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Is He Talking to Another Girl? 21 Signs & Why He’s Using You Till He Hooks Her

You are crazy in love, but you have a feeling that he’s not on the same page. Now you want to know what the signs are that he’s talking to another girl.

signs he's talking to another girl

If you’re wondering about the signs he’s talking to another girl, we feel for you. This isn’t a good experience, and this is coming from someone who’s gone through it. You’re thinking things are going well, but in reality, he’s already setting himself up for someone new. 

Of course, you have no idea what he’s doing. Why wouldn’t he dump you first and then talk to someone else? That would be too easy, right? Instead, before you break it off, he’s positioning himself for the next girl. 

Remember, not all men are like this. Yes, some men will do this, and you may be dating that one guy who is capable of leading someone on. But, not all guys are going to do this to you. It’s an unpleasant experience, yes, but don’t let this prevent you from trusting other men. 

[Read: 21 signs to know if he’s texting another girl behind your back]

Why do guys talk to another girl when they are in a relationship?

Sure, it’s frustrating and maddening if your guy is talking to another girl when he’s in a relationship with you. But why would he do this?

1. He might not have accepted that he’s in a relationship

If your relationship is new, then he might still be used to being single. His frame of mind has been “single” for so long, that he is still behaving the way he always does. He just hasn’t made the mental leap to the fact that he is committed to someone now.

Now, this is not a good excuse, but it is true for some guys. He might just be talking to another girl because he doesn’t feel like he’s in a solid enough relationship with you yet. Perhaps as time goes on, he might stop that behavior and become more committed to you. [Read: Relationship stages – 10 phases couples go through by months and years]

2. He doesn’t take your relationship seriously

As much as you don’t want to hear this, maybe he doesn’t think that your relationship is that important to him.

He may have agreed to a relationship because you wanted it, or simply to be able to tell other people that he’s in a relationship. Sadly, there are plenty of guys who get into relationships all the time with no intention of taking it seriously.

One of the reasons he might have agreed to a relationship with you is for regular sex and companionship. But he might not be looking to the future. Instead, he’s only interested in the benefits he can get today, and he’s not thinking about tomorrow or years from now.

3. He’s selfish and lazy

Some guys have no intention of putting in the effort that is required to make a relationship work. In other words, they are selfish and lazy. They are only looking out for their own best interests, not yours. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

Because of this, he feels that he can still talk to other girls because he doesn’t have an emotional investment in your relationship or he doesn’t take it seriously. 

4. He wants to keep his options open

He could be afraid of commitment, so he doesn’t want to put all of his eggs in one basket. So he makes sure to keep himself at the forefront of other girls’ minds so that he has one, or more, backup plans just in case it doesn’t work out with you.

He doesn’t want to close the door on any sexual opportunities just because he’s in a relationship with you. His mindset is that “anything can happen at any moment” with the relationship with you.

And if you happen to break up, he doesn’t want to put too much effort into finding a new girlfriend. So, if he has some girls hanging around, he won’t have to look very far for the next one. [Read: How often should a guy text if he likes you and other texting secrets]

5. He’s immature

Another big reason a guy might still talk to another girl while in a relationship with you is because he’s immature. He doesn’t have any empathy for you or anyone else. Empathy is the “ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective.” And he lacks the ability to do that.

That is a sign of immaturity. A grown, mature man will be able to see how talking to another girl while he’s with you would hurt you deeply. And because of that, they wouldn’t do that. But if he is, then he’s still a man-child who doesn’t care about other people’s feelings.

6. He has low self-esteem

Let’s face it – when people are interested in us romantically or sexually, it makes us feel good. It pumps up our ego and makes us feel worthy. So, that could be another big reason why he is talking to another girl. [Read: Dating someone with low self-esteem – What it’s like for both of you]

But he does this because he has low self-esteem. If he needs other girls to show interest in him in order to feel good about himself, then he doesn’t feel worthy. Having other girls fuel and blow up his ego is something he needs because he doesn’t have self-love. [Read: 38 signs your man is crushing on another woman and has feelings for her]

The warning signs he’s talking to another girl behind your back

What’s important is that you figure out what’s going on and put an end to his cruel behavior. So, if you want to know the signs that he’s talking to another girl, take a look and see what matches up. 

Don’t let him play you. 

1. You feel something isn’t right

Maybe it’s one of his colleagues from work you’re worried about. Whenever he says her name, you just get a bad feeling about her in your stomach. Either way, you’ve felt that something isn’t right. Maybe he’s cheated; maybe not. But one thing for sure is that everything is not what it seems. [Read: Should you trust your gut? The times you need to listen to it]

2. One specific person is a priority over you

You used to be his number one, but now you’re not even in his top ten people. But here’s the thing: someone specific has taken over your position. 

He’s now putting the needs of one woman above your needs, which is odd because you two are a couple. Why would he put some other woman above you?

3. He’s always on his phone

He was never a big texter, but he’s suddenly become quite the expert at it. Recently, he’s always on his phone, but you’re just not quite sure who he’s spending all this time talking to. You may catch him smiling or giggling at his screen, and that’s never a good sign. 

Okay, it is possible it was just a meme he was laughing at. But if he hides his phone from you instead of sharing the joke with you, it could be one of the alarming signs he’s talking to another girl and texting her, even if it’s just for kicks right now. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you need to leave ASAP]

4. He’s become secretive

You used to talk about everything, but he’s suddenly changed. He no longer shares the details about his day with you and he doesn’t tell you what he does when you’re not around.

Before, this was never a problem, but now, he’s decided to become secretive. There’s a reason why. [Read: The subtle signs he’s definitely cheating on you

5. He takes longer to respond to you

Sure, not everyone can reply in thirty seconds. So, take this point lightly, unless you’re noticing other signs from this list. 

If he’s taking hours to reply to you when he used to be much quicker, then something is up. A man in a loving relationship wouldn’t leave his partner on ‘seen’ or wouldn’t ignore their messages for hours on end. 

6. He’s been emotionally distant

You were his go-to person when it came to talking about his feelings or his day at work. But he’s no longer sharing any of that information with you. 

Well, who’s he talking to about these things with then? If he was never a big talker, that’s different. But if he went from being talkative to silent, this could be one of those signs he’s talking to another girl or texting her behind your back. [Read: Is your guy emotionally distant? 15 signs he just doesn’t care anymore]

7. You two don’t argue anymore

Though people don’t like arguing, it is a healthy sign in a relationship *to an extent, of course,*. You used to bicker occasionally or argue about important things in your relationship. But now, it’s like he just doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t want to fight for this relationship. 

8. You’re no longer on his social media

You would both post cute photos of each other on Instagram or Facebook, but that’s all come to an end, at least for him. He doesn’t post any photos or stories of you two, making it seem like he’s single. Well, maybe that’s what he wants people to see. [Read: Is he losing interest in you and drifting away?]

9. His phone is on lockdown

He used to be relaxed about his phone. He would leave it face-up on the table and it wouldn’t be a problem if his phone would light up from a text. But now his phone is on lockdown. He has a new password and he doesn’t leave his phone out of eyesight. Wherever he goes, his phone goes. 

10. He is frequently bailing on you

You will make plans, but then at the last minute, he will text you with a lame excuse to cancel. The funny thing is he wants to know what you’re going to do instead.

Maybe he doesn’t want to run into you on the street when he’s out with someone else? Who knows, but bailing on you constantly isn’t a promising sign, and could even be a sign he’s talking to another girl or worse, making plans with her. [Read: How to get a guy to stop playing games with your feelings]

11. You spend less time with him

And it’s not because you want to. If you had it your way, you would spend more time with him. But you feel like he’s been slowly weaning you off.

The only thing you don’t know is who he’s spending all his free time with. Well, one thing we know is it’s not you. 

12. He has become defensive

Maybe you’ve confronted him about his change of behavior. But instead of being honest with you, he becomes defensive and tries to spin your questions against you. If nothing was going on, then why would he feel the need to defend himself?

13. You don’t see his friends anymore

You used to spend time with each other’s friends, but there’s been a sudden pull-back on his side. His friends seemed to have disappeared, and there’s a reason why.

If he’s talking to someone else, his friends probably know he’s talking to another girl, and having you hang out with them would only mean trouble. [Read: The signs you’re wasting your time in a one-sided relationship]

14. You’re no longer in his plans

You used to talk about the future, even if the future was next week. But any plans you discussed are no longer even appearing in conversation. Or if they are, he’s quick to avoid making any commitment to them.

Don’t you think that’s a little odd? If you’re noticing this, it’s probably one of those warning signs he’s talking to another girl. Or he’s just starting to lose interest in the relationship.

15. He’s tried to dump you, but you reconciled 

You don’t know what exactly brought up the conversation about breaking up, but it definitely wasn’t your idea.

He tried to dump you out of nowhere and was hesitant and even refused to tell you why he wanted to end things with you. But after some tears from your side, you got back together again. [Read: The subtle signs he wants to break up but is too afraid to just tell you directly]

What to do if your boyfriend is talking to another girl

Now that you know the signs that he’s talking to another girl, what should you do about it? If you read through this list and thought, “Yep, he’s doing this,” then you have some options.

First, ask yourself why you put up with this behavior. You need to love yourself in order to draw a boundary and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable. It is disrespectful to you for him to be talking to another girl. Get right with yourself and tell yourself you don’t deserve this treatment.

Then, talk to him. Tell him that you know what is going on and that you won’t tolerate it. You might even have to give him an ultimatum – stop doing this or it’s over between the two of you. 

Don’t just ignore his behavior and put up with it. Why would you want to be with a guy who can’t stop talking to other girls? You deserve a man who loves you – and only you – and puts you as his top priority.

How to decide your next steps from here

Sometimes, you just can’t know for sure if a guy is just losing interest in the relationship or talking to some other girl behind your back.

But if you keep these signs that he’s talking to another girl in mind, and pay attention to the girls he seems to be talking about more often, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to put two and two together. 

 [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and learn to overcome it]

After looking at these signs that he’s talking to another girl, it’s time to sit him down and talk to him about it. He may deny it in the beginning, but stick with your gut instinct.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...