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How to Subtly Flirt with a Girl & 18 Subtle Secrets to Make Her Desire You

You like her, but you don’t want to be obvious about your attraction. So, that’s why you need to know how to subtly flirt with a girl and make her curious.

how to subtly flirt with a girl

Why should you know how to subtly flirt with a girl?

There’s a reason 50 Shades of Grey was the fastest-selling book of all time. Reading allows for much more personal interpretation than say a movie or image. Ladies like to imagine and build up an emotional feeling long before they’re ready to become intimate – so you want to flirt with her underneath the surface. Tease her by making her figure things out and making her work a little.

What is subtle flirting?

Everyone knows what flirting is – behaving in a way that shows someone that you are attracted to them. But sometimes, it can be difficult to tell if someone is flirting with you because it’s subtle. 

Sometimes, people get nervous and try to play it cool. Or, they lack the self-confidence necessary to be obvious when they flirt with someone.

If you’re on the receiving end of subtle flirting, it can be frustrating and confusing. You might think, “Do they like me? Or don’t they? I can’t really tell.” But that’s the whole point of subtle flirting. You’re making the person wonder about your feelings about them.

If you’re on the giving end of subtle flirting, it can work to your advantage. As we said, if you lack the self-confidence to be obvious about your flirting, then this gives you a safe way to do it. You won’t embarrass yourself because the girl you’re flirting with isn’t even sure that you like her. [Read: 13 Subtle eye contact flirting tips to catch someone’s eye from afar]

But the good thing about subtle flirting is that she can decide for herself whether or not you are actually interested in her. If she thinks you are, then she will flirt back. And then, when you know she is also attracted to you, that’s the time when you can be more direct about your desire to go out with her.

How to subtly flirt with a girl

Before we jump in any further, this is the key! Too many guys think of flirting as this passive, gentle stroking game. It can have those moments when it is indeed toned with softness, but overall, the girl’s looking to engage in a verbal battle with you to test what you’re made of. For her, this is like mental masturbation.

You want to be prepared for a dramatic wrestling match. Be ready to have to come back with a comeback line. Don’t rely on one-liners, but think of flirting as a dance of wit and emotional health. A guy who’s on game – who can have fun and who is ready to tussle – is alpha. [Read: How to flirt with girls – 15 secrets to make any girl fall for you]

Here’s how to subtly flirt with a girl

We’ve included a dynamite list here, so be prepared for some gold. Keep your eyes on these areas:

1. It’s all in the eyes

Needless to say, if you want to know how to subtly flirt with a girl, you’ll have to have fun by doing this:

a. Have a smile in your eyes as you hit her back with cheeky one-two liners

b. Hold eye contact for longer than usual and see how she reacts

c. If her eyes are light enough, watch for dilated pupils – a sign that she’s responding well. If her pupils are small, ease off the flirting – as she’s probably not into it. [Read: 15 lusty signs of sexual attraction you can’t miss]

2. It’s all in subtle bodily expressions

Sticking with the ‘having fun’ theme – play around with gentle facial expressions that you might think would be too subtle to be noticed:

a. Furrow your brow questioningly rather than asking, ‘are you serious?’

b. Wink knowingly after you’ve said something profound

c. Roll your eyes

d. Use self-confident gestures when narrating a story [Read: 20 types of physical touches and what each touch means]

3. It’s all in the suggestiveness of it

Here’s a universal law you can trust: don’t talk about your past sexual experiences, even when she asks. Generally, guys communicate in a more direct sort of way.

But for women, it’s all about inference and imagination. She wants to figure you out for herself, without you telling her – from your behaviors, things you talk about, how worldly you seem.

Be a bit mysterious – she doesn’t want you to tell her every little thing about you. Show her who you are subliminally. Become intriguing. Some tips:

a. Drop in things during a conversation that reveals your knowledge of types of things girls like

b. Make statements about what kind of girl you think she is

c. If she asks how many girls you’ve slept with, say ‘I’m hoping you’ll be my first’ or something equally playful or ridiculous

d. Tell her what you love in a woman [Read: How girls flirt – 15 signs she’s being way more than just nice]

4. Compliment her

If you want to know how to flirt with a girl, you have to compliment her. A lot of guys think this is too predictable to tell a girl what they like about her. But the easiest way to let her know she’s on your radar is to tell what you find lovely about her. Make this sincere and do it without planning ahead.

When you have the thought just say it, ‘you look really lovely today.’ Don’t wait for a reaction; just continue doing what you were doing or saying. Every girl knows that if a guy is into her, he’ll find it hard to not let slip something about her that he finds mesmerizing. [Read: How to charm a girl and flatter her into liking you]

5. It’s all in the intent

Have you ever found yourself talking to a girl, feeling as if you had to hold back the animal inside you desperately trying to come out? Why bother? No one needs to know what you’re thinking, but that storm inside you will help to communicate your desire subtly.

When you talk to her, this will make you register in her mind subconsciously as sexually significant. Here are a few things you could do when making eye contact:

a. Let go of those primal thoughts you have for her

b. Imagine being intimate with her

c. Imagine kissing her

d. Imagine leading her across the threshold.

You don’t have to say what you’re thinking as it may be inappropriate depending on the context, but being in the sexual mindset carries an electrical charge. [Read: How to make a girl want you and desire you sexually]

6. Poke her

Some physical contact tips:

a. Playfully take her wrist, studying her bracelet as an excuse

b. Poke her briefly on both sides of her waist as you pass her *not hard, but enough that it might feel surprising*. If she reacts weirdly say, ‘oh sorry, thought you might be ticklish’

c. Place your arm on hers as you make a point *don’t look at her arm as you do it, that’s just awkward*

Playful physical contact is a great tip for understanding how to subtly flirt with a girl and close the canyon of physical touch between you two. Once you’re both comfortable with light physical play, this possibly opens the door for more extended and intimate touching. [Read: How to subtly flirt by touch without making it obvious at all]

7. Tease her

Teasing is a great tip for figuring out how to subtly flirt with a girl. There are many sophisticated ways of going about teasing, however – be inventive. A few random ones:

a. Make an ambivalent statement about her that’s hard to interpret but which might be a half-compliment

b. Look away distractedly after saying something provocative

c. Playfully say one thing and do another

d. Pretend she’s goofy

e. Misinterpret what she says on purpose. A typical response to this type of teasing might be something like, ‘stop it, that’s not what I meant.’ [Read: How to tease a girl, and get her to text you back often]

8. Be unpredictable

Long-term, you want to stay interesting. Flirting that is one-dimensional gets boring quickly – it’s too predictable and quickly seems childish. Let’s sophisticate your flirt game. Here are the dimensions:

a. Playful and positive

b. Playful and negative

c. Serious and positive

d. Serious and negative

e. One of the 4 above related to her

f. One of the 4 above related to you

Whenever you’re too much on one side of the spectrum, bring it to the opposite side. This is a way to never be predictable – even you won’t know what you’re going to say next, only the emotion behind it. [Read: 10 ways to build sexual tension the flirty way]

This way you can have an interaction that’s infinitely engaging and never gets boring. You’ll also never be too focused on either yourself or on her. She’ll want to see the conclusion and will even seduce you in order to find out how it ends. Don’t underestimate the power of this one.

8. Use x in a text

HER text: Hey what you up to? 🙂

YOUR text: Eating a banging tuna sandwich x

The lowercase ‘x’… It’s another phenomenon that cannot and should not ever be underestimated. Think of an x as empathy. From her end, it says that there is something special about your communication with her. You don’t just send anyone an x, even your favorite bro.

Technically it is a shortage for ‘kisses,’ but it can be used in many ways – it’s very cool when you use it casually, after a seemingly ordinary, everyday message. However, it will have her thinking about you and if she reciprocates, that’s a good sign – it generally means she’s encouraging your intimacy. [Read: How to text a girl you like and make her want you]

9. Show interest in her

This one might sound like an obvious tip for how to flirt with a girl, and it should be. James Bond is a cool movie franchise, but the reality is that we live in a world of too much information and if you constantly act as if you’re disinterested in a girl, she’ll simply take your disinterest at face value. A few ways to show interest:

a. Ask her things that you want to learn about her

b. Ask her what she’s interested in

c. Remember little things about her and point them out

d. Make a note of important things like birthdays or personal victories and do something that you think she’d like, to acknowledge them. [Read: How to make a girl like you without even asking her out]

10. Make statements

How are you doing? How are you today? Where did you get that handbag? What kind of music do you like? 

Too many questions can be annoying. No one wants to be interviewed for 5 hours. Balls up and say what you think. Try to work out who you think she is. No girl wants a people pleaser. Every girl wants her partner to look into her eyes and see into her soul like a vampire in the Twilight movie.


a. ‘I think you’re a bit of a badass chick,’ as you point out her leather Zara biker jacket

b. ‘Okay, you’re definitely into dogs,’ as you pass a dog walker and she can’t stop staring

c. ‘Hmm, I think you’re a Trap music kind of girl but you used to be into pop. You probably have a poster of Justin Bieber next to Future on your bedroom wall.’

Be controversial or sarcastic or witty. Let your personality shine through as you would to a friend, just with more sexual intent. If she completely hates your personality or comedy, then it really wasn’t meant to be: #Incompatible.

Remember, never just focus on her the whole time, as it will begin to seem like an interrogation – change your statements to things about you, your opinions, and your surroundings. [Read: How to compliment a girl – 15 must-know tips and 35 of the best lines]

11. Make her feel special

All girls like feeling special. Many of them have low self-esteem, so when a guy makes her feel like she is amazing, then she will definitely feel good not only about herself but about you too.

So, you can say things to her like “I think you’re amazing” or “I have never met a girl like you in my life!” or “I’m so happy we met – you make my life so much better!” Saying these things will subtly let her know that you have a lot of interest in her.

12. Be charming and chivalrous

Who says that chivalry has to be dead? It shouldn’t be! And if you act like a gentleman around her, then she will definitely notice. Let’s face it – most guys these days are not like the men of the olden days. They tend to be more selfish now. [Read: How to be charming – 15 adorable habits of really likeable people]

So, open doors for her *even car doors*, pull out her chair, help her put on her coat, and pay for things when you are hanging out. All of this will show her that you respect her as a woman and want to be a gentleman. 

13. Stay connected over text and social media

In this day and age, it seems that almost everyone is on social media. They also use texting as the primary means of communication with other people too. So, that’s why it’s important to stay connected to her that way.

Keep up regular communication with her. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to text her 24/7 *because that would just annoy her*, but check in with her often. This tells her that she is on your mind a lot. And that message is definitely a way to subtly flirt with a girl. [Read: 33 Secret steps to text a girl you like and make her miss and desire you]

14. Remember little details about her

When you talk to her, pay special attention to what she tells you about herself and her life. Try to remember everything you can. Little things like her favorite coffee drink to how her brother used to tease her about her clothes are important to her. She will be impressed when you remember.

If you don’t have a good memory, that’s okay. Just write them down so you can remember them later. Keep a record of it on your phone or keep a little notebook in your car so you can jot it down right away.

15. Share memes

Everyone likes memes, right? They can be really funny, or they can be really deep, meaningful, and insightful. Either way, it’s an easy way to keep in touch with a girl and flirt with her subtly. [Read: How not to be dry when texting a girl – 20 ways to keep her hooked]

Sharing memes with her is also a great way to start a conversation if you’re not sure what to talk about over text. They are an opening to a discussion about the topic of the meme. If you can find memes that are particularly relevant to her as a person, then that is even better.

16. Connect via DMs

If you don’t know her well enough to have her phone number, then you can always connect with her more over social media. When you like or comment on her posting and stories, she will notice after a while, and hopefully, she’ll interact with you.

After that, then you should send her a DM to try to get to know her better. When you talk for a while that way, then you can move to more private texting or even talking on the phone or Facetime. [Read: How to confess your feelings for a girl and win her over and not get rejected]

17. Smile a lot

Everyone likes a happy person, and girls aren’t any different. They like it when guys are happy, charismatic, and smile a lot. Now, you don’t have to have a grin painted on your face, but make sure you always seem like you’re in a good mood when you see her.

Smiling also sends her the message that you are happy to see her and like her company. If you are sullen and monotone, she might think you are bored with her. So, be positive and smile as much as you can.

[Read: How to talk to girls and leave them swooning… every single time!]

The art of knowing how to subtly flirt with a girl is like a tussling match, so think on your feet and be on game. If you’re expressive, observant, and take an interest in her, you’re already half the way there. Also, let her see who you are through your behaviors and you’ll have her fascinated.

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