How to Approach a Girl: 36 Secrets to Lose the Fear & Make Women Want You

If you want to learn how to approach a girl, it’s not that difficult. Sure, it can be scary. But you can learn to approach women if you use our secrets.

how to approach a girl

Walking up to a girl you’ve never spoken to before is like taking a dip in icy water. It makes you nervous. Your heart starts beating faster than you can count, and your stomach inches closer to your tongue with each step you take. Yet, as a guy, knowing how to approach a girl is one of the most important things to learn in the dating world.

Now we’re not going to make this any more difficult than you already assume it to be. Yes, talking to a girl you’ve never met before is not easy.

But then again, if you know how to do it without appearing like you’re picking her up, you’ll realize just how easy the whole game can be. [Read: 12 ways to get a girl’s attention wherever you are]

And as the saying goes, the more attractive she is, the poorer your social skills become. Learning how to approach women can seem problematic but it’s something you need to master at some point in time because you can’t go about life trying to avoid women all the time. 

Sooner or later, you’ll need to muster up your courage and face a girl; especially if that girl could be the potential woman of your dreams.

That said, learning how to approach women should be at the top of the list. Because before you could even talk to her, or ask for her name or number, you must succeed in getting within a foot near her without breaking into fits.

Therefore, we will give you some tips to break that awkward barrier. [Read: How to make a girl laugh, smile, and like you instantly]

Why is it difficult for you to approach girls?

Normally, most people would say that they are shy. There are other reasons too. For example, some people may have low self-confidence or are apprehensive at the thought of being rejected or becoming embarrassed.

Others may have “Approach Anxiety,” which makes them generally apprehensive about initiating social contact with an unfamiliar person. But whatever reason you may have, the first step is changing your mindset, which will make the approach easier.

Approaching women can seem like a daunting task at times. After all, if you approach them, there is the potential to face a very awkward and painful rejection. It could be at a club, at a bar, in the park, or even online. [Read: Approach anxiety – 16 effortless ways to conquer it in a few days]

When you start off by letting the thought of rejection take over, that’s where the fear starts, and that’s how things get increasingly awkward.

How to get over the fear of approaching a girl

What can be done to quiet those nerves when you see a beautiful girl, and you want to go talk to her? How can you keep your fear from ruining your chances with the girl you like? Here are some helpful tips.

1. Put the situation into perspective

Having the right perspective in mind when you approach women can really help to calm you down.

For example, if you are thinking “Oh my God, that girl is so hot. She will never like me!” when you approach her, then this is probably only going to make you more nervous. [Read: 6 things you can say to a girl you like]

A better approach would be to think something along the lines of “Hey, there’s a hot girl. I’m in a social situation, so perhaps she would like to talk to someone like me.” Do anything you can do to remind yourself that this one girl is not the be-all end-all opportunity for love or passion.

The more laid back you can view the situation, the lower the stakes, and the less nervous you will feel about it. Remind yourself that she is not the only hot girl in the world, and that if you strike out with her, you will still have a million other opportunities to approach hot women.

So, to gain a healthy perspective on approaching the woman you are interested in, remember to keep in mind that failure in one situation doesn’t matter all that much in the long run. [Read: 25 things that make men attractive to women]

Besides, the girl might actually like you, and you can try again with many other hot girls if she doesn’t.

2. Improve your skills at talking to women

Once you get better at it, you will have more confidence, and approaching them will not be as difficult. So, how do you improve your skills?

Practice. Talk to women. Talk to women on the bus, talk to women at work, talk to women in the park. [Read: Why girls love funny guys and lines to say to make her wanna talk more]

Women whom you are attracted to are just women, and the more comfortable you get talking to women in general, even if you are not attracted to them, the more likely that you will be to have success when you do talk to women whom you are interested in.

Start small and build upIf you are approaching a woman whom you have never talked to in your life, and the two of you are complete strangers, it is important to start small and build up. For example, right off the bat, you don’t want to be asking her questions that are too personal.

You may not even want to ask for her name right away. After all, to her, you are a stranger, and you don’t want to creep her out. So, instead, you can focus on neutral, non-invasive topics. [Read: How to text girls – 14 ways to talk smooth and get them interested]

If you are at a club, you can talk to her about the music the club is playing, or the drink she is drinking. If you are on the street, you can talk to her about the weather or how long it’s taking for the bus to get there.

Then, once you are talking for a little bit, you can introduce yourself and ask her for her name. She will probably feel a lot more comfortable in this situation than if you just start asking for her personal details right away.

Focus on topics that she likes. Focusing on topics that she likes is a great way to keep the conversation flowing. People naturally enjoy talking about topics they like or are at least familiar with. [Read: 24 Secrets to talk to your crush and make them fall for you in no time]

So, if the girl you are talking to mentions that she likes animals, why not ask her about animals? Something like, “Do you have any pets?” or “Have you ever been to the wildlife reserve nearby?” would suffice.

The conversation is much more likely to continue if she is enjoying it. So, if you feel like talking about something that you think might bore her, you might want to switch to something that you think she would like better.

3. Learn from people who do it right

Learning from people who talk to women successfully can also be a great way to reduce your fear of approaching girls. It could be your friend, your coworker, or even a character on TV. [Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]

Observing these people and picking up tips from them can help you see how they do it. You can also ask them to give you some pointers on how to stop being so intimidated.

Or you can also get pointers from your female friends. You might be able to ask them things such as “How do women like to be approached?” Or “What are some things to avoid during a conversation with a woman?”

It might be slightly uncomfortable to ask your female friends for such tips, but the right ones will most likely have fun giving you pointers. [Read: 177 Fun random questions to ask a girl and make her enjoy your company]

4. Remember, you’ll just talk to her – not ask to marry her or something

Overthinking your current situation can be quite normal when approaching women, especially if the said girl is attractive or is special *such as a crush*. It is that moment when lots of questions flood inside your head about imagined outcomes that will only make you feel anxious.

But forget all that. First, you’re not doing anything illegal *hopefully*. Second, even if you say or do something really awkward, the world won’t end, and she’ll probably forget it anyway. With these out of the way, you’ll be good to go.

How to approach a girl you don’t know

Forget pick-up lines, forget bumping into her, and every other *smart* move you’ve heard. [Read: How to approach girls and impress them – A step-by-step guide]

If you want to learn how to approach a girl, we’ll teach you to keep it simple, and help you win her heart even before you say ‘hello’.

Here’s the only tip that matters and you need to remember it for the rest of your dating life. Always let the girl know you want to talk to her before you even talk to her. 

Don’t make the mistake of approaching a girl out of the blue and asking her out. It almost always never works, unless you’re a smooth talker with the gift of gab. [Read: Easy ways to get a girl to notice you and like you without even talking to her]

Don’t worry, even Brad Pitt probably didn’t know how to approach women at some point in his life. So, it’s natural. And it’s something that can be learned. So here are some great tips for how to approach women.

If you’re a regular Joe who wants to turn into a chick magnet, just follow these tips and you’ll win her attention before you finish your drink! Let’s break it down, step by step. 

1. Glance at her

Look at her now and then just to let her know that you’re trying to catch her attention. Be sneaky and discreet, and always look away just as soon as she catches your eye. [Read: 10 eye contact flirting moves that always work]

You’ll rouse her curiosity and that’ll force her to look at you now and then to see if you’re still watching her.

2. Make eye contact

Each time she looks at you, look at her and immediately look away sheepishly. Continue to look at her now and then, and once in a while, lock your gaze at her for a small fraction of a second and look away again. 

By doing this, you’re already building sexual attraction. But if she doesn’t reciprocate here, she’s probably not interested in you. Eye contact is one of the big go-to’s when learning how to approach a girl. [Read: 20 things that turn a girl on and get her interested in a guy]

3. Appear bashful and awkward

If you’re with your friends, look at her now and then, but appear like you are distracted and not able to focus on the conversation you’re having with your friends. By doing that, you’re making her see that she’s on your mind and you’re too distracted to focus on your friends. That’s subtle flattery!

4. Smile at her

Exchange eye contact now and then, one or two times every minute and no more than that, and when you feel pretty courageous, flash a tiny smile from the corner of your lip for a second, and let her notice your smile. Don’t give her a big grin though, a malicious big grin at this stage will scare any girl away.

These moves are all about building the connection and letting her know you’re interested in her. And at the same time, it’ll also help you understand if she too is really interested in you. [Read: A step-by-step guide on how to ask a girl out if you’re a shy guy]

If she responds to your gestures similarly, it’s a sign that she’s interested in talking to you too. Simply approaching her with a smile is a very simple yet effective way to break down any barriers between you and the girl you want to talk to. Smiling lightens the mood and makes interaction easier.

But if she starts ignoring you at any point here, she’s probably not interested in you, and you need to make your luck somewhere else.

5. When learning how to approach a girl, wait for the right moment

Sometimes, all you need to do is wait for the girl to give you a chance to talk to her. If she’s really interested in you and wants to talk to you, she’d create enough opportunities for you to walk up to her. [Read: Things you can say to a girl while talking to her for the first time]

She could do this by walking to the ladies’ room alone, stepping away from her friends by answering a phone call, or even by just smiling at you and leaving the place.

It’s always easier to talk to a girl when she’s by herself. There are no distractions from her friends or awkward moments because she’s already expecting you to approach her.

6. Gesticulate that you want to talk to her

Use the right gestures to get her attention. This is tricky, but as long as you get the message across, it’ll still work as long as you do it confidently. [Read: How to be a man the way he really should be]

Look straight at her, and smile. Jerk your neck sideways just a little bit after you lock your eyes with her, and using your eyes, point her to the bar counter or some exit. Even if she doesn’t get it, you can walk up to the place you were pointing at by yourself, and she’ll know what you mean.

Not all girls may appreciate you gesticulating at her and asking her to walk up to you, but if you’ve built the chemistry from afar, she’d be more than happy to get away from her friends and give you a chance to talk to her.

7. The challenge – She’s with a group of girls

If she’s with a group of friends, you can approach her in one of two ways. [Read: 15 things girls look for in a guy to fall for him]

First, you can walk up to her with your gaze fixed on her confidently. Walk right into the herd but look straight at her and only her. If you look at anyone else, the envious friends might pounce on you if they think you’re trying to talk to them.

“Hey…I really don’t mean to interrupt you girls, but could I speak with you for a minute? I just won’t be able to forgive myself if I left this place without getting to know you…”

Use any line you want, and it’ll work as long as you say it firmly. But remember to make her feel special by saying something that reveals how badly you want to get to know her. [Read: How to talk to many girls at once, and leave them all swooning]

If you don’t like that approach, then you can use a question addressed to everybody as an excuse to talk to her. You can use moments like these to catch her attention in order to prepare her for the one-on-one approach.

Approaching her with a group is less intimidating than doing it immediately alone. Furthermore, she’ll appreciate the fact that you’re cool enough to get along with her friends.

8. Ask if you can buy her a drink

This is something that can work very well at a bar, as long as you’ve already built the eye staring up and roused her interest. Buy her the same drink she’s already having and ask the waiter to offer it to her. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn-offs for girls]

The waiter will probably drop a corny and grand message like “the gentleman sitting over there would like to offer you this drink…”

When she accepts the drink and looks toward you smiling, that’s your cue. Don’t wait any longer or she’ll think you’re a coward. But if you buy her a drink without building the connection first, you’ll just come off as a creepy guy.

9. If there are two girls in a group …

With a group of just two girls, walk right up to them while staring at the girl you like. If the girl’s interested in you too, her friend will slip away quietly with an excuse. [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25 good conversation starters]

But, even if the friend decides to stay, just introduce yourself and say something similar to the line used in the third point. This time, include the girl’s friend in your conversation and make her feel good about herself too. But don’t forget to keep the focus on the girl you like!

Keep these conversation moves in mind, and it’ll definitely do you good. But if you want to make sure it works all the time, build the tension and the mystery first with your glances and your eye contact. You’ll always end up impressing the girl even before you approach her.

10. Make yourself presentable

This is the part where you eliminate the “extraneous variables” that may or may not affect the outcome of your approach.

Wear appropriate clothes, pay attention to hygiene, and top that with a little personal flourish that advertises that you’re an interesting person. [Read: How to be the hot guy – 20 rules to instant hotness!]

Even if you’re the most awkward person ever, getting self-presentation points would at least get some worries off your head and make the rest easier.

11. Act naturally and avoid being pretentious

Most guys have the tendency to put up an act to make themselves look cooler and more acceptable in the eyes of girls. This comes in the form of talking too much slang, and it comes out ways too strong – more than their swagger can handle.

There are times that this would work. but when it fails, the embarrassment is far worse than managing a stutter or two. Therefore, it is best to talk and move the way you naturally do. Girls would really appreciate it. [Read: How to be confident when flirting – overcome the butterflies and have fun]

12. Be courteous and respectful

Possessing an attractive physique and material wealth, but lacking in the most basic courtesy, will get you nowhere near a girl’s good graces.

If you want to know how to approach women, be a gentleman and always treat them with the proper respect and courtesy. Mind the language you use and what your eyes are looking at.

13. Don’t hesitate

Standing a distance from her and then turning back out of hesitation can be creepy. So, if you decide to do the approach that very moment, make sure that you follow through to the end.

Hesitation will only result in embarrassment or a misunderstanding if you’re seen doing that. [Read: Confident or cocky? 16 subtle signs that split an arrogant and modest man]

14. Pay attention to details about her

Taking note of small details will give you a clue about what kind of approach will work on her. It may sound a little bit like stalking, so you must do this subtly.

If you’re seeing the girl often, take note of the places she visits, her favorite coffee shop, lunch place, or even tiny bits of conversation you might overhear. Use this information to your advantage when making your move.

15. Ask her a question

The easiest excuse to talk to a girl is to ask her a question. If she’s a co-worker, you could ask for her help on some work-related issue. Same if she’s a classmate. [Read: How to get a girl to notice you even before you talk to her]

Asking a question or soliciting help is appealing to a woman because it shows that you see her as someone with sound advice – or someone dependable and not only appreciated because of her physical appearance.

16. Offer help

If ever you come across her carrying a bunch of stuff, or in need of some form of assistance, you could offer help and then talk casually with her after the ordeal is done. She won’t mind for sure after Prince Charming comes to her rescue.

17. Give her compliments

Many women enjoy compliments. Women oftentimes go through a lot of trouble to get ready to go out for the night.

They put on makeup, they take care in planning their outfits, and they fix their hair to get it just right. All of this effort can take a lot of time, sometimes even hours. [Read: How to charm a girl and flatter her into liking you]

So, if you can notice the effort that they put in, and give them some credit for it, this can work to your advantage. A compliment as simple as “That’s a great dress,” or “I like your hair” can go a long way towards making the girl feel sexy and appreciated. This can definitely help your success rate with women.

However, even though compliments can help, you have to be sure that you don’t go over the top, or compliment at the wrong time. For example, when you first start talking to the girl, you don’t want to say something like, “You have great boobs.” That can make her feel objectified and uncomfortable.

18. Approach her from the side

A lot of women are on guard when surrounded by strangers. It’s sort of an instinctual thing to protect themselves from danger. That’s why you don’t want to approach her from behind or from the front. [Read: 12 prince charming traits to make a girl swoon]

Approaching a woman from behind or the front can be intimidating because she fears being attacked. Instead of doing that, you should slowly approach girls from a side angle. That way, they can see you coming and prepare for you talking to them, rather than being taken by surprise.

19. Prove you’re worth talking to

If this girl is particularly hot or looks like she’s outgoing and may have a lot of options when it comes to guys, then you are going to have to show that you’re worthy of her time and attention.

Make sure you’re always dressed nicely and smell good. Smile at her and be warm and friendly. Compliment her and earn the right to talk to her. Think of her as a “prize” so you can be in the mindset of impressing her. [Read: How to have swag – 22 ways to look cool doing anything]

20. Show that you’re harmless

Sometimes, girls think that guys approaching them is a little creepy. They are sometimes gun-shy about talking to men because a lot of them have had bad experiences.

And some women have even had traumatic times with men either in their childhood or adulthood. So, you will have to show her that you’re harmless and she has nothing to fear from you talking to her.

21. Figure out an exit moment and an exit plan

If you see a girl out at a bar, a park, or some other public place, she is there for a reason. And that reason isn’t necessarily to talk to you.

So, you need to think about how you exit the conversation and when. You want to make it look natural and don’t talk to her too long so that it starts feeling awkward.

22. Tell yourself, “I hope I like this girl” as you approach her

Most guys have the attitude of “I hope she likes me” when they approach a girl. But that’s a negative way to look at it. Instead, you should have more positive self-talk and hope that you like her.

After all, dating is a mutual selection process, right? You don’t want to go out with a girl you don’t like, regardless of how hot she may be. [Read: Positive self-talk – what it is, where it comes from, and how to master it]

23. Don’t ask for her number 

At least not right away. It would be creepy to make eye contact across the room, and then walk right up and immediately ask her for her number. You have to talk to her first.

She’s not going to give her number to just any random dude who comes up and asks. You have to earn the right for her to give you her number.

24. Pay attention to the negative, nonverbal cues

You might think that you’re a great catch and have confidence that she will like you. However, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. No one is.

So, you need to pay attention to see if she’s giving off negative nonverbal cues. If she is, then it’s a sign that she’s uncomfortable or uninterested in you. In that case, just cut your losses and move on.

25. Be comfortable with rejection

Rejection is just a part of life. Everyone has experienced it and no one is immune. So, while you should have a positive attitude, you should also be fine if you get rejected.

It might happen. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying. The more you try, the more likely it is that you will find the right girl eventually. [Read: How to handle rejection without making a fool out of yourself]

26. Respect her time

As we said before, she is out in public with another purpose other than talking to you. If she’s with friends, then she’s busy catching up and having fun with them.

If she’s reading a book at a coffee shop, then she’s there to enjoy her good book. So, don’t dominate her time too much. Talk enough to get her interested, and then leave her alone and respect her time.

27. Compliment her style, not her body

Don’t be sexual. That is a huge turn-off for women. Sure, you might be drooling because you think she is so hot.

Making sexual comments to her will just get you immediately rejected. But that doesn’t mean you can’t compliment her on her dress, earrings, hairstyle, or something else non-sexual.

The major DON’TS when learning how to approach a girl

Figuring out how to approach a girl is as much about knowing what not to do, as it is knowing what you should do! [Read: Socially inept – what it is, 20 signs, and ways to feel confident again]  

There are a few things you should totally avoid if you want this meeting to go well. A wrong move at a crucial point could mean that she turns her back on you and you’re left with that awkward stunned goldfish look on your face. 

Not a good look. 

Avoid these things at all costs. 

28. Don’t be cocky

Overconfidence isn’t attractive. If you come over as cocky, arrogant, or simply someone who loves his ego, she’s not going to want to talk to you. Just be yourself! [Read: 9 Subtle differences between a confident & arrogant man]

29. Don’t use cheesy lines

Please, if you do one thing, make sure that you throw cheesy chat-up lines out of the window. “Do you come here often?” is not something you should ever utter. Not if you want her to actually take you seriously, anyway. 

Unless you’re really creative and very witty, abandon the pickup lines. These only work on very few women and is bound to fail eighty percent of the time. [Read: Sugar, sugar – How to sweet talk a girl and make her melt]

30. Don’t walk into a group of girls and try to dominate

When you’re nervous, it can be very easy to be a little louder than you normally are. If the girl you’re trying to approach is with a group of friends, it’s far better to try and separate her from the group with a tip of the head of another gesticulation. 

But, if that doesn’t work, you should never just walk straight into a group of girls and try and be the loud one, to get attention. That’s literally like walking into the lion’s den!

31. Don’t stare at her

You might find her super-attractive, but staring is just creepy and it’s not going to make her want to talk to you. Eye contact doesn’t mean staring, it means prolonged or regular glances. Practice if you need to! [Read: Why do guys stare at girls?]

32. Also, don’t stare at her body

She may be wearing a killer dress but that doesn’t give you permission to stare at her cleavage or her legs! Be respectful and focus on what she is saying to you and her personality instead. You might think she’s hot, but she might think you’re only after one thing. 

33. Don’t avoid taking the hint

If she shows you that she’s not interested and she regularly turns away from you, unfortunately, you have to take the hint. Don’t be too over the top and too pushy. If she doesn’t want to talk, respect it and move on. 

Learning how to approach a girl isn’t easy and it takes guts. However, remember that she is a human being just like you! Avoid putting her on a pedestal and it will be much easier for you to approach her and start up a conversation. [Read: How to find out if a girl likes you in 12 subtle ways]

34. Come on too strong

Coming on too strong would result in a lot of things, all of them unfavorable for you. First, she will be threatened or weirded out, and you will put her off if you speak in a manner too creepy. Doing this will make her flee and seek sanctuary with her girlfriends.

35. Catcall her

We’re sure about two things: one is that this is no way to get a woman’s attention, and there are guys who seem to really think this is a normal way to talk to a girl. It’s not.

36. Interrupt her when she’s speaking

When the conversation is rolling, you may get excited and carried away and end up dominating the conversation. In order to maintain a healthy conversation flow, she should be doing much of the talking. Like 60% – 40%.

[Read: 10 tips for talking to women to make her swoon]

Use these tips on how to approach a girl you don’t know and with a few attempts, you’ll have no trouble walking up to any girl you like and impressing her within minutes of making eye contact with her!

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Keith Brown
With a penchant for downing more energy drinks than is sane, Keith Brown is a bartender and amateur mixologist who geeks about superheroes and spends way too mu...
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