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How to Get Your Ex Back & Convince Them It’s The Right Thing to Do

If you’re desperate to learn how to get your ex back, focus on the reason for the breakup. Then, learning how to get back together only gets easier.

how to get your ex back

We’ve all made stupid mistakes before. Unfortunately, those mistakes can sometimes cost us our relationships. Of course, you can always try to fix things and figure out how to get your ex back if you come to the realization that you need them in your life.

But just to clarify, there are certain things that just can’t be forgiven. If you cheated, there’s a chance your partner won’t forgive you. However, if you said a few things you didn’t truly mean, you can try to get your ex back by owning up to your mistakes.

Before you do anything, it’s important to ask yourself why you want to get back with an ex. Remember the reason you broke up and figure out whether it’s been solved and forgiven or not.

It might not have been something either of you did. Sometimes people break up just because they started to drift apart. Whatever the reason was, don’t just pretend it never existed. If you do that, it will always come back to you in the end.

[Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]

How to get back with your ex – First, do you want them back for the right reasons?

Why do you want your ex back? That’s something you need to ask yourself before you go any further.

Is it because you’re feeling lonely and you just want to jump back into a relationship? You’re choosing them because they’re familiar to you, and you may still have lingering feelings? If so, is that the healthiest reason to go for it? [Read: How to get your ex-boyfriend back after a regretful parting]

Sometimes, we long for situations that are comfortable to us, especially when we’re cast into a new situation that may feel alien at first. But, new situations can be good things! You can meet new people and learn to develop the most important relationship in your life – the one you have with yourself. [Read: Do you miss your ex or think about them often?]

If, however, you feel like you made a mistake and you want to rectify it, then that could be a good basis for trying to get back together with your ex. It certainly depends on how they feel about it and if you’re aware that you’ll have to work through the mistake and allow them time to forgive you. [Read: How to get your exgirlfriend back if you regret the breakup]

There are many reasons why you might want to get back with your ex, but know that it has to be for a good reason first and foremost. Loneliness or feeling a little strange about being single again isn’t the best reason. [Read: Is it normal to still love your ex? 15 good reasons why you do]

What NOT to do when you want to get back together with a former lover

Before we get into getting back together with an ex, there are a few things you should know right off the bat.

Firstly, you can’t spam their phone, texts, Facebook, or any other form of social media with apologies. That looks desperate and needy and will definitely not win them back. If anything, that will only get your chances of getting your ex back to zero.

Secondly, you can’t expect them to come crawling back without any effort at all. Nor can you expect them to want you back if you try to make your ex feel jealous by getting with someone else. This is the last thing you want to do if you want to win back your ex.

These are two HUGE no-nos if you want to get your ex back permanently. [Read: When your ex wants you back – 20 steps to decide what’s best for you]

However the relationship ended, you need to be honest and upfront if there is to be a second time around. Don’t start it on a dishonest or underhanded basis. Make sure that you lay everything out on the table and see where it takes you. Maybe the second time around will be much better than the first.

How to get an ex back and get them to forgive you

If you didn’t do anything unforgivable and you realize how much you truly want to be with that person, there are a few strategies you can use to get them back. Just know that you’ll have to work on it, and you’ll have to continue to work on being a better partner if you do get your boyfriend or girlfriend back. [Read: The step-by-step guide to get your ex to love you again]

1. Admit your mistakes

You probably don’t want to know what you’ve done wrong, but if you want to be in the position to get back with an ex or get them to at least give you a chance, you have to own up to the wrong you’ve done. You can’t just expect your ex to take you back if you ignore the fact that you messed up. Admit your mistakes.

Tell your ex how wrong it was for you to do whatever it is you did to them. Make sure they know that you recognize the wrongdoing and you’re aware of why it was messed up in the first place. Without doing so, don’t expect that things will be different.

Even if you miraculously get back together without addressing the problem, it’ll come back to break you two up eventually. However, make sure that it’s all genuine and that you’re not just saying what you think they want to hear.

Also, please don’t do it via text, as your ex would probably just think you’re not sincere. [Read: When does an ex start to miss you? The bittersweet truth revealed]

2. Give your ex an honest apology if you want to learn how to get your ex back

Sit them down and actually apologize to your ex directly from the heart. If you truly want them back, then you really are sorry. If you’re just saying sorry for the sake of getting back together and you don’t really mean it, they’ll be able to tell.

And they won’t get back with you.

Make sure they understand how sorry you really are and that you know how much it hurt them. Apologize, mean it, and ask for forgiveness. [Read: 17 aww-so-sweet ways to genuinely say you’re sorry]

3. Answer any questions they have

They’re entitled to ask some questions when you did something to mess up that badly. Let them sit down and discuss it with you. Answer their questions fully and honestly.

Don’t get upset with some of the questions they’re asking, either. It’s their right to question you when you’ve given them so much heartache.

It’s best to get yourself calm and answer what they ask you with the truth. You don’t want to make the mistake of wasting your chance by [Read: Scenarios when being brutally honest is needed]

4. Make sure you’re really listening

As your ex is talking to you, make sure you’re actually listening to what they say. It’s easy to zone out or to just focus on what you want, but this is about them.

The best way to get your love back is to hear their words, put yourself in their place, and read their body language. Are they making eye contact and talking to you in a clear way? Or are they avoiding your eye and stumbling over their words?

If it’s the latter, it could be that they’re either holding something back or feeling nervous. By listening, you can work out what’s going on, and you can show them that you’re really paying attention.

5. Give them time to cool down

It’s pretty normal for people to want to get their ex back right after breaking up, but they’ll probably be pretty upset for a while if what you did was bad enough to make them feel the need to leave you. That’s okay.

Contact your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend only to tell them how sorry you are, and then give them some space. Don’t bring up the topic of getting back together yet, as your ex is still probably pissed at this time.

They’ll want to think over what you’ve said without your influence. And that means they’ll need to spend some time away from you. Let your ex know that you’ll give them some time, and then don’t contact them. It’s okay if your ex didn’t respond.

Be patient and wait for them to come to you. Don’t text your ex all the time, even if you think that will make you feel better. Doing this will only show your ex that you’re desperate. Remember that it could take weeks or even months to get your ex back. After all, they had the right to grieve after a breakup. [Read: Should you forgive and forget? 15 guidelines to follow]

6. Show them how sorry you are

Actions definitely speak louder than words. Sometimes it’s not enough to just tell them you’re sorry. Another way to get an ex back is by going above and beyond to prove you mean what you say.

Be loyal to them even when you’re not technically together. Show them you’re a solid partner and can be in a great relationship.

Back up your words with your actions, and you’ll more likely impress your ex and turn things around if your ex sees that you mean what you say. [Read: Ways to express how you feel through actions]

7. Do some self-reflecting

Sit down and ask yourself why you messed up. What did you do to ruin your relationship with your ex, and why did you do it?

Are you a really jealous person, and you lashed out for no reason? Will it happen again? Are you capable of going through those same feelings again and screwing up for the second time?

If so, you might want to get to the bottom of why you’re feeling what you’re feeling in the first place. Most of the time that has nothing to do with your significant other and everything to do with your own problems.

Figure out if you have some issues, and then work on bettering yourself so you can be the partner someone else deserves. You might also want to consider asking for breakup advice from a reliable friend that will help you understand what you did wrong.

Forgiveness is something you can get by working on yourself first. We’re certain your ex will appreciate it if you try to be a better person. [Read: How to stop being selfish – 20 ways to stop hurting and using others]

8. Ask what they need from you to consider getting back together

If they’re still on the fence about whether or not they want you back, but you believe your ex might still forgive you, ask them what they need from you. Figure out what they’d want you to do if you two got back together in the future.

Usually, their requests are reasonable. If it’s something you can do and you have no issues doing, then tell them you agree. But, if it’s something you don’t agree with and is wildly unrealistic, of course, you need to be honest and not agree for the sake of it. [Read: How to fix a broken relationship and make it last]

9. Keep calm when discussing the state of your relationship

There’s a good chance that you’ll get worked up and angry if the other person is pointing out issues in the relationship aside from what you did wrong. If you’ve broken up, the chances are there are more issues than just that one.

You have to stay calm when talking to your ex. This person is communicating the problems so you can work to get past them. They may want to make your relationship better and potentially get back together. Calm down and hear everything your ex is saying. [Read: 15 subtle signs your ex really wants you back but isn’t admitting it]

10. Put yourself in their shoes

How would you feel if they treated you the way you’ve treated them? You’d probably be really hurt and would’ve ended the relationship, too.

Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand where they’re coming from with everything. Gaining some perspective will only help your situation. [Read: Reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

11. Accept that they might not want you back

What if your ex says they’ve already moved on and are ready for a new relationship?

This is just the reality of making a mistake so big it costs you your relationship. Your ex might not want you back. If that’s the case, there’s really nothing you can do to figure out how to get your ex back.

They simply don’t want you anymore. You can’t force them to. You just have to accept that they want to move on and then move on yourself, especially if this ex is seeing someone else already. The next thing that you need to do is accept a life without your ex and learn how to recover from the breakup.

[Read: Just stop trying! The signs your ex doesn’t really want you back]

What if neither of you did anything wrong?

Of course, it could be that nobody made a mistake or did anything to hurt the other one. It may be that your relationship just fizzled out, or you found that you were incompatible on some level.

If this is the case and you want to learn how to get your ex back, you have to be willing to really work on the reason why it ended.

As we mentioned before, don’t just pass it over and assume it’s forgotten. Things may be wonderful for a while, but once the honeymoon phase is over, old problems will no doubt start to rear their ugly heads… again!

The best thing you can do in this situation is to be open and honest.

Communication is vital. Sit down with your ex and talk about what went wrong. Be honest on both sides, and don’t use language that proportions blame. Avoid “you did this” and “you did that.” Stick to facts. [Read: Lack of communication and why it signals the end]

Once you’ve worked out what the issue was, can you overcome it? Has anything changed, or is the same issue still there, lurking in the background?

To get your ex back quickly, you both need to be willing to put in the hard work to change the reason you broke up last time. If you’re both keen to put in the effort, great. If not, perhaps it’s best to leave things in the past and get over the idea of getting back together.

[Read: How to date an ex again and get second time lucky]

Ultimately, the choice to take you back will be your ex’s. If you learn how to get your ex back by earning their forgiveness, your chances of reconnecting are a lot higher.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...