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When You Miss Him: 23 Mind Tricks to Stop Missing the Wrong Guy

There’s nothing worse than that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you miss him. The good news is there are ways you can make yourself feel better.

when you miss him

Loss is like someone tearing your heart out, right through your chest. The reason they call it heartbreak is because it feels like your heart is going to break in half and you’re not going to feel right ever again. When thoughts of I miss him consume you, it feels similar to grief. When you miss him, it feels like the end of the world for you.

A void in your heart makes the world a dark and gray place to be in right now, and it feels impossible to keep going. 

Why do I miss him?

You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself when you miss him. He was a significant part of your life and in a fraction of a moment, he’s gone.

Missing him makes you human, especially after everything you’ve been through. When you miss him, remember all the good moments you’ve gone through with him.

Remember the moments where he made you laugh, filled you with life, loved you, and filled you with hope. You miss him because he was everything you wanted and needed – until life said otherwise. 

[Read: I miss him so much but I don’t think he misses me at all]

23 mind tricks to try when you miss him a lot

Even if you’re not within proximity to him, there are several ways you can cope with it. Your heartbreak might feel like never-ending pain, but the sun will shine again. When you find yourself saying, “I miss him,” it just means you’re capable of love. And that’s never a bad thing, is it?

It’s never going to be easy when you miss him, but you’ll eventually get better at dealing with it until one day, a whole day will pass without you thinking of him. And then a week. And then, it just won’t matter anymore.

1. Think of all his flaws and shortcomings

We like to think of the people we love as perfect and divine beings, but they’re not. When you miss him, remember everything he did to hurt you and let you down. It’s easier to focus on the perfect moments when we miss someone, but your love for them is hiding their greatest flaws and imperfections.

There were undoubtedly things that you didn’t like about him, like his need to always be right or inability to help do the dishes. A relationship fails because the bad outweighed the good and it’s time you realize this. [Read: 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through them]

2. Keep yourself busy

The best way to feel better when you miss him is to distract yourself just enough to forget the thought of missing him. When you keep thinking, I miss him, you’ll never be strong enough to cope with the reality of a life without him.

Your thoughts are loudest when you’re hurting so do what you must to cope with your heartbreak and loss. Idle minds really are the devil’s playground because they allow you to fill the space with memories and despair.

Feel free to binge on your favorite shows, play your favorite video games, spend time with your friends, or get out and have some fun. Do everything except wallow in your own sorrow and devastation. 

3. Do all the things you didn’t when you were together

When you are a couple or when you try to please someone you like, you sometimes give up the things you love because there isn’t enough time, or your significant other simply isn’t a big fan. Instead of spending all your energy missing him, use this opportunity to go to the beach or party with your friends, or do something you’ve always wanted to do yourself.

Don’t allow your heartbreak to make you less of who you are any further. When you miss him, find out who you are, instead of getting lost in your pain and loss. This often requires remembering who you were before he entered your life. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups]

4. Find a hobby

Your independence should be the sole focus at this stage of your life. When you miss him, focus on the chance to do everything you’ve ever wanted.

Take a painting class, work on your dreams, pursue a new hobby, and enjoy life! You don’t have to answer to anyone and now you have much more time as well, so find out what you love and what you are passionate about and go for it.

You no longer have to feel guilty to do things you’ve always wanted to do. Now is the time to forget about him and start focusing on what makes you happy without him.

5. Go out as much as possible

If your friend suggests that you would be perfect with one of their co-workers, don’t shut the thought out just because you think you aren’t ready to date. You need to expand your horizons and get out of your comfort zone. Even if the thought of I miss him enters your mind, this is especially when you need to go out.

It’s one of the best distractions to forget the pain of missing him. This also gives you high possibilities of meeting someone else, even when you’re far from ready. You’ll never be able to completely live your life if you don’t put yourself out there again. [Read: Rebound relationships and why they’re the best thing to get over a guy]

6. Take a new class

When you miss him, the best way to stop obsessing over him is all about finding the right distractions to get him out of your head. Find the local gym nearby and take a new exercise class. Or, if you already belong to one, find a class that you wouldn’t ever consider and take it.

Get out of your comfort zone and use this time to really explore your life. Be open to new experiences and don’t say no if the opportunity doesn’t harm you. Stepping out of your comfort zone and improving your life is the best gift you can give yourself now.

There’s no harm in trying, right? It’s also a way to meet people you have things in common with and a great way to ignore his thoughts when you miss him. You never know – you could end up having a new bestie, or a new crush! [Read: The most common things all women do when they have a broken heart]

7. Let it go and stop obsessing 

No matter how much you make sense of things and explore every scenario, you’ll never have all the answers. Even if you had closure, you can still end up obsessing, so it’s not a reliable solution.

It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut and rehash things when you miss him, but be strong enough to refrain from this. Instead of holding onto memories or trying to find out why he left, why he had to go, or simply why it didn’t work, stop talking about it.

The more you talk about it, the more you dwell on events of the past. You’ll never be able to stop missing him if this is the case. While it’s healthy to talk about it initially, it can’t be all you ever do when you miss him. Working through the anxiety is much better than drudging up old feelings again and again.

8. Put away pictures and memories

Pictures can give us something to hold on to, especially when that person is no longer in our lives. However, they can also hinder you from moving forward and living your best life.

This doesn’t mean you have to burn all your photos and memories together, but at least put them away where you can’t see them. Maybe it is just time to put them away for just a bit so that you can get back to life.

You can always put them back afterward when you have grieved, and those memories are no longer sad. Until then, keep the memories you share in a hidden space so you can focus better on moving forward. [Read: 15 very effective rules to forget someone you once cared for]

9. Return things via mail

When you miss him, keeping his belongings as a constant reminder isn’t helping. We’ve all done this with an ex, especially when the thoughts of him get very overwhelming.

You come up with every excuse in the book to see him, such as returning his things in person or “accidentally” stumbling into him. Even when you miss him, you shouldn’t put yourself through the torture of seeing him in person.

This also doesn’t mean you get to keep his things as that won’t help you either. Return them in a box via mail to get past the hurt of seeing them all the time.

10. Avoid triggers

There are going to be things that trigger your memories and bring back the hurt. You need to learn your triggers so you actively avoid them or learn to cope.

If a chick flick sets you off, don’t watch it. If you both had pizza every Friday, skip it. You will always find reminders around you that will trigger thoughts of I miss him, don’t give into them. 

11. Avoid your old hangouts

The more you torture yourself by going back to your old date spots, the harder it is to stop missing him. At least, until you’re fully healed and have moved on from him.

If you keep going back to the well, you are going to find that it isn’t satiating your thirst. Not unless you find your pain amusing, this isn’t an advisable way to deal with it when you miss him. [Read: I miss my ex-boyfriend – 15 ways to really stop missing him for good]

12. Make new goals

Investing in your personal development is guaranteed to be the best way to stop being consumed by I miss him thoughts. Focus on your self-improvement as this is the best way you can stop missing him and move on with your life.

Even if everything hurts and you want to dwell in your pain, you’re stronger than you think. Make a commitment to get a promotion, go back to school, or even run a marathon.

It doesn’t have to be a lofty goal, just one that will get your head back in the game and progress toward the future. Creating both short-term and long-term goals will also give you a sense of direction and purpose in your life that you desperately need. 

13. Find a rebound guy

Okay, your first thought may be, why would you use a rebound guy to get over another guy? After all, there’s a very good possibility that you may end up falling for the new guy, or worse, feel even more empty than you’ve ever felt before.

Not everyone can handle a rebound without complications, but if you think you can, then go for it!

Find someone who makes you laugh and forget your past, if even for a while. Rebound guys are awesome because they remind you that love will come again. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready to hook up for fun]

14. Have a change of environment

You can’t stop your thoughts when you miss him if you’re surrounded by the same environment you lost him in. Go to that beach trip, take a hiking trip, buy that plane ticket!

The world is too vast to stop exploring because of one person. Sometimes all you need is to get out of your comfort zone when you miss him. You never know, you might meet new friends and a potential lover along the way. 

15. Stop taking other people’s advice

No matter how much you talk about him, you’re the only one who knows what you should do. You were the only one in the relationship, so stop asking for reassurance and suggestions from everyone around you.

Follow your gut instinct and do what you think is right. Obviously, you also need to think logically so no, don’t go stalking your ex just because you miss him. If you think you should start dating again, then you’re allowed to do so. Stop living your life by other people’s yardsticks, at least for now, until you can feel better and feel whole again. [Read: 16 common relationship tips that can ruin your love life]

16. Read a lot

Social media and memes are fun, but sometimes, all it does is make you want to share that meme with him! Books, on the other hand, will give you the knowledge and company you seek, especially when thoughts of I miss him are filling your mind.

Heartbreak might seem like the end of the world for you, but I guarantee it’s really not. Reading a lot of books can instill a whole new approach to life, and can be the perfect distraction, away from your phone or social media.

17. Find a partner in crime

This is often where you need a best friend or someone who goes through the silliest adventures with you. When you miss him, you need someone who’s down to do anything with you.

A partner in crime will help you to do crazy things, have a good time, and can help to fill the space that may feel empty. They could also help you cope properly with your feelings when you miss him, so you don’t do anything too irrational. [Read: Partner in crime – 31 signs you have this true friend in your life already]

18. Erase him from social media

Stop stalking him or trying to figure out if he misses you. If you want to get past him, then you have to stop torturing yourself. Social media is the one platform that’s detrimental for your moving on process. Even if thoughts of I miss you consume you so much it hurts, avoid stalking his profile.

If you see that he’s already with someone else, or that he’s completely moved on, it’ll only make you feel worse. You wouldn’t want that, would you? [Read: Should I block my ex? 17 signs to decide what’s best for you]

19. Erase his number

As long as his number is saved in your contacts, you will always miss him and want to contact him. Just like you deleted him from your life, the last final step is to delete any communication whatsoever. If you really want to make the commitment to heal and move on, then try changing your contact info.

Missing someone is never easy, but removing the temptation of crawling back makes you stronger than who you used to be. It also saves the dangers of you potentially drunk calling him. [Read: What you should do after a breakup to feel awesome]

20. Stop talking to mutual friends

At some point, his friends also became your friends. While it’s tempting to check up on him through those mutual friends, refrain from doing so. If you want to stop missing him, then you have to either let go of your common friends or stop talking about him. At least for a while.

This isn’t helping your moving on progress in any way nor is it healthy for your sanity. [Read: The most common post-breakup mistakes you should never do]

21. Sit with your feelings

No amount of distractions or tequila shots will make you forget how much everything hurts. Missing him might feel unbearable, but tomorrow is another day. You need to sit with your feelings if you want to move on eventually and heal.

Otherwise, your emotions could turn to repressed feelings and that’s the most dangerous of them all. Let yourself cry if you must, sing all the songs in your playlist, or watch romcoms. At the end of the day, it’s all about how you cope with missing him. 

22. Choose happiness

There are so many ways you can be happy without torturing yourself. Missing someone can be hard, but it’s not the reason why you should give up on life completely.

If the thoughts of I miss him won’t go away, realize that happiness is one decision away. You can always find joy in the things and people that make you happy. The choice to get over him is still yours. And it’s totally up to you if you want to dwell or choose happiness. So choose happiness! [Read: Secret to happiness – The uncomplicated guide for a happy life]

23. Don’t isolate yourself

Okay, we’ve all been there before. We’ve all locked ourselves in our room while crying to Taylor Swift songs. However, isolation and solitude are never the answers to anything. When you miss him and you’re alone, it’s only going to get worse.

Your thoughts get the loudest when you’re hurt so you need to let people in so they can be there for you. Really push yourself to go out and join that coffee date with your friends or even have a sleepover with them. You won’t regret it. 

So, what if I miss him? 

Losing someone in your life is a really hard thing to deal with, especially if it was your boyfriend. There is no magic bullet to grieve and get over a relationship. Even if you force yourself to stop missing him, it’s never as easy as it happens in the movies. 

Real life is messy, especially when you miss him so bad that it hurts. The key is not to keep yourself stuck by holding onto memories or the past when you miss him. Everything happens for a reason and even if you don’t know all the answers right now, find the closure that the relationship paved its way. 

[Read: 20 firm ways to get over a guy you like without falling apart]

When you miss him, always remember that when a door closes, a window opens. In other words, missing someone won’t be the death of you. You’ve survived heartbreak before and you’ll survive this. As the saying goes, this too shall pass. 

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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