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Breakup Anxiety: How to Deal With It & Overcome Your Biggest Fears

There are two types of breakup anxiety – one happens before a breakup and the other happens after. Both are equally damaging. 

breakup anxiety

Learning how to deal with breakup anxiety is no picnic. Our brains have a habit of lying to us from time to time. You would think that the organ inside your brain would be on your side, but it seems that the demons take over occasionally, leaving us open to thoughts which are neither helpful or constructive. 

What is breakup anxiety?

If you have any type of anxiety, or you’ve ever suffered with a bout of it, you’ll understand how debilitating it can be. One particular type of anxiety which many people in relationships suffer from is breakup anxiety.

The two types of breakup anxiety

Now, there are two main types of breakup anxiety.

The first occurs before a breakup, or during a relationship for no good reason. Every relationship goes through tough times, ups and downs and challenges. During these occasions, it can be easy to become fearful of the end. Of course, it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy in some ways. The more you worry about something, the more you’re actually changing your actions to make it happen. 

[Read: Is your negative thinking ruining your life?]

The other type of breakup anxiety is after an actual breakup has occurred. 

Anyone who has ever been through a breakup will tell you how upsetting and difficult it can be. You’re left cold, feeling lonely and lost, almost in grief at the end of a relationship. During this time, it’s easy for anxiety to set in, and you start blaming yourself for every single thing that went wrong. You might even start blaming yourself for things that didn’t go wrong, i.e. things that were not your fault. 

[Read: The steps to get your self esteem back after a heartbreak]

Whatever type of breakup anxiety you’re suffering from, it’s important to put things into perspective, for the sake of your own mental health. 

Breakup anxiety while still in a relationship

Let’s talk a little more about this particular type of anxiety for a minute.

If you’re constantly worrying about what might go wrong in a relationship, you’re basically showing signs of low self esteem. That might sound harsh, but think about it. You have no faith in your relationship and worry that your partner will leave you. 

Why would they leave you? If there was a real problem, you would know about it and would be talking about it and trying to work things out. Sure, if you can’t get past it, then perhaps the relationship would come to an end, but having fears about your partner suddenly waking up one day and deciding to leave you for no good reason is not healthy or constructive.

[Read: Insecurity in a relationship: How to feel more secure and love better]

Have a little faith in your partner and in yourself. If your relationship is meant to last, trust me, it will. Sure, relationships take hard work and compromise, but you know that already. Allowing this type of breakup anxiety to ruin a relationship that is already functioning quite well will simply push it towards the negative side of the spectrum. Before you know it, you’ve willed it to end. 

You see, when you worry about something, you act a little differently. In this case you might become needy, suffocating, and question every little thing. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they can’t be free or have space. You might actually be pushing your partner away without even realizing it.

[Read: The 20 ways over-analyzing is ruining your relationship]

The way out of this problem? Chill the hell out! Roll with the relationship, enjoy the time you spend together and let things evolve naturally. There really is no use in worrying about things that may or may not happen. 

Anxiety after a breakup has happened

If you’re suffering from anxiety because you’ve recently found yourself single, be kind to yourself.

Whatever the reason for the relationship ending, understand that what has happened, has happened. Sure, some couples end up getting back together, but you cannot pin your hopes on that and live your life with that idea in your mind. Focus on yourself, live your life, build your confidence back up and learn to love yourself once more. 

The ironic thing is, once you do that, you start to recognize the good things about being single. You will become stronger and learn a lot about yourself during this process. If your ex decides to come back on the scene, decide then whether you want to go back there with them or not. The choice will be yours. 

[Read: How to enjoy being single and live the life you really want to live]

Anxiety is a nasty condition which anyone can suffer from, whether linked to relationships or not. When we’re feeling down, simply because life has dealt us a blow or something has happened which has knocked our confidence, anxiety finds it easy to creep in and take a hold. 

You start questioning every little thing about what you did or didn’t do enough of. You start to develop doubts and regrets and might start acting out or doing unhealthy things to cope. At the end of the day, you’re creating a negative cycle of thoughts and behaviors which will simply continue onwards until you finally grab control of the reins and move past it all. 

[Read: Relationship anxiety and the 20 mistakes you need to stop repeating]

Learning to deal with anxiety 

Anxiety happens after a big change in life, and post-breakup is one of the most common times. I’ve already mentioned about being kind to yourself, but you also need to place importance on upon how you feel. If you really are struggling, do not hesitate to reach out and get some help. 

Talk to a friend, speak to someone completely uninvolved, do whatever you need to do in order to get your feelings out and off your chest. Why not give exercise a go? This is a wonderful way to distract your mind and focus on health and well-being at the same time.

Do the things you never did when you were in the relationship but always wanted to. For instance, if you always wanted to go to night school and learn a new language, now is the time to go for it! You’ll boost your confidence and that anxiety-related voice in your head will become muted as a result. 

[Read: How to find yourself again after a seriously low point in life]

What you need to remember about breakup anxiety

The most important thing to remember about breakup anxiety or any other type of anxiety is that it’s a real thing, but something which can be conquered with focus and determination.

Boosting your confidence and focusing on the positive things in life will help you overcome the challenges, but also realizing that jumping into another relationship straightaway isn’t the answer either. [Read: The 7 stages of heartbreak when you become someone’s ex]

The whole “there’s only one way to get over someone…” rule isn’t true. Jumping under another person isn’t going to help you feel better, it will simply wreck your self-esteem further and leave you floundering. It’s far healthier and more effective to work on positive routes towards a brighter future. It can be done!

If your breakup anxiety is during a relationship, try talking things out with a friend and put everything into perspective. Often, we keep things bottled up inside and they turn into a tsunami, when in reality they’re nothing more than a slight ripple on the ocean’s surface. Distraction techniques are also a fantastic way to deal with this type of anxiety. 

[Read: Self-discovery after a breakup and how to happily move on]

Breakup anxiety is a very real thing. Whether you’re in a relationship and you’re worried that the end is near or you’ve just come out of a relationship, learning to deal with your fears and your emotions is key.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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