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How to Flirt with Women: 20 Tips to Impress without Turning Her Off

Learning how to flirt with women is not about being suave or cocky. It is about understanding women and respecting them the right way.

how to flirt with women

I am glad you came to this how-to guide. Knowing the right and wrong ways when it comes to knowing how to flirt with women is something every single man looking for a partner should know.

It will get you further in not just your romantic life, but understanding why these behaviors are right and wrong will get your further in all aspects of life too.

Flirting with women

Understanding how to flirt with women is not about having a pickup line or being charming. And no, there is no foolproof way to flirt and always have your interest reciprocated. Learn that now or you will have a hard time in life.

Flirting is not about picking up a woman or bringing her home. It does not mean a woman owes you her attention, her presence, or her smile.

Flirting can be a means to a more serious courtship or it can be simple and lighthearted amusement. It is simply a conversation with a touch of attraction thrown in. [Read: The strongest signs of mutual attraction between a man and a woman]

How to flirt with women

Going into a flirting scenario does not have to be intimidating in the least. If you can let go of any expectations, you are golden. 

Confidence and a carefree nature are what flirting is all about. Go in not caring about how it turns out. I know that sounds impossible. You are always hoping the outcome is good. And hoping you don’t get a drink thrown in your face. But, being open to all outcomes is a good place to start. But then what? 

The right way to flirt with women

If you are asking yourself how to flirt with women rather than just going in with whatever you think, you are already off to a good start.

#1 Be respectful. This is the right way not just to flirt with women but also to talk to them in any and all settings. But, when you are showing your interest in a woman, respect is her number one priority.

Respect her as a person, not just as a woman. Give her respect if she turns her back to you, respect if she hesitates or doesn’t smile right away. [Read: We’re so glad you want to know how to respect women]

#2 Give her space. Having a strange man or really any man approach us is a bit unnerving. So take it easy. You may want to make it crystal clear what you’re interested in, but do not touch her without her consent. A simple brush of the hand is pretty much as far as you should even consider going.

You can stand near her or sit next to her, but unless it is insanely loud wherever you are do not whisper in her ear, lean in close to her, or put your arm around her. [Read: Male privilege – What it is and what it looks like in real life]

#3 Look her in the eyes. Flirting whether for casual purposes or with the intent of a date or more requires a connection. Whether that connection is physical attraction, chemistry, or a shared sense of humor, eye contact is a must-have.

Flirting does not work well when you can’t see one another’s facial expressions and reactions.

#4 Keep jokes at the PG-13 level. If you know this person quite well and know what they may take offense to you can go all out, but if you are flirting with someone you do not know, keep the risqué jokes to a minimum. And by minimum I mean don’t tell any.

Flirting can be sexual and sensual and hilarious, but just try not to say anything your mother would be disappointed to hear come out of your mouth.

#5 Smile. Smiling is not only contagious, but smiling also makes people feel more comfortable. A smile says a lot. It makes people feel safer and it makes you seem more genuine.

Smiling, even just with your eyes, can bring out more of your personality.

#6 Be a gentleman. Take a tip or two from back in the day. Open the door, pull out the chair, offer to help her with her coat. These things may seem cheesy, but a woman will appreciate these small gestures.

You can make rude jokes and tease one another while still maintaining the characteristics of a true gentleman. [Read: The modern day gentleman’s guide to wooing a lady]

#7 Tease gently. Teasing is a core part of flirting. It started in kindergarten when you would tease the kid you liked. Teasing is a way to test out everyday banter and see how good of a match this person’s sense of humor is for yours.

Teasing someone for their drink order, their taste in jukebox songs, or even their inability to put down their phone when out for the night are minor ways to tease a woman when flirting without taking things too far. [Read: How to tease a girl and leave her with your thoughts all day]

#8 See her as an equal. When it comes to understanding how to flirt with women, this should come with respect and is part of being a decent person, but many men, some without even knowing it, see women as less than. Society tells us this all the time, so it is no surprise.

But, if you are flirting with a woman, you have to see her as an equal. Women know when you look down on us for any reason. It makes us not only feel crappy but also makes us a lot less interested in you.

#9 Tell the truth. Sure, we all boast a bit when flirting. You can brag that you graduated from a good college, but you would omit the fact that you were on academic probation. I get it, you want to put your best foot forward.

That is totally fine, as long as you tell the truth. And that also means don’t imply that you are a pilot if you say you work for an airline. Tell the truth from the start. Even if you are only planning to flirt for the next hour or so, there is no need to lie.

#10 Be opinionated but open. I cannot tell you how many guys I have flirted with that just agreed with me for the sake of getting on my good side. It is infuriating. I don’t know if they think I am a sensitive flower and will crumble if they tell me how they really feel or if they don’t want me to explain my opinions, but either way, it is a slap in the face.

If you are flirting with a woman and disagree with her, tell her. You do not need to get into an argument, but stay true to your opinions. Be open to listening to her as she should be to you, but do not backpeddle your position in order to please. [Read: Learn what a woman thinks are the umanly and manliest things a guy can do are]

The wrong way to flirt with women

#1 Be cocky. For someone hesitant to flirt with women, it may seem like being cocky is the answer to your worries. But, women mostly despise the type of man that walks in as if he owns the place. Yes, confidence is sexy, but acting as if you are better than her, the bartender, or the janitor is not.

#2 Easily offended. If she rejects you off the bat, move on. If you think she got the wrong idea and want to give it one more go, okay. But if she flat out is not interested, do not take offense. It probably isn’t you. She likely is not in the mood to be hit on or even talk to a man and that is up to her.

And if you respect her, any other woman you may flirt with throughout the night will appreciate that.

#3 Get too close. While flirting, a subtle arm rub is one thing, but I have had men touch the small of my back or rub my knee just because they gave me a compliment. There is no need and no excuse for that. Women do not want to be touched like that by a stranger, sometimes not even by people we know.

Keep a friendly distance. If you wouldn’t do it in the office, don’t do it anywhere else. 

#4 Make inappropriate jokes. Sure, you want the person you’re spending time flirting with to share your sense of humor but keep the jokes classy. Even if you are flirting with a close friend if others are around, just keep the potentially offensive jokes on the back burner.

#5 Be sexist. Men often think that making a joke about the #MeToo movement or the wage-gap makes them funny and relevant. But, all making jokes about these things does is make you look like a sexist prick. Even if she laughs, it is to hide her discomfort. [Read: Inspiring male feminist ideas from around the world]

#6 Assume she wants your attention. This may be a shock to you, but women do not go to bars, parties, or anywhere with the sole intent of meeting a man. And even if we did, we still have the right to decline your advances.

Yes, even if you have nothing but good intentions and are truly a nice guy that just wanted to talk, we still do not have to talk to you. If you assume she owes you a smile or a giggle or consistent attention because you bought her a drink, you are wrong.

You should feel lucky to be flirting with a woman, not like you are owed her attention. She wants to feel like you appreciate her attention, not that it is work for you to get to your end game.

#7 Be intense. Intensity is a single man’s worst enemy when it comes to understanding how to flirt with women. No one wants to hear about your third cousin’s foot surgery while flirting. I nor does any other woman want to hear that you are in love with us or know us so well after 15 minutes.

Stay calm and cool. You are talking to another human being. It is not that big of a deal. Do not take a successful flirtation to mean anything more than that.

#8 Move too fast. Same as being too intense, rushing to an ask out can be intimidating and weird. You want to form some sort of connection first, even if that is your shared interest in archery or comic books.

Take things slow. There is no need to rush into bed, a date, or a relationship.

#9 Belittle yourself. Self-deprecating humor has its time, sure. But talking down about yourself is not something women are attracted to. Women do not want to be propping up your ego or telling you that you are worthy.

If a man comes up to me saying something like, “I know you’re out of my league, but I thought I’d give it a try,” I think he has a lot of growing to do as a person. Tossing in a bit of humor about hating your job or not having bedside tables is funny, but maintain your confidence. [Read: You’d be crazy to use these terrible pick up lines on a girl]

#10 Act superior. Flirting sometimes comes with a bit, as in a comedic bit. People play a part or joke around when flirting, but often that is short lived. You share a few lines, laugh, and then introduce yourselves.

Do not let the humor seep into the more real conversation. Acting like you are better than this person for any reason is the wrong way to flirt or talk to anyone.

[Read: These are the steps to take to be a girl’s Prince Charming]

Maintain eye contact, respect, lightheartedness, and confidence. With all that at the forefront, you should know how to flirt with women the right way.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...