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How to Find Inner Peace In a Messy Relationship

Relationships are filled with ups, downs and in-betweens. How can you find peace amidst the tumultuous chaos in your relationship?

inner peace

Although there are thousands of feelings and emotions on the spectrum, it is easy to categorize everything that we have ever felt into two distinct categories: happiness and sadness. Somehow everything is linked to either one, and rarely do we ever feel apathetic about a major life occurrence.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed with joy in happy moments such as the birth of a child or a marriage proposal. On the other hand, when we are faced with challenges that involve a terminal illness or getting cheated on, it is understandable that life may seem messy and disorganized.

However, you have to remember that it is possible to gain peace of mind, no matter the circumstance. You have to remember to focus on the positives and shrug off the negatives. Although you may find it hard to find the silver lining when your best friend has to undergo chemotherapy, you have to always stay focused on overcoming the stressful bits, as this will undoubtedly do more harm than good.

The same philosophy can be channeled to your personal relationship. No matter how miserable you may feel about your significant other, you have to work through it, if you want to survive. Whether you are reeling from an emotionally abusive fight, to learning to forgive you spouse for his or her transgressions, relationships are part of life and that means having to face the downs as well as the ups.

How to stay strong in a tumultuous relationship

When something bad happens, you may feel like sadness is overtaking every fiber of your being. However, you have to persevere and stay strong for yourself. Here are 13 tips on what you can do to find inner peace in a messy relationship.

#1 Live in the moment. Remember that you only live once and that being bogged down by sadness and fear is really not going to get you anywhere. Stop thinking about the past and do not focus too much on the “what ifs.” Live in the moment to find true inner peace, because the present is the only moment under your control. You will find that once you let go of the past and stop trying to change the future, you will be more peaceful and happy. [Read: 8 daily reminders to keep you moving forward]

#2 Breathe. Learn to take deep and consistent breaths, every time you feel overwhelmed. Garnering inner peace starts with something as simple as breathing right. Breathe in and out through your nose and do so ten times. Upon completion of this simple exercise, you will find a weight lifted off your shoulders.

When you are ready, learn how to meditate. Studies have shown that meditating daily for 20 minutes at a time can positively impact your overall well being. It is a surefire way to still your mind and help you find inner peace. All you have to do is find a quiet and comfortable area. It could be under your favorite tree in the park or in your bedroom. Close your eyes, clear your mind and focus on the emptiness. Look up tips online, speak to a friend who meditates, or sign up for a class if you do not know where to start.

#3 Spend time outdoors. You will be surprised at how peaceful the great outdoors can be. Doing a spot of shopping in the busiest part of town and strolling in and out of stores does not constitute spending time outdoors. Go as natural as you can.

If you live in a bustling city, head to the closest park or garden and be inspired by how calming being surrounded by greenery can be. If you are able to, make an effort to head to a national park or the outskirts of the city for a hike or biking excursion. Enjoy the sights, smells, sounds and stillness of being away from civilization, and relish being one with nature as often as you can.

#4 Smile and laugh more. You may think that forcing a smile onto your face is just a farce, and that you are not going to feel any better inside. Well, you are wrong, because a simple smile can make a whole world of difference. You should enhance positive emotions instead of suppressing them.

In 2008, a study published in the Journal of Pain proved that people who frowned during an unpleasant procedure reported feeling more pain than those who did not. The same can be said for positive emotions and the facial expressions linked to them. The more you smile, the more you restrict negative energy from invading your space.

For example, instead of feeling angry at your spouse for being late for dinner, you can smile and make fun of each other for not being timely people. You will find that bitterness and anger are kept to a minimum and that you will feel better in no time. It is easier for peace to find a way into your day when you exude positive emotions, and there is no better way of doing so than with a smile. [Read: 12 insightful lessons to help you have a better life]

#5 Pick up a new hobby. You should strive to learn something new as often as possible. Whether it is learning how to make homemade soap, or educating yourself on both sides of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, learning something new will help you achieve inner peace in a messy relationship.

This is because focusing your energy on something else will help you take your mind off dwelling on the negative aspects of your life. Not only will you grow as a person, you will be improving your overall self worth, by absorbing new information and talents. In turn, you can share the fruits of your labor with your spouse in a bid to mend your messy relationship.

#6 Practice yoga. Yoga is a wonderful platform for finding inner peace. Deep breathing coupled with the almost meditative-like poses will do wonders for your overall well being. Not only will you be able to still your mind every time you are faced with the negatives that come out of your messy relationship, you will also be encouraged to stay fit and healthy.

Turn your yoga practice into your source of spiritual calm, and you will feel so much better inside and out. If you are new to yoga or need a refresher course, pick up a yoga DVD for beginners or sign up for a class to learn the fundamentals.

#7 Accept life as it is. Once you realize and accept that life is meant to take its course, you will find inner peace. Although there is nothing wrong with taking control of your life, you have to realize that everything happens for a reason. All the pain and hurt that you have to endure will only make you a stronger and more prepared human being.

The same goes for joy and bliss. Not a single day goes by that your emotional strength is not tested. Life is like floating on a raft down a river. Sometimes the river is calm, and other times it is fast paced. Either way, accept that life is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed and appreciated and you will be one step closer to finding inner peace. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]

#8 Help others. Another way to find inner peace is to offer it to others. Stop being materialistic and selfish. Everything that you have built for yourself can come tumbling down in a heartbeat. Whether it is declaring bankruptcy due to a bad business decision, or making up your mind to file for divorce, life will never stop throwing curveballs at you. Remember that in the grand scheme of things, you are not particularly special. Everyone has to deal with curveballs, and most of the time, they can be a lot worse than what you may expect.

Be kind to those around you whether you know them or not. Stop focusing on your problems and help others out for a change. Whether it is volunteering at an animal shelter or raising awareness for an orphanage, you will find great peace, when you think and care about something or someone else other than yourself. Being kind will put your problems into perspective and give you the opportunity to be grateful for what you have. [Read: 5 ways volunteering can help heal depression]

#9 Have an open mind. Another way to garner inner peace is to stop being so close-minded. Most of the time, anger and frustration stem from not understanding or realizing what others believe in. You may scoff at someone who takes his religion seriously and not understand how he can be so blindly led by something as intangible as faith. Take time to educate yourself by reading up on other beliefs, religions and cultures.

How you do things in your country may be sacrilege in another country, and vice versa. Once you look beyond your core belief system and into the great beyond, you will find yourself being more understanding and positive. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, open up your mind to another opinion and you will invite peace and happiness into your life. [Read: Should you worry about justifying your life choices?]

#10 Be hopeful. No matter how bad the situation may be, never let hope die. Your relationship with your spouse may seem like an unfixable mess, but you cannot give up hope that everything will be just fine. Whether it is overcoming something traumatizing like the loss of a child, or learning to forgive your partner for committing adultery, you have to be hopeful and believe that you will be happy again no matter what happens. By keeping hope alive, you will undoubtedly find peace and the strength to get through difficult times. [Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish negativity]

#11 Grow into it. Look at finding inner peace as a growing experience. There is no doubt that you will not be able to transform and still your mind after only a day of meditating, yoga, and being positive. Finding inner peace and calm takes time and effort. You have to learn to resist the negatives that life throws at you, and embrace the positives.

Treat finding inner peace like a journey. Cut out the negatives from your life and work out your mind and body into finding and accepting positive energy. Grow into the practice of being happy and peaceful and before you know it, they will become second nature to you.

#12 Rebuild familial relationships. Another way to build inner peace is to rebuild broken relationships with family members. Whether it is your estranged mother or problematic sister, forging a strong relationship with your family members will bring you inner peace. Even if it means getting in touch with them just once to apologize or tell them you forgive them, you will be surprised by how much happier and lighter you will feel when you let go of the anger.

Anger towards family members is unlike any other type of emotion that you will ever feel. To gain inner peace, you have to release the toxins from your mind and heart. If you already have a good relationship with your family members, make the effort to spend more time with them and draw strength from their support to get you through your messy relationship. Remember that inner peace will be easier to find when you have a good support system in place.

#13 Seek counseling. Sometimes all you need to see the light is advice from an unbiased third party. Whether it is a family member, close friend or counselor, there is no denying that offloading your messy relationship problems onto someone else will help you put things into perspective. You will be surprised at how much more peaceful you will feel once you seek help from someone else.

[Read: 13 inspiring ways to bring out the best in yourself ]

Always remember that you are worth the effort. No matter how difficult the journey to achieving inner peace may be, you have to tell yourself that you are worth it. No one else can stop you but yourself, so channel positive energy into your life and before you know it, you will be happier and more peaceful than you have ever been!


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Gemma Hsieh
Born in Singapore and raised in Canada to multi-racial parents, Gemma is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the world,...
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