Why Nice Guys Finish Last & Why The Fakes Are The Bad Guys

Have you ever wondered why nice guys finish last? The trick isn’t to change who you are but to understand why it might be a weakness. 

why nice guys finish last

Are you a nice guy? Do you often wonder why nice guys finish last, no matter what they do or how hard they try? It can often seem that way, for sure.

Now don’t hate all the girls in the world for it. Instead, look inward and ask yourself if you’re the kind of nice guy that all girls choose to avoid.

Yes, there are different kinds of nice guys, and almost all of them aren’t really as good as they think they are. One of the biggest problems with nice guys is how annoyed they are with the world.

Almost all nice guys truly believe the world is unfair and all girls are liars. They think this because all girls say they like nice guys but end up walking all over nice guys for a bad boy. But is that really the way the game works? [Read: The real truth behind why girls never like you]

What does ‘nice guys always finish last’ mean?

The term ‘nice guys always finish last’ basically means that when a guy is generally ‘nice,’ girls don’t tend to end up with him. He’s always great for friendship, but never seems to get the girl and the happy ending.

His niceness is often taken for granted and seen as a weakness rather than a sexy attribute to make girls go weak at the knees. He might also end up missing out on other opportunities in life because his niceness causes him to put everyone else’s needs before his own.

But, when wondering ‘why nice guys finish last’ ask yourself whether it’s a victim mentality going wrong, or actual truth. [Read: Nice guy syndrome – 16 things nice guys do and how to fix them ASAP]

What’s makes a nice guy so lame?

We should point out that girls absolutely love a guy who’s nice. But they definitely don’t like a guy who goes overboard in trying to please them all the time. A regular guy may be nice to a girl, but a nice guy almost always ends up looking desperate and eager to please.

They try too hard to make a good impression. Eventually they end up losing all chance of impressing a girl because they make it so obvious that they’re trying really hard to please.

When you look at it that way, it’s not hard to understand why nice guys finish last – it’s not sexy. [Read: The right way to text a girl and make her want you]

Why are the other guys better than nice guys?

Contrary to a nice guy’s belief, the world isn’t split into just two kinds of men, the nice guys and the bad boys. There are great guys, sweet guys, charming guys, flirty guys, principled guys and hundreds of other kinds of guys who are admired and liked by girls.

So a girl doesn’t just have to choose between a bad boy and a nice guy. She has a lot of great options, and almost always, she picks any guy but the bad boy or the nice guy. [Read: 10 types of guys girls find creepy]

Of course, bad boys are extremely attractive. But most girls don’t take bad boy seriously or give him a thought beyond a one night stand. In truth, a bad boy is no better than a nice guy. They’re both the two extremes of a spectrum that girls don’t care about.

The bad boy makes a girl feel sexy for a night. And a nice guy gives a girl a chance to have a man Friday to run her errands. Sure, she needs both these guys to have a better life, but will she fall in love with any of them intentionally?

No way. [Read: 12 tips to transform you from a nice guy to a real man]

15 reasons why nice guys finish last all the time

Nice guys make great friends, but terrible lovers. Every time a girl meets a nice guy, he usually ends up falling straight into her friend zone. It’s not her fault really, because he behaves like such a good friend that she has no choice but to look at him in that way.

After all, a guy who likes a girl will try to flirt with her or tease her, not just ask her if it’s okay to carry her grocery bags or wash her car for her.

If you’re a nice guy and are wondering why nice guys finish last, here are 15 reasons to help you understand yourself better. [Read: How to avoid her friend zone and make her desire you]

1. Self-respect

Nice guys don’t respect themselves. They don’t mind making fun of themselves or putting themselves down all the time, and they don’t care about getting pushed around by other guys.

2. Too agreeable

Nice guys are too sweet to voice their real opinions and end up frustrating themselves. At other times, they may bottle up anger and allow it to suddenly burst out of the blue. This is one of the main reasons why nice guys finish last.

3. Too needy and insecure

Nice guys start off as sweet and caring, but end up becoming too needy and insecure in a relationship. They’re always threatened by every other guy who talks to their girlfriend. [Read: A girl’s view – Are insecure men ever worth dating?]

4. They’re boring

Nice guys are never very fun because they don’t like crossing the line into the naughty side no matter what. This quality makes them great friends who can provide good and stable advice, but bad boyfriends.

5. A nice guy isn’t an alpha male

A great girl always wants to date a guy who can be in control of his life and gain the respect of his friends. If your friends don’t respect you or listen to your opinions, it’s a sure sign that you’re a nice guy who’s walked over often. [Read: 30 alpha male characteristics that make you a real alpha]

6. Too easily manipulated

Nice guys allow themselves to be manipulated even if they realize that they’re being manipulated. This can frustrate any girl they’re dating because nice guys almost always end up getting the short end of the stick.

In terms of why nice guys finish last, can you think of anything more obvious?

7. Avoid confrontation

Nice guys can’t defend the girl they like and try to resolve any issues by just using polite words. They’re not assertive and never challenge anyone’s views directly. Instead, they try to get their point across through sneaky manipulation which can annoy any girl. [Read: 6 reasons people have a fear of confrontation]

8. Nice guys are weak

They plot revenge secretly, but can’t man up and take a stand even if they know they’re right. This makes them appear weak.

And then there’s the case of the sour grapes. A nice guy who gets dumped by a great girl always wishes that the girl dates some bad boy who treats her badly so she can know just how great a boyfriend he is.

If you can’t fix your problem, why do you want another guy to do it for you? [Read: How to get over a girl who doesn’t like you back]

9. They want miracles

Nice guys constantly look to the future for a better life, be it by earning more money or getting a great job. But, they do nothing to change the present even though they know they need to change their behavior.

This is why nice guys finish last, because they don’t actually get up and take a risk.

10. Scared of offending others

No one takes a nice guy seriously because he never wants to offend anyone. He’s too accommodating and everyone treats him like a pushover. [Read: 9 tips for dealing with a non-confrontational partner]

11. Stressed by difficult situations

A girl wants to date a guy who’s her rock and strength, not a scared pussy who’ll run at the first sign of danger. Nice guys aren’t protective or aggressive enough.

He can’t fight for his girl, and that’s one of the basic evolutionary needs of a girl – to feel protected around her man. [Read: Why do nice guys always have hover hands?]

12. Nice guys never lead

They always sit in the back seat of life. They may want to lead, but never make the effort or take the initiative directly.

And they never really ask a girl out until it’s too late and then whine about how unfair the world is.

13. Lacking in social strength

Nice guys are not socially strong. They’re almost always invisible in a group. No girl notices them until they make a move *as a friend* and then it’s all too late. [Read: Do girls ever like shy guys who don’t make a move?]

14. Often intimidated

Nice guys are always intimidated by strong personalities. If an alpha male likes a nice guy’s girl or tries to flirt with her, the nice guy wouldn’t have the internal strength to stand up against it. Instead, he will whine or sulk about it in the corner of the room.

15. They’re often friend zoned

Nice guys always end up entering a girl’s friend zone. They don’t make it clear to a girl that they have romance on their mind and instead, end up being a really good friend only. [Read: How to get a girl to like you again after she’s lost interest in you]

But girls do want nice guys?

As you can see, there are many reasons why nice guys don’t really make the cut when it comes to catching a girl’s fancy and why nice guys finish last. But, you have to understand this – girls don’t hate nice guys. They just don’t like the behavior of an excessively nice guy who’s nervous and unconfident.

Even a bad guy behaves like a likeable guy the first few dates until the girl falls madly in love with him just to win her over. It just shows that girls actually prefer dating guys who are likeable and nice. However, there’s a difference between genuinely nice and manipulatively nice.

Let’s explore that idea next. [Read: How to make a girl want you sexually]

What about the fake nice guy?

He wants to be with you. Plain and simple.

Some guys play it nice but deep down, they’re not that nice at all. For sure, there are some genuinely nice guys out there who really are the salt of the earth, but many pretend to be just to get the girl. Of course, that can sometimes backfire because by being too nice, they’ll end up finishing last. Our reasons above prove that.

With this type of fake nice guy, you have to be on your guard. Men are not overly nice to women for no reason. He hopes that by being nice, he can worm his way into your affections. [Read: 27 signs of emotional manipulation to know if you’re being used by someone]

This doesn’t mean every kind act from a man has an ulterior motive, of course not. If he is a friend or even a stranger sporadically doing a kind act, it doesn’t mean he is trying to get in your pants. He is probably just being a friend or a generally kind person.

The fake nice guy is different. He has put you on a pedestal and is always trying to do things to impress you or to get in your good books. A friend will do something for you when you need something, the “nice guy” will try to do something for you whenever he possibly can because he is trying to win points with you. [Read: The tricky mind games men play that any girl can win]

Why can’t the fake nice guy just be honest?

Usually, because he is scared of being rejected. He will not tell you what he really wants up front because he lacks confidence and thinks you will reject him. If he can only show you how genuinely nice he is and let you get to know the “real” him, he thinks he has a chance with you.

He might have seen you dating bad boys or jerks, so he is more than happy to tell you that they are assholes and that you deserve better. This is coming completely from a place of self-interest. He wants to show you that he is not like those other guys. [A nice guy’s confession – Where to find a nice guy and why you shouldn’t go looking for him]

Keen to show you he is different, he will encourage you to avoid them and actively talk down about other guys, under the pretense that he is protecting you and wants what is best for you.

He dreams of the day that you are heartbroken by the jerk you’re dating and come running into his arms. This is exactly when he would try to make his move and show you what he really wants – when you are fragile and upset. That doesn’t sound like a very nice thing to do, does it?

He wants you to be vulnerable, so that he can worm his way in and get what he has wanted all along. [Read: Manipulative people – How to spot them and stop playing the victim]

Is the fake nice guy really that manipulative?

Usually, no. Not on purpose, anyway. He is probably unaware of what he is doing and would deny it to the very end. His behavior is born out of his own low self-esteem and lack of understanding of the value of honesty and integrity.

He is likely not trying to be conniving and manipulative, but that is just how his insecurities play out in his behavior towards women. Deep down, he is probably a nice person, simply acting out of self-interest to employ a mistaken strategy to gain intimacy with the women he likes.

He has never been exposed to a better strategy, and thus assumes that what he is doing is what he is supposed to do.

Of course, men should be kind and generous, but what he fails to understand is that not every woman will like him just because he is kind and generous. Being kind and generous is a given, as it is the minimum expected from another human being, and to have fulfilling relationships with women, he needs more substance to his personality than just being nice. [Read: 10 signs he’s faking love just to sleep with you]

What to do with the “nice guy”

If you suspect this guy is acting nice to get what he wants, the best strategy is to confront him. If you are sure that he is trying to sneak into your intimacy through the back door, so to speak, confront him about it. Tell him that it is never going to happen and that being nice is not going to get him anywhere.

Unfortunately, most women do not confront the “nice guy” because they like the attention and adulation he gives her. They put him in the friend zone and keep him around because he is kind and nice to her, offers a shoulder to cry on, and she knows she can rely on him to do things for her. [Read: 12 clear differences between a real man and a nice guy]

This only encourages the “nice guy” to maintain the facade and hide his true intentions. Because he is never rejected, he thinks that the nicer he is and the longer you are friends, the more likely he is going to get what he wants. [Read: Are insecure, nice men worth dating? Understanding the mind of nice guys]

The confident nice guy always wins in the end

Genuinely nice guys are more sensitive and caring than the fake type. They make great boyfriends and partners for life. But the only issue with nice guys is that they’re not ideal boyfriend material.

However, as we get older, lives start to get more stable and stagnated, and at times like these, the stable and predictable nice guy almost always wins over the reckless, adventurous guys. But can you really wait until you’re in your 40’s before you can start impressing women? [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for women]

If you want to attract girls now, impress them and have a great time with them, learn to man up and face the world like a real man. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t let anyone take you for granted. Voice your opinions and be taken more seriously by others, including your friends. [Read: How to be a man the way he really should be]

The perfect guy that all girls dream of is a nice guy who has a spine, the guy who’s sweet and gentle, and yet composed and confident. As long as you let a girl see that you’re nice and believe in yourself, you’ll always be chosen over every other guy in the whole world.

[Read: 12 really easy ways to find out if a girl likes you]

If you’re a nice guy, you’re one step ahead in the dating game already. Just learn to change a few bad traits and turn that nice guy into a great guy. You might wonder why nice guys finish last, but the nice guys with confidence don’t even need to run the race to impress the girl.

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