16 Rules for Dating a Married Woman to Avoid a Messy Web of Drama

Dating a married woman is not something you should embark upon lightly. If you can’t find someone single to date, make sure you follow these rules.

Rules for Dating a Married Woman

Before we begin, we should start by telling you that we think this is a bad idea – dating a married woman, that is. Why? Because she’s married. To someone else. She is cheating on her husband and why do you think she won’t do the same to you?

You may love her, she may tell you she’s going to leave her husband, but in reality? Probably not. We know you think she’s different, but she’s not. [Read: In love with a married woman? How to know if it’s time to end it]

At the same time, you may like dating married women because they’re already committed. Whatever the reason, you’re dating someone married, so at least learn the rules for dating a married woman beforehand. We might not agree with it, but we want the best for you too.

Though it may seem harmless, we think you can do better than being with someone who’s already married. Not to mention, if her husband finds out, you’ll be in big trouble… unless he’s into that thing. Then it’s a win-win for all! [Read: The big debate around cheating and confessing]

Why do you want to date a married woman?

Before we start talking about the how to’s and all that jazz, ask yourself why you want to date a woman who is married to another man.

We’ve already given you a lecture so we’re not going to dwell on it more, but ask yourself why this is something you want to do. Is it because you really love her? Or, is it the excitement? Remember, she goes home to her husband when she leaves you – how does that make you feel? You probably block it out and try not to think about it, or maybe she tells you that when she’s with him, she just thinks about you.

Whatever your reasons for dating this woman, know that there are consequences. It’s very rare that these types of relationships end without someone getting hurt, or the partner finding out. Can you handle the guilt? And, what if she decides to go back to him or stay with him? The stakes are high – make sure you know what you’re doing. [Read: Men women want to date vs men women want to marry]

Rules for dating a married woman

Here’s the thing, when you’re dating a married woman, there are some things you have to know. Things that only apply when dating married people.

Are you going to be able to post your relationship on social media? That would be a big no. These small things are important to keep in mind because your relationship will most likely be kept secret.

So, if you just started or are thinking about dating a married woman, it’s time you knew the rules. That way, you can make sure that you don’t break them. If you break some of these rules, you tangle yourself in a web of drama. [Read: Married but in love with someone else? Here’s what you need to do]

Know the rules for dating a married woman before you start.

1. Remember that she’s married

You need to get this into your head and keep it there. She’s not going to leave her husband, her stable life for you. As long as you know your limits, it’ll be fine. But if you’re starting to feel something for her or if you’re doing this to be with her, stop. The only thing that’s going to break is your heart. It’s cheesy but true. [Read: Understanding your boundaries in dating]

Okay, maybe she will leave her husband – it’s rare but it does happen. In that case, can your relationship blossom, considering it was built upon a web of lies?

2. Stay away from her house

Are you crazy? Stay far away from her house. Don’t go inside. She’s not a serial killer, but if her husband happens to come home while you’re there, you’re gonna be in big trouble.

It’s clear you don’t respect her marriage, and entering into her home is just another level of disrespect. Bring her to your place, a hotel, in the back of your car, whatever, but steer clear of the family home. [Read: The guide to help you respect women]

3. Your lips need to be sealed

She’s not going to be telling anyone about this which means you need to keep your mouth shut. One of the biggest rules for dating a married woman is that you can’t tell anyone about the relationship. If someone finds out, they can accidentally spread it, creating a rumor that you’re going to have to deal with. Keep your relationship on the down-low and don’t tell anyone what you’re doing.

4. No social media postings, even if they’re cryptic

You can’t post any photos or posts about her. Don’t post on social media where you are with her nor make any hints that you’re with a mysterious woman. This relationship has to be as though it’s non-existent. So, put your phone away when you’re with her because you don’t need it. [Read: Understanding the good, bad, and ugly with social media and relationships]

5. Set clear boundaries

You need to sit down right at the beginning of your relationship and set the ground rules. If not, you leave an opportunity for things to become misinterpreted and messy. For example, one boundary could be that you don’t sleepover at each other’s places. [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 15 rules for healthy love]

6. Stick to your daily routine

If you suddenly change your routine the moment you start dating a married woman, people are going to notice. Instead, keep to your regular routine. Your routine defines you, so stay close to it. The time you go to the gym, when you get off work, keep it as normal as possible. This also gives you some semblance of normality when your love life is clearly anything but.

7. Don’t accept gifts from her

If you’re a sugar baby then it’s different. But if she’s paying for everything, you may want to equalize that. You don’t want to feel like you owe her anything. You’re sleeping with her and that’s it. There can be nothing more than that [Read: The sugar momma guide and how to bag yourself a wealthy older lady]

8. Switch up the hotels you go to

If you’re going to have sex, it’s not going to be at her place. So, if you decide to go to a hotel, make sure that you switch them up. You don’t necessarily want the staff to start recognizing you. If someone comes asking questions about you, you don’t need them to say anything.

9. Pay in cash

Unless you want to make a “the time I had an affair with a married woman” scrapbook, don’t pay with credit. If possible, stick to paying with cash, so that you can’t have people pointing fingers at you. Credit cards leave a trace – keep that in mind. That’s a vital rule when dating a married woman. [Read: The surprising reasons behind why women cheat]

10. Don’t buy her gifts either

Again, you’re not with her. She has a husband at home, and if he sees she’s wearing a new necklace or sexy underwear, he’s going to start asking questions. Don’t buy her personal things that are going to remind her of you. This isn’t a regular relationship, remember? You risk blurring the lines and getting into serious trouble by thinking you can shower her with affection via gifts.

11. Trust that she’s being careful

You don’t actually know what she’s doing when you part ways. Does she shower after you have been together? Delete your messages? You need to know these things because you’re also in this relationship as well. [Read: How to stop cheating for good – Let us count the ways]

12. Don’t befriend her husband

You’re already being disrespectful towards someone’s marriage *sorry, had to say it*. So, don’t, please, befriend her husband. That will only lead to a disaster and hurt him even more than not knowing who his wife is sleeping with. 

13. How will you communicate?

You just can’t call her whenever you’d like. Figure this out before you make a misstep. If you want to keep this relationship a secret then you need to make sure you choose a secure form of communication. No emails. No home phone calls. No texts.

14. Leave if she starts catching feelings

Listen, you may like the fact that she’s falling for you, but this is about to get very messy. She’s cheating on her husband with you. You don’t think she’ll do the same to you? Plus, she’s not emotionally over her husband, so, whether you want to believe it or not, you’re going to be a rebound. [Read: Right person, wrong time? The key to timing it all right]

15. If your feelings turn serious – end it

That’s right, you can’t be falling in love with a woman who’s married. If you notice yourself starting to develop feelings, it’s time to cut it. The only person who’s going to hurt is you.

She’s not going to leave her cushy life, that’s why she didn’t leave him by now. Even if she does, it probably won’t be the fairytale you think it will be. So, protect yourself at all times. [Read: 10 questions to ask before leaving someone you love]

16. Safe sex – always

When dating a married woman, a surprise pregnancy is not something you need. Equally, make sure that you’re both clean beforehand. Always practice safe sex and no slip-ups! Remember, there’s another person involved in all of this.

You can’t choose who you fall in love with?

Do you believe that you can’t choose who you fall in love with? Perhaps that’s true, but you can choose your actions. If you fall in love with a woman who is married, you don’t have to stick around and see how it plays out. You can just leave.

Sure, it will hurt. You’ll probably wallow for a while and wonder if you’ll ever meet anyone like her again, but at least you’ll be able to sleep at night. Guilt has a habit of eating you alive if you allow it to do so. You might think that you’re not cheating, she is, but you’re part of it. You’re just as guilty and just as much to blame.

Don’t make excuses by telling yourself that you didn’t choose this. You might not have chosen the attraction, but you chose to act upon it.

[Read:  The right reasons to breakup with someone you love]

If you’re choosing to date a married woman, think carefully about whether to carry on. But, if you’ve made up your mind, follow these rules for dating a married woman so you don’t mess your life up.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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