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He Cheated on You? How to Get Over a Guy Without Seeking Revenge

You found out that he cheated on you. The first thing you want to do is get back at him, but the best things to do may not be what you think.

he cheated on you

Let me just put it out there. Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences that anyone can go through. When someone hits or batters you, those wounds heal. But when someone cheats on you, that leaves battle scars the size of craters. Being cheated on is like someone telling you that you aren’t even good enough to be faithful to.

All too often when someone cheats on us, we do the wrong thing. Either we go after the girl he cheated with and try to make her miserable, or we internalize the cheating like it was something lacking in us.

The truth is that no matter how much of a bitch you can be, how much weight you may have gained, how much you had to work, or how old and tired things got in the bedroom, as a human being, he had the responsibility to end one relationship before starting another. [Read: Why do men cheat? The 3 big reasons and 27 convincing excuses they use]

9 things to do after he cheated on you

Being cheated on can only be met with one resolution… dump him! The reality is that the phrase, “once a cheater always a cheater,” is true. If a person cheated on you once in a relationship, there was something wrong – and it wasn’t you. It was him, and it is time to kick him to the curb.

#1 Walk away with grace. I know it feels ooooh-so-good to get revenge. Revenge can come in many forms. You can tear his apartment up, rip apart his things, or sleep with his best friend. Geez, as women we can come up with a thousand various ways of punishing a guy.

The problem is that revenge is always sweeter when you are plotting and planning than when you are actually carrying it through. All you will do is give him ammunition to justify something that is unjustifiable. When you find out that he has cheated, you need nothing else but to walk away with grace and class. [Read: 12 devious ways to be the crazy ex and get your revenge]

#2 Don’t get specifics. Often we punish ourselves by sticking around to find out how far-reaching and how many times we were hurt without even knowing. Knowing the logistics of when it started, when they were first together, where they were together, and how long it has been going on, isn’t going to make you feel any better

Like fingers on a chalkboard, finding out all the things that you don’t need to know, is just TMI. Don’t ask and don’t let him tell. Just assume that he cheated once in the heat of the moment and move on without knowing any differently. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]

#3 Mum’s the word. When you start telling the intimate details of your relationship to others, the only thing you are doing is continually reliving the story and stinging it further into your soul. No one needs to know the lurid details any more than you do.

A simple “it didn’t work out” will suffice. Some people live off the misery of others and enjoy nothing more than hearing all the ugliness of a relationship. Conduct yourself by not letting anyone latch on to your pain. Keep it to yourself, or talk it over with a close friend. Announcing it all over town isn’t going to make you feel better… it will just make everyone pity you.

#4 Know it is on him. After time, many people will begin to overanalyze the situation to find out what went wrong. Don’t think about the reasons why he cheated on you, or what you did in the relationship that may have enabled or led to his indiscretions.

There is no excuse for a guy or girl to cheat on their significant other. If you are done with a relationship, you have an obligation to say so before moving on to the next victim. Don’t second-guess whether it was your fault, or what you did to cause it. No one, and I mean no one, deserves to be cheated on. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner in the act]

#5 Don’t allow it to change you. Sometimes when someone cheats on us, we carry the baggage felt into our next relationships. Don’t make a blanket assumption that men cheat and that is just the way that it is.

When you end a relationship, you have to understand that all of them are different. Just because you were cheated on in the past does not mean that the next guy that comes along will do the same. It is natural to carry on fear into the next person you want to form a bond with. If you hold onto the past, it will only cloud your future. [Read: How to learn to love again after you’ve been hurt]

#6 Learn from your mistakes. Although there was NO good reason that he cheated on you, there are signs that you may have seen along the way. Or, perhaps a nagging voice that was whispering in your ear that something wasn’t right.

Learning from your past may help you to avoid problems for your future. If he was a bad boy, and that attracted you to him, then think twice about your attractions.

If he cheated on other girls in the past, and you thought that you were different, then think about that and investigate another boy’s past before taking a blind leap of faith into building a relationship. [Read: Is he cheating? 21 unintentional behaviors he just can’t hide]

#7 Date again. Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences you can go through. The best thing you can do is to get right back up on that emotional horse.

There is certainly a period of mourning that everyone has to go through, but refusing to move on or leaving your heart open to finding love again, is only going to prolong the agony. When your previous boyfriend hands you lemons, find another guy to sweeten the lemonade.

#8 Build your self-esteem. When he cheated on you, it can be a huge hit to the ego. Whether the other girl was beautiful or a 2, if your boyfriend went outside of your relationship, that is a hard pill to swallow – and may leave you examining how you feel about yourself.

Take the time after a breakup to build up your self-esteem. Make yourself better by going to the salon, hitting the gym, or change your hairstyle to give yourself a fresh new and confident attitude. [Read: How to get your self-esteem back after a breakup]

#9 Don’t duck out of life. Seeing your ex can be painful, but if you had a life together, you can’t just avoid the life you had. Each time you have to see him, it will be less and less hurtful, and soon you will find yourself letting the anger go. Just because he cheated on you doesn’t mean life is over.

Also, don’t let him get the best of you by making you be the one who has to start over. If you have joint friends, don’t stop contacting them or make assumptions about who they want to continue being friends with… especially if they were joint gains in the relationship.

If you have a favorite spot, keep it. If he shows up, show him who is the boss and that he may have cheated on you, but you won by staying strong. [Read: How your self esteem affects you and the relationships you have]

Having someone cheat on you is one of the most crushing hardships you can go through. Ultimately, you have two options. You can choose to move forward with grace, stay strong, and not let his crappy behavior do any more damage to you. Or, you can go the route of revenge and spite, which will likely only keep you stuck and unhappy.

[Read: Revenge sex – My own experience and everything I learned from it]

Revenge is sweet when he cheated on you, but taking the higher road, choosing to forgive and moving on to find the right person, will feel much better than trying to make your ex suffer.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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