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How to Talk About Sex Without Sounding Like a Pervert

Dying to know your girl’s favorite position, or what’s the wildest thing she’s done in the sack? Here are ways to talk about it without being creepy.

how to talk about sex

Are you seeing someone new, or have you just barely begun dating a new girl? If you’re in the throes of a new relationship, you’re probably ready to get past those flirty beginnings and swing over to the deeper side of things. What’s more, you might be starting to wonder about your new girlfriend’s kinks and sexy secrets.

Relax, it’s completely normal to be curious about your partner’s sexual appetite and experiences! Knowing your lover’s wants, needs, and past endeavors will draw the two of you together and strengthen your bond. The key to finding out about it? Charisma, timing, and indifference – and being the gentleman that you are, you want to find a charming way to bring it up without taking her by surprise or coming off as a skeezy perv.

Why it can be awkward

It might be a little awkward to bring up pretty much all things sexual, especially if you are newly boyfriend and girlfriend or are still in the “undefined” stages of dating. The key to bringing it up is timing.

As much as you might want to, you absolutely can’t bring it up right off the bat or you’ll be in the perv-zone. The last thing you want is for your girlfriend to think you’re only sticking around to get her pants off. Wait until she’s shared a few personal life moments while being together for a month or so before you begin prodding into her deepest sexual desires.

How to get her to open up about sex

So how do you get away with bringing up sexual topics with your newfound lady-love or female friend? There are a number of ways you can go about it, all leaving you free and clear of sexual stigmas.

#1 Let her do the talking. The easiest way to talk about sex with your girlfriend is to let her bring it up. This may take some time, but with some gentle nudging and pointed dates, she may be broaching the subject sooner than you think!

For example, have a movie night either at home or at the cinema. Choose movies such as Fatal Attraction or 50 Shades of Grey and have a casual conversation about the subject matter afterwards. Ask questions like “What did you think about this part of the movie?” or “Would you ever or have you ever done something like that?” By asking questions, you’ll draw out her sexy secrets without making her feel like you’re pressuring her for some dirty talk, letting her feel completely in control. [Read: 14 ways to get her to open up about sex]

#2 Play “Never Have I Ever.” Have you ever played this game? For those novices reading, you can play with two or more people. Sit around a table with shot glasses and some booze of your choice. The first person starts with an “I never” confession, such as: “I’ve never tried peach pie before.” All those who have tried peach pie will do a shot. Go around the circle as everybody takes turns with their confessions.

The more shots are drank, the steamier you can make the “I never.” To draw out your gal, use questions like “I never have sex without a condom”, “I never tried anal sex”, “I never want to get frisky in the morning”, and other naughty questions of that nature.

Not only will you learn a thing or two about your girlfriend, you’ll learn way more than you wanted to about your other friends! The great thing about the group vibe is that she’ll feel more comfortable answering questions when your mutual friends are in on it, too!

#3 Play “Would You Rather.” Playing games is a great way to get your partner to open up about just about anything! Games are fun, funny, and create a casual atmosphere that makes it easier to talk about awkward things – and if the questions get too racy or embarrassing, you can both laugh it off and blame the game! Play “Would you rather” by offering up “this or that” type questions. [Read: Get some racy suggestions from 30 would you rather questions]

#4 Don’t pounce on her with questions. Once your woman starts talking about that special subject, you may start to get excited, but it’s important that you don’t pounce on the subject or go overboard with questions. This might start to make her feel uncomfortable. In fact, the more casual and indifferent you seem to her, the more comfortable she’s going to feel telling you about it.

In fact, she may start to get a little steamier if she sees you’re not getting into it. But don’t force your conversation to go somewhere sexual. If she wants to take the subject and turn it into steamy foreplay, believe us when we say that she won’t be shy about taking it there. Just lay back and let it happen. [Read: 20 sexy questions you can ask when she’s into talking about sex]

#5 Be respectful and keep your judgements to yourself. While you may think you want to know all about her sex life before you, or about her steamy sexual fantasies, the reality might not be so hot. In fact, you may start to get jealous or may even feel the urge to judge her. It’s important not to do this if you want her to continue being open with you in the future.

It may be that she reveals a sexual fantasy that you find disgusting or immoral, but don’t be disrespectful to her. These are just fantasies, after all. If you start to get uncomfortable with the subject matter, simply lean forward and kiss her, whispering how, at this moment, you’d rather kiss her than talk any more. Done with charm and tact, this can be a great way to pave the way to a more sexual relationship. [Read: 6 giveaway signs she’s ready for that kiss]

Women love to talk about sex just as much as men do, if the mood is right. Make sure your girl’s comfortable with you and feels respected when dishing out her sexual desires. Displaying a no-pressure attitude and keeping the mood light are key ways to help your girlfriend or current crush open up about sex.

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Waverly Smith
Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that people...
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