Should I Text Her? What to Know Before You Touch Your Phone

If you’re asking yourself, ‘should I text her’, proceed with caution. There are a few things you need to know before you press ‘send’!

should i text her?

Texting is a versatile, powerful tool for any guy who’s out to impress a girl and possibly even date her. It’s not as obtrusive as a call, as texting allows some distance between you and her. This level of detachment allows you to be your uninhibited self and to get to know her better. It also helps you to save face if you’re just to embarrassed to approach her! However, you’ll almost always find yourself asking ‘should I text her’ at some point.

If you’ve just met a girl, then you’re probably wondering whether you should text yet or not. And if you are to text her, what should you say to guarantee a reply? How soon is too soon to send that first message? There are many rules and tips when it comes to texting a girl. Handily, we have rounded them up below to help you out. [Read: 12 Important rules for texting a girl and not creeping her out]

The two things you need to know about texting

Before we answer the question of ‘should I text her’ (which incidentally, yes, you should), you need to know two golden pieces of information.

Firstly, never text a girl late at night. If you do so, she’s almost always going to assume it’s a booty call. You might not have that intention, but it will appear that way. It’s best to text her in the early evening because that’s the time most people are sat with their phone in their hand, idly scrolling through social media after a busy day.

The second thing you need to know is that what you think you’re saying, may not be how she takes it. There is a huge amount of space for misunderstandings when it comes to texts. You might write something out and think you should witty or even sarcastic in a fun way, but she might read it and think you’re being deliberately sharp or arrogant. [Read: 8 Little texting mistakes new couples often make]

You can’t really do a lot about this, because it’s simply a fact of texting. However, you can read and re-read your text before you send it and cut out anything that could be misunderstood. That way, you stand a much better chance of getting a reply.

When should I text her after we’ve just met?

Ah, a common question! When it comes to making a great first texting impression, timing is everything. Here are a few tips for knowing when to send that first text after you’ve just met her. [Read: 50 Important questions to ask a girl you just met]

1. The morning after – But not the crack of dawn!

There are quite a few theories from girl-texting scholars out there, but many would agree that you should text her within the first 24 hours after you’ve met her. During this time period, your charm and wit are still fresh in her memory. Wait longer than that, and you have to brace yourself for the awkward “Who’s this?” response.

2. Within five to ten minutes

There’s also another option: you can text her within five to ten minutes of meeting her. This is pretty tricky, though, as you may come off as too eager. The key here is to be playful and casual, only continuing the momentum that the two of you have already started when you initially met. [Read: 50 flirty text examples that are sure to make her smile]

3. Two days later

This is a good piece of medium ground. It’s not so long that she thinks you’ve forgotten her, but it shows her that you have a life too. That’s important – she might think that you just sit around waiting to text girls you’ve just met! Not appearing too eager is vital, but at the same time, you don’t want her to think you don’t care either.

How often should I text her?

So now that you’ve gotten her number *high five!* and have sent her a couple of text messages to which she replied *lucky you!*, the question now is, how often should you text her?

Here’s a few tips to help you navigate this tricky subject. [Read: How often should you text a girl? 17 Must-know rules of texting]

1. It’s all about balance

You don’t want to text her so often that she starts to think you’re annoying. But you also wouldn’t want to give her the impression that you’re aloof or disinterested if you rarely ever text her. You have to find that elusive middle ground, where you’re cool and charming but also mysterious enough to leave her wanting more. [Read: 9 effective ways to stop being so needy and insecure]

2. Wait ten minutes

When she does reply, don’t text back right away. Wait ten minutes, even if it means you have to stare at the clock the entire time. Don’t do this every time though, or she may think you’re playing games. Just mix it up a little so that you’re unpredictable, yet charming.

3. Match her response time

While this may seem like a game, it will still help that you try to beat her response time. If she’s smart, she’s probably playing the game, too. She may wait ten minutes to respond to you, too. If this is the case, try to match her response time or take a couple minutes more.

4. Don’t limit your texts to nights and weekends

Remember, if you’re only texting her late at night and on the weekends, she’ll probably pick up on the fact that you may be solely interested in sleeping with her. If this isn’t the case and you’d like to get to know her and possibly date her, make sure you’re sending a text here and there throughout the week. [Read: 10 booty call moves that may look like true love]

5. Let her text last sometimes

Yes. You don’t have to reply to her every text. In fact, whenever possible, let her have the last word by not replying. This way, you can leave the conversation open so that you remain on her mind, even after the conversation has fizzled out for the moment.

6. Also, don’t always be the first to text

If you’re always texting her first, you might want to hold back occasionally and let her take the initiative. When someone’s always the first to strike up a conversation, it’s easy to become lazy and rely upon it. That’s not something you want. You want to have an equal texting ratio so you both know that nobody is taken for granted. [Read: Why you need to stop texting first if you want to enjoy dating]

What if she doesn’t respond?

It’s not something you want to think about, we know, but once you text a girl, there’s always a chance that she won’t respond. She may have a very good reason for not responding, such as an emergency that came up, or she may just not be that interested. But if you approach her right, she’ll make time to text you back, no problem. So here’s what you can do if she doesn’t text you back.

1. Wait a day

So she didn’t reply to your text one time. No big deal. She might just be busy. Wait a day and text her again, this time coming on a bit stronger and a tad wittier. Bring out your charm and see what happens.

2. Don’t necessarily give up

Still no response? Wait a few more days and text her again. Act like you didn’t even notice that she didn’t text you back so you won’t appear desperate or needy. [Read: 10 clear signs you should back off when pursuing a girl]

3. And then? Leave it

If she doesn’t respond again, it’s probably best to leave it alone. Any further follow up texts and you just look needy and as though you can’t take a hint. It’s not something anyone wants to have to deal with, but it does happen. And anyway, do you really want to be with someone who can’t even give you a quick response to a text in a timely manner? No, we thought not.

4. While waiting for a reply, stay busy

It’s important to keep yourself busy if you’re waiting for her to reply. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you just sit there looking at your phone, willing it to beep and light up. Send the text, give it a minute, and then do something to take your mind off it. Avoid carrying your phone in your hand even when you go to the toilet! Text anxiety is no fun, believe us. [Read: Texting anxiety: How to send & receive texts without freaking out]

How should I text her?

Now that you have your questions answered, here’s what you should consider before you even touch your phone.

1. Draft it out first

Remember our piece of advice at the start? You might write something and think you’re being all witty but in reality you’re appearing arrogant or annoying. Use your notes app on your phone to draft out your text first and read it a few times. If you’re happy with it, copy and paste it over. [Read: Rules of Texting: 15 Unwritten texting rules you need to remember]

2. Check your grammar

Nothing can turn off a great girl more than bad grammar. While there’s text language that most people use these days, there’s still something about writing complete words and sentences that can pique the interest of any girl. Take time to actually use correct grammar and punctuation, because this will give her the impression that you actually put time into your message to her.

3. Use emojis with care

Emoticons are great for adding emotion to text messages, especially when what you’re saying can be taken out of context. You can add a smiley for emphasis or a wink to flirt. But using them in every other sentence can drown out what you’re really trying to say. On top of that, you will look immature. [Read: Funny emojis couples need to use more often]

3. Remember, perfect timing is key

Know the best time to text her. Try to avoid busy work hours when she’ll be less likely to appreciate a distraction. Also, be considerate enough not to text her very late at night or so early in the morning.

4. Don’t be too heavy

Keep it pleasant and light. Make her laugh, be witty, and try to make her day a little bit brighter. This way, you can make a good impression on her and she’ll remember you for the rest of her day.

5. Start flirting a little

Once you’ve gained texting momentum, you can start flirting with her. Ask her how she is, compliment her on something unique that you’ve noticed about her, and just let her know that you like talking to her. [Read: 50 flirty text messages that are sure to make her smile]

6. Don’t be a horndog

While you can flirt and tease, this doesn’t mean that you can send her a pic of your bulge *unless you want to scare her off*. At this point, you have to keep it light. She doesn’t know you yet, so the goal is to make her comfortable enough to get to know you better. [Read: What do women really think about your penis]

7. Ask for a date

There’s no point in texting a girl if you don’t plan on asking her out sometime. All of your actions should lead to getting to know her better and getting to that crucial moment when you can finally ask her out. This can a week or so, but don’t put it off too long. You don’t want her to get bored or discouraged. [Read: 12 obvious signs she wants you to ask her out]

[Read: The art of texting a girl and making her want you]

Don’t fret over that age-old question: Should I text her? For now, just follow our tips to send the perfect text messages every time. You’ll be sure to show her your charming, most attractive side and maybe even score a great date!

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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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