Being classified as a cheater is the opposite of a good thing. By learning how to stop cheating, you may save your relationship.
These days, stories about cheating, from casual one-night stands to full-blown emotional entanglements and second families, are not uncommon. But it shouldn’t be the norm. In fact, you should learn how to stop cheating as fast as possible.
The fact that you’re here reading this article means you really do want to change, and you see an error in your own actions. However, the thing with cheating is, you get mixed up in all the lies until things become very complicated and tangled.
It’s easy to get caught up in the lies and deception you’ve already started, but you could also choose to end all that right now. It’s great that you’ve taken the first step into wanting to change the error in your ways, but the hardship doesn’t stop there. Similar to addiction, it will be easy to keep coming back to the lies. [Read: Once a cheater always a cheater: the truth of their past]
Why do we cheat when we know it’s bad?
Cheating is the worst possible thing we can do in our relationships. We’re basically betraying the trust of the one person we love, even as they handed it to us freely. So why do we cheat in the first place? Not to validate cheating, but people cheat for lots of reasons.
Maybe because either their physical or emotional needs weren’t being met, or their partners have changed into someone they no longer recognize. It could also be because they no longer love their partner and can’t handle confronting them about it.
Look, there are several possibilities, but none of them ever make cheating valid or okay. But we do it anyway. Once you’ve cheated, it isn’t easy to turn back.
You have to live with that guilt and shame for a significant period and somehow, you don’t turn back because you feel stuck in your choices. But you can always learn how to stop cheating, that is if you want to. [Read: What is cheating in a relationship? the truth most people ignore]
How to stop cheating for good
Let’s break it down step by step so you can untangle yourself when temptations lure.
1. Remove yourself from the temptation
If you don’t want to get into danger, you stay out of the way of speeding cars. That means keep out of situations where you will be tempted to cheat. Don’t invite yourself into sticky situations that you know will most likely end up with an undesirable outcome.
If you’re truly serious about learning how to stop cheating, remove the temptations around you. After all, prevention is better than cure. So if something triggers you to cheat, remove that or remove yourself from the scenario. [Read: 10 vital steps you need to take to resist the temptation to cheat in love]
2. Think things over
There are many kinds of affairs—some are just casual sexual encounters, while some are deeper. It might be easier to let go of casual encounters more than affairs where you and your lover are emotionally attached. If you are still in love with your partner, you have to make a decision to stop.
However, when things are more complicated than that, like when you are also in love with the one you’re having an affair with, then you need to think through your options carefully. Decide how much time you need to think things over. Meanwhile, you can tell your lover you want to think and that you need space. [Read: 18 signs you’re probably having an emotional affair and don’t realize it]
People have different reasons for cheating. You may have your own reasons, and you believe these are pretty legitimate reasons. More often than not, though, these are just excuses. So if you really want to learn how to stop cheating, you need to figure out the reasons behind them.
Did you fall out of love with your partner? Is your partner emotionally detached? Are you in an abusive relationship and your lover provides you with a safe haven? Do you just want to have sex or to prove to yourself that you are still attractive?
These are questions you need to ask yourself and be honest when answering them. If you lie, you’re really only lying to yourself. [Read: 20 Valid reasons to break up with someone]
4. Assess your affair
Once you have figured out why you are cheating, assess your affair. Do you think it’s really worth it? Is it worth betraying, deceiving, and hurting your partner? Is it really worth running around behind your partner’s back? Or maybe you are falling for your lover.
Most often, an affair really isn’t worth it, and people often end up going back to their original lovers. Assessing your affair can also help you make your decision as you weigh up not only your options but, most importantly, the consequences of your actions. Remember, you may not only be hurting your partner but your lover as well.
Cheating doesn’t just impact you, but others around you. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat? A guide to help you make up your mind]
5. Assess your relationship
It is also important to consider your here-and-now, i.e. your relationship with your partner. Many people turn to extramarital affairs or affairs outside of their relationship because they feel their partners lack something, or that their relationship has taken a turn for the worse.
If you cheated because of something you could still fix, it’s never too late to try to fix that issue. Did you even try, or did you judge your relationship immediately and think it’s over?
Once you have figured out why you are having an affair and what your affair truly means to you, you weigh this against what is at stake—your relationship and your partner’s feelings. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly!]
6. Count your blessings
Often, people don’t appreciate what they have, so they turn to desire for things they cannot have. For you, this could be a case of “the grass is greener on the other side.”
To help you gain a better perspective, try to see your partner with renewed eyes and open your heart to all the possibilities of what you already have instead of wanting more.
Remember, love is a choice rather than a feeling. [Read: Emotional cheating and 10 bad things to can do for everyone involved]
7. Avoid comparisons
If you’re serious about learning how to stop cheating, don’t compare your partner with other people. How would you feel if they did the same thing to you? People have their strengths and weaknesses, and whatever is good, beautiful, exciting, different, and desirable in your lover may just be the honeymoon glow in the works.
You may also find there are still other greener pastures, and the search for your ideal will never end. There is no perfect, especially in relationships. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better. [Read: 5 Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
8. Take action
Once you have thought through your situation and your relationships, this is when you should take action. You have to make a decision to choose one or the other. You can’t have both; we don’t live in a perfect world. The fact you cheated means you need to live with the consequences of your actions.
If you choose your lover over your partner, then you have to break things off with your lover and ensure a clean break.
However, if you decide to stay with your partner and let go of your affair, then you have to follow the next steps. Once you choose, that’s it. You can’t take back your decision after that. [Read: 10 signs you’re completely losing interest in your own relationship]
9. Stop any communication
Aside from removing yourself from the situation, such as avoiding going to places where you might see your lover, you should also stop any communication. If you have to change your number, delete, and block them from your phone and social media accounts, do so.
The key to learning how to stop cheating is to be persistent with this change in your life, which often requires cutting off all communication from them. [Read: Cutting people out of your life: Easier when done the right way]
10. No last time sex or meet-ups
It is better to end things briefly and abruptly, without giving them a chance to lure you back to them. This also makes things easier for your sake. By meeting up with them again to talk things over *there really should be nothing else to talk about*, you are also exposing yourself to the risk of being found out by your partner.
Most importantly, it tempts you to be physical with them one last time, when that shouldn’t be the case. Cheating is like an addiction – it’s challenging to get out once you’re in. [Read: How to end an affair the right way and get over it completely]
11. Talk to your partner
Okay, so this is the hard part. Make sure you’re ready for this if you want to know how to stop cheating. Now is the time to focus on making your relationship work, or even make it better.
One of the things people who cheat fail to do is to first focus on how they can make themselves better as a partner and how they can help make the relationship better too. You can save yourselves a whole lot of trouble if you guys just talk.
Communication is key for any relationship, so just talk if you want to save your failing relationship from breaking apart. Simple as that. While it is up to you if you wish to tell your partner about your affair or not, what is essential is that you talk.
Take time to listen to your partner’s side and from there, work on a solution. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]
12. Rekindle your love
Most likely, you cheated because of something lacking in your relationship. Whether it’s a lack of physical affection, intimacy, communication, or a misunderstanding. You wouldn’t cheat if you were genuinely happy with your partner, no matter how good the temptation seemed.
Remember, it is not your partner’s fault that you cheated. You have to take accountability for your actions. What you can do now is to make extra effort to rekindle the love that you almost lost. Go out more often with your partner, talk more, be positive influences on each other.
If you lack spontaneity in your relationship, work on that. If you are not having enough sex, find ways to spice up your sex life. [Read: 9 practical steps you need to take to rebuild trust after cheating on your partner]
13. Consider counseling
If you have exhausted everything and things still didn’t turn out the way you hoped they would, then you should consider marital or relationship counseling. Talk to a professional about your troubles.
If you really want to save your relationship and don’t want to waste those years of being together, relationship counseling is your best option. [Read: Relationship counseling: 10 signs you need it to save your love]
14. Avoid the what-ifs
You will never be able to learn how to stop cheating if you focus on the what-ifs. Your affair happened; you can’t change the facts. But you can’t dwell on any kind of potential future together if you want things to work out in your relationship.
If you’re going to stop the cycle of cheating once and for all, stop thinking about what could’ve been. Cut them out of your life, and leave it at that. [Read: Relationship anxiety: 20 mistakes you need to stop making]
15. Look inward
Sometimes, cheating has nothing to do with our relationship or partner, but has everything with our issues. Maybe you don’t have the confidence to feel loved, or you don’t know how to take care of things.
Maybe you think you’re someone not worth loving, so you sabotage a beautiful thing all on your own. Fix the issue otherwise the cycle will continue in all your relationships. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]
16. Decide what you really want
Cheating can often be a passive-aggressive way to leave the relationship, but you don’t know how to. You need to decide what you really want from the relationship if you want to learn how to stop cheating.
If all you’re after is your partner to break up with you, realize that you can always just leave and break up with them. If you’re that unhappy, your partner doesn’t deserve the trauma of being cheated on. Just leave. [Read: How to stop being passive aggressive: get out of the toxic state]
17. Realize the implications of cheating
When you cheat on someone, it’s as if you’re saying that they’re not enough and you want someone better than them. This realization hurts, and it’s just one of the many implications of cheating.
Another is that you’ll likely never end up in a long-term relationship and will end up alone if you continue your cycle of cheating. This is why it’s so crucial to learn how to stop cheating if you want to be happy in life.
18. Use cheating to make your relationship stronger
You’ve done the act, and there’s no way to reverse what you already did. The best thing you can do is use cheating to highlight the existing issues in your relationship and work on them. This can be how you rebuild your relationship into a happy and contented one, so you don’t cheat ever again.
There was something wrong with your relationship, which may be why you cheated. So by building the very foundation of your relationship, you can fix this. [Read: 12 quick tips to make your relationship a little better]
19. Keep yourself busy
If you find yourself constantly giving into temptation, this is the time to keep yourself busy. Hit the gym, exercise, go running, or take a hike.
The next time you’re tempted to call your affair, keep yourself distracted so you don’t end up giving in to your urges. Cheating is a choice, so while you can’t control your emotions, you have a say in what you choose to do with them. [Read: 8 ways to stop moaning and stay busy after a breakup]
Learning how to stop cheating will never be easy, but it’s necessary
Cheating doesn’t necessarily make you a “bad” person, although cheating opens a Pandora’s box of problems and awful things.
Cheating shows your need for intimacy, connection, and a renewed sense of self. However, you really don’t have to look far to have those needs met.
[Read: 17 secret ingredients to a happy, monogamous relationship]
The key to learning how to stop cheating on your partner is to completely detach yourself from the person you were having an affair with. Be persistent in avoiding temptations and remove yourself from the situation if you have to.
