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33 Strong Ways to Stop Loving Someone & Read the Signs It’s Time to Walk Away

If you want to know how to stop loving someone, it can feel like an impossible feat. But if you use these tips, with time, you will heal and move on.

How to Stop Loving Someone

Loving someone is a strong feeling. It can take over your thoughts and be your sole focus. Whether you shared a loving relationship or had a long unrequited love, learning how to stop loving someone can be brutal. 

The feelings of love can bring you so much joy and so much pain. And letting go of that is a huge jolt to your system. 

You are used to being in love and ending that is a big step. It’s one thing to naturally fall out of love, but when you want to stop loving someone because things ended or you need to move on, it can be hard to let go of those feelings. 

Love comes with happiness and pain. All the goodness you feel together feels that much worse when things are over. In those moments, you wonder, can you ever stop loving someone? 

Whether you’ve been cheated on, lied to, or broken up with, still loving the person is what makes it all hurt so much. But you can’t just turn those feelings off like a switch. [Read: 9 ways to overcome the fear of losing someone you love]

When you’ve been with someone, for even a short time, you get accustomed to that. You are not just fond of them, but you expect them to be around.

When someone has hurt you, you carry so many feelings for them. You may be sad, angry, and even infuriated, but the love doesn’t just disappear. The only reason it is hurting so much is that the love is lingering.

But can that stop? Can you ever stop loving someone? [Read: How to lose feelings for someone you cared about and let go of the might have beens

Theories about love

Most of us have been there or maybe even there right now. In those moments, it may feel like letting go of that love will never happen. In the midst of heartbreak, you think this pain will last forever. 

This is when we beg ourselves to stop loving someone. We believe that if the love goes away, the pain will go with it.

When you stop loving someone, you feel like you have moved on. You feel like you are ready to step forward and put the past behind you. [Read: How to get over a broken heart]

But with that, so many people claim to love someone forever. Even after a breakup, heartbreak, and years of being apart, some people claim that the love is still there.

So, can you ever stop loving someone? Or will the love always be there in some capacity? 

Why it’s so hard to stop loving someone

It seems so easy to fall in love but learning how to stop loving someone is so hard. Why? [Read: How to come out of a relationship stronger after it ends]

Well, there are a lot of reasons. Maybe you spent a long time searching for your perfect match. When you found them, you really believed you’d end up together. Accepting that you were wrong isn’t just painful, but confusing. You felt so sure, but you were wrong. 

Admitting that and letting go feels like a failure. If you hold onto those feelings and hope that things can still work out, you feel like you’re not giving up. 

When it comes to knowing how to stop loving someone, it is hard for us to accept that we were wrong about something, but it isn’t a failure. Failure would be not letting go when it is holding you back.

You may also thrive on intensity. You fell in love hard and fast. Everything happened like a movie and it was so strong. But, as it began, it ended. [Read: How to lose your strong feelings and let go of the might-have-beens]

The pain you feel now is just as intense as the love you had. You may feed on that strength of feeling.

 If you’re someone that tends to go all in quickly and even ditch your friends to be with your new partner, this could be you. Letting go of something so powerful is an extreme thing to do, so you redirect all those emotions into pain and not letting go. 

You may also cling to your ex to prevent yourself from heading into the unknown. You claim you love this person, and you can’t move on anymore because that is all you know. [Read: How long does it take to get over someone? The magic number]

It is easier to dwell on the pain and hold onto old love sometimes because they are familiar. Letting go means not only that you’re free to move on, but that you are now moving forward into something new and maybe with someone new. 

This is scary, especially when you’ve been hurt in the past. Your body, mind, and emotions reject entering into another situation where the same thing could happen because maybe it’ll be worse next time. 

You sit in this old love that hurts because it could be worse. You don’t want to take that risk. But the risk is worth it. [Read: How to respond to a rejection and handle it the right way even if it hurts]

It can be so hard to stop loving someone because it isn’t something you can force to happen. Just like you can’t force yourself to love someone you don’t love. 

You can’t force yourself to stop loving someone and just let go. You can distract yourself with other things and act like you’re over it, but love doesn’t just stop abruptly.

When you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, figuring out how to stop loving them isn’t a matter of wanting it or working for it. It takes time, patience, and perspective. [Read: How to get over a breakup and feel like you again]

The pain of trying to lose feelings for someone you love

Eventually, love can cease. It can decrease in intensity, and those feelings you have for that person can become almost unnoticeable. But, just because you want to stop loving someone doesn’t mean it’s easy. Of course, you cannot always control your feelings.

This is why we fall in love with a person that may not be appropriate. This is why we get angry and say things we end up regretting. Feelings can take over, and even when we know they are harming us, it can feel impossible to turn them off.

But, as you also probably know, love isn’t always rational. It makes us do crazy things. And those things aren’t just knocking on someone’s door in the middle of the night. Love can throw you into heartbreak and tear you down. [Read: 12 steps to help you deal with heartbreak and find peace]

Reasons you can’t stop loving someone

You might think that it’s absolutely impossible to stop loving someone you can’t have a relationship with. So, if you feel stuck in a place where you think you’ll never move on, here are the reasons why you feel that way.

1. They are still perfect in your eyes

When we fall in love, in the beginning, we see our partners through rose-colored glasses. And each person is on their best behavior. As time goes on, that tends to wear off. 

However, when there is an unwanted breakup, those rose-colored glasses tend to come back. You can only remember the good times and all the amazing qualities of your ex. [Read: 23 Big questions and steps to leave someone you love and not regret it]

2. You blame yourself for the breakup

Maybe you really screwed up. If you cheated, lied, or otherwise betrayed your partner then you probably have a lot of guilt. You might be beating yourself up for your actions. 

Whether or not you really did cause the breakup doesn’t even matter. If you think you did, then you will act and think as if it’s true.

3. They are still your main focus

If your ex is all you can think about, then you leave no room in your life for anything good to come into it. [Read: Signs of obsession -14 signs of obsessive love you can’t ignore]

Keeping your ex and the breakup as your main focus isn’t allowing you to move past it. You have to distract yourself with other things in order to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.

4. You believe you are not good enough for anybody else

If you have low self-esteem or were in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship with someone, then you will probably think that no one else will want you. 

First of all, this is totally untrue and ridiculous. Of course, someone else will want you! And second of all, don’t let that negative self-talk dominate your thoughts and your life. [Read: How to build self-esteem and love life with 10 simple life changes]

5. You’re still in contact with their friends and family

Maybe you were really close to their friends or family members, so you still talk to them. This keeps you tied to the person you want to stop being in love with.

You are trying to stay in their world and not have anything change. Plus, it probably feels like you aren’t just breaking up with someone, but their friends and family too.

6. You were completely immersed in the relationship

Some people make their relationship the center of their universe. When this happens, then sometimes they lose touch with their friends and stop doing the things they enjoy. [Read: Insecure attachment – what it is, types, 23 signs, and how it affects your life]

 If you were totally wrapped up and immersed in the relationship, then you might not know what to do with yourself anymore. It was your only focus, and now it’s gone.

7. It causes old trauma and heartache to resurface

Maybe you’ve had a lot of trauma in your life. Whether it was from childhood or a pasts romantic relationship, a breakup will likely bring all of that heartache back to the surface. 

So, not only are you dealing with trying to stop loving your ex, but you are also trying to deal with sorting through all those overwhelming emotions that it brings up too. [Read: How your first love affects your future relationships

Can you ever stop loving someone if you truly want to?

Simply put, yes. You can stop loving someone. It may not feel that way right now, but you can and you will. 

The problem is human nature. We cling to familiarity. We want what we had back. And we don’t want the change. We don’t want to have to move on and find someone else. All of that prevents us from letting the love for that person fade away.

Even if you know that moving on is what’s best for you, part of you clings to what you know. This is why many people believe you can never stop loving someone. Love can be forever, but it isn’t always. Love can change, grow, weaken, and stop. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future – 19 things to know]

We struggle to let go of people, even when we know it won’t work and we have to move forward. We want to cling to what we know, even if that is pain. 

When you stop loving someone in your life, you aren’t just letting go of them, but your past and future with them. You foresaw your lives together. You enjoyed your time together. 

Learning to stop loving them means you stop hoping for what you wanted and expected from them. And letting go of the future you thought you’d have is not easy, but it is possible. [Read: How to let go of someone you love without the bitterness]

Whether you’re a teenager or getting divorced in your forties, it is possible to stop loving someone. It will take time. You won’t finish this article and let go. You need to do the work and take the time to face your feelings before letting them go. If you truly want to, you will. 

If you want to know more about this, read can you ever stop loving someone and find love in someone else to know more.

An example of stopped love

Another great example is Friends. Yes, Friends, the 90’s TV show. It is a great go-to for relatable anecdotes.

A forever love would be Rachel and Ross. Although dysfunctional *that’s a topic for another time*, they always loved each other. That love may have wavered from time to time and went from platonic to romantic but never ended. [Read: What is real love? And how to spot it]

A temporary love was Monica and Richard. She loved him. She thought they would get married. But it didn’t work. It was hard for her to move on. They had their on and off moments too. But in the end, she stopped loving him and was able to love Chandler.

Sure, it’s just a TV show, but you can stop loving someone. When it’s not meant to be, and it’s hurting you, you can stop loving them. You need to mourn the loss and adjust to the changes, but eventually, you can stop loving someone.

Remember why you broke up

You may think that your heart wants who it wants and there’s no way around who you have feelings for. But that’s just not the case.

There may be a time or two in your life when you have to make a decision about who you’re with and whether or not that person is really best for you. [Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might-have-beens]

So, if you are struggling with how to stop loving someone, the first step is to continually remind yourself of why you broke up in the first place. Here are some common reasons, and you will probably see yours on the list.

1. Your futures aren’t in sync

Check one for personal experience in this category. Making sure the person you’re in love with has the same mindset as you do is really important. How can you build a life with someone when both of you have different visions for what’s to come?

Now, you don’t have to agree on everything. Just because you want a Victorian-style house and they want a ranch home doesn’t mean your futures aren’t lined up. [Read: How to let go of someone you love with ration and reason]

It simply means that when you two buy a house together, there will be some discussion and *hopefully* compromise.

We’re talking about the total vision—where you want to live, when you want to have kids, how many kids you want to have, your future lifestyles, and more. 

If those things aren’t lined up, then it may be time to do some serious thinking about moving on. [Read: Compromise in relationships: 12 tips to give in without losing out]

2. They’re not good for you

And that means not good for you mentally, emotionally, and physically. If the person you’re in love with is harming you in any of these ways, then it’s time to stop loving them.

Easier said than done. But when someone is tearing you apart from the inside out, there’s really no other choice to make.

If your significant other is hurting your psyche, then it will result in complications in a lot of other areas of your life. For example, if they are verbally abusing you and calling you horrible names, eventually, you’ll start to believe these things yourself. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship? 17 sure signs]

It’ll cut down your self-esteem, you’ll avoid being around other people—which makes you even more depressed—and your physical health will take a fall as well.

It doesn’t matter how much you love someone. If they do anything like that, then it’s time to better yourself and stop loving them before any real damage can ensue.

3. They’re holding you back

There are two ways someone can hold you back. One way is on purpose. This can be them telling you that they don’t want you to hang out with your friends because they want to spend *an annoyingly large amount of* time with you. [Read: 42 Red flags and signs it’s time to end your relationship and move on for good]

Or it can be them telling you that your hopes and desires are pointless, just for the sake of keeping you with them.

But they can also hold you back by accident. Let’s say your dream is to live in a little shack on the ocean, have your own garden, and live your life as minimally as possible. But their dream is to work in a big office in the city.

You may automatically dismiss your plans in order to fit into their lives. But you shouldn’t keep on waiting for someone at the expense of your own plans and dreams. They’re holding you back from doing what you’ve always wanted to do, and they don’t even realize it. [Read: 10 signs your partner is truly supportive of your goals]

4. You’re holding them back

Regardless of your love for them, it’s time to go find someone to share your shack with. Don’t sell yourself short.

This may be the single hardest thing to do. How can you stop loving someone just because you’re holding them back? Does that even make sense?

Yes. We live in a world where people are very selfish and only concerned with themselves. This makes it hard to admit when we’re no good for someone else.

It makes it very hard to take a step back, leave, and stop loving someone because we’re ultimately hindering their future. [Read: Timing in love and relationships: Why it’s so important]

Say your significant other has huge goals for the future and you’re struggling along, trying to keep up. They end up putting things on hold in order to accommodate you in the relationship, but by doing so, they are putting their own dreams and goals in jeopardy.

If this happens, it’s just time to stop loving them and let them go. It may be hard, but it’s time to put their needs above your own and realize that you can’t provide them with everything they need for a successful future.

5. You can’t trust each other

This one is quite simple. Love may seem like the most important thing in a relationship, but trust really takes home the trophy. Without trust, you can’t live happily with another person. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship]

When you’re not happy, it’s time to change something. Not being able to trust your partner may mean that it’s time to stop loving them and move on.

While you may not be able to control your feelings, your rational mind should make you see that there is no good to come from being in love with someone you can’t trust.

It’s better to save yourself some heartache and stop loving them before your relationship derails too much and you just end up in even more pain. 

6. You can’t be yourself around them

Being with someone you love should make you feel like the best and most important person in their life. You should be able to truly be yourself and not have to worry about their judgments. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t realize it]

7. They don’t love you

And you can tell. You’ve fallen in love head-over-heels with someone and been with them for quite a while, but you will be able to tell if the person doesn’t feel the same way and cannot give back the love you’re giving. 

Some people can feel rushed or pressured to enter into a relationship at first, without really knowing how they feel or what they want.

It may be a hard thing to realize and accept, but once you do, you need to stop loving them and move on. Save your love for someone who cares just as much about you as you do for them. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future]

Ways to stop loving someone in the healthiest and fastest way possible

Like someone throwing you straight up in the air to land flat on your back, you have had the wind knocked out of you. Likely, when they said goodbye, your brain was spinning, and a desperate feeling was in your gut as you stood there, feeling surreal and as if everything that you had was gone.

Nothing feels right. Like trying on a pair of shorts that are too small, your feelings are sticking out all over, bulging right out of the seams. Your heart is throbbing, and you just want to find some magic cure to take it all away. 

You want to wake in the morning and have everything back to the way it was two minutes before they said it was over, but you can’t. If you are looking for the answer to how to stop loving someone overnight, no one has the answer to that. [Read: 9 ways to overcome the fear of losing someone you love]

To give someone your heart and then to lose that someone is a horrible feeling, like no other. It ruins your faith in what you thought you knew, makes you wish for things that aren’t possible, and, above all, makes you long for what you had when you didn’t even know you had it.

But the worst thing you can do is dwell on it. Stop ruminating over all the things you did wrong, how you would have done things differently, or what you can do to get them back. The best thing you can do is distract yourself. 

Think of something new and take some time to focus on yourself. If you have to find a cause for the dismantling of your relationship, then focus solely on yourself. Find things that will make you feel better. [Read: How to stop caring about someone who once meant the world to you]

Many people who are trying to get over a broken heart search out things to try to get the person back. They want desperately to find a way to erase what happened. 

The truth is, if it didn’t work, there was something wrong. When we lose something or someone in our lives, we have a tendency to only remember the good times.

But nothing is permanent. The way you feel today will be a little less so tomorrow. The day after, it will be minutely less, until one day, you wake up, and you find that the sun shines again. [Check out: How to get over a broken heart]

That may not help you in this instant, this moment, and in this time of despair. The thing is that all you have to do is hold on. Like riding out the wave and striving to make your head reach the surface, you will see the blue sky again.

No one has died of a broken heart. Okay, maybe there are those old people who have lived a lifetime at each other’s side, and they end up dying within months of each other. Those are the types of undying love that movies are made of. Things will get better.

It isn’t going to be easy. But it will be worth it. [Read: Love sucks! 36 reasons why we hate it yet crave for it]

1. Accept the facts

One of the reasons we struggle to move on and stop loving someone is that we don’t want to admit it is really over. Part of us thinks just maybe it will work out someday. If we move on we lose that chance.

The first step in letting someone go is accepting the facts. The relationship is over. It might be nice to hold onto hope, but, when that hope is empty, it just leaves you feeling empty. 

Being able to live with the truth that this relationship didn’t work out is the best way to remind yourself that it is time to let go of that love. [Read: How to move on from an ex when the heartbreak is fresh and hurt]

Take some time to really process that this is the end. Things will only get better from here.

2. Appreciate what you had

You don’t have to hate your ex in order to stop loving them. You don’t need to forget the good times either. The love you had was real and meaningful. 

You can always care for the one you loved before in some capacity without loving them. The goal is to look back on these memories with a smile and appreciation, not pain. [Read: How to let go of someone you love with absolutely no bitterness]

Acting like the relationship didn’t mean as much as it did, will only push you further into denial. That relationship was important, so feel that. Appreciating the relationship helps you learn from it going forward and gives you peace.

3. Be realistic

When we still love someone after things end, and even if we want to learn how to stop loving someone, we end up focusing on the good times. We look at the relationship with rose-colored glasses because part of us doesn’t want to move on. 

Look back at the relationship with honesty. Talk to a trusted friend who you confided in during the relationship. They can help you see how happy you were or weren’t. [Read: 30 Secrets to get over someone you love fast and not give a damn anymore]

 Don’t look at the highlight reel of the relationship. Look at the reality and realize that you’re probably better off. Sometimes, it’s hard to see that you are only in love with the idea of love itself and you still idealized your love for this person instead of seeing the actual truth.

Yes, everything wasn’t awful, but you probably weren’t as happy as you thought. 

4. Focus on yourself

If you want to truly learn how to stop loving someone, take time for yourself. Instead of focusing on them or that love you still have, love yourself. [Read: How to focus on yourself and create your own sunshine]

Do some self-care, whatever that means to you. Learn a new skill. Work on a project. Interview for a new job. Take time to better yourself. Go to therapy. Volunteer. Take time to work on yourself.

Maybe looking back at your relationship reminds you that there are some things you should change. Do you need to be more open with communication? Or be more willing to compromise?

5. Make future plans

After a breakup, while we’re still holding onto this old love, we tend to be still. We just hang around and don’t make future plans. Think about those with commitment issues. [Read: How to be true to yourself and start living life on your terms]

They rarely make plans far in advance. You may be doing the same thing now because you are afraid of committing to yourself and your future being single. 

Make plans alone. RSVP to a friend’s party by yourself. Go to the movies alone. Plan things that you are excited about. This reminds you that you have a future without this person you still love. 

With time, you will see that that love isn’t necessary for you.

6. Take time for others

Focus on other relationships. You are fine without romantic love. Focus on the love you have for your family and friends. Take time to cherish and nurture those relationships. [Read: How to be a friend: The real art of true and meaningful friendships]

These are the people who have been with you and have been supporting you through the relationship and the breakup. Realizing how much love you have in your life without this person refocuses those feelings onto something more positive and beneficial to you.

7. Accept the process

Realize that all of this takes time. Even opening your eyes and changing your outlook won’t shut off your feelings. You can’t flip a switch to stop loving someone. 

While you try to stop loving someone, you may have moments when you feel sad or miss them. And that is totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Moving on isn’t an uphill battle but a rollercoaster ride. [Read: 9 Stages of a long-term relationship breakup you have to experience]

You will have good days and bad days. That is okay. If you’ve been doing well for weeks then find a photo of you and your ex and cry, it doesn’t negate all the progress you’ve made. 

It shows you are building and working to be happier and let go of a love that is no longer benefiting you. 

But it also shows that that relationship was a big part of your life. You won’t forget it or ignore it. It will stay with you to guide you forward instead of pulling you back. [Read: 10 Most important stages of a breakup and how to get through each of them]

8. Find a new hobby

Yes, this is so cliché. Everyone is probably telling you to occupy your time or to find something that you like to do. Do you know why? Because it works. When you are out, busy, distracted, and doing things that make you happy, there is no room for sadness. 

As those happy times begin to encroach upon the times that are not-so-happy, they will begin to take over, and suddenly you will wake up less lonely than you were the day before. [Read: How to get over a crush–and have fun doing it]

9. Reconnect with old friends

When you are in a relationship, you likely put your partner first. Now is the time to reconnect with friends that you may have lost touch with, or to rekindle relationships with friends you’ve let fade. Find the ones who will tell you that it wasn’t meant to be, you can do better, and are always on your side.

Don’t turn to those who are likewise going through loss. Despite what they say, misery does not love company—it has to hang out with it because no one else wants to.

Find that girl or guy that makes you laugh, and is always good to turn your mood around, and hang onto them for a while. [Read: How to reconnect with old friends and rebuild your lost friendships]

10. Don’t go to the same old places

It may take all that you have to stay away from the old places you used to go. First of all, like moving away from home, you can’t ever go back. 

Second, there is probably something somewhere inside of you that is hoping you are going to run into them, and they are going to realize how much they miss you. The prospects of that happening are very slim.

If it is meant to be, it isn’t going to happen the way that it does in the movies. It isn’t going to be some chance meeting where they confess how much they miss and want you back. [Check out: How to stop thinking about someone you still like]

If, and when, they are ready to reach out to you, they will. Running into them on accident isn’t going to get you what you want–it will only set you back on any progress you’ve made.

11. Ride out the ups and downs

The thing that you have to keep in mind for your own survival is this: as bad as you feel right now when you meet the right person, you are going to feel ten times better than you ever did with the person you just lost. 

If they broke up with you or broke your heart, then they weren’t the right one. Sure, it is easy for me to say, but it is true. [Read: 16 Lessons to recover from a breakup one day at a time and move ahead]

The right person is someone who’s always around and will never leave, will stick it out to the end, and will find a way to muddle through the good times and the bad.

12. Trust that you deserve better

Okay, this may be the one that most people will argue against. There are times when the breakup is your fault. If you did something to make them break up with you, then it is no different. 

There was a reason you did what you did. If you hollered at them too many times, were too bitchy all the time, or cheated on them, then there was something about them that didn’t bring out the best you. [Read: 6 Reasons to love yourself first before falling in love]

You need and deserve someone who will always make you want to be the best person you can be. That includes not wanting to treat them badly. If you were miserable and crabby all the time, you have to stop and think about why you felt that way. 

What was it about being with them, or about your life, that made you not so much fun to be around? Instead of worrying about not loving them, you should try to think of ways to love yourself until you find the right person that will make you fall even more in love than you were and will bring out all the best in you.

13. Make a list

Maybe, instead of stewing about what you have lost, you can take the time to think about all the things that you won’t miss without them. Sit down and make a physical list of the things that hurt your feelings–the things you didn’t like, or the number of times you wished they wouldn’t be so… well… them. [Read: 10 signs your past relationship is holding you back]

Those are the things that you want to think about now that you still have feelings for them. In time, after the hurt is not so painful, it is okay to remember the relationship fondly, but why torture yourself now by considering all the ways that they will be missed?

14. Take care of your mental health

Try to work through your negative emotions and take care of yourself. Do things you enjoy whether it’s walking in the woods, meditating, reading a book, or getting a massage. Try doing anything you can to ease your mental burden and bring some peace to your mind and your life. Getting mental health issues will only make it harder to get over the love you have for someone, so do yourself a favor and convert the time you spend thinking about that person into meeting your needs instead— emotionally and psychologically.

15. Get a pet

If you’re an animal lover, getting a pet can bring you a lot of joy. If it’s a dog or a cat, you can cuddle with it and even have it sleep on your bed if you want it to. The emotional connection that you had with your ex can be transferred to the new pet. It will be a win-win situation for both you and your new animal, plus you can guarantee that this isn’t gonna be a one-sided love anymore.

16. Get active in your community

While it’s so easy to wallow in your own grief and sorrow, there are a lot of other people in the world – and your own community – that have it worse than you.

So, try volunteering at a homeless shelter or with abused women. Helping others in need will help put your broken heart into perspective a little bit easier. [Read: 5 Ways volunteer work can help heal depression]

17. Take a break and go on a trip

If you can afford it, one of the most effective ways to move on is to grab some friends and go on a trip to get your mind off your breakup. Whether it’s just an overnight getaway or a week or two, getting out of your physical space will give you a fresh way to look at life. Changing your surroundings and having a lot of fun will definitely help heal your broken heart.

18. Change your lifestyle

Maybe you slipped into some bad habits when you were in the relationship. So, this is the perfect time to start getting healthier and changing your lifestyle.

Start eating better and try some exercise. If you need to lose weight, then do that too. You can even change your normal routines in order to stop loving someone. [Read: How to get motivated to exercise – 28 tips to try]

19. Talk to a therapist

If all else fails and you are still struggling with your breakup after a long time, then it isn’t a bad idea to talk to a therapist. A trained professional can be objective and will guide you in sorting through your negative thoughts and feelings and help you move on from someone. If you can afford it, this is a perfect option that can help you with effective ways to stop loving a person who cannot return your feelings which in turn will help you regain control of your life.

How long does it take to unlove someone? 

As you can probably guess, there is no definitive answer to this question because everyone is different. But the consensus of most studies says that it’s usually somewhere between three months and one year.

Even though research has shown that three months to a year is the average, that doesn’t mean that there is a specific number of days, months, or even years that it takes to unlove someone. It just means that it will happen slowly over time. [Read: How long does it take to get over a breakup? 3 months and more timelines]

An interesting thing to note is that from a biological perspective, emotional attachment eventually reduces with time. That’s why they say “time heals” – because it does. The brain will eventually settle down into a more peaceful equilibrium. Some people just take longer than others for this to happen. 

How much time that takes depends on the individual and the outside circumstances of their lives. You might meet someone new fairly quickly and then start to forget about your old love. Or it could literally take years. [Read: Letting go of people you love – why it’s so hard and how to do it right]

How to love someone else

Once you realize that you’ve stopped loving someone from your past, you can love again. No matter what happened in that relationship, you grow. 

You separate the relationship and your ex. You can look back at what you learned from it rather than thinking about the actual person. 

When you meet someone new and share your past, you don’t talk about your ex but what you went through. You speak of what you learned, what you experience, and how it changed you, rather than complaining about your ex. [Read: How to fall in love again after a heartbreak]

The time you took to stop loving someone and move on is what gives you that clarity and ability to love again. That growth and time give you perspective. You learn that not all love is forever.

Final thoughts

As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. When you’ve been apart from someone, it is easier to let them slip your mind. When you don’t see them or speak to them, you get preoccupied with the rest of your life.

If you love your high school girlfriend or boyfriend, splitting up can seem impossible when you see them at school every day. But the reason those feelings can slip away so unnoticeably when someone goes off to college is that the comfort and regularity are gone.

Instead of seeing them every day, you talk less and less. You are preoccupied with other things, and those feelings fade. [Read: 20 Real ways to get over being dumped, nurse your ego, and find closure]

The same thing happens after a breakup. You go on living your life, and eventually, you notice you won’t think about them for days or even weeks. 

Then, you stop noticing that altogether, and the love is gone.

When it feels impossible, realize that the feeling is temporary. Love heightens everything. It makes you feel so much more intensely. But as that fades with time, you realize that that love was temporary.

You may always have loving feelings for those from your past and that doesn’t make you foolish but you can stop loving them. [Read: How to unlove someone – 14 powerful ways to conquer the impossible]

Everyone’s journey to letting go of love will be different. Some peoples’ love stories end with someone new while others end in years of singlehood. Neither is wrong. Sometimes knowing that you can stop loving someone is all you need to start letting them go and move forward with your life.

In time, you will find that the clouds will clear, the sun will shine, and you will have clarity you didn’t before about what was real and what was fabricated. You no doubt loved them, but love is something that can’t only go one way for it to work.

[Read: How to move on and deal with a breakup with a smile]

Loss is a searing feeling, but being with the wrong person for a lifetime is a waste of a lifetime. Ultimately, the answer to how to stop loving someone is this: learn to love yourself first and foremost. And as hard as it seems right now, you can and will do this!

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...