Think that the only reason she’s ignoring you is because she’s not into you? Think again! What seems like spiteful silence may be something else.
Congratulations. Through whatever means, whether you’ve played a killer flirting game or solely by merit of having already established a friendship with her, you have the phone number of the girl you have invested your romantic feelings in. Opportunities don’t get any better than this. Texting is such a good way to build a relationship with someone, and especially so when attempting to develop it into something a little more significant.
By texting her, you can access her around the clock. You have time to organize your thoughts in order to deliver the most appropriate response, and time to try and interpret her reply. But what if you’re hitting a brick wall and the girl you would like to be more than friends with is showing signs of disinterest?
It doesn’t mean she isn’t completely uninterested in you.
If it is the case that you’ve entirely misread the situation, then you’ll probably end up being told as much, or even deleted and blocked. However, the mistake that most people make, when the responses aren’t as forthcoming as they would like, is to assume that the attraction is a one way street. This almost certainly isn’t always the case though, and there could be a whole host of reasons why the replies aren’t coming thick and fast.
Why isn’t she being responsive to you?
It could be due to where she is at a particular moment in time, both emotionally and geographically speaking, or due to her own confused feelings on the subject. Sometimes the situation is beyond your control and there is little you can do about it, but there are ways and methods of managing your texting to ensure that you are in with the best chance possible. The following list then provides just a few reasons why she might not be replying to your texts and what you can do to readdress the balance.
#1 Technical fault. It’s an obvious thing to say, but there may be a technical issue with her phone, or she may have even lost it. In the latter case she would have lost her sim card too and may have to wait a while to get a replacement.
Either way, what she doesn’t need when she eventually sorts the problem out is to turn on her phone and be met with a barrage of fifty or sixty text messages from you, alternately abusing her and beseeching her for clemency!
There’s no two ways about it: you’ll look like a fool, and your details will be deleted quicker than a politician can talk himself out of a hole. If there is a noticeable prolonged absence of contact, just wait it out and, if you really are worried that she’s deleted you, go and visit her on the presence of having accidentally wiped out your contacts so that you can get to the bottom of the matter.
#2 Pushing the issue. We’re all quite aware of the end game – you want the text messages, at some point, to end, and a real physical relationship to develop. However, you do have to be careful about how you do that.
She could be quite interested in you, be carefully considering your proposals, but too much insistence and badgering her to become your significant other could have the opposite of the intended effect. If she has stopped replying to your messages due to this reason, then give her a little space and let her make her decision in her own time. [Read: 10 clear signs you need to back off when pursuing a girl]
#3 Poor timing. The time it takes between replies can tell volumes about a person’s intentions, and you need to manage this in order to make the greatest impression. For example, if she gets a reply before even putting the phone back down again after sending you a text, it not only looks a touch desperate and wholly indicative of the absence of any kind of personal life, like you’ve been staring at your phone the whole day waiting for her to text you. It could also, if done enough times, make you look like a bit of a lovesick stalker.
Conversely, the whole three-day-rule thing is also unlikely to pay dividends, and if you make her wait too long before replying, she could misinterpret your actions to show arrogance and/or general disregard. Make sure that you reply in a timely manner, but not so hot on her heels that you scare her off. [Read: 25 biggest deal breakers for women]
#4 Getting the quantity wrong. Exactly the same principle as number two, but referring to quantity this time. Are you one of those people, for instance, who replies to a simple “Hi, how are things” with a series of messages, seemingly designed to preoccupy the object of your desires to the extent that she is expected to completely disregard all other areas of her life?
Or maybe you’re a too-cool-for-school type who thinks that the best way to reply is infrequently and keep her hanging. Well, bed news if you are, because most women wouldn’t put up with this, and the texts from her are likely to dry up. If you identify this as a reason as to why she isn’t texting you back, simply make sure that you reply like-for-like and even handed. Let her decide the pace and frequency of messaging.
#5 Drunken texts. Never a good idea. The issue when drinking is that you tend to lose your ability to identify and respond to social cues and precedents. An extended text conversation when drunk is almost certainly likely to lead to an airing of views fueled by mushiness, anger, excessive sentimentality or just downright foolishness, that will do little to enhance your reputation.
If those messages have dried up, then just go back through those messages you sent the other night, to see if they hold the reason why. In the future, no matter how tempted you get, if you’ve had a few too many drinks, then hide your phone somewhere firmly away from view.
#6 Lack of polarity. Text messages should contain a number of different topics, modes and methods of delivery, just as a normal conversation should. If you find that all your text messages revolve around her as the subject in a somber and slightly drippy fashion, then she might be getting bored of the lack of variety in your conversations.
This could explain the decrease in the amount of contact she maintains with you. Try spicing the conversation up a little with some humor, tales of the outside world and anything else you think may be of interest. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for women]
#7 Shyness. If she’s quite shy by nature and you’ve gone in with all guns of adoration blazing, she might just be a little bit freaked out. If you suspect this might the case, start holding back a little on the intensity and number of messages sent, and just let her come up to breathe a little. Hopefully, you’ll eventually see the messages start to arrive again. [Read: 8 subtle cues women give when she wants you to make a move]
#8 Inappropriate content. It’s unbelievable how many women have reported this to me, but there seems to be a large number of guys out there who insist upon sending pictures of their barely clothed torsos to the object of their desires, or even worse, of their genitalia. I just have one solitary word to say on this matter: don’t.
It isn’t appropriate, and looks silly and immature. The chances of getting her back on side after this common faux pas are almost zero. If you’ve sent one of these pics and the messages have dried up, then this is almost surely the reason why. The same is also true for heavy sexual innuendo.
#9 New boyfriend. If the texts have dried up for this reason, there’s little you can do. Our advice is to go one of two ways. Firstly, play the long game. Make sure you’re there for her as a friend and, if there does come a time when she needs a shoulder to cry on, then be that shoulder. Just don’t submit to the temptation to take unfair advantage.
The only other option is to write it off as a bad job and move onto someone else, which sounds brutal, but if she’s happily with someone else, then why put yourself through the torture? Find a new number to text! [Read: 18 signs you’re already in her friend zone]
#10 Life. Put quite simply, she has a life of her own that involves work, family, friends and fun, and you can’t expect her to be on call for you 24 hours a day. If you suspect that this is the reason for her not messaging, then just be patient.
[Read: 12 signs she’s just not that into you]
As advised in number 4, respond to her messages like-for-like, and wait for her to warm up to you. It should happen as long as you don’t try and force her to invest more time than she is able or willing.
Sometimes, her responsiveness depends more on what you do, than on what she thinks of you. Review your conversations, and check if you’ve said anything that might make her want to ignore you.
