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Falling for a Friend: Why It Happens & What to Do About This Attraction

Ever asked yourself that big question, “am I falling for a friend?” or perhaps, you’re looking for a way to go from friend to lover? Here’s your complete guide to tell your friend and make a move from friend to lover.

friend to lover

Going from a friend to lover is a path riddled with confusions.

Do you think you’re falling for a friend?

Or have you looked at an attractive friend and asked yourself “am I falling for a friend?”

[Read: Signs your friend and you are more than friends]

You’re not alone if that thought’s been running though your mind, so don’t get your undies in a twist just yet.

Friends to lovers

If you have ever taken the time to notice and grope around a bit, you’d be able to see that there’s a distinct line separating the bonds of friendship and love.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, look around.

Haven’t you ever noticed two friends of yours who seem to be in love, but somehow are still friends?

Or have you ever had a small crush on a friend?

Remember how weird it felt each time you hug a particular friend or held hands while crossing a street?

Well, it’s embarrassingly stupid, isn’t it?

You know the both of you should be in love, but yet, there’s that bond of friendship that seems to be holding you back.

So what do you do when you’re falling for a friend and how do you go from friend to lover in their eyes? [Read: How to get a girl to kiss you by arousing her gently]

Do you just hold your fluttering heart in your hands until it regains its composure or do you fling it out towards that friend and hope they’d catch it? Let’s admit it. Would you catch a bleeding heart that’s thrown right at you when you least expect it? Perhaps not.

So what do you do when you’re friends, but really have to be lovers?

Am I falling for a friend?!

Falling for a friend is like a little dance under the spotlight, especially when you don’t really know how to dance. You jiggle your feet awkwardly with your dance mate, and hope that the audience would never figure that you have two left feet.

To your surprise, it wouldn’t take the audience long to figure your secret out. The same goes with awkward friendships and people who want to go from friend to lover. Haven’t we all noticed how easy it is for people to realise that there’s something weird going on? Haven’t you ever been teased with someone, at the very first instance when you blushed or stared a wee bit longer at a ‘friend’?

Friend to lover or just friends?

Do you want to go from friend to lover? Of course, you want to be a lover, don’t you? You… you naughty little bunny! Hey, I’d do the same if I were falling for a friend too. So stop with the ‘I’m-not-such-a-perv’ class act.

Listen, wanting to go out is sweet, getting physical and cuddly is sweeter, but there are a few things you need to know before you take the icy plunge. First of all, ask yourself if your friend’s love is truly what you need. Do you get jealous when your friend hooks up with someone else, or do you want to go out with your friend each time they run back to you crying, after another break-up? [Read: How to kiss a friend and get away with it]

Going from a friend to lover is a big transition, and you can ask yourself  if you’re falling for a friend a million times but it really depends on a lot of other circumstances too. And it’s tricky business. And most importantly, you need to remember that a lover and a friend are two different people, even if it’s the same person.

I remember one time when I hooked up with a friend a few years ago. He was what I had always wanted, sweet, charming, and full of wit and humor. But once we did start going out, I saw that he was quite egoistic and stubborn, just like me. We used to argue a lot, and eventually, eight months after going from a friend to lover, we ended the relationship. It was a bad way to end something that had lasted six years. We used to like each other a lot when we were friends, but falling for a friend asked for a lot more than just fun times in the open. And the most important thing that both of us overlooked in love was compromising for each other.

Going from friend to lover – The difference between being friends and falling for a friend

There isn’t too much of a difference really. When you’re a good friend, for starters, you could ask your pal if they’re wearing that cute silk underwear they picked up the last time they shopped. But if you’re going out with them, you could probably take a peek too!

When you’re a best friend, you share all the deepest secrets, you’re there for each other and you fight about nonsense. And when you go from friend to lover, you do all of that and one thing more. You take each other’s pants off! [Read: 20 sexy questions to ask a friend and seduce them]

So you see, quite frankly there isn’t much of a difference. However much you’d want to deny it, the main underlying reason behind falling for a friend or wanting to go out with a friend is because you want to have more body contact. Yup, that’s right. You want to get physical with a friend. There’s nothing wrong in that, so you don’t need to choke and behave like I said something rude.

After all, it’s the emotion laden physical touch that satisfies a lover more than anything else. But I’ve always been a strong believer in the fact that you need to be a best friend to be a lover. A friend is the person who spends time with you, and is there by your side at all times, the good and the bad.

A lover, well, usually has the biggest impact in bed. If you ever want to hook up with a friend, look at it as a business proposition!

Are you falling for a friend for the wrong reasons?

Here are five considerations that you definitely need to look into before going from friend to lover. For all you know, it may just be a crush, or limerence or you may genuinely be falling for a friend. But do you really want to mess up your friendship for that? Read these five friend to lover transitions and ask yourself if you’re still ready fall for a friend.

Friend to lover #1 Do you have compatible personalities? You know your friend’s behavior best when they’re in a relationship. They may be flirty with others or they may become too possessive. Whatever it is, do you think both of you are ready for a serious relationship?

Friend to lover #2 Do either of you have a few habits that totally piss off the other person? If you do, the chances of lasting can be slim. Annoying habits are cute only for the first few months, it can annoy the hell out of you after that!

Friend to lover #3 Are both of you willing to slide back and compromise to each other’s wants and needs? You may have a lot of chemistry, but without compromises, all the passion and sexual chemistry in the world can’t make a difference.

Friend to lover #4 Can you both trust each other? I mean completely, after knowing each other’s secrets and affairs with other people. Frankly, both of you felt that spark and get attracted to each other. Can you trust your friend to not fall in love with someone else again? Or do you still think your friend might pounce on another friend or indulge in text flirting with someone while your back is turned? [Read: How to text flirt with a friend]

Friend to lover #5 Are you really in love? Or do you just have a fling in mind? Do you think moving further from friends to lovers is a good option? Are there benefits other than just taking each other’s clothes off?! It’s alright to want to see how a good looking friend looks naked, but that’s definitely not the biggest reason to want to go out with them. You may be more interested in being a fuck buddy.

So now that you know the five pointers you need to think about before going from friend to lover, ask yourself again if you’re really falling for a friend and if you’re still convinced it’s true love that you want.

Once you’re certain that you’re truly falling in love with a friend, and it’s not just a fling thing that you want out of physical attraction, you need to prepare yourself for the real twist in the tale.

Falling in love with a friend

Going out with a friend is something that needs a lot of thought.

And if your friendship does mean a lot to you, think a while before making a move on a friend.

Never forget that a relationship with a friend would never be the same if you ever split up someday.

In most cases, friendships always have a way of twisting itself towards love or emotional affairs, so if you’re falling in love with a friend and want to make a move, do so with your own neck on the line.

Figure your feelings

Ask yourself one last time, are the feelings you have for your friend truly love, is it purely lust, or is it because of an emotional upheaval in your life?

Sometimes, you could misinterpret your feelings when you feel more attached to them all of a sudden, or feel jealous when they start going out with someone else. Be true to yourself about the origin of your feelings.

You really wouldn’t want to propose only to find out in a couple of weeks that you really weren’t in love, and it was just a big crush.

Speak your heart

Hey, it’s your friend we’re talking about right? So just speak your heart out and let them know exactly what you feel. Never go straight in and tell them you love them. Instead, hint to your friend about how perfect your life could be if the both of you could start seeing each other. [Read: How to know if a guy likes you]

Do it as cautiously as possible. Take a few days or even weeks to express yourself, because rushing into it would only make the blow unexpected and harder to face for your friend.

I mean, come on, it’s not everyday that they come across a friend who is falling in love with a friend, right? But on that final day when you feel your friend’s warmed up to hearing the words from the horse’s mouth, open your mouth and neigh!

Don’t push your friend

Now, falling in love with a friend is risky, you obviously know you’re taking a chance. And as with every other bet, there’s a good chance that you may even lose.

At times, your friend may just not be willing to look at you as anything more than just a friend. Unfortunately, you have to accept their decision. On the other hand, your friend may just burst out laughing or may even freak out. Give them time to make up their mind. They too may have feelings for you, but probably have never thought about it. So wait.

It may take a while before they could give you any sort of an affirmation.

The fork in the path

Ouch… this is probably the hardest part of falling in love with a friend and confessing it. If it goes well for you, you may be the happiest person, but if it goes otherwise, then your friendship is definitely in for a new fork in the road. You may be separated and there may be certain awkwardness in your relationship (which can be healed back to normal with time) or you may even feel too embarrassed to face each other again, which means the end of the road for your relationship.

So what really happens next?

What happens next is entirely left to how either of you feel about each other. It may turn out good or it may take a worse turn. I’ve been in these heart pounding moments too. And guess what? I still haven’t really hooked up with any one of my friends.

Somehow it just didn’t feel right after that incident with my best friend years ago. But, on the other hand, if I ever did come across that perfect friend who can blow me off my feet after I’ve weighed him with the pros and cons, I’d jump right into his arms even before he completes his proclamation of love. There’s no question about that.

Admit it, when one of you starts looking at the other as something more than just a friend, the relationship has changed already, hasn’t it? And every now and then, someone’s always falling in love with a friend.

Do understand that falling in love with a friend is natural, but it’s not always romantic love from both sides.

Falling in love with a friend is that stage when you can’t change it, nor can you get over it. So all I can say is, irrespective of whether it works out or not, try holding on and be there for each other. What’s the difference between lovers and best friends anyways? Just the fact that you get to pull down your mate’s pants when you’re both lovers!

On the other hand, when you’re just friends, you don’t really have to bother with the damn pants, you can still pull their leg!

But all said and done, I know that sometimes, you just can’t help falling in love with a friend. So if that spark does ignite and you have to confess your love, go ahead. But keep it simple and don’t ever let it come as a surprise. Drop a few hints now and then, and take a look at this feature, I’m in love with my best friend, which does give you a few sneaky ways to let your friend know that you’re falling in love with them.

So if you find yourself falling in love with a friend, learn how to drop those hints and make a move at the right time. We’ll keep our fingers crossed for you!

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...