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How Much Time Should Couples Spend Together: 24 Clues to Your Number

Are you wondering if you and your beau spend enough time in each other’s company? Learn how much time should couples spend together and figure it out! 

how much time should couples spend together

When it comes to relationships, how much time should couples spend together? First of all, there is not a mathematical equation or amount of days or hours that will be ideal for every couple.

Each and every couple is different. Some partners thrive off of every moment together and despise being apart. Others need their alone time and appreciate their independence. Some just need that perfect balance.

If you’re not sure how much time you and your partner should be spending together, you’ve come to the right place for the honest answer, based on you and your partner, your lifestyles, and your relationship status.

[Read: Timing it right – How often should you meet your boyfriend or girlfriend?]

How new is your relationship?

As we said, each and every couple is different, from their preferences to their needs. It seems that newer couples and long-term couples have different ideas of how much time is right for them to spend together.

However, for most new couples, they can’t wait to spend as much time together as possible. It’s all to do with that honeymoon period that drags people together and attaches them at the hip. Of course, this doesn’t last forever, but during those first few weeks and months, you’re probably going to spend more time together than you will if a bit more time passes.

For that reason, if you’re in a long-term relationship, don’t look back on your earlier days and wonder if something is wrong with your union now. It’s a normal and natural cycle. [Read: Honeymoon phase – How to calculate how long it’ll last for you both]

How much time should couples spend together?

By adding the word ‘should’ in there, it seems like there is an answer that is one size fits all. But, there isn’t – because every couple is different.

Finding the balance of how much time you should spend together versus apart can be tricky. And it will not be the same for everyone, possibly including you and your partner.

You may love doing everything together while your partner thrives on their alone time or time with friends. But how do you know?

But, you want the hard figures, right? Again, you have to find a route that feels good for both of you, but let’s check out some general averages to guide you toward the right answer. [Read: How to know when to give someone space – Don’t be THAT person!]

1. New couples

As a new couple, we know that you want to be joined at the hip, but having your own space is important. It’s far too easy to suddenly drop all your friends and interests but what if it all ends? We don’t want to be negative here, but it’s a possibility, right?

You also need to maintain your own sense of self to avoid losing your identity in a new relationship. Dropping everything for your new beau isn’t going to allow you to do that.

So, how much time should couples spend together when they’re newly in love? Of course, you’re going to be texting back and forth every single day and that’s fine.

But, as far as seeing each other in person goes, perhaps between 4-5 times per week. That way, you get to spend quality time, avoid pining for each other, but you still get time to focus on yourself and see your own friends. [Read: The 5 phases of a relationship and how to know the stage you’re in]

2. Couples that have been together a while

In this group, we’re talking about couples that don’t fall into the new category and don’t fall into the long-term category either. You’re comfortable with each other but you’re out of the honeymoon phase where everything is intense and crazy.

So, how much time should couples spend together in this category. Assuming you’re not living together yet, you might want to aim for around 3-4 times per week.

Again, keep up the contact over messages, but this idea allows you to focus on your job, your studies, your family, your friends, your hobbies, and anything else you want to do.

At this point in a relationship, it can be hard to think of new things to talk about but by spending a couple of days away from one another, you’ll be able to talk about what you’ve been up to. [Read: How to commit to a relationship and show your partner you’re serious]

If you’re living together, that’s obviously going to mean you see each other daily. But, how much time should you spend solidly in each other’s company? Why not aim for around 2 date nights every week?

You probably have breakfast and dinner together anyway, and the rest of the time you can be in the house, out of it, etc. But, by dedicating two nights per week to date nights, you’re stlll keeping things fresh.

3. Long-term relationships

Now we need to think about how much time couples should spend together when they’ve been in a relationship for a while.

At this point, living together is likely to be the case, but not always. If you don’t live together, aim for around 5 times per week in terms of doing things. It doesn’t need to be anything huge and it doesn’t need to last an entire day, but you need to maintain a connection to stop things from becoming stale.

If you do live together, you’re going to be spending every day together anyway and you may have other responsibilities, such as a busy job, maybe even children. In that case, one prioritized date night per week is a good aim. [Read: How to have a long-term relationship that lasts]

Questions to ask to identify YOUR personal ‘together’ time

In order to figure out how much time couples should spend together, specifically you and your partner, there are some questions you may want to ask yourself and discuss together.

We’ve given you a few ideas to aim toward, but again, not all couples are the same. Some of them much more time apart, some couples live far apart and use video calls for dates, and some prefer to spend way more time together.

So, when working out your own happy medium, consider these questions and points.

1. What type of couple are you?

Are you happiest when you are together just lounging around and running errands? Or do you prefer to spend time together on planned out dates? Or do you love catching up with a phone call at the end of the day?

Where do you thrive? Do you like having time apart because it makes your time together mean more? These are things you should talk about and decide together. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not drift apart]

2. What are you like individually?

This is something you must consider internally. Do you like your alone time? Do you need a lazy night in watching reality TV once a week? Or do you thrive off of being around your partner?

If you are very independent, you may enjoy your time to yourself and need that. But others like to depend on others and have others depend on them. [Read: How to spot codependent behavior early on and regain your self-indentity]

3. Do you enjoy alone time?

If you’re someone who enjoys alone time and you spend a week straight with someone you’re dating, no matter how much you like them, you would be craving a lazy weekend alone.

In that case, too much time together could make you overwhelmed. If that sounds like you, maybe you shouldn’t spend too much time together. [Read: How to be a better partner to your introverted lover]

4. Do you easily feel overwhelmed or smothered?

Some people can feel overwhelmed if things move too fast or get too serious too quickly. It can be a lot to adjust to. And normally, that happens when you spend a lot of your time with your partner.

That would mean as a couple you should not spend all your time together. Stepping back for space apart is healthy.

5. Do you like a lot of attention?

Are you someone who feeds off being around others? Or, do you love always having someone around to talk to and do things with?

If so, as a couple you should spend free time together. Maybe you don’t need to go on fancy dates, but just doing everyday things together could be best for you. [Read: What makes someone an attention seeker and how to read these traits]

How are you spending your time together?

How much time should couples spend together? As we mentioned earlier, that depends on what type of time you’re spending together.

If you live together, your time might differ from a long distance couple. So rather than being so concerned with how much time you’re spending together, focus on how you are spending that time together. [Read: 80 very unique, fun and exciting things to do with your boyfriend]

1. Relaxing

A great way to spend time together is just relaxing. Whether you are watching a movie, laughing at YouTube videos, or just talking, having few distractions can be very beneficial to get to know each other best.

You create an intimacy and comfort level when you spend time together doing nothing in particular. [Read: 20 fun things for couples to do to instantly get out of the relationship routine]

2. Adrenaline-inducing

On the flip side, some couples like to push themselves to their limits together. This too can create an unmatched bond between a couple.

When you try new things together, especially risky things, you rely on each other for comfort, safety, and celebrate excitement.

3. Exploring

Taking the adrenaline down a notch is where the majority of couples live. Trying new things like traveling to a new destination or a new restaurant is enough variety to mix things up, but not so intense that it could be panic-attack-inducing.

These things let you learn and grow together. You see new cultures and are introduced to new people and ideas.

These things are how many couples make the most of their time together. This is the ideal way to spend time together if you are in a long distance relationship too. [Read: 25 couples activities that make you feel loved and closer than ever]

4. Errands

Doing everyday things like running errands together may be more on the long term relationship end of the spectrum. When your regular lives take over, your date night might be a trip to Target rather than a carriage ride through the park. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Low-maintenance couples thrive on these low-key times. But this can also get many couples into a rut, leading to resentment, and even cheating.

If you or your partner is bored by repetition or a routine like this, it could be time to shake things up and make time to try new things together. [Read: 23 ingenious ways to keep a relationship exciting and fun]

5. Fighting

Now, if you are spending most of your time together fighting, space may be needed. When a couple spends too much time together, not only can the tension get high, but the passion and chemistry can take a back seat to small annoyances.

Time apart to see friends, family, and just be alone is healthy for couples. [Read: How to stop being codependent – 17 steps to finding yourself again]

Time apart is important too

As you can see, there is no golden amount of time that couples should spend together. We can only give you averages and ideas. It depends on your preferences, your needs, and what your time together consists of.

But it is important to always remember that time together is not the most important part of balancing a relationship. Making sure to focus on your time apart keeps you centered. It maintains your individuality and identity.

It is what keeps you confident and whole within yourself. This way your relationship can add to your life, not define it. [Read: 14 spirited steps to be independent in a relationship and learn to love better]

Why spending too much time together is unhealthy even if it seems like fun

Even though you are a couple, there are things you need to do on your own, and you even need to spend time alone. Here are some reasons why spending all your time together can be detrimental to the relationship.

1. Before you met your partner, you were your own person

You had your own set of hobbies, your own favorite food and things to do, your own TV shows you followed, your own dreams and aspirations. Sure, you needed to compromise because you committed to a relationship that must work for two individuals. But to what extent should this compromise go?

Being an individual is important because you are not who your partner is. You are you. You must never let go of that.

Remember a time when you were really happy because of your own achievements and your own hard work. How did that feel? Or a time when you didn’t let anybody else help you nor get in your way of achieving something that you really want?

Ask yourself, why did my partner fall in love with me? You were your own person. And you still need to be even when in a relationship. Don’t lose sight of that. [Read: 9 important habits you need to be more independent]

2. The yin and the yang

Spending a lot of time together means you get to see every single thing your partner does. Really, you see, hear, and even feel everything. From the gross nose picking to hearing them fart, the way they just leave their clothes on the floor before showering or smelling them when they haven’t showered for days.

It’s not that you won’t be experiencing these when you are married, but there are some things you don’t always need to see.

You won’t like everything about your partner. It’s usually the little things that make you crazy. When you continuously get irked by the little things, what’s going to happen when you get annoyed with the big things? The neighbors should be warned for an impending fight like this. [Read: Smothered in a relationship? How to read the signs and fix it]

3. Space is a human need

You have heard the cliché, “I need space.” It’s true. Whether you like to admit it or not, there should still be a “me” time for you and a “me” time for your partner.

Have you kept some thoughts to yourself? Do you realize these individualistic thoughts cannot be shared with anyone but you? What happens when you don’t even have time to your own thoughts? [Read: A closer look at “you,” “me” and “we” relationships]

4. Climb up the career ladder

You both need to grow in your careers separately, even if you have the same jobs. You have a different way of working and organizing yourself and so does your partner. Being excellent in your job and being praised for it is also a way of feeling good about yourself.

Spending too much time together inhibits personal and career growth because instead of doing some improvements, you spend time with your partner.

Work is work, and sometimes, giving time for work makes you happier as an individual and happier as a couple. 

5. Your partner isn’t your only friend

Before your partner showed up, you had a million other friends. Where are they now? We all know you only need one person, but you don’t grow with only one person in your life. And when you think about it, it needed a lot of people to get you where you are now.

Don’t isolate yourself. Just because you know your partner will be there whatever happens, it doesn’t mean you don’t need other people.

Continue your communication with your friends and still be there for them even if you are in a relationship. Your friendship with them should still carry weight even if you are in a relationship. Besides, you still run to friends when there’s trouble in paradise. [Read: How to reconnect with friends and rebuild your old friendships]

6. Whatever happened to your immediate family?

You have parents and siblings, nephews and nieces, uncles, aunts, and cousins before you were in a relationship, right? And where are they now?

Spend time with them as well and don’t lose contact. Your partner isn’t your only family, and you will always run to them when you need help. [Read: Overly attached boyfriend? 15 subtle ways to get your space back]

7. You like spicy food, your partner likes it bland

So you both compromise. But can the compromise go on forever? There are things like personal preferences that you put aside so that you and your partner can live harmoniously.

But you need time to be able to enjoy your personal preferences, don’t you? And how can you do this when you are always with your significant other? [Read: Compromise in relationship and how to learn to give without losing]

8. You spend time reading books, your partner likes outdoor sports

Are you going to always go trekking with your partner, even though, there are a hundred books waiting to be read on your shelf? Or should your partner not go outside and do sport and read with you inside the house?

Spending all your time together doesn’t let you do your hobbies. Hobbies you both really want to do in your own phase, on your own time, and on your own volition. Make time for it.

9. The perfect concoction

It’s your partner’s birthday. You would like to throw a surprise party. Sometimes, you need to step back and have time on your own to be able to pull off a surprise like this. It doesn’t even have to be a surprise party.

It can be as small as buying your partner ice cream and giving it to them when you get home. But you won’t be able to do even that when you are 24/7 together. [Read: 5 reasons why loving someone too much kills the love]

10. Sometimes “I miss you” is good

The point of saying you miss someone means you’ve spent time apart. But how can you even say you miss them if you haven’t spent time apart?

Wouldn’t it be nice to see someone you miss and get to tell them all about what you’ve done the whole day? Not missing your partner is nice. But the feeling of seeing them after missing them is way nicer. [Read: You-Complete-Me relationships and you need your space]

11. No to dependency

Being together 24/7 eventually makes you dependent on each other. Again, dependency isn’t a bad thing in some circumstances but you have to find balance. To be able to survive in this world, you need to be dependent on yourself. What if you broke up? What if you get into a fight?

It’s not always paradise in couple kingdom, and most of the time you fight or just not in the couple mood, you should be able to fend for yourself. The only way to do that is if you are independent. And the only way to be independent is to not spend most of your time together. [Read: Am I codependent? 14 signs you’re clingy and overstepping boundaries]

Find your own magic number

When it comes to the question how much time should couples spend together, there is no right and wrong answer. But, there are a few guidelines. Make sure you always keep some time for yourself, don’t expect your partner to dedicate every single second to you, and remember that time apart means you have plenty to catch up on.

In the end, you have to find a happy medium that suits both of you.

[Read: Time apart in a relationship – 21 signs, reasons and how to discuss it together]

So, how much time should couples spend together? Use this guide as a reference, but finally, it is entirely up to you and your partner. If either of you feels smothered or need space, take a step back until you find the perfect sweet spot.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...