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How to Get Over an Ex-Girlfriend When You Can’t Stop Thinking of Her

You’re heartbroken over your breakup, and so you want to know how to get over your ex-girlfriend. You can move on and be happy with these tips.

get over your ex girlfriend

As macho as men portray themselves to be, breaking up can really hurt, especially so if she’s decided to leave and walk all over you on her way out. And figuring out how to get over an ex-girlfriend can be bearable, and even fun, if you know how to do it right.

The thing is, you never truly know how hard it will be to get over an ex until you break up.

And coming to think of it, it’s surprising how the relationships you thought wouldn’t hurt as bad if they ended, wind up hurting the most, isn’t it?

Perhaps, mutual breakups are easier on the heart.

But for most of us, breakups feel like our hearts were ripped out of our chests and then stomped on repeatedly. For every couple that breaks up and stays friends, there are hundreds of others hurting just as badly as you are right now.

Why you can’t stop thinking about your ex-girlfriend

You might be beating yourself up by wondering why you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend. It seems like other guys move on pretty quickly, so why can’t you? Here are some reasons you can’t.

1. You haven’t let go yet

This is pretty obvious if you’re still thinking about your ex-girlfriend. You simply haven’t let her go yet. Sure, in reality, you have broken up. But in your heart, you have not let go. [Read: How to let go of a relationship – 17 things to do to walk away unhurt]

You are still holding onto the love for her and hope that she might come back to you. But if you keep holding on to that false hope, you will never get over your ex-girlfriend.

2. You feel lonely

When you’re used to being around a person all the time, it leaves a void in your life when you break up. The things you used to do together on a regular basis, you just don’t do anymore. You miss the constant companionship.

Even if you weren’t on the best of terms when you broke up, at least she was familiar, and you had someone in your life. Now, you’re alone – at least in a romantic sense. Most people don’t like being alone. [Read: How to not feel lonely – 30 ways to chase the lonely blues away]

3. You’re afraid to be alone

Because you’re probably lonely, your mind keeps going to places that you don’t want it to go. Depending on your age, you might wonder if you will ever meet Ms. Right ever again. 

Being alone is probably not something you enjoy. You like being in a relationship and ear that you won’t find anyone else.

4. You reminisce about the good times

When you’re lying in bed at night, your mind automatically re-plays all the good times you had wither. You’ll think about your first date, your first kiss, and the first time you had sex.

You are also thinking about the times you went on vacation together or made your first purchase as a couple. [Read: 16 Lessons to recover from a breakup one step at a time and move ahead]

But if you keep thinking about all the good times, you will never get over her. Your mind is just stuck thinking about the past. And that doesn’t allow you to move on into the future.

5. You lost confidence during the relationship

Maybe you gained some weight when you were together and you don’t look as good as you used to. Or maybe she wasn’t very nice to you and put you down sometimes. Either way, you might have lost some self-confidence.

If that happened, then you are wondering how you are ever going to find someone else. Maybe she damaged your self-esteem. And even though you know that’s bad, for some strange reason, you still can’t get over her. [Read: How to build your self-esteem and love life with 10 simple life changes]

6. You didn’t get closure

If she broke up with you out of the blue, then you might have been completely blindsided. You were completely unprepared for the breakup, so you don’t even know how it happened.

If she’s not willing to give solid explanations as to why she wanted to break up, then you definitely didn’t get the closure you need. There is still a gaping wound in your heart and it needs to be sewn back up by closing the door to the relationship permanently.

7. You’re mourning about the potential of the relationship

When we first start dating someone, we think about all the future potentials we can have with them. Maybe you thought you would get married, settle down, and have kids with her one day. And now that dream is gone. [Read: 26 Signs your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want you back and you should give up]

You have to think about whether or not you are mourning her or just mourning the loss of the fantasy of what life would have been like with her in the future. Either way, you are still thinking about what you lost and what will never be.

8. You keep thinking about your regrets

Maybe she broke up with you because of something you did or didn’t do in the relationship. Were you selfish? Or lazy? Did you play video games 24/7 and ignore her? Were you verbally abusive?

If you did something wrong, then you might have a lot of regrets. But thinking about them constantly won’t bring her back. So, just use that information to become a better person and boyfriend for the next girl. [Read: 42 Rules to forget someone you loved and cared for as fast as possible]

9. You’re still talking to her

If you’re still talking to her, then it’s no wonder you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend. She is still “part of your life” even though you’re not officially with her. Talking to her might give you false hope that you will get back together.

So, if you really want to get over her, you need to stop talking to her. That will be just a constant reminder of her and what you used to have. So, if you don’t stop, you will never get over your ex-girlfriend.

30 ways to get over your ex-girlfriend

Have you really tried to get over your ex-girlfriend? [Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad? The truth you need to hear]

Do her thoughts still creep into your mind through the little cracks and haunt you to no end?

Here are a few tips for everyone out there having a tough time getting over their ex.

Use these suggestions and with a little effort, you’d be able to deal with it while moving on to the next catch at the same time!

1. Avoid her and her friends

Now, we know you’re hurting. And you long to touch her again or spend a few moments with her.

But you really need to stay away from her, unless you want to lose more of that tiny shred of respect she may have for you. [Read: How to make your ex miss you – 17 subtle ways to make them want you]

Women *and men* love humiliating exes and treating spurned lovers like stray dogs. *gasp!*

So, for your own good, avoid her territory unless you want to be shooed away loudly in front of everyone else.

And even if your ex-girlfriend has good-looking friends with whom you’re close and rather friendly, stay away from them too. You can hit on them later but after many months.

Until then, they’re still her loyal friends and will be influenced by her side of the story.

2. The no-contact rule

If avoiding her and her friends aren’t enough, then you need to delete her number – and her, from your life. Do it right now. Chances are, in this day and age, you simply type your contact’s name into your phone and hit dial. 

You probably don’t remember your significant other’s cell number by heart. So, delete that number and do not try and contact her. [Read: Should you stay in contact with your ex?]

Don’t text a friend asking for your ex’s number, don’t try and email them. Just cut off all communication. The worst thing you could possibly do to hinder the moving on process is to call up your ex, reminisce on the good times, and be sucked right into a bad yo-yo relationship that was not working for either of you, to begin with.

Also, if your ex-girlfriend is connected to your social media or whatever else, erase all signs of her existence. Being a man, you’re expected to play nice and avoid confrontation with a girl, and that can be rather difficult when she starts to play her post-break-up games.

Girls usually pretend to be overly happy and celebrate their newfound single social lives by plastering their Facebook walls with party photos and skimpy vacation shots with other guys. 

If you want to get over your ex-girlfriend, you really need to avoid seeing any of this. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

As much as you know this ploy, it can make your blood boil and you may lose your cool and start an all-out public social network confrontation. 

And again, she gets the chance to shoo you away like a stray dog on a social network or via texting while her friends are around. So, stay away from unnecessary humiliating confrontations.

Seriously, your relationship is history. Both of you broke up. The process of healing is all about you, not her, and not both of you as a couple. Worry about getting over it, and don’t waste your time trying to prove a stupid point to your ex-girlfriend. [Read: No Contact Rule: What It Is, How to Use It & Why It Works So Well]

3. Call up your crushes

This is definitely great if you want to get over your ex-girlfriend. Now all men know how exciting it is to have a great conversation with a crush. 

Now the feelings may not be mutual and your crush may not fall in love with you just because you’re single and ready to mingle.

But when you do mention how devastated, broken-hearted, and vulnerable you are, there’s a good chance your crush would soften up and try to make you feel better. [Read: How to get a girl to like you]

And hey, getting your crush to smooth talk you and call you all kinds of cute names is definitely a turn-on that would make you forget your bleeding ex-girlfriend, wouldn’t you say?

And there’s a slight hope that your crush may actually end up liking you as she tries to nurse you back to a good heart. After all, women do end up falling for a guy who’s all vulnerable and helpless. Awww… [Read: How to stare at a girl’s cleavage]

4. Admire other women

As men, we know that women are definitely the most beautiful things ever to grace planet earth. Heck, they’re even the reason for global warming, right?!

So, admire them. Stare at a girl’s curves as she moves up the escalator and looks at her long legs as she walks past you. You could never do that when you were with your girlfriend, could you?

And start comparing every gorgeous girl you see with your girlfriend, and start remembering all her flaws. Pretty soon, you’ll remember how ugly she really looks. [Read: How to flirt by touching]

5. Date other girls

There’s nothing that can lift a man’s spirits after a breakup than dating other good-looking girls. Try hooking up some pity dates with your crushes or try and meet someone new for a date. 

Come on now, you know you can get any girl if you try hard enough, right? So, make that move, Casanova, and make it good. [Read: How to tell if a girl likes you]

6. Sleep with someone else

For men, sleeping with a new girl has a lot of stimulating effects that can help ease the mind and induce temporary amnesia when it comes to thoughts of an ex-girlfriend. 

Do you know of a girl who likes you? Or do you have a friend who wants to get into your sheets? 

It doesn’t matter who it is as long as you get some naughty business done with another girl. You’ll forget what your ex-girlfriend’s name was, the minute your sex buddy screams your name! [Read: How to have sex with a friend]

Boom! Just get right into it, no questions asked, no numbers exchanged *unless you want to*, get in, get out, clear your head. Chasing girls and living the single life can be a great experience if you are just coming out of a long-term relationship.

There’s no better way to forget an ex than to hang out around other women, and who knows, maybe the next one truly is THE ONE! [Read: Are you ready for rebound sex? 13 questions to find out]

7. Spend time on the internet

Do whatever you like on the net, watch a few *good movies* and admire their assets, read trivia, or just watch a few webcams with girls who love taking clothes off. 

What you do doesn’t even matter, just as long as you’re not feeling lonely when you’re alone at home.

Always know that the thoughts of your girlfriend would come to your mind only when you’re feeling lonely or depressed. As long as you avoid these lonely moments, you’ll be a happy young man surrounded by beautiful company, wherever you are.

8. Hang out with your friends

Spending time with friends and bonding with the boys can be a lot of fun and can help a lot when it comes to getting over your ex-girlfriend. [Read: Super fun bachelor party ideas that don’t involve strippers]

Call up your friends who you have probably neglected since you got into a relationship. Grab a few drinks, head on over to the beach, watch a few football games together, and just get back into being with the guys. 

Bitch about your ex-girlfriend, talk about other women and boast about the other girls you’ve been meeting. You’ll find your ego swelling and your pain diminishing in no time.

There is nothing that helps more in taking your mind off an ex-girlfriend, than chasing new girls with your buddies. [Read: How to pick up girls – 20 moves to get super lucky with women]

9. Don’t ever be alone

If you really want to get over your ex-girlfriend, you probably know this already. While blank walls and empty cans of beer can seem weirdly fascinating after you stare at them for a good half an hour, you need to remember that thinking about your girlfriend only makes you feel more miserable and weak. 

And for all you know, she’s probably having a great time with a new guy. Thinking about her will make you want to call her or meet her. And we know how that’ll end, it’ll make you look stupid, weak, and again, like a stray dog on the street.

Try to keep yourself occupied all the time, and even when you’re all alone, speak to a girl over the phone or get busy on the internet with some gorgeous-looking girls. [Read: How to text flirt]

Now we’re not saying this is the nicest way to get over an ex-girlfriend, but we’re definitely saying that this is the easiest and most fun way to get over an ex-girlfriend.

10. Remind yourself of all the terrible times with her

You obviously broke up for a reason. Things were not cheerful day after day or you two would probably still be together.

Remind yourself of your last stupid argument, or the things your ex did that just really ticked you off, but you put up with it only because you were together. Well, you’re not together anymore so let that rage flow and use it as the motivation to move on. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by forcing yourself to hate them]

11. Blow off some steam by going to the gym

Most people (guys and girls) get a bit complacent with their bodies when they are in a relationship. And not putting the effort into how your body looks can really toy with your self-esteem after a bad breakup.

Don’t mope around and put yourself down, get a new gym membership and start working towards that body you had in high school. It’s great motivation to get back in shape while boosting your self-esteem in the process, which is vital when you’re going out and looking to meet other women. [Read: 25 tips to get motivated to work out, and stick to it!]

12. Remind yourself and accept that this is real

Get closure and let your ex know that this is a real breakup, not just a “break”. Do not leave the door open to getting back together. If things got bad enough to break up in the first place, it is hard to imagine a scenario where things get better instead of worse.

While we humans are usually optimistic people by nature, please realize this will most likely not end well. If you ended it once, make sure that there are no ifs, ands, or buts about the breakup. It is OVER! [Read: The right way and the right reasons to take a break in your relationship]

13. Do not try to get your stuff back

Just leave it. Obviously, if you are in your room when you break up, don’t just storm out and leave everything. But if you have left your things there for longer than two weeks, either leave them for good or ask your ex to box them up and send them to your new address.

Don’t invite them to deliver it themselves. Instead, ask friends or even pay someone to get your things together if you have to, but avoid going back to the apartment yourself. 

If you step foot in that apartment, all the memories of your relationship will come back and hit you all at once, whether you want it to or not.

It’s hard enough breaking up, don’t torture yourself again with past memories that could’ve been avoided. [Read: Why breaking up first will always make it easier for you to heal]

14. Ditch everything that is a reminder

Picture from your vacation to Hawaii? Burn it. The sweater she got you for Christmas, give it to the Salvation Army. 

Do away with anything that brings back strong memories of your ex. Now don’t be stupid about this either. If she happened to get you a Ford F-150, you shouldn’t take that to the junkyard!

15. Get busy living

Try and keep yourself busy and do something for yourself. Join a co-ed sports league to meet new friends, especially female friends who share the same love for a sport as you do. Ask your boss if you can work overtime and throw yourself into your work. Find a new hobby.

There are a million different things you could do to stay busy, and as the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months before you know it, you will be ready to try the dating scene again. [Read: Break up sex with an ex and 10 circumstances where it works]

16. Stay away from the booze, you’ll regret it

If you want to go out one night and just drink until you can’t take anymore, we’re not stopping you. 

That is a lot of people’s first choice after a breakup. But when that supposedly one-time thing, turns into a weekly, or worse, a nightly event, you have a whole new set of problems on your hands.

17. Reward yourself

Are you making the right choices that are helping you move on? Do not look into the past at what you had. Instead, look into the future to plan what you want to become and what kind of woman would make the future-you happy.

Take a trip you always wanted to take. Experience something exhilarating that you never would’ve done while in a relationship like bungee jumping or skinny dipping

After being with someone for a long time, you begin to take on their characteristics. Take a few risks, try new things, and find out who YOU truly are again. [Read: 10 fun and awesome things everyone’s got to do immediately after breaking up!]

18. Allow yourself to grieve

Usually, when we think about grieving, we think about feeling that way becomes someone died. But grieving can happen over any kind of loss. You can even grieve the end of a job or school.

The ending of a relationship is a big loss. You no longer have that person in your life regardless of whether or not they are still alive. So, allow yourself time to properly grieve that loss. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to work through it. [Read: How to get over a broken heart]

19. Try a social media detox

We suggested earlier that you block your ex-girlfriend on social media. But if you don’t want to do that for some reason, at least take time to detox. Believe it or not, there was a day and age when social media didn’t even exist, and people lived their lives just fine.

Seeing her on social media will only make you sadder. If she posts happy things or even things about other guys, it will devastate you. So, make sure you stay away from it as much as you can. You’ll be glad you did.

20. Develop a new crush

As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But you are still so fixated on your ex-girlfriend that you don’t even notice all the other pretty girls around you. 

So, start looking around and seeing who else you might be able to develop a crush on. Not only will this distract you from being heartbroken, but it will also get you excited about the possibilities in the future. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to remember for a perfect fling]

21. Don’t listen to sad songs

When people are feeling down and depressed, they tend to want to listen to music that fits their mood – and that means sad songs. But this is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing. 

You should be listening to upbeat music to change your mood. So, choose songs with happy lyrics that make you want to get up and dance instead of lying on your bed and crying.

22. Give yourself a makeover

Usually, we think of women getting makeovers after a breakup. But who says that guys can’t do it too? If you need to lose a few pounds, then hit the gym. Get in shape so you will feel better about yourself. [Read: What do girls like in guys? 30 desirable traits and turn-offs women hate]

Buy some new fashionable clothes and get a new haircut. Try a new look and rebrand yourself. Not only will it make you feel good, but other girls will also notice you more – which is exactly what you need.

23. Forgive the past

If you did something wrong in the relationship with your ex-girlfriend, then you need to forgive yourself. Even if she doesn’t forgive you, then you have to make peace with it. When you know better, you do better. And so let go of what went wrong in the past.

24. Write in a journal

You might not think this a very manly thing to do, but who cares? Journaling is a very powerful tool to get all of your emotions out. The best way to do it is with a pen and paper, and not on the computer. [Read: 11 Honest secrets to let go of the past, be happy, and look to the future]

Write about what you are feeling, what you miss about her, and what you want in a girlfriend next time. Putting all of your thoughts down on paper is a great way to look at them objectively and then move past them.

25. Be selfish and focus on yourself

When you are in a relationship, there always has to be compromise. And while that’s understandable, sometimes you don’t get to do stuff that you want to do because you have to give in to the other person’s desires.

So, this is the time in your life to be completely selfish! If you want to play video games all do or hang out with your friends playing basketball, then do it. If you want to eat ice cream for breakfast and leave your socks on the floor, go for it! [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]

26. Enjoy your freedom

Because you can be selfish and don’t have to compromise, that means you have freedom. Freedom can feel very good. You don’t have to check in with her anymore in order to do anything. You can do anything at any time.

27. Write a list of things you hate about her

One of the reasons you can’t let go of your ex-girlfriend and move on is because you keep thinking about all the things you love about her. All that does is make you miss her more and it keeps you in a miserable state of mind.

So, you can combine this with your journaling. Write a list of all the things that drove you nuts about her. You might think that she is perfect, but no one is perfect. She had to have had some negative qualities. [Read: I hate my ex – 12 ways to handle the struggle and move on]

Did you hate the way she chewed her food? Or was she a neat freak? Think back on when you were together and what you rolled your eyes at when you were with her. This will help you stop remembering all the good times you had with her.

28. Go on vacation

Sometimes it takes getting away from the everyday grind and getting out of your routines to get over someone. So, taking a vacation and getting away from her and all the things that remind you of her is a great thing to do.

Grab some friends and go somewhere fun. It can be a cruise, an island, a white-water rafting trip, or camping. Whatever you think sounds like a good time. Even if you’re an introvert and feel like going by yourself, you should get away somewhere just to get your mind off her. [Read: Top 50 really fun things to do on a road trip to have a great time]

29. Life waits for no one

Carry on with your normal activities without moping around or isolating yourself. Everyone is allowed a pout for a day or two. But when those depressed days turn into weeks, you are not only preventing yourself from moving on but also preventing others from helping you.

The best of friends will try and cheer up a moping friend, but after trying repeatedly, day after day, even people who start off with the best intentions of helping you out through this tough time, become a bit more distant. 

While others can try and help, the only person who can actually decide to make a change is the one who’s looking right back at you from the mirror!

[Read: Self-discovery after a breakup – how to happily move on]

And as long as you know how to get over an ex-girlfriend and nurse your broken heart at the same time, who cares which is the nicer and more gentlemanly way as long as you get what you want, and that’s getting over your ex-girlfriend! Seriously, there’s a whole new world waiting for you!

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