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Emotionally Unavailable Women: 12 Signs and Ways to Break The Ice

Emotionally unavailable women are hard to date. How do you break the ice and warm their hearts? It’s totally possible with a little effort!

emotionally unavailable women

We all know about emotionally unavailable men. Lesser known are emotionally unavailable women, and they are also discussed far less. Just as a man can be emotionally unavailable, a woman can be too. It can be so frustrating when trying to get them to open up.

It’s tricky to read emotionally unavailable women because of how closed off and distant they are. Emotionally unavailable women generally aren’t interested in long-term relationships – or any relationship at all. They want disjointed love, arms-length warmth, and a guy who doesn’t expect more than casual sex.

They don’t do vulnerability, and they don’t do committed relationships – simple as that. But if you are reading this, then you are trying to find a cure for your inability to get close to the woman of your dreams. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 17 signs you are & how to fix it ASAP]

How do you break through the walls of emotionally unavailable women?

Emotionally unavailable women are often the way they are because of something in their past. In other words, building high, impenetrable walls is their way of avoiding getting hurt again. So if you want to get through to them, it takes a lot of patience, understanding, and most importantly, effort.

Show her that you’re not just like every other guy that tried to woo her in the past and ended up abandoning her. The key here is to earn her trust, and you’ll eventually win her heart.

Always be there to listen to her and be patient. She’ll break down her walls eventually but for now, she’s wary of letting you in. [Read: How to recognize an emotionally distant partner & deal with them]

Signs of emotionally unavailable women

Emotionally unavailable women are almost impossible to read and even more tricky to get them to commit. But how can you know for sure that the women you’re dating is emotionally unavailable and not just going through a tough patch?

1. They stick to easy topics

One of the apparent signs of emotionally unavailable women is that they stick to easy and light topics. Don’t bother going into deep and meaningful conversations with them – they won’t bother.

They’ll avoid intimate topics at all costs and avoid getting too personal since all they’re interested in is keeping things light and casual. [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25 good conversation starters]

2. They won’t label the relationship

When you’re dating someone emotionally unavailable, they won’t label the relationship, no matter how many times you ask. After all, why would you label something if you’re not serious about it?

You’ll often witness them using excuses such as “we’re still getting to know one another” or “what’s the rush?” [Read: What are we? How to get your crush to label your relationship]

3. They can’t compromise

One of the necessary aspects of any functioning relationship is the ability to compromise. However, you can’t expect emotionally unavailable women to do this.

Compromise requires having feelings for the other person and meeting them halfway, which is something they obviously can’t do. Unless they benefit from it, they’ll never compromise. [Read: How to compromise in a relationship & not feel like you lost out]

4. Their texts are scarce

When you communicate with an emotionally unavailable individual, messages are often scarce and they take forever to respond. If anything, all they ever text you are sexual innuendos and flirting since that’s all they’ll ever be interested in.

When you try to open more profound and meaningful topics, they get bored, ghost you, or deflect the subject entirely.

5. They aren’t vulnerable – and never will be

You can’t expect emotionally unavailable people to show their emotions and be vulnerable. They associate feelings as signs of weakness, so this is also why they’ll never speak about their personal life, open up about anything, or reveal any kind of emotion.

Emotionally unavailable women are ice cold for a reason. [Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable? 15 ways you can open up more]

The 7 most common reasons a woman is emotionally unavailable and how to reach her

There are very few reasons why a woman is emotionally unavailable. Fear not, most of them can be undone with some sincerity, trust, and commitment. If you’ve found the woman of your dreams and wish to make her your happily ever after, consider the reason she locked herself off and keeps you at arms-length.

1. She was hurt in the past

Anyone who has experienced loss in the past is likely not to want to repeat it. Being emotionally hurt isn’t like a cut or a bruise. Sometimes, no amount of time heals a broken heart. Women don’t just create walls because they feel like it; they do it as a defense mechanism.

She’s been bruised and hurt before, and she doesn’t want to feel the same way again. What you have to do is prove to her you are worth her being vulnerable. That means no matter if she lets the crazy out of the closet, tells you to go when she really wants you to stay or pushes you away, you hold her tight.

Don’t buy her lines that she wants you to go because most often than not, she’s testing to see if you’ll really leave. Emotionally unavailable women carry a lot of baggage that involves pain, grief, and loss. [Read: How to earn a girl’s trust without losing a limb!]

2. She had a poor male role model

Our parents are supposed to be our role models growing up, but what happens when one chooses to abandon you or turns out to be a bad role model? What men don’t know, but every woman does, is the key to a woman’s mental stability is found in the love she finds in her father.

If the first man she trusts and loves lets her down, it sets a precedent for her future and what she believes the opposite sex to be. It might not change the facts of her childhood and upbringing, but it does help you understand her better.

You have to prove to her you are capable of unconditional love and providing her the safety and shelter she should have gotten from her father. There’s a reason why emotionally unavailable women often go for the worst types of guys – it’s because they feel it’s the love they deserve. [Read: Dating a girl with daddy issues:  15 things you must know]

3. She is insecure

Insecure means feeling no security. If a girl is emotionally unavailable, it means she fears feeling vulnerable and will fight very hard against you making her feel reliant on you. If this is the reason behind her emotional unavailability, it takes a lot of reassurance to make her believe you.

But most importantly, she has to choose to let you in. Love and relationships can make us feel a little out of control at times, which is why it’s a scary feeling.

The thing you should know about an insecure girl is that she will never ask for your help, assistance, or time. So even if she doesn’t say so, be the type of reliable and trustworthy person. [Read: Insecurity in a relationship: How to feel more secure & love better]

4. There is something traumatic in her past

No one makes it through life without some scrapes and scars, but sometimes life creates massive wounds in people’s hearts. Some women have experienced traumatic times. Whether it was finding out that their dad cheated on their mom, date rape in college, or something as common as being cheated on, we all have a past.

Maybe she had a toxic relationship and has been manipulated repeatedly, and this caused her to give up on love entirely. If you want to get the trust and heart of emotionally unavailable women, listen to them and try your best to understand their trauma.

Being a good listener will more than suffice her needs, especially in a world where guys tend to invalidate women’s feelings. [Read: Women’s relationship issues that all men must know]

5. She doesn’t think she is good enough for love

When something traumatic happens to a person, they have two ways to interpret it. They either recognize that it has nothing to do with them, or they internalize it and take the blame for it whether or not they bear any fault. Sometimes emotionally unavailable women believe they are simply not worthy of love.

We accept that love we think we deserve so when she’s been through enough, it causes her to build such a high wall so people can’t get in and hurt her anymore. If a woman feels they have done something in their past to make them so-called damaged goods, it may take some reworking to convince her otherwise.

Understand her brokenness and don’t judge her because of it. No matter how much she pushes you away or tries to show you all the bad things she can do, continue to approve of her and love her. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]

6. She is selfish

Of course, there is always the situation when the woman you love is emotionally unavailable because she is just selfish and immature. When someone believes themselves to be better than anyone or anything out there, they make themselves unavailable.

This is obviously one of the worst reasons on this list since it comes from selfishness. When dealing with emotionally unavailable women for this reason, it’s much better to let them go and stop trying. The woman who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much is the one you should let go of.

You can only love one person at a time, and until she stops adoring herself so much, there is no room for you. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs]

7. Her heart belongs to someone else

Okay, we hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the emotionally unavailable woman, because she is in love with someone else, is the worst type of woman to fall for. As much as you want her to love and choose you, you simply have no control over it. You can’t change how she feels, nor should you even attempt to.

How do you get emotionally unavailable women to fall for you?

You get them to fall for you when you make them see you aren’t like other guys. They’ve been through enough in the past, unless their reason is just selfishness or being in love with someone else.

Building high walls is their best defense mechanism, so you need to understand where they’re coming from to get them to open up to you.

[Read: How to get to know a girl: 17 ways to win her heart]

Emotionally unavailable women may be your greatest dream or your worst nightmare. They’re distant, unattached, and won’t commit to you, no matter how hard you try. But you can always attempt these tricks to melt at least some of the ice in her heart.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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