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The 9 Unspoken Relationship Rules Couples Need To Follow

Find out how to dodge the puzzling arguments and strange disapproving glares by familiarizing yourself with the 9 unspoken rules of every relationship.

unspoken relationship rules

When looking for the unspoken rules in a relationship, you will encounter phrases describing what happens in a relationship. The real unspoken rules in a relationship are those that can help a couple survive a nuclear argument that stems from a tiny transgression.

The honeymoon stage of every relationship blinds couples into thinking that their significant others are perfect in any light. Mistakes are overlooked and flaws cease to exist. Everything is peachy until a certain point when the rose-tinted glasses start to lose its effect.

At this point, couples start fighting for no apparent reason. The truth is that the reason is known to at least one of you, but neither will admit it. This is usually a matter of pride or some unexplainable need to deny the fact that your partner has absolutely no idea what they did wrong. [Read: The 9 stages in a relationship every couple goes through]

Why don’t people know when they are doing something wrong?

This is something that couples should deal with. Not everyone can handle a relationship responsibly 100% of the time, but it helps if both lovers try to solve their problems in a mature way. If you think that your partner does not understand you, then you are right. The point is that you should not hold them responsible for a mistake that they don’t remember making. [Read: The 23 do’s and don’ts of relationship arguments that all couples need to know]

The best way to keep everyone happy is to keep your lines of communication open. No, not just your emails and phones. You have to talk about the things that make you feel bad and the things that your partner can do to make the situation better.

Don’t put all the blame on one person. Take responsibility for your silence as well. You can’t just start lashing out without saying why. It shows an immaturity that is not fit for a growing relationship. Be the bigger person by keeping your cool and telling your partner that you have some issues that you want to deal with.

What are the unspoken rules in a relationship?

Some rules in a relationship require the least bit of common sense. These are the regular rules that are bound by morals and justice. Never cheat. Never harm your partner. Never look down on them. They are fairly simple, but some rules are harder to determine.

If you think your partner does not understand these rules, show them this list. If you are on the receiving end of a nasty tantrum, check this list to see if you failed to adhere to any of the rules. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

These rules are, in effect, the 9 unspoken rules of a relationship

#1 Always say good morning and good night. This is not very difficult. If you constantly fail to do either of these, then there really is a problem between the two of you. You can greet your partner in a text, an email, or if you really want bonus points, call them. Your busy schedule should not hinder you from showing your loved one that you are thinking about them.

#2 Update them about your whereabouts at least once a day. You don’t need to glue yourself to your phone or update your Twitter feed every hour. Take a few minutes out of your lunch break to text your partner about how your day is going. If your schedule does not permit any interruptions, call your partner before you sleep and update them then.

#3 An anniversary should always be acknowledged. Whether it’s a one-month anniversary or the one-year milestone, you need to be prepared. Forgetting an anniversary is just as bad as forgetting a birthday. You are obligated to provide a gift or gesture within your means and make the day feel as special as possible. Anyone can set aside an hour or two out of their day to celebrate the momentous occasion. After all, a celebration of love is never unappreciated. [Read: 14 common reasons why relationships fail often]

#4 Limit your compliments for a specific person in as few words as possible. Jealousy is one of the constant reasons why couples fight. The worst part is that the accused would never know that this is the reason. Hardly will anyone admit to being jealous of someone else. It’s like admitting that you think the other person is better than you. And that’s why, when you are with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you should refrain from reciting odes of admiration about another person.

Keep your phrases short and succinct. “She looks healthy” or “He looks happy” or “I should work out more like he does.” Did I mention that you should also use vague terms that have no hint of endearment whatsoever? [Read: The guide to dealing with jealousy in a relationship]

#5 Be consistent in your communication format. One of the complaints from people in relationships goes something like this. “We just don’t talk like we used to.” Many couples think that this happens because one of you has lost interest in the relationship. The truth is that the relationship has reached a point where the same patterns have become monotonous. And the truth is, you became lazy.

The key to solving issues like this is to be consistent in how you communicate with your partner. The frequency does not need to remain the same, but the intensity of the messages do. You don’t have to text on the hour every hour like you used to, but you need to text the way you always did. With a smiley emoticon? With an “ily” at the end? No matter what format you used, keep at it.

#6 Put a little thought into gifts. No matter how expensive your gift is, it will always be obvious if no amount of thought was put into it. Nonsensical gifts always pave the way for a grumpy night at home with your partner.

If you bought your girlfriend a scarf while forgetting that she voluntarily chooses not to wear scarves, you are screwed. If you bought your boyfriend a tie knowing that he never plans on wearing one, you inadvertently made him cry in the bathroom for a minute.

The little disappointments that failed gift-giving produces can be damaging for someone’s self-esteem. It could denote that you do not pay enough attention to their wants and needs or you did not put enough significance in the occasion. Either way, you will both pay the emotional price for that impulse buy from the catalog.

#7 Introduce your partner to your family as soon as the subject comes up. If your parents are coming into town or if your partner has nowhere else to go on the holidays, it’s time to prep for the inevitable parental meet-and-greet. Introducing your significant other to your family is a big step. It shows a sign of commitment and trust. The problem arises when you realize that you are not ready for the fated introduction.

Unfortunately, if you want your relationship to survive, you have to do the right thing and introduce your partner to your family. This is especially true if the subject comes up. You can’t just brush it off as a normal meeting that you need to go to. You have to put the offer on the table and let your partner decide if they are ready to meet your family or not.

#8 Never ask for something that you are not willing to give. In a relationship, you have the right to ask your partner for anything you want. Keep in mind, though, that you can’t always have everything. When you ask your partner to do something, make sure that you are willing to return the favor in kind.

For example, you could ask your partner to change their schedule for you. If you refuse when they ask the same, your partner will resent you because of the favor you asked before. You end up breaking their trust, which pushes them to start refusing your requests in the future. [Read: 12 clear signs you’re the selfish one in the relationship]

#9 A date should occur at least twice a week. If you thought that your once-a-week Saturday night movie marathon was enough to keep your relationship afloat, think again. Many people resent not seeing their partners more within the week. To counteract these feelings of resentment, you should opt to see the person you’re dating at least twice a week. You should set a long date with smaller meetings in between. It shows that you care enough to spend more time together and it will give you more time to bond too.

These rules are just the tip of the iceberg, but they are in fact the most frequent cause for arguments among couples. These things are rarely acknowledged, yet they are the root of half the fights that couples get into.

These unspoken rules can help solidify your bond, but the best way to do that is to speak up. No matter how many rulebooks you read or rom-com movies you watch, you can make your relationship survive anything if you are open and honest with your partner. Knowing these rules can’t hurt either.

[Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]

Just make sure that you acknowledge the hidden truths that your partner is too scared or insecure to address, and help them express themselves within the relationship. And these 9 unspoken rules in the relationship will definitely help both of you achieve that.

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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