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I Hate My Wife: 20 Valid Scenarios & What You Need to Do As a Man

Marriage is hard. Sometimes, you’re going to dislike each other. It’s normal! If you often feel like saying ‘I hate my wife’, you’re not alone. 

I hate my wife

This phrase breaks any wife’s heart, yet it’s one that is heard more than you might think. If I had a dime for every time that I have heard a guy say, “I hate my wife,”  I would own a jet plane.

The sad reality is that any woman would be absolutely devastated to know that a man would say he hated her. Yet, is it true hate or just a heightened emotion in the moment?

If you are a guy and you seriously feel like you hate your wife then, you have two options. You try to make things better, or you walk away. Walking away is never easy after saying “I do,” but if you can’t find solace in her presence, then it is a little more than an irritation.

Is it true hate or just irritation?

This is an important point to make. Do you REALLY hate your wife, or are you just a bit pissed? Are you going through a hard time and she isn’t doing anything to help out? Could it be that you’re both just not communicating as well as you should and it’s affecting your relationship?

If you can sit down and still feel love for her in some way, it’s not hate. Hate is such a strong emotion that it’s not possible to both love and hate someone at the same time. At least, not in my opinion anyway. If you hate someone, it’s a strong feeling that encompasses everything about them. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]

Now, you might be able to say “I hate the way you don’t listen to me”, but that’s entirely different. You don’t hate her, you hate something she does, an action. When someone says they have a love/hate relationship with someone, it’s more about features or actions they hate, not the entire person.

Before you jump right in and decide that you no longer want to stick to your vows, be sure to really examine what you’re feeling. Talk it through, do some soul searching. Figure out what it is that you’re feeling and why.

Sometimes we think we hate someone when in truth, we’re hurt or annoyed. These feelings pass, but hate doesn’t.

I hate my wife: 20 reasons to say “I don’t anymore”

We all hate our significant other at times, or at least it feels that way. Some of us admit it while others go on their merry way, burying their head in the sand.

It is normal to hate each other once in a while, but if it is a perpetual feeling and involves some critical things, then it is time just to say goodbye. [Read: 20 Annoying things it’s okay to hate about your partner]

1. Your fighting affects the kids

Anyone who grew up in a house where fighting was the norm knows that it isn’t fun. If you hate your wife to the point where you can’t even smile at each other or “make nice,” then it is time to move along and find a new happy.

If you stay for the kids, don’t make the mistake of thinking it does them any favors. Even if you ditch out of fights to avoid them, the carnage is around when you aren’t there.

If you hate your wife, she probably suffers too. Let everyone off the hook and just leave. [Read: How do you know when your marriage is over: And is it too late?]

2. She’s unwilling to take responsibility

If your wife makes you feel like it is always your fault and she doesn’t have anything to do with it, then there isn’t anything you can do about it. Finding a compromise involves two people who work on a problem together.

If she thinks the problem lands just on you, then it is time to vacate and let her see how things are without you. Maybe good, maybe bad, but you finally find your version of happiness.

3. She has cheated on you, or is cheating on you

If your wife cheated on you, then there is a good reason to feel disdain towards her. Trust is the cornerstone, not just of marriage but love. If you can’t trust someone, then it is hard to let her in your life.

If forgiveness is not something that you can realistically give and you hate her for what she did, you have a right to. It is okay to feel you can’t be with her anymore if she has betrayed your trust. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]

4. She wears the yoga pants in the family and won’t give up any control

If she orders you around like a slave or generally just doesn’t have any respect for you or your feelings, then that is not someone to spend the rest of your life with.

Some women feel as if their husbands should be at their beck and call.  It is normal for a woman to want certain things or to have a “honey do” list once in a while. But, if you feel like a hired hand or an indentured servant, then you do have a reason to hate your wife, or it might be time to say “goodbye.”

5. She drains your accounts

If she thinks your savings account is her petty cash drawer, then it is time to tell her to cut it out or cut her out. Nothing is worse than working full time to get ahead, to find that you never have any money.

Like a bottomless pit, it is hard to love someone who continues to negate all your hard work by spending all you have on herself. [Read: 24 biggest clues you’re dating a genuine 24K gold digger]

6. She is so controlling you can’t breathe

If you can’t pee without her permission, then that isn’t a healthy way to live. A partnership involves just that, a partnership.

If you can’t make half of the decisions about the relationship or any about your own life, the situation is unhealthy. If you hate her because she owns you, then it is time to move along.

7. She uses sex as a tool. Maybe you don’t even want sex with her anymore

If sex has become nothing but a tool to manipulate and control you, then that isn’t a very loving union. Sex is supposed to be about pleasuring one another.

If she uses it to manipulate or punish you, then that makes any man hate his wife. It might also be that it’s reached the point where you don’t even want to have sex with her anymore. that’s a red flag, for sure. [Read: Using sex as a weapon: 10 harsh truths you need to know]

8. She belittles you

If she tells anyone who will listen how much you fail, the stupid things you do in the privacy of your own home, or how you are dumb as rocks, then you have a reason not to like her.

You deserve to be with someone who thinks you are something special and not only tells you, but everyone else too. We all do stupid shit – the person you marry is there to accept your idiocy and keep it under wraps. [Read: How your self respect affects you and the relationship you’re in]

9. There is no appreciation

If she doesn’t appreciate anything you do, like anything, then it might be time just to let her go her own way. Being loved and appreciated is something everyone deserves.

If everything you do she just expects and doesn’t ever say “thank you”, that is never going to change. She obviously feels she’s entitled to you, which is not true.

10. She doesn’t contribute anything but bills to the household

If you work full time and she sits on her ass full time, it isn’t that difficult to start feeling resentful. It is okay if you have an arrangement where she runs the household, and you run the money. But, if you run around doing everything, then where is the benefit for you?

For better or worse doesn’t mean for her better and your worse. [Read: Am I being taken for granted? 16 signs you definitely are]

11. She physically attacks you

If in rare instances the heat of battle gets so intense that she throws water over your head, that is one thing. But, if she takes a swing at you, throwing really heavy shit at your head, or kicking you around on a weekly basis, it is time to get out.

Sooner or later someone is going to get hurt, and if it is her, you don’t want to be on the hook for striking back to defend yourself.

12. Her relentless verbal assaults never stop

If she can’t stop verbally accosting you every time you walk through the door, then it is time to tell her that she either must start showing you some respect or you are going to find someone else.

Sometimes verbal abuse can be far worse than anything physical. Cuts and bruises heal, emotional wounds have a tendency to stay in the soul forever. [Read: 15 signs of a verbally abusive relationship]

13. Nothing you do will ever be good enough

If nothing you ever do is good enough, then it is time to say goodbye. Sure, in every relationship there comes a point where the other person seemingly cannot be pleased.

But, if you have consciously tried to listen to her and change your ways, and you receive no response or change from her, then it isn’t worth it. Spending a lifetime being wrong and chastised isn’t fair or right for anyone.

14. Her girly weekends never end

If she spends all her time away from home while you play daddy dearest, first of all, you might want to make sure that they are “girly weekends.” Secondly, you might just want to start taking your own time away to gain some freedom.

Marriage should be about two people having equal amounts of time together and apart. Not one person getting to do whatever they want, whenever they want.

15. She has a vice more important than your family

If she is a drug addict, alcoholic, or has some other vice ruining your family, staying with her just makes you codependent and keeps her stuck. If you hate the situation, but really love her, walk away, or she will never straighten out or up. [Read: The scary signs of codependency in your relationship]

16. She lies about everything, or you just can’t trust her

Lying is something that can’t be tolerated in a marriage. If you can’t trust what she says, then you can’t share her bed.

18. You can’t seem to find a way to get along

A continual roller coaster isn’t fun! If you can’t seem to get past the same old argument that keeps surfacing time and time again, then it is time to get off the ride and find some normalcy. You might find that you don’t hate her so much when you aren’t continually battling.

18. You no longer think she is a good person

If you don’t think that she is generally a good human being and you no longer see the woman you fell in love with, then it is time to get out of the marriage for both of your sakes.

19. The thought of her makes you anxious

f you would rather run a drill through your teeth than spend one more second with her, then you know what you have to do. [Read: Secrets of a love-hate relationship – Can it work?]

20. You are afraid of her

If you are afraid to be you, make a move, or do anything, I don’t have to tell you that sooner or later you must make a move. It isn’t going to be any less painful if you wait. You only waste time and make your own life miserable for something inevitable anyway.

I hate my wife – What you shouldn’t do

If you’re pretty sure that “I hate my wife” is something that applies to you, there are some things you should avoid. When you’re in a situation that isn’t making you happy anymore, you have to make a move in some direction.

However, you have to make sure that you’re moving in the right direction to avoid any of the blame falling on you, and to avoid suffering on all sides. [Read: 10 Ways to love more and hurt less in love]

1. Don’t cheat to feel better

If you think that seeking solace in the arms of someone else is going to help, you’re mistaken.

Cheating on your wife because things aren’t great makes you just as bad as her. If you’re unhappy and the arms of someone else seems enticing, just leave.

2. Don’t start treating her the same

Whatever treatment she is giving you, don’t turn it around on her. Seriously, be the bigger person. If she’s constantly being passive-aggressive and belittling you, what good is it going to do if you start doing the same to her? Nothing!

Your home will simply turn into a battleground and that’s not a good situation for anyone.

3. Don’t make empty threats

It’s easy to say “I’m leaving you” in the heat of the moment but then not do it. If you constantly say these things, she’s not going to take your concerns seriously.

Be very mindful of what comes out of your mouth if you want to avoid worsening the situation. When you’re ready to leave, tell her. [Read: The grim signs it’s finally time to end your relationship]

4. Don’t just disappear

If you’re regularly thinking “I hate my wife” and you’re pretty sure that you’ve reached the end of the road, don’t just leave and not say a word. That’s the coward’s way out.

Sit down, tell her you’re leaving, tell her why and then go. Whether you hate her now or not, you are married to her, and she deserves that much.

If your love turned to hate, there is very little hope that it will turn back the other way. When you tried everything you know to make the marriage happy, and it just isn’t, sometimes you must rip the bandage off and let the healing begin. [Read: How to come out of a relationship stronger than ever when it ends]

If you’re just experiencing the ebb and flow of marriage, maybe it is time to sit down and have a real conversation about what is going on. Perhaps if you communicated what your needs are to her, she would accommodate them.

Maybe she has no idea that you feel the way you do and would gladly change to meet you halfway. If the above doesn’t apply to you, then my dear, you have it pretty good.

[Read: 25 signs of disrespect in marriage that shouldn’t be tolerated]

The phrase, I hate my wife, is something every guy likely says at some point in their marriage. Sometimes it is just in the heat of the moment when you have had enough. No marriage or relationship is perfect, but if you feel it too often, it’s time to move on.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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