Arguments and misunderstandings happen, but it’s how you get over them that matters. Learn how to make up with your girlfriend in the best way possible.
There is a reason the phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” exists. If you are in your girlfriend’s bad books for either a minor or major indiscretion and you’re wondering how to make up with your girlfriend, it isn’t as hard as you think.
So you got in a fight. Big deal. It happens to every couple out there and it’s not the end of the world – or the relationship.
It just means you have differing thoughts and opinions about something. If you don’t make an effort to figure out how to make things better, issues can arise.
The problem is, when couples argue, tension rises and rational thinking doesn’t always find a place. Being able to make up after a fight and get back to a loving place can take time to learn.
[Read: How to apologize to a girl the right way when you know you messed up]
Relationships are about give and take
This applies to almost every area of your relationship. You can’t just be with someone and expect them to always give in to your requests and opinions.
In order to make it work and remain healthy, there has to be some level of give and take. Otherwise, one person will just resent the other. The more you take, the less the other person is going to want to give you.
This creates friction and enough of that, and your relationship will burn down into a pit of charred misery.
When you argue, see it as an opportunity to fix a problem and heal from it. Don’t use it as a way to score points and certainly don’t brush it under the carpet as though it never happened. [Read: Are you a giver or a taker? 19 signs to recognize a taker in no time]
How to make up with your girlfriend when you know you screwed up
If you truly want a happy relationship, then your goal should be a HEALTHY relationship. And that means knowing how to make up with your girlfriend in a way that not only keeps her happy, but in a way that also provides a learning opportunity for you as a couple.
Women might seem like unpredictable creatures. But, most women just want acknowledgment, remorse, and a little bit of suffering out of the guy who did her wrong.
So, if you left your socks on the floor or you were late to dinner, the cure is pretty easy. If you take the right steps that really say “I’m sorry.” Oh, and you have to mean it too. That’s an important point! [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]
1. Don’t ignore her
Okay, guys, we are handing you the key to all relationships. If you think ignoring a woman’s “nagging” or her being upset gets you out of whatever you have done, surprise, that is the very worst thing to do.
If you did something to make her mad, whether you think it is warranted or not, DO NOT IGNORE HER. Like a two-year-old, the more you ignore her, the louder she becomes. And before you know it, she will be chasing you around the house screaming to be heard.
Sit and take the heat, even if you don’t like it. Listen to her. Hear her out. Acknowledge she is upset. We promise, most of the fury will be squashed just because you cared enough to listen. [Read: 21 things you do that will turn any girl into the crazy girlfriend]
2. Acknowledge her feelings
What we have found with most guys is that instead of just acknowledging their girlfriend’s feelings, saying sorry, and moving on, they instead spend a whole lot of time trying to convince their girlfriends that they aren’t right in feeling the way they do.
Instead of just saying “I am sorry if I hurt your feelings,” guys just dismiss them. They tell their girlfriends that they are being ridiculous or wrong for feeling the way they do.
That is a recipe for a huge fight on your hands. If you want to know how to make up with your girlfriend and make the madness stop, simply say you are sorry she feels the way she does. It really doesn’t mean you are sorry for what you did. It just says you feel bad she is hurting. That is all that she wants to hear. [Read: How to be more empathetic and 16 ways to make your girlfriend feel heard]
3. Give her a hug
Although when she is so pissed at you, it seems like she has smoke coming out her ears, if you stop to wrap your arms around her, you will be surprised at how quickly her anger melts away.
Now, we wouldn’t suggest this method if you cheated on her. You might land some serious knee to the groin – totally deserved, by the way. If it was something simple, make it nonexistent by just showing concern through hugging her. [Read: The health benefits of hugging that that’ll make you want to cuddle more]
4. A card or flowers does wonders
If you hurt your girlfriend’s feelings and you want to avoid the three days of ugly that ensues, head it up by sending her a card or flowers.
Flowers are like a sorry, only taken to a degree higher because we know that you put some effort into them. A card, simplistic, yes. But the gesture alone is mostly what a woman needs to get over her anger.
5. Say you’re sorry
Think super hard. You thought you said you were sorry, but did you actually say sorry? Many guys think other phrases like “I didn’t mean it” or “I didn’t do that” are substitutes for the words “I am sorry.”
Women are much more verbal creatures. They actually need to hear the words coming from your mouth to acknowledge them. If you are sorry and want to end the fight, sometimes just saying it is enough to put the whole situation behind you. [Read: Why women talk so much – 21 reasons and how to make her feel heard]
6. And make sure you mean it
It’s no use apologizing if you don’t actually mean the words you’re saying. For sure, you shouldn’t apologize if you did nothing wrong but should at least attempt to explain your actions.
However, if you’re going to apologize and say “I’m sorry”, make sure that you actually mean it. She’ll see through them if you don’t.
7. Do something nice for her
Maybe it isn’t about flowers. Maybe she has been staring at an unmowed yard or dishes in the sink that she doesn’t want to deal with. If you are in a minor squabble about something, do something small and sweet for her to say, “I love you.”
When she sees your initiative and did something without asking, that likely makes her feel better, which makes her more likely to forgive you. [Read: The 7 types of romantic hugs that’ll bring you closer to each other]
8. Take her out
If you want to skip past her being angry at you, be charming and do something extraordinary. Send her a message at work to be ready when she gets home for a special night. Tell her to dress up and that you will pick her up at 7.
Whatever it is that she is mad about probably falls by the wayside just because of the effort put into making her happy and doing something just for her. [Read: The ideal perfect date – 16 things every girl hopes and expects when a guy takes her out]
9. Give her a little time
Have you have tried everything you know to get her to forgive you? And we mean it here, guys, everything.
Sometimes you give her some time to cool down, regroup, and gather herself up enough to get past the anger. If she isn’t at a place right now where forgiveness is possible, all the begging and the pleading in the world won’t make her give in.
Wait it out a bit and watch for your opening. If you did something super egregious, you should accept that you won’t ever be able to get her back. But, sometimes people just need time to process the hurt and anger and find a way to move past it to the reunion.
If you aren’t getting through to her, then you just might have to wait it out. Try to find a time when some of the hurt and anger has dissipated. [Read: 17 aww-so-sweet ways to say you’re really sorry]
10. Calm yourself before you speak
You’re no good to her if you’re heated and still angry. People do dumb things out of anger and you never want to do something you might regret simply because you’re in a fight.
So go take a break. Calm yourself down and then return to her when the two of you can actually talk things out. Being able to step away can also help you see things more clearly and help you think rationally about the situation.
11. Discuss the argument calmly
And when we say, “discuss,” we mean actually sit down and talk about it like adults. No yelling. No slamming doors.
You have to be able to talk about it in normal tones or else you won’t be able to make up with your girlfriend. So calm down enough to get to this level and then go to her. [Read: A guide for effective communication in a relationship]
12. Put your own thoughts aside while you listen
Let her explain herself. Just like you want to get your own thoughts out, so does she. She deserves the opportunity to tell you why she feels a certain way.
So put your own thoughts aside as she does this so you’re not constantly putting her down even in your mind.
13. Acknowledge your part in the argument
Two people are always at fault for one reason or another. If you always claim innocence, you’ll never be able to make up with her. Acknowledge what you did and even apologize for it in order to make up with your girlfriend.
14. Try to understand where she’s coming from
It’s easy to be selfish in arguments. You have something to say and you’ll be damned if it won’t be heard. But you have to take a step back and think about things the way she’s explaining them.
Understand why she feels the way she does and it’ll help you solve the issue at hand. [Read: 30 things to talk about with your girl and feel closer than ever]
15. Put yourself in her shoes
Take the previous tip a step further and actually put yourself in her shoes. You may not be able to understand what she’s talking about from the way you’re looking at things.
Think about how you’d feel if you were her. Think about how things would look if you were in her position. This is a great way to see how your actions can be completely construed given how they’re seen.
16. Talk about what’s really bothering you
Most arguments are a result of a much larger issue. It’s like you hit a wall and can’t hold anything back anymore. So although you may have left the toilet seat up again, your girl could be upset for bigger reasons.
You have to talk about the things that are really upsetting the both of you. This might not be something you can do right away but it is beneficial to work on communication in your relationship as a whole. It’ll help you figure out how to make up with your girlfriend a lot easier. [Read: 20 big relationship problems that either push a couple apart or bring them closer]
After feelings have simmered and you’re actually talking, go ahead and make some physical contact. Hold her hand or place your hand on the small of her back. You can even hug her. Just don’t do this while tension still runs high.
18. Show her you’re sorry
It’s not always enough to just say so. Your actions have to change – but so do hers. It really depends on what your arguments were about.
But if you’re looking to know how to make up with your girlfriend, you may have been in the wrong here. Show her a difference and she’ll forgive you.
Arguments are normal, but only when things are resolved
It’s totally normal to argue with your partner occasionally. We’re often under the false impression that to argue is actually a bad thing.
While nobody likes to say angry words to someone they love or fight, the truth is that when you argue, you’re able to overcome problems that are obviously in the picture. When you don’t argue, those problems are still there and they simply build up and fester.
Having said that, regular arguments aren’t a good thing either. It’s about a far balance and it’s also about how you overcome the arguments too. When learning how to make up with your girlfriend, make sure that you focus on solving the issue and not just making things better for that particular moment.
[Read: 23 dos and don’ts to remember with relationship arguments]
Unfortunately, knowing how to make up with your girlfriend doesn’t always work. All you can do is ask for forgiveness and hope they are willing to let go, move on, and find a new happy medium with you.