There are different types of attractions that draw you to someone, whether you’re aware of it or not. One of them is none other than romantic attraction.
Romantic attraction is really the big-ticket item for a long-lasting relationship. You can’t hope for a successful and happy relationship without it. But something many people think is romantic attraction is actually only surface deep. Meaning it’s not the real thing. Usually, it’s only physical attraction.
We can get so invested in someone at the beginning of the relationship that we only THINK we feel romantically connected to them. That’s one of the flaws in the dating world today. Too many people are mistaking lust for a romantic attraction.
But there’s a massive difference between romantic and physical attraction. It’s for the same reason why lust, infatuation, and attachment will never compare to the genuine essence that is love. [Read: Romantic orientation: The most common ones all of us must know]
What is romantic attraction?
Romantic attraction is when you genuinely feel you look at someone, and your heart beats for them. The foundation for this type of attraction is often emotional and is not to be confused with physical attraction. [Read: Science of attraction: 17 things that are far more sexy than looks]
Maybe you have a deep mental connection with them, they make you feel safe and comfortable, or they’re just something about them your heart beats for. You would know it’s not lust because we guarantee, lust is short-lived, and the same goes for infatuation.
Romantic attraction makes you long for that person and be with them, even if you’re not doing anything in particular. It’s when you feel attracted after knowing you share a similar belief, values, or even mindsets. There is nothing surface-level or superficial about this type of attraction.
Sexual attraction vs romantic attraction
When you feel sexual attraction, this is purely lust and physical intimacy. It’s crossing physical borders with one another. How they look and their body is what triggers this type of attraction. But when it comes to romantic attraction, this is one of the most genuine types of attraction.
As we said above, romantic attraction is deep and substantial. It can come from having chemistry together or maybe realizing you’re more common than you thought. Romantic attraction is based on emotions, whereas physical attraction will purely be based on how you look and how attracted they are to you physically.
It really is easy to confuse the two because the moment you break the touch barrier, you feel more comfortable with them, which could blur the lines between both types of attraction. [Read: Different types of attraction: Which is most vital for true love?]
Lust can only get you so far in a relationship
The main thing people feel for someone when they first meet and have an initial attraction is lust. They feel a strong desire to be close to that person in a physical sense. But that can only get you so far in a long-term relationship.
This is something that usually fizzles out after a few months. AKA, the honeymoon phase ends and they’re hit with the reality that they don’t actually like the person emotionally. Then the relationship usually ends.
You just can’t have a healthy and happy relationship without that romantic attraction. [Read: Different types of attraction: Which do you need for true love?]
How to know if what you’re feeling is romantic attraction
So how do you differentiate those feelings? It can be difficult to know because really, if you’re with the right person, you’ll feel a combination of all attractions.
The thing you have to start figuring out is how to tell when you feel romantic attraction specifically. Because that’s what will make your relationship stronger. Here’s how to tell if you’re feeling the real thing.
1. You feel emotionally connected
This is by far the most significant indicator that you’re romantically attracted to someone. If you feel an emotional connection, it’s romance. If you’re unsure what that feels like, it’s basically when you really, really like someone, and it has nothing to do with any tingling feeling in your crotch area.
You feel attracted to the way they talk, their opinions, and the way their mind works. It’s not about how hot you think they are. You’re attracted to the essence of who they are and not just how their body looks. [Read: 8 small ways to build an emotional connection]
2. Physical attraction aside, you’d still be drawn to them
If you feel romantic attraction toward someone, chances are you’re also physically attracted to them. That being said, if you could take away their good looks and still be drawn to them, it’s a romantic connection.
You like them for more than just their appearance. Whether or not you find them attractive, they still make you happy, and your heart beats for them. Physical attraction isn’t the leading factor why you like them.
3. You value their opinion
This is a huge sign of romantic attraction. If you’re feeling all fluttery around them and you also tend to take their opinion to heart, it’s definitely romance. It’s romance when you want someone’s opinion – not because you want to be what they like – but because you find value in their thoughts and views.
This also means you highly respect everything they have to say, even if it’s different from your own. If this isn’t romantic attraction, we don’t know what else is. [Read: 12 things happy couples talk about and feel closer]
4. You want to be physically close with them in a nonsexual way
Sure, you probably have the urge to touch them in naughty places and make out with them from time to time. However, it’s romantic attraction when you also just want to lay with them and enjoy their company. Cutting out the sexual tension and energy and still wanting to be in someone’s presence is how romantic attraction works.
That feeling of wanting to curl up and cuddle is romance and an emotional connection. Even when you’re not particularly doing anything sexual, you enjoy being around them. Simply put, their presence is enough. [Read: Do guys like to cuddle? 15 truths to uncover their secrets]
5. They make you smile for no reason
The thing about romantic attraction versus being sexually interested in someone is that with romance, just the thought of someone can make you smile. When you’re always giddy and happy around someone, that’s romantic attraction at its finest. And that’s because they’re reaching you on a deeper level.
Sure, if they were pleasing you sexually, you’d probably smile. But that’s the thing. There’s a reason for that smile. When you’re happy for no reason whenever you’re around or thinking about them, it’s romantic attraction.
6. Their thoughts and ideas are attractive
When you have romantic attraction with someone, you are attracted to how their mind works. Their thoughts and ideas and opinions become very important to you. Sometimes they even captivate you. At times, you’ll find yourself wanting to sit and talk to them about particular topics instead of being intimate with them physically.
Forget making out! You just want to know how they feel about alien life on other planets! You quickly get lost in conversation with them, and you can talk about anything and everything. Their mind is just one of the many attractive things you find about them. [Read: 20 deep questions to get to know someone better]
7. Your life is richer with them in it
This has nothing to do with the fact that you’re probably getting some in the bedroom. This is focused on the idea that you feel as though your life has improved since they’ve been around. This can be because you feel happier, or perhaps they help you see the world in a brighter light.
No matter the reason, if you can confidently say your life is better with them in it, it’s romantic attraction. You can no longer imagine going back to a life without them. They encourage you to be better and fill your life with light and all the good things.
8. You want to be their shoulder to cry on
This one is a huge sign it’s romance and not something less meaningful. Wanting to be their support system shows that you care about their happiness on a deeper level. This type of care is categorized as deeply emotional.
If you could see them break down and cry and only want to be there to make them feel better, you’re romantically involved with them. You want to be there emotionally for support. That’s not about taking off your clothes and hoping it cheers them up.
This is one of the selfless gestures that becomes proof of romantic attraction. You want to be there when they need you because you want to, not to gain something sexual in return. [Read: 22 ways to make someone feel better]
9. You want them to succeed in their endeavors
This also has to do with wanting the best for them. When you care about their life goals and ambitions, it shows a level of romance. That romantic attraction makes you want to see them succeed. You want them to be happy, and you know that seeing them succeed in their goals will do that.
You don’t actually feel threatened by their success because you genuinely want them to achieve everything they want in life. You support them in every way you can, and you make sure to show that support through your actions and words. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]
10. Their personality is the main reason you’re attracted to them
Throw literally everything else out the door. What are you left with? Someone’s personality should be the main reason you’re attracted to them. If you want romantic attraction, it’s crucial.
You’re not admiring their body and how great they look *although you appreciate that too*, but the focus is more on their personality. You admire how vibrant their personality is or how they can make everyone laugh in a crowd. [Read: Are you demiromantic? 13 signs you need time to build a connection]
11. You don’t need sex to feel intimate with them
If you’re feeling romantic attraction, you don’t need to get physically intimate to get close with them. Even when you’re doing ordinary things, you still feel close to them. [Read: Emotional connection: 15 reasons and signs why it’s so important]
Whether it’s watching the sunset together, traveling, or even just having coffee and getting lost in conversation, your heart and soul beats for them. You don’t need to be naked with one another to be intimate, and that’s romantic attraction right there.
12. You get turned on in non-sexual ways
They don’t need to engage in sexual or physical contact to turn you on because they can do it even without those aspects.
Even if it’s as simple as making you laugh or coming up with a mentally stimulating topic, you feel romantic attraction in the air. They don’t need to remove your clothes to turn you on as they can do it right from your mind and heart. [Read: What turns a girl on sexually & otherwise: 25 irresistible traits]
13. You get lost in conversation with them
Every conversation with them fills you with life and love in your heart. Whether it’s small talk or talking about what the Universe is made of, you’re more than happy to be in that conversation.
They make you happy, and your mind has never been more alive than at that moment. You know it’s romantic attraction you feel when even a simple conversation makes your heart beat for them.
14. You naturally have an emotional and mental connection
The essence of romantic attraction is both emotional and mental connection. You don’t need to bare your bodies to one another when you can be vulnerable, honest, and raw with one another.
When you feel romantically attracted to them, there’s no need to touch one another or be physically intimate as you’re already naked enough emotionally and mentally. [Read: Emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy: Chicken or the egg?]
15. You basically just love spending time with them
Quality time is such an underrated love language but is a powerful one when you feel romantically attracted to someone.
Even if you have no big plans with them or you’d just sit and do nothing, you still enjoy being around their presence. You don’t have to do anything significant as you enjoy doing anything and everything with them.
[Read: 13 weird, unique ways to build intimacy with your partner]
So, what is romantic attraction?
Caring for someone based on their personality is more about romance than anything else. If you get rid of their job, looks, family, and anything else that may make them appealing and only leave them with their personality, are you attracted to them?
If the answer is yes, then it’s a romantic connection. [Read: 25 of the best romantic gestures for everyday life]
Romantic attraction can be difficult to pinpoint if you’re never felt it before. But with these signs above, you can distinguish it better from physical attraction.
