You really like her, but you need to know how to pursue a woman and do it right. If you don’t know how to make the next move, here’s what you need to know.
Most women are familiar with men pursuing them. Whether at a coffee shop, bar, or dog park, if a man is interested in someone, he needs to know how to pursue a woman.
It takes a lot of courage to go up to someone you don’t know and start a conversation. It’s not an easy move to make. But just because you approach a woman you’re interested in doesn’t mean you’ll get the answer you’re looking for. You have to know how to pursue a woman the right way.
There’s an old joke that rocket science is way easier than trying to figure out what goes on inside a woman’s head. And if you have any experience in dating, chances are that you will definitely agree. Especially when it comes to the signs she wants you to chase her.
In the dating game, men have to make the first move. And if you do, you are faced with two outcomes: come out too strong and she’ll think you’re a creep and run for the hills.
If you come on to her gently, she’ll say you lacked effort. To these, menfolk say, “Make up your mind, ladies!” [Read: Does she like me? 32 subtle signs she sees you as more than a friend]
Do women really want to be chased?
The easy answer is yes. But to be specific, women want to be chased by the guy that catches their interest. Women are less likely to find difficulty in attracting the opposite sex compared to men.
As a result, they simply make them wait and chase her until she finds the right one for her. In short, she wants you to chase her to get to know if you’re a keeper.
She tests you to see if you’re worth dating in the end. Women won’t directly tell you that they like you, but they put out subtle cues to keep you hooked on her. [Read: 12 obvious signs she wants you to ask her out]
Why pursuing a woman is critical
Sure, it’s easier to just sit back and let the women come to you. At least you wouldn’t have to put in any effort, right? But that doesn’t always happen. Nor should it.
Not to sound old-fashioned, but most women do still want a man to pursue them instead of the other way around. This is for a variety of reasons.
1. It the way nature intended it be
Not to sound archaic, but human beings’ brains aren’t really that different than they were in the caveman days. The males pursued the females because they were the prize and wanted to beat out other males.
You still see this in the animal kingdom too. And humans are animals, so you get the drift. [Read: How to be dominant – 20 calm and firm ways to be the real alpha]
2. It makes her feel special
Who doesn’t want to feel special? Most people do, but especially women! They want to feel attractive and wanted. If given their way, they want you to treat them like a princess. So, when you pursue her, it makes her think that you think she is unique and worthy.
3. It makes you look confident
If you don’t pursue a woman and wait until she comes to you, then that makes you look like you have low self-esteem. It makes you look like you don’t think very much of yourself if you are too shy to put yourself out there. That is not a very attractive quality in a man.
4. She wants a real man
Traditional men are the dominant ones in society and in a relationship. She doesn’t really want to take the dominant role. That’s not to say that she wants to be submissive either. [Read: What is masculinity? 19 really manly traits women hope to see in you]
But she just wants a real man to take the lead. Most women are independent these days, so it’s nice when she doesn’t have to take control of everything.
When to pursue a girl
You might be wondering when you should pursue a girl. Are there any signs? Yes, there can be. But the most important thing to remember is that you should only pursue her if you like her.
This might sound obvious, but there are a lot of guys who pursue a girl just for the fun of it with no intention of following through once he “catches” her. [Read: What makes someone a player? The 21 sly signs of a player’s mind]
That’s not fair to a woman. Only pursue her if you want to date her and see if there is potential for a relationship. If that is not your intention, at least let her know that it’s not. In other words, just be honest when you pursue a girl.
Signs she wants you to chase her
For this reason, it is crucial men pay attention to the subtle cues women give that tell you when to stop chasing her or when to go forth and continue to shower her with affection.
1. She’s hot and cold at the same time
Most guys will be familiar with when a girl blows hot and cold at the same time. It is that semi-annoying thing they do where they act all friendly and flirty at one time of the day. When you reciprocate the same affection, she suddenly acts cold and avoids you suddenly.
When this happens, just go for it. She means no harm, and she merely wants you to chase after her. [Read: What you need to do when a girl plays hard to get]
2. She replies quickly to your messages
When a girl replies quickly to your messages at any point of the day, it is an obvious sign that she’s looking forward to hearing from you. It means she likes you and wants you to keep reaching out to her.
3. She readily says yes to invitations
When a girl wants you to get off her back, she quickly dismisses any coffee or dinner invitations. She’ll probably say her schedule is full. However, if a girl likes you and she wants you to keep pursuing her, she’ll find a way to accept your invitation even if it means canceling previous plans.
4. She keeps careful attention to how she looks when you’re together
You’ll notice this when you catch her on her own wearing plain clothes compared to days when she’s meeting you. [Read: How to ask a girl if she likes you *without really asking*]
This doesn’t mean that she’ll dress to the nines on a date, but the difference is noticeable. Obviously, she dresses up because she wants your attention.
5. She makes meaningful conversation when you are alone
Not superficial things like what’s new on Netflix or random work gossip, girls who want to be pursued give you a little peek into their personal life through meaningful conversations.
She wants you to have the same curiosity by showing you a little behind-the-scenes side of her. This is a big sign that a woman puts out if she wants you to pursue her. [Read: How to talk to a girl – 20 secrets that will make you irresistible to women]
6. She teases you
Teasing means a lot of things and is interpreted in a lot of ways. But if you find her teasing you a little bit, it means she’s comfortable around you and warmed up to your company past the stiff and “formal” interaction stage.
This is considered the next step and is a cue for you to keep moving forward. [Read: How to tease a girl over text and get her to flirt back with you]
7. She reaches out to you incessantly if you stop communicating with her
There are times that the chase gets a bit too tiring and you decide to stop for a while. Lo and behold, a role reversal happens, and she starts initiating communication with you.
What is this sorcery? Well, it’s an obvious sign she’s worried you’ve given up. A subtle hint that she wants you to keep up with the chase.
8. She acts mysterious sometimes
Either by giving you vague responses when confronting her about the possibility of dating, or whenever you find yourself alone with her. [Read: 34 Subtle ways to get out of the friend zone and make yourself VERY desirable]
Acting mysterious is a tactic girls use to see if you are persistent enough to dig deeper into their lives. Also, it adds romance to the whole courting affair.
9. She avoids the big question
At some point, you arrive at a situation where you want to ask her whether you’re ready to be an item after all the courtship.
And when you do, she tries to avoid the topic or veers it off in another direction. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, and eventually, she may say yes, but girls really love to take your time and dangle the carrot a little bit longer. So, have patience. [Read: 10 clear signs you should back off when pursuing a girl]
10. She doesn’t interact with you much, but she says that she misses you
This is quite mindboggling. You will notice this when she turns down invites, but then she tells you that she missed you.
If she truly misses you she’ll hang out with you more often. This obvious sign shows that she wants you to keep pursuing her.
11. She asks you if you missed her
She asks this teasingly most of the time. The best way to respond is to say yes and invite her out for a date. That leaves her cornered with little choice but to say yes. [Read: How to know if a girl likes you: 12 signs that won’t let you down]
12. She plays hard to get
Men have a love-hate relationship with girls playing hard to get. It can be confounding as what she says doesn’t correlate to what she does.
She might say that she’s not interested, but her flirting and touchiness says otherwise. When a girl plays hard to get, it obviously means she wants you to chase her.
13. She tells her friends about you
Women tell their friends everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, if she’s talking about you to her friends and you know it, then that’s a good sign.
She likes you, or else she wouldn’t be talking about you, she’d be talking about someone else. [Read: What girls find attractive – 49 traits that make a guy irresistible to women]
14. She finds a way to be close by
If every time you look up, there she is, then she’s doing that on purpose. She wants to be around you as much as she can and make herself available to you. So, she might even make up excuses to see you and have chances to talk to you.
15. She isn’t comfortable with you being too close to other women
If you work with her or go to school together, watch how she responds when you talk to other women. Does she become more silent and distant? Or maybe she acts jealous and annoyed? If she does any of these, then she doesn’t like the fact that you aren’t only paying attention to her.
16. She makes you aware of her plans
If the weekend is coming up and she casually asks you what your plans are, then she is hinting around.
Better yet, if she tells you her plans – or that she doesn’t have any – that’s her indirect way of telling you she’s free to go out on a date with her, and all you have to do is step up your game and ask her out. [Read: How to read a girl and recognize the subtle hints she might be dropping your way]
How to pursue a woman in a way that works
In this article, you’ll learn how to pursue a woman. But remember that all women are different, and just because you follow these steps, it may not work. And to be honest, it may take more time than you initially expected.
Every woman is different, and attraction doesn’t necessarily happen right away. Then again, it may not happen at all. But women aren’t always as complicated as you think! So, what are the tips for how to pursue a woman you’re attracted to?
1. What do you want?
Here’s the thing, think about what you’re looking for. Of course, that can always change. For example, you’re really into a girl, and then you realize you don’t want anything serious with her. [Read: Casual dating vs serious dating: What’s your dating speed for now?]
It happens. But for yourself, it’s important to think about what you want out of your life and the type of person you’d like as a partner.
2. It starts with you
The men that women tend to be attracted to are the ones who don’t look like they’re needing to be with a woman. Why? Because their happiness isn’t defined by a relationship.
A man who is secure in himself is one who understands that his happiness comes from within. And those men are the sexiest ones. [Read: 18 qualities of a good man that make him better than lesser men]
3. Pursue her to enhance your life, not to give you a life
Many people, men, and women, will search for a partner to complete their lives, and this is just wrong. You shouldn’t pursue a woman because you think she’s going to give you a better life. You should pursue her because you feel she can enhance your happiness.
4. Be genuine
Women can tell when a man is genuine or not. You try to impress her by name-dropping isn’t going to work, at least not in the long run. Don’t pretend to be mysterious or play games.
Playing games can work in the beginning, and then it gets boring. Whatever it is that you’re looking for, be yourself. [Read: How to approach a girl you don’t know and impress her]
5. Be respectful
Listen, the woman you’re pursuing is not an object. She is a person, and she deserves respect. Don’t touch her without permission or push anything on her.
Let’s say she was rude to you when you approached her. You could act in anger, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. Be respectful and walk away.
6. Be a man
We don’t mean this in the “work out and get a six-pack” sense. What we do mean is to just be real with her. If you’re looking for casual sex, let her know.
She deserves to know what she’s getting involved in with you. As we said, a woman isn’t an object, and she has the right to decide what she wants. [Read: What does it mean to be a man? A definition of true masculinity]
7. Talk to her
But really talk. Some men look like they’ve memorized a script, and honestly, the conversation doesn’t last long. If you want to gain her interest, start a conversation with her, and not necessarily one that’s sexual. You don’t need to attract a woman by starting off with a sexual topic.
8. Engage in eye contact
If you pursue a woman, you won’t get far if you’re constantly looking at your phone. Put down your phone and look at her in the eyes.
Eye contact is something we often overlook, yet, it’s an extremely important part of non-verbal communication. [Read: 15 atypical secrets you need to know if you want to impress a girl]
9. Give a genuine compliment
Now, you don’t need to vomit compliments at her. But if there’s something you genuinely want to compliment her on, then do it.
The worst thing you can do is make something up. We’re women; we can smell a fake compliment from a mile away.
10. Make your intentions clear
If you want her to know you’re interested in her, make it clear. Ask her for her number so you can take her out on a date, tell her you like her. [Read: How to talk to a girl and impress her in the very first conversation]
She should see that you’re interested in more than a friendship. Once you do that, she’ll decide if it’s right for her or not.
11. Know when to stop
If you’re texting her on Whatsapp and sending her Facebook messages and she’s not replying, take it as a hint. If she often cancels your date, take that as a hint.
Know when to stop pursuing a woman who isn’t interested in you. You cannot make someone attracted to you, no matter how hard you try. [Read: How to get over a girl who doesn’t like you back]
12. Don’t forget about yourself
Sometimes guys get a little carried away and jump over hoops to gain the attention of a certain woman. At some point, set boundaries for yourself and decide when enough is enough. Never forget about yourself while pursuing a woman.
13. Learn when to take “no” for an answer
Women don’t like hurting people’s feelings. So, she might be hinting around that she’s not interested in you. Sure, you don’t want to believe it so you might keep pursuing her just in case she changes her mind. But after a while, you just need to learn to take no for an answer.
When to stop pursuing a woman
You might be competitive and be the kind of man who doesn’t give up easily. Well, in life, that’s a good quality. But in love, maybe it can get you into trouble. [Read: Should I give up on her or keep trying? 20 signs to stop chasing her]
There are times when you should stop pursuing a woman, so let’s take a look at some of them.
1. She doesn’t reply to your texts or calls promptly
Any girl who is interested in a guy can’t wait to hear from him. So, if she’s not replying to your texts in a timely manner or returning your calls, then she isn’t interested. She’s probably too nice to tell you that, so she’s trying to send you a message this way.
2. She doesn’t reply to you at all
This is even worse than taking a long time to reply to you when you contact her. If she just doesn’t reply at all, she’s definitely telling you indirectly that she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
So, why would you want to talk to her? This is the biggest sign that you should stop pursuing this woman. [Read: 26 Ways to text a girl who stopped responding and win her interest]
3. She never initiates contact
Sure, this might be part of the playing hard-to-get strategy, but it can only go on for so long. If you are the only one who initiates talking, then that means you are not on her mind. She has other people who she is talking to and who are a higher priority than you.
4. Her replies are short
Even if she replies in a timely manner, if her replies are short and uninteresting, it’s because she’s not interested. If all you get is “okay” or “cool” or other short messages, that is very low interest. If she really liked you, she would put in a lot more effort into creating meaningful texts to keep you engaged.
5. Her body language is uninterested
Research shows that 80-90% of the meaning of a message is in someone’s body language. That’s why we have the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” [Read: Body language of a girl – 37 sign to instantly tell if she likes you]
So, if her words are telling you that she is interested in you, but she leans back, keeps her space, and avoids any physical touch, then she isn’t interested, and you should stop pursuing her.
6. She calls you a “friend”
You probably already know that being called a “friend” by a woman is a bad sign. Whether she says it unconsciously or on purpose, either way, it’s bad. If she did it without thinking, then she only sees you as a friend. If she did it purposely, then she wanted to send you a message that you are friend-zoned.
7. She talks about her ex a lot
Whether she broke up with her ex recently or it was years ago, the fact that she talks about him means she could still be hung up on him. Even if she’s not, she’s probably comparing you to him and perhaps not in a good way.
So, if she can’t stop talking about her ex, it’s time to move on. [Read: Is a girl playing mind games? 20 signs she is and ways to deal with them]
8. She tells you she’s not ready for a relationship
Okay, maybe she really isn’t ready for a relationship. Perhaps she just got divorced or out of a serious relationship. But sometimes women use this as a line to let you down easily and not hurt your ego. Instead of telling a man that she doesn’t like him, she tells this little white lie.
How long should a man pursue a woman?
There is no clear-cut time to stop pursuing a woman. On one hand, if you get her and you both want to start dating, then your pursuit can slow down, but not stop. You might think it can stop there, but women need to have a man continually show them that he thinks she’s special. [Read: Do you lose yourself to impress them when you like someone?]
So, in a sense, you should never really stop pursuing her even if you’ve been married for 50 years. This is what keeps a relationship or a marriage special.
On the other hand, if you have been pursuing a woman for weeks, months, or even years and haven’t gotten anywhere with her, then it’s definitely time to stop. She might just like the attention from you and has no real interest.
You need to read the signs of when she’s not interested. Once you see enough of them, then it’s time to cut your losses and just move on to someone else who really is interested in dating you.
[Read: How to play hard to get with a girl – And do it just right]
Learning how to pursue a woman takes time and plenty of practice and learning. However, once you become more comfortable and confident with yourself, pursuing a woman will come with much more ease.
