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Lower Your Expectations: Best Way to Find Love or Complete BS?

If you just can’t seem to find love because you’re always dating crappy people, you may have been told to lower your expectations. But should you?

lower your expectations

There comes a point in the dating world when you have to take a step back and reevaluate your situation. Somehow, you always end up dating jerks who just don’t give a damn. Your friends may say you just need to lower your expectations, but is that really necessary or is it a load of bullshit?

I’m going to come right out and say it’s definitely bullshit. However, that doesn’t mean your expectations are correct, either. Some people just don’t know what they should be getting in a relationship.

Why having expectations is necessary

You have to have a basis for how you want to be treated. Otherwise, you may end up with someone who is horrible to you and you won’t even know it until it’s too late. This may already be happening in your relationships and why you may feel like you need to lower your expectations.

When you set up your expectations early – and have good ones – you get treated correctly. Not only that, but it helps you spot the shitty partner early on so you can get rid of them before you’re too emotionally invested in them. [Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]

Should you lower your expectations?

In a simple word: no. But there’s a lot more to it than that. The thing about having expectations for the people you date is that they have to be realistic. If you’re expecting to be treated like royalty but not willing to treat them the same, you’ll never feel satisfied.

But have no fear. We’re here to tell you what expectations you should have in a relationship and the ones you need to get rid of. Having unrealistic expectations may make you feel like you’re never being treated right even though you are. [Read: How self-respect affects your relationship]

Great expectations to have

#1 Someone who respects you. This should be a guarantee no matter what. However, there are people out there who are in relationships with people who have no respect for them. They don’t care about their feelings or wants and needs. You need to be with someone who highly respects you.

#2 Someone who values their time with you. Your time is limited. Between work or school, friends, and things you need to do for yourself, it only leaves a small amount of time for someone special. That person should value their time with you. They shouldn’t be on their phones the whole time or ditching you for other plans. [Read: 22 early signs of a bad partner]

#3 When they show interest in your passions. This is probably the most important thing. Never lower your expectations when it comes to this one. Even if someone doesn’t fully understand your passions, they should still support them and show an interest in them. If it’s really important to you, it should be that way for them, too.

#4 Someone who appreciates the things you do for them. When you’re with someone, you do a lot for them. You cook for them, give them small gifts, and you might even just give them a back massage every now and then. They need to appreciate it. Don’t be with someone who takes you for granted. [Read: 25 ways to say “I appreciate you” without words]

#5 When they actively want to know about your life. You should always keep this expectation high. If you’re dating someone, they should want to know what’s going on in your life. They should want to be involved. That can be with your friends and even your family.

#6 Someone who can give you your space. We can’t always be with someone else in our free time. We all need some time to ourselves to unwind and just be alone. If the person you’re with can never give you that, it’s a problem. This expectation should be high on your list.They need to respect your “you time.” [Read: 10 obvious hints guys give when they need more space]

#7 Someone who cares about your well-being. This should be an obvious one but it’s often overlooked. Be with someone who wants you to be healthy. However, this can be a little tricky because sometimes a person can seem like they’re just looking out for you when really, they’re being controlling.

#8 A person who can appreciate your faults. We all have flaws. Nobody is perfect. That being said, the person you’re with should be able to appreciate those things. Sure, they can recognize them as flaws, but they will acknowledge that those things make you who you are. They should love them.

#9 Someone who puts forth the effort – even if they don’t want to. Not everything you do for your significant other will be great. You’ll have to do stuff that’s not very fun. You still need someone who does those things for you even when they don’t want to. That shows they care and will do what it takes to make you happy and to make your relationship function healthily.

#10 Someone who cares about your happiness. This is crucial. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about your happiness? They’ll never put forth the effort to make you happy.

That’s why you need to have very high expectations when it comes to this one. They need to want to make you happy. Their drive in the relationship should be to make you happy – and the same goes for you. [Read: How to make your man happy in 20 ways]

Unrealistic expectations

When you’re considering whether or not to lower your expectations, make sure you don’t just need to make them more realistic. These are very unrealistic expectations in a relationship. [Read: How to stop sabotaging your relationships]

#1 Someone who waits on you hand and foot. This isn’t how a relationship is supposed to be. They’re not your personal assistant. They’re your partner. You should both be putting forth effort to do things for one another, but it’s not something that should ever be expected.

#2 Wanting someone who gives up their normal life for you. If you’re looking for someone who’s going to drop everything just for you, you’ll never find love. This isn’t about needing to lower your expectations, it’s about being reasonable.

They need to have their friends and their own life in addition to you. A person who just gives up their normal life for you isn’t someone you can have a lasting relationship with. You will have problems down the road with this type of behavior.

#3 Being treated like a king or queen when you do nothing in return. I fully condone treating each other like royalty. But that’s the key: treating each other the same way. You can’t expect your partner to put you up on a pedestal and then do nothing for them. [Read: How to treat your woman like a queen]

#4 Wanting to be the center of their world. Their world does not revolve around you. You’re just in their orbit. Basically, they’ll never be able to keep up with making everything about you – and they shouldn’t have to. This is unrealistic.

#5 Trying to get every ounce of their free time for you. They need to live their life. Being with someone means spending some of your free time with them. You can’t have all of it. There’s no way they’ll ever be happy with never being able to have time to themselves. They’ll feel suffocated.

 [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

When it comes to finding love, you should never have to lower your expectations. However, you may find that you need to reevaluate your expectations to make sure they’re realistic.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...