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21 Honest Reasons Why Your Relationship Is Drifting & Why It Happens

Do you feel your relationship drifting away? If you are wondering why this is happening, here are the 21 reasons couples drift apart from each other.

relationship drifting

A few relationships happily stand the test of time. So, if your relationship is drifting, you’re not alone.

Usually, they start out perfectly, but somewhere along the way, the lovers start to drift away and fall apart even before either of them realizes what’s happening.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you love your partner, but surprisingly, don’t see a future with them?

Several lovers experience the same feeling, where they love their partner but can’t imagine getting married to them or living through the rest of their life with them.

Experiencing this kind of relationship can be really stressful, because you may want to break up, but have no idea why you want to do that in the first place!

[Confession: I can’t wait to break up and be single again!]

The start of love and the start of a relationship drifting away

When you fall in love with someone, the infatuation both of you experience towards each other would help hold the relationship together.

It’s a happy time where both of you don’t care about the differences or each other’s flaws.

The world just seems perfect, and you believe you’ve found the one. But once the excitement wanes, the couple needs to make a subconscious effort to please each other and keep each other happy.

It’s the only way to keep the relationship exciting and alive for several years. [Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]

The turn from bliss to boredom and how we start drifting

Intentionally or otherwise, many lovers don’t try to change for each other over the months and the years, nor do they try to please each other and woo each other.

They just let the relationship be, and they sink into the comfort of their own individual lives.

Both partners may love each other, care about each other and live under the same roof, and yet, they may be leading two separate lives. Unfortunately, that is not uncommon for a lot of couples.

And when this happens, it’s only inevitable that one or both lovers would want something more from life, something more exciting and passionate, and most importantly, more meaningful. [Read: 20 honest reasons and signs why you’re bored with your relationship]

This is the clearest sign that both of you have started to drift apart *probably too far apart to even fix the relationship*.

After all, when one partner starts to believe that the relationship is suffocating them or preventing them from experiencing happiness, it’s only a matter of time before confusions, doubts, and second thoughts start to creep into their mind. [Read: 18 signs of indifference in a relationship and how to prevent it falling apart]

21 real reasons why your relationship is drifting

Does your partner take hours to text you back? Or are there more awkward silences in the conversation? Or are you starting to get bored with the relationship?

You may be married or you may be dating, but the restless confusions feel just the same when you’re drifting apart from each other. You may not know the reasons or even when the drift started, but you can sense it from the unhappiness you feel in love.

Read these reasons to find out why most couples drift apart over time, and chances are, you’ll see your own life in one or more of these reasons.

And once you do find out where you or your lover went wrong, you can choose to correct it, or walk away for good. [Read: How to leave a relationship when you’re just not happy in it anymore]

1. Non-communication

Communication is by far the single biggest aspect that holds lovers together or tears them apart. Do you still talk to your lover the same way you once did at the start of the relationship? And do you know how to work through your disagreements in a healthy, effective manner?

People change with time, and you may assume you know everything about your lover, but chances are, they’ve changed and they’re not the same person you once met several years ago.

When you start to take communication for granted in a relationship, it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable drift takes control of the relationship. [Read: 30 simple but naughty questions for the couple to bring the spark back into love]

2. Suppressed emotions

Does your partner ever tell you to dream big, quit your job, and find something better, or anything else that makes you feel small and weak? How do you react to it?

Do you communicate with your partner and express just how you feel about their ideas, or do you subtly grind your teeth, roll your eyes and just nod your head to get away from a discussion?

Many couples drift apart, not because they don’t love each other, but because they suppress just how they truly feel about the things their partner says. Your partner would assume they’re communicating with you, but instead, your relationship is drifting.

And you, on the other hand, would tell yourself that your partner can never understand you. Can a relationship ever work when such confusions play out every single day? [Read: 21 signs that signal a bad relationship and a bad future too]

3. Incompatibility

This could happen over the years, or immediately after the infatuation period. If you start to believe that both of you have nothing in common, you’ll only feel worse over time. And what starts off as a nagging worry may end up leading both of you away in opposite directions.

If you want a relationship to work, it’s always best to test your compatibility at the very beginning of the relationship, instead of trying to sculpt your lover into your idea of the perfect mate over time. [Read: 50 questions to test your relationship compatibility instantly]

4. Swollen egos

When both of you fight or have a discussion, do both of you give in now and then for the sake of the partner’s happiness? In a few relationships, ego plays a bigger part than the relationship itself.

If you’d rather give your partner the silent treatment or avoid them instead of trying to make up with them, chances are, your ego is the reason why both of you are drifting apart.

Arguments are good for a relationship, but only if they’re used the right way! [Read: The right way to fight fair in a relationship and win together]

5. Emotional affairs

You spend a lot of time at work. But somewhere along the way, have you started getting really close to a colleague or an old friend of yours *of the opposite sex*? Sometimes, you may never even realize it, but you may be confiding more to a friend than your own spouse or lover.

It may not seem like much now, but there’s a thin between friendship and emotional affairs. And if you’re in an emotional affair, you’re setting your relationship up for doom. And that could be one of the biggest reasons your relationship is drifting. [Read: 24 subtle emotional affair signs you probably didn’t notice at all!]

6. Initiative

In a successful relationship, both partners have to take an active interest in pleasing each other and making the other person happy. When you don’t take initiative in love, both of you may start to take each other for granted, and the relationship would start to stagnate.

Go out on vacations, plan crazy dates, tease each other and have fun. And most importantly, try to create memories every day. It’s the easiest way to take the initiative and show just how much you care. [Read: 25 really romantic ideas to make your sweetheart melt]

7. Life directions

As time goes by, both of you may pursue different interests in life. One of you may want something, while the other lover may want something completely different. For a while, the relationship may still seem happy and perfect.

If you believe your relationship is perfect, even if both of you don’t go out or do anything new, while your partner believes they’re stuck in a suffocating rut, these are differences that can make both of you drift away to the point of no return.

8. Confrontations

Do you avoid confrontations? Many lovers avoid all kinds of confrontations all the time. They just put up with anything their partner says and sulk about it behind their partner’s back.

If you’re tired of fighting it or discussing anything sensitive with your partner, you’re probably tired of the relationship or have given up on its success already. [Read: The 80/20 rule in relationships and why it’s so important for happy love]

9. Sexual intimacy

Sex is a very important part of romance and love. If you’re not having enough sex, or not trying hard enough to keep the sexual excitement on a high, you’d find yourself bored with your relationship in no time.

You may think you’re content with the lack of sexual intimacy, but in reality, that’s because both of you are turning into siblings instead of a romantic couple! [Read: The best ways to turn married sex into a one-night stand!]

10. Emotional intimacy

Do you still connect with your partner emotionally? Is your partner the first person you want to share your good news with? Do you feel happy just talking to your lover or telling them about your day?

These are little things that don’t seem like much, but they play a big part in holding a relationship together and preventing a relationship from drifting. The lack of emotional intimacy in romance will force one or both of you into an emotional affair or at times, a sexual affair too. [Read: 25 ways to emotionally connect with someone and instantly feel closer]

11. Lack of time for each other

We work really hard these days. And at times, we don’t have more than an hour or two to spend with our lover, what with work and all the hanging out with friends. At first, both of you may miss each other.

But as the months pass by, both of you will learn to live without each other. And before either of you know it, both of you as individuals would be completely capable of leading your own lives without having the other person in it.

And once neither of you has the need for the other person, it’s inevitable that both of you will drift away from each other.

12. Buildup of resentments

Do you ever feel like your partner’s not good enough for you? Disappointments that aren’t discussed always lead to resentments, and over time, these resentments accumulate and convince you that you’re unhappy in the relationship.

These resentments may be small and at times, even too silly to ever mention out loud, but they’d gnaw at you from the inside, and however hard your partner tries, you’d always feel like you’re stuck in a meaningless relationship when you could be so much happier with someone else.

Learn to communicate with your lover, and talk about these resentments even if it seems awkward. After all, building these resentments will only force you to drift away from your lover even if they’re crazy about you. [Read: 19 signs of resentment in a relationship that hurts both of you and how to fix it soon]

13. Work

Everyone has to work to put food on the table and a roof over their head. Some people are blessed with jobs that they love and don’t have to work too hard. But others have to work more than one job just to make ends meet.

So, if one or both of you is working a lot – whether it’s by choice or necessity – it could be a big reason that your relationship is drifting.

14. Children

While children are all cute and cuddly, they certainly require a lot of time and energy to raise them. If you have children with your partner, you know how it is.

When you have to take care of your kids, then you have less quality time to spend with your significant other. And it’s not surprising that you start to drift apart. [Read: Naughty ways to keep romance alive when you have kids]

15. Laziness

At the beginning of a relationship, people are pretty active and want to do things with their partner – and for them – all the time. But as the newness wears off, people can get lazy.

Whether it’s sitting on the couch watching TV or playing video games 24/7, laziness in a relationship is probably one of the biggest reasons your relationship is drifting. Both of you need to step up your game if you want to make it work.

16. No conversation

If you live together, or even if you don’t, sometimes the conversation wanes in a relationship. At first, you never ran out of things to talk about. You were getting to know each other and loved having deep conversations. [Read: 40 deep questions to ask your boyfriends and answers you MUST know]

But after a while, people stop talking to each other like they used to. Instead, they might sit in each other’s presence looking at their phone or laptop. You need to stay emotionally connected through good conversation if you want to prevent your relationship from drifting and grow closer over time.

17. You aren’t friends

In order to have a happy, healthy relationship, you need to be good friends – not just lovers. When you first get together, all the physical chemistry that you feel can overshadow some other important aspects that you should be thinking about.

Once the honeymoon phase wears off, you might realize that you don’t have a lot in common. If your partner isn’t the first person you want to tell good or bad news to, then you aren’t good enough friends to stay connected.

18. Jealousy

Jealousy comes in a lot of different forms. You don’t just have to be jealous of someone better looking than you to feel threatened in a relationship.

One or both of you could be jealous of the other one’s career, money, friends, family, or anything else. So, if jealousy is seeping into your partnership, then that is probably why your relationship is drifting. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and learn to overcome it]

19. No trust

Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. Without it, the couple won’t make it. So, if you or your partner doesn’t trust the other one for some reason, then that is a bad sign that your relationship is drifting too.

Maybe there is cheating, lying, or some other form of betrayal. It could involve money, gambling, substance abuse, or anything else that involves trust. [Read: How to trust again and give someone your heart when you’re scared]

20. Unrealistic expectations

Humans always want other people to behave the way they want them to. In other words, a lot of people have a problem accepting their partner just the way they are. Instead, they want to change them.

But maybe there are unrealistic expectations of change. You might think they are reasonable, but your partner doesn’t.

When this happens, there can be a lot of frustration that sets in and the two of you can drift apart. [Read: 20 healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]

21. Different love languages

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five different ways that people give and receive love: (1) words of affirmation, (2) giving of gifts, (3) quality time, (4) touch, and (5) acts of service. If your relationship is drifting, then maybe the two of you have different love languages.

For example, maybe you want to receive gifts to feel loved. But instead, your partner gives you a lot of quality time and touch. You don’t feel loved that way, so you will feel less connected to your significant other, and they might feel the same way about you too.

[Read: Top 30 reasons for breakups and divorce that most couples overlook!]

These 21 reasons that your relationship is drifting may seem trivial. But almost always, it’s these simple reasons that cause the biggest hurdles in love and force couples to drift apart, even if both of them are still truly in love with each other!


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Sophia Strutt
Sophia Strutt loves staring into the mirror, not because she’s a narcissist but because the mirror is the one thing she can rely on to smile back at her, even...
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