21 Ways to Tell a Girl You’re Not Interested in Her Like a Gentleman

This girl keeps hanging around you, and you know she likes you. But you don’t feel the same way. So here’s how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her.

how to tell a girl you're not interested in her

Listen, guys, it’s time to grow up, it’s really not cool. You need to learn how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her. Don’t just ignore her.

Honestly, lots of people ghost girls. Sometimes they don’t really want to do it, but they are a coward, plain and simple. They don’t have the guts to tell them they aren’t interested. Instead, they just ignore them. Is it nice? No. Does it show that they are mature? Absolutely not.

Rather than just saying, hey, I didn’t really feel a connection or I’m not interested, many guys drag these girls on for weeks as they develop the courage to reject them. Of course, that day never comes, so they ghost the girls instead. [Read: Prepare yourself for these consequences of ghosting]

What you need to know about girls

Before you go about breaking a girl’s heart by telling her that you are not interested in her, there are a few things about girls that you need to keep in mind. Many of them are very fragile creatures, so let this be your guide before you go figuring out how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her.

1. They are emotional

This is probably no big surprise to you! Many women are very emotional people. They cry, they take things personally, and they beat themselves up about things.

So, when you are trying to find the right way to let her down, make sure you prepare for the fact that your rejection could emotionally devastate her. That’s why you have to craft your message very carefully. You want to spare her feelings as much as you can. [Read: How to break up with a girl like a man and stop pussyfooting around]

2. They look for “signs”

This girl has probably been analyzing any “signs” you have given to her that you like her. To you, there have been no signs that you have given her. But in her mind, she might think that you actually have.

In other words, she has been living in a fantasy world. Every little thing you have said or done *or not said and not done* has been analyzed.

She’s even gotten her friends in on diagnosing the signs you probably like her. So, you telling her that you’re not interested might come as a big surprise.

3. They overanalyze

Because she looks for signs that are not there, she has also been analyzing everything. She looks at your texts to see if there is a deeper, hidden meaning. She thinks about every time you sat close to her and…what does that mean?

All of these things have been analyzed. She may or may not have convinced herself that you like her. Either way, just be aware that when you have the conversation with her, she will be confused because she has not seen it from your perspective. [Read: How to get someone to break up with you if you can’t do it yourself]

How to tell a girl you’re not interested in her

Dating sucks sometimes. But when you experience ghosting, it dampens your whole parade. You may have had an amazing date and spent a couple of days texting, but now, someone new came along or you’re simply not that into her.

Listen, that’s okay. These things happen. That’s why it’s called dating and not marriage.

Dating is all about meeting people and seeing who would be the best match for you when it comes to finding a partner.

But the way you end a relationship is what truly shows the type of person you are. You know ghosting isn’t the way to do it, so learn how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her. [Read: The wily signs she only wants your attention and not a relationship]

1. You don’t have to like her

Here’s the thing, the whole reason why we ghost people is that we feel bad about hurting their feelings. We feel bad for them that we don’t like them. But you know that you have the right to not be interested in her and vice versa.

In essence, by ghosting her and emotionally dragging her on, you’re not giving her the closure that both of you deserve. Whether you’ve only gone on a couple of dates or hooked up a couple of times, you have the right to not be interested in her anymore. [Read: Why you shouldn’t ghost someone + 5 scenarios when it’s totally okay to ghost]

2. Know that it’s over

Whatever it was that you had with her, you concluded that you no longer want that, now that you’re trying to figure out how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her.

Usually, we ghost people and those that we were kind of into, we text them again months later.

Don’t be that guy. Instead, know that you don’t want anything with her. By being firm in your beliefs, you can step up and tell her what you feel.

3. Figure out the reasons for your decision

It could be an obvious reason, such as you just don’t find her physically attractive. But it might not be that clear cut. You might just have a nagging feeling that something isn’t right, even though you might not know what.

So, try to figure out in your own mind why you don’t like her.

Is it her personality, her hair, her lack of ambition, or her laugh? It could be anything. But just get clear with yourself so you know why you are delivering the message that you are not interested in her. [Read: How to tell someone to leave you alone – 17 ways if they don’t listen]

4. Think about what you are going to say

Now that you have figured out for yourself why you don’t like her, then you can figure out what you are going to tell the girl that you’re not interested. However, if you aren’t interested because you think she’s ugly or because her teeth grosses you out, don’t tell her the real truth in those details.

Instead, say something generic and vague such as, “I don’t think we have romantic chemistry.” It basically says the same thing, but it de-personalizes it, and that way, she won’t feel so bad about herself.

5. Have good intentions

Let’s face it – no one likes to be rejected. And, no one really likes delivering the message to someone that they are not interested in them. [Read: Regret breaking up? 15 signs you should give it another chance]

There are probably guys out there who don’t care about hurting a girl’s feelings, but don’t be that person. Have good intentions when you tell her that you aren’t interested. Think about how it will affect her.

6. Say it in person if possible

It’s so much easier to hide behind a phone or a laptop to deliver bad news to someone. But, that is the cowardly way to go about telling someone you’re not interested.

If the situation allows for it, it’s best to tell the girl in person that you are not romantically interested in her. It shows that you are a classy guy who cares about her feelings.

7. Have empathy and listen to her

She will be hurt, and she may even cry. That will probably make you uncomfortable to see her that way. But have empathy, tell her you know this hurts her, and listen to what she has to say. [Read: How to know if you should break up – 22 signs that can guide you]

However, don’t let her change your mind. It might be tempting because you probably hate seeing her like that. But don’t give in, because you know it’s not going to work out in the long run.

8. Prepare for the fact that you will hurt her

It’s never easy to see someone in pain. And it’s even worse when you are the person who caused them that pain. So, you need to mentally prepare for the fact that she is not going to feel good about this.

9. Be direct

Beating around the bush will only lead her on. Sure, you could say, “I don’t think I’m ready for this right now.” In your mind, you might think this means “I don’t ever want to go out with you – ever.”

But in her mind, she might hear “Oh, good! He isn’t ready now, but someday soon he will be and then he will want to date me.” Choose your words very carefully so there’s no misunderstanding. [Read: How to friend zone someone without leading them on or hurting them]

10. Take responsibility

Be a man and take responsibility for your words, actions, and feelings. Don’t blame work, or your ex, school, or your trust issues. Just be as honest as you can without causing her too much pain.

11. Say nice things about her

While you are rejecting her, you can still say nice things to her.

For example, you can say things like, “You are such a great girl and I really am so happy that we met!” Or “Someday you will find the perfect guy for you, and he will be so lucky.” That way, she doesn’t feel worse about herself than she already does.

12. Text her

If you can’t tell her in person that you are not interested, then you can text her. Now, if you were dating her for months, that might be a different story.

But let’s be real, you don’t always have to see her in person. It depends on how well you know her. You have an excellent alternative to ghosting, just send her a text instead.

You don’t need to actually confront her, it’s just a quick message. Poof, it’s done. [Read: The worst things to say during a breakup]

13. Make a clean break

Don’t have this prolonged dramatic saga of telling her you’re not interested. Listen, you don’t like her. That’s really all it is. And for the sake of everyone involved, it’s best if you do it as cleanly and quickly as possible.

Treat it like ripping off a Bandaid. Sure, her ego will be hurt *maybe even her feelings* but dragging her along will only make this entire situation worse.

14. Give a reason

Don’t give her an excuse as to why you’re not interested in her, give her a reason. Don’t tell her that your dog died or that it’s you and not them. Just give them a straight reason.

If you’re not interested in her, just tell her that you don’t feel the chemistry or connection that you need.

You don’t need to be harsh, but be honest. No one can call you an asshole for being honest. Okay, she’ll still call you an asshole because her ego is shot, but you’re not an actual asshole.

If she doesn’t understand, be clear. She may not understand what you mean when you say you don’t like her in that way. Maybe you weren’t straightforward enough or they may be too emotional. Listen, just be clear.

You don’t need to give her an hour-long explanation of what the difference between like and like is. Make it clear that you don’t feel the connection, and the best way to say this is by literally saying those words. [Read: How to not look like a dick when you break it off with a girl]

15. Allow her to speak

You said what you needed to say, and let’s be honest, your opinion isn’t going to be changing any time soon. But that doesn’t mean she’s not allowed her opportunity to say what she needs to say.

Maybe she has nothing to say, but that’s not the point. Allow her the ability to express her feelings rather than just cutting her off straight away. Yes, you should be clean and quick with what you need to say, but she can respond and she probably will.

16. Give her space

After that, give her space. She may be completely cool with it, and you’ll be able to carry on the conversation for a couple of minutes until it dies off. Or, she may be really upset.

Whichever happens, allow her the space she needs. Don’t try to suffocate her with apologies or hang around because you feel bad. [Read: How to reject someone nicely and make sure you don’t lead them on]

17. Don’t text her

After you end the conversation, do not text her.

Come on, just let her go. You already rejected her nicely. Don’t give her any idea or the smallest hope of you liking her. You said what you needed to say, and now you need to allow her to move on. [Read: How to let a girl down easy without all the mess]

18. Do you want friendship?

Now, if you were friends and she told you how she felt, you’re obviously going to talk to her about it. But now the question remains, do you want to keep the friendship? This isn’t necessarily for you but rather for her.

She’s your friend, but she has feelings for you and that makes this messy. So, ask her what she’d like to do and then respect her wishes.

[Read: How to turn down a second date – A non-awkward guide to doing it right]

Come on, if you’re still ghosting then it’s clear you’re not mature enough for a relationship. It’s time to act your age and learn how to tell a girl you’re not interested in her.

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