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What’s So Hopeless about the Hopeless Romantic Type?

If you tend to lean toward the hopeless romantic lover, you may want to read up on what exactly this type of love is and how best to approach it.

hopeless romantic

Generally speaking, a hopeless romantic is more likely to base their relationships on their gut instinct, their perception of chemistry between their partner and themselves, and the strength of their connection to their partner.
This might sound like the popular understanding of romantic relationships, but the truth is that this is a pretty idealistic view of love. So you might say that a hopeless romantic tends toward idealism when it comes to their romantic lives. They want the full package, the epic romantic gestures, and the fairytale knight in shining armor or sleeping beauty. Sounds romantic, right? But it doesn’t stop there.

Why are they called hopeless romantics?

Due to their hopeful nature, their critics see hopeless romantic’s indulgence in romance and positivity as a case of hopelessness. Their goals and expectations seem unrealistic in normal situations, but that doesn’t deter them from hoping that their dreams will come true, anyway.

It’s ironic how they’re so full of hope, yet they’re dubbed as hopeless, right? But true to form, a hopeless romantic won’t even let that get them down. The truth is, they believe that everyone is a hopeless romantic, at least at heart, anyway.

They are not just idealistic when it comes to romantic expressions of love, though. They also tend to be idealistic about life in general. Hopeless romantics are innate optimists. No matter how grumpy or cynical they get, they always return to what their hearts and minds know – that the best is yet to come.

Cynics think of them as fools in love. They’re considered hopeless because it always seems like there’s no way that they can get the fairytale ending that they’re hoping for. [Read: How to find love: The secret law of attraction]

What does a hopeless romantic expect out of a relationship?

Hopeless romantics have extremely standards when it comes to romance. Some are content with simple expressions of love and gestures, while others prefer to raise the bar against other romantics by asking for something unique, performed with extreme effort.

It’s understandable that someone would ask for either of these. However, they both have one very important thing in common. There’s no guarantee that you’ll get it. Sure, your partner may be the type who goes for stuff like that, but there are plenty of other romantics who won’t get what they’re looking for. [Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]

Why it’s a bad thing

Critics have a bit of a point, though. They’re not far off when they say some romantics are hopeless, because there are times when the search for true love doesn’t yield anything. Unfortunately, it’s their high expectations that might be to blame.

While they continue to look for “The One” and that one big gesture that can make or break their relationship, they’re overlooking the fact that “The One” may be a flawed individual who’s already in their life. Hopeless romantics can, indeed, paint a pretty picture of the life they want, but they’re a bit lax on the concept of working on going out and getting it. [Read: How to find the one by changing the way you see things]

An epic romance doesn’t just fall from the sky. It’s planted in the ground and taken care of until it finally blooms.

Sadly, the most hopeless of romantics can’t be convinced of that, especially when they’re already deep into their search for true love.

According to researchers, people have continually raised their standards for their partner for the past few decades. Unfortunately, as these standards are raised, the capacity for the modern couple to achieve these standards has fallen way below expectations.

For example, wanting an extremely expensive date is unattainable for average people who are still trying to make ends meet. This failure reflects on a person’s ability to provide for the long term, which then ruins the chances that the couple could work on the more important aspects of their relationship. [Read: How to manage money in a marriage]

Why it’s a good thing…

Fortunately for the hopeless romantic, there is a silver lining. Another group of researchers decided to conduct a study on the results of having high standards in a relationship. According to the results, having high standards for a partner is a good thing, but only if you are both willing to work on achieving those standards.

With that being said, it seems that being a hopeless romantic is not a bad thing at all. It’s actually a good thing for a lot of couples. Still, you have to tone down your expectations, just in case your partner is unable to acquire a genie and a magic carpet.

The best part about being a hopeless romantic is that they are probably a great catch. They know what they want and are usually willing to give just as much *and maybe even more* to the person they love. And it’s not just their partner. Their family, their friends, and even their co-workers can often feel the seemingly endless supply and love and appreciation the hopeless romantic has to share. [Read: The 10 types of love you’ll experience in your lifetime]

Is there a happy ending for hopeless romantics?

I actually envy and pity hopeless romantics at the same time. I envy them because their view of the world lets them see the best in everyone and everything. They know what they want and they don’t compromise on their beliefs. They want to see themselves with someone amazing and exceptional. They feel in their hearts that they can have that person, but only if they hold on long enough until he or she arrives.

Unfortunately, that is also why I pity them. Some hopeless romantics don’t know when to stop searching for something unattainable. Because of the media’s portrayal of serendipity and destiny, a lot of hopeless romantics end up wishing for something that was pre-planned by someone else.

Of course there’s still a chance that a hopeless romantic might get the Bella Swan treatment *if vampires were real* or the Anastasia Steele package *if Christian Grey were a startup CEO*. But those are exceptions to the rule. Unproven exceptions, at that.

Hopeless romantics are looking in the right direction, but their hearts and minds can sometimes lead them down the wrong path. You don’t get your happy ending in a straight line. You have to go through this extremely confusing maze of emotions and jump through the various obstacles that couples face. Only then will you be able to get your fairytale ending.

The non-hopeless romantics are also right in not pushing for extreme standards, but they’re also wrong for not expecting the best outcome that they truly deserve. You may not get the prince or the belle of ball, but don’t stop hoping for chivalry, viral proposal videos, and ten-room palaces. If you deserve it, you can have it. [Read: 10 signs you’re compatible with the one you’re dating]

There’s no need to be hopeless or too complacent. Just be romantic. I’ve been on both sides of the romance line, and let me tell you this: I was a hopeless romantic whose heart was broken. Today, I’m just a romantic who wants to keep doing what I do best: loving the people I care about and never giving up on the romance that I truly deserve.

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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