don’t you dare sign that prenup so you don’t lose all you’ve worked so hard for once your wife meets someone younger. [Read: How to make an older woman fall in love with you]
[Read: How to meet rich people – A gold digger’s guidebook]
Times are changing, and many alpha women are taking on the role of getting husbands who don’t mind being eclipsed by the success of their partners. If you’re one of those guys who would rather be in the sidelines of life, or more like the poolsides of luxury beaches, just follow the tips above. 

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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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