34 Subtle Ways to Get Out of the Friend Zone & Make Yourself VERY Desirable

Have you been thrown into the friend zone? Don’t worry! You can learn how to get out of the friend zone and look forward to a potentially romantic future.

how to get out of the friend zone

You like someone, it seems to be going well but then suddenly, you start to see a difference. You’ve been friend-zoned. When you have a crush on someone, this is one of the single worst places to be! The good news is you can learn how to get out of the friend zone with some handy tips and advice.

Now, before you think it’s all gloomy at the moment, the good thing about the friend zone is that you can be as close to the person you like as you choose. The bad thing is that this person might not even know they just put you in the friend zone because they don’t know how you really felt in the first place.

The longer you’re in the friend zone, the harder it’ll be to get out of it. So, if you’ve just been friend-zoned, read on; it’s time to rectify this problem! [Read: How to avoid the friend zone and make her desire you from the very start]

What is this dreaded friend zone?

If there’s one thing from the list of relationship woes that is worse than unrequited love and getting dumped, it’s being condemned to the friend zone. While unrequited love can be realized later on and getting dumped calls for you to move on with life, getting friend-zoned gets you the worst of both.

You might be reading this and thinking, “what on earth are they talking about?” Well, dear friends, the friend zone is a place where no romance occurs. It’s a place where you’re confided in, trusted, given details, and considered fun to be around, but it never progresses to romance. [Read: How to get your crush to notice you and like you back]

You want it to move on and be thought of as more than a friend. You want to be an object of desire!

It’s annoying.

The person you have romantic feelings for basically sees you as a friend and nothing more. They might tell you all about their dating exploits and ask your opinion, and you might end up watching them be with someone else while wishing it was you. [Read: Here’s why you should never use the term friend zone]

Why you’re stuck in the friend zone in the first place

All romantic relationships more or less start from friendship. But when one wants to be more than friends and still nothing happens, what could have gone wrong?

Before you figure out how to get out of the friend zone, you need to identify why you’re in it in the first place.

1. You acted like a regular friend from the start

If you’re in the friend zone, it’s likely because you lack the effort to push the platonic relationship further. [Read: How to get someone to like you immediately]

Consider how a guy goes from being a girl’s friend to being her boyfriend. The transition from friend to romantic partner happens when one realizes that they want more than just friendship and start to escalate things further by adding more intimacy into the relationship.

So when someone fails to act, the relationship remains as is.

2. You’re being put on reserve

This means that they could be interested in you, but there are just so many other people they consider interesting dating material at the moment.

So in order to manage these romantic prospects, they categorize them. They identify one as dating material, and the unlucky ones are condemned into the friend zone pool. [Read: Are you her main man or just one of her extras?]

3. They think you don’t like them back

It could be that you’ve been friend-zoned because the object of your desire thinks that you don’t want to be anything other than friends. A little like point number one, you’ve not shown effort, so they’re confused, and they’re not convinced that you don’t see them that way.

You only have yourself to blame on this one!

4. They don’t really like you

As a dating partner, that is. It is sad, they know how you feel, but you can only be a friend in their eyes.

In any case, nobody wants to get stuck in the friend zone forever. Play it cool and accept the truth. The good news is that now you know how you wound up in the friend zone, you can find ways to escape and prevent this from happening in the future. [Read: How to get over a girl who doesn’t like you without getting bitter]

The dangers of getting friend-zoned for too long

You need to make a move fast with this one. If you stay in the friend zone for too long, they’re just going to establish you as a friend. It’s hard to start seeing someone differently once you’ve already categorized them in your life.

So, the longer you’re friend-zoned, the less likely it is that your feelings will be reciprocated at any point.

It’s also possible, as we’ve already mentioned, that they will find someone they do feel warm and fuzzy about, and you’ll be left on the sidelines, having to watch. Sure, it’s amazing to be a fun and interesting person’s friend, but if you’ve always wanted more, that’s not fun anymore, is it? [Read: What to talk about with friends & ask the questions most ignore]

How to get out of the friend zone subtly and get your friend to like you

If you’re reading this and panicking, thinking that perhaps you’ve been friend-zoned for a little too long already, don’t panic. Simply follow these tips if you’re wondering how to get away from being put in the friend zone and want to take your relationship to the next level. It’ll work faster than you can imagine!

1. Focus your mind – do you really want to get out of the friend zone anyway?

Any endeavor requires focus and determination. Getting out of the friend zone is no different. If you really want to get out of the friend zone, and if you’ve already decided that they will be worth all the effort in the end, then prepare yourself.

The way out requires you to adapt to different situations, adopt new tactics and ideas, and possibly make difficult decisions. [Read: Do I like him? 13 easy questions to reveal the answer]

2. Be prepared for the long game

Know that the road out of the friend zone is no easy endeavor. It may take weeks, months, or even more. But to be safe, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, and expect that changing their view of you from friend to potential romantic material will not happen in a day.

Be prepared for a long game and recognize that today’s small victory will pay off later on. [Read: How to get your friend to like you more]

3. Tell them how you feel

This is the shortest and sharpest route toward getting out of the friend zone. They could have put you in the friend zone without even knowing that you have feelings for them—which is NOT their fault.

If you’re in the friend zone by default, because you couldn’t muster up the courage to tell them, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel if you feel like you’re ready to pursue a potential partner. Maintain eye contact so she knows you’re truly sincere. Who knows? They could have feelings for you, too. [Read: How to tell someone you like them – 18 risk-free ways to do it right]

4. Show them how you feel

If telling them isn’t an option, because you’re scared, or nervous, or whatever lame excuse you have, show them how you feel. Let them know that you like them by making the other person feel that you have feelings for them. Tell them you like their new haircut, or that the color of their shirt makes them look really good.

Do things for them that show them you care more than a friend would. Who knows, maybe you’re in that zone because he/she doesn’t feel that sexual attraction from you. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking the friendship]

5. Try and get them to see you in a romantic way

More than likely, you’ve shown them the more intimate side of yourself. Now, we’re not saying to go make out with them, but if you want them to see you in a romantic way, make them picture you being someone’s partner.

For example, if they start telling you about how this person’s partner did this, come back by saying things like, “If I had a partner, this is what I would do.” It gets their mind thinking about the way you’ll treat your significant other. You could also be very direct and say “if you were my partner, then I would …”

They may be caught off guard, but they can’t ignore that sign, right?

6. Don’t let them talk to you as a friend

People don’t talk to their friends like they do to their significant others. If that’s your end game, don’t let them talk to you like you’re their BFF. Don’t let them gossip about other love interests, or complain about them, either. Let them talk about anything BUT their partner problems.

They’ll never think of you as a possible partner if they talk to you about those issues. [Read: What to talk about with friends and ask the questions most ignore]

7. Figure out why they only like you as a friend, and then fix it

Maybe you only treat them like a friend. Maybe they don’t think you’re that compatible. Whatever it is, there is probably a way to get around it.

If they don’t think you’re compatible, for instance, you can make it a point to show them just how compatible the two of you really are.

8. Be a little tactile and make physical contact every now and again

No, we don’t mean go and slap their butt. Not at all. Subtly and nonchalantly make a point to touch them from time to time. Establishing physical contact will make them see that you’re being a little more than friendly.

A great way to do this is to just pat them on the back as you come up behind them, or touch their shoulder when they’ve said something funny. Little things that close the gap between you will move you out of the friend zone. [Read: How to build up the sexual chemistry with a friend you like]

9. Flirt up a storm!

For the love of all that is holy, FLIRT WITH THEM! One of the only things that can differentiate someone from liking a person as a friend and liking them more than a friend is flirting. If you’re continuously flirting with someone, you will send them a clear message that you like them romantically.

Not only that, but by flirting, you’re also opening up the opportunity for them to flirt back. This is a great way to lightly exchange some fun conversation that isn’t drawing attention to the fact that you’re stuck in the friend zone.

10. Make them miss you

It could be that the person who put you in the friend zone doesn’t realize their own feelings. Many have actually been guilty of this, and then it’s too late. Don’t be that potential couple!

They may not realize how they feel about you when you’re always around. So, take a break. Don’t act mad, or anything, but just be busy. Be busy enough that they’re coming to you to hang out or to see what’s up. [Read: How to make a girl want you and think of you sexually]

11. Give them regular compliments

Perfectly placed compliments can go a long way to get you out of the friend zone. Say something like, “you look great,” when they’re wearing grubby clothes shows them that you find them attractive, even when they’re not all done up. They’ll appreciate this.

Compliments can also help because people ALWAYS feel the need to compliment you back—which means they will be looking for and likely to see something attractive about you. It’s literally giving them a reason to look at your best attributes.

12. Surprise them with something

Surprising them with something that they wouldn’t expect you to remember is a perfect way for them to see how much you really care. They will start to care about you because of your kindness.

Try bringing them their favorite cookies *that no one else but you knows they love*. This is a perfect way to sneak even more out of the friend zone! [Read: How to make a friend like you without asking them out]

13. Do things for them that a significant other would do

If you want to be seen like a partner, act like they’re your partner. Treat them like you would your significant other, and you’ll realize how much easier it is to slide out of that zone and take things to the next level.

14. Realize that it might not have anything to do with you

Sometimes, you may be in the friend zone, simply because they aren’t in a place in their life where they can be dating or having a significant other.

If you realize that and back off, they will notice and appreciate that, and then who knows? Maybe down the line, they’ll remember you being understanding, and it’ll make them like you more. [Read: Self-concept – How we create and develop it to control our happiness]

15. Try making them jealous, but proceed with caution

Now, you could try and make them jealous, but this one carries risks. The reason is that if they’ve friend zoned you and you go and hook up with someone, they’re just going to be pleased for you.

The key is to let them know that you’re interested in them first, in a subtle way, and then try making them jealous.

It may work, it may not, but it’s one way to try and get out of the friend zone, for sure. [Read: How to make a guy jealous – 30 wicked ways to win his attention]

16. You may have to accept that friendship is enough, at least for now

Sometimes, if you really want someone to see you as more than a friend, the best way to do that is to just accept that you can’t have them. This will lead you to forget about how you’re acting, what you’re doing, and you’ll just be yourself.

That could really end up changing how that person feels about you. [Read: Naughty ways to kiss a friend accidentally and get away with it]

17. Reinvent and improve yourself

As mentioned, one possible reason that you are in the friend zone is that you keep sticking to old habits and practices. Telling yourself that “this is the real me” is not suitable as an excuse. And you are not being asked to change yourself anyway.

The trick here is to upgrade and focus on being the best version of yourself which increases your chances of becoming girlfriend or boyfriend material. Go ahead and work on your body and your attitude. [Read: The nice guy syndrome and why girls find you boring]

18. Change your attitude toward relationships

Get your head around the romance and fairytales that tend to orbit around real relationships. No, it won’t have the romantic movie ending if you just sit around and wait for the man or woman you want. Knowing how to escape the friend zone requires a lot of work.

Also, you need to avoid putting them on a pedestal. Know when it is time to move on.

19. Be natural and relaxed around them

You are no longer a high school kid who needs to fidget around whenever they’re near. Being more relaxed and casual tends to give the impression of confidence and self-assuredness.

In addition, being natural around them leaves no room for insincerities. It allows you to speak your thoughts clearly and enjoy the time you spend with them. [Read: Traits of insecure men that make girls run the other way]

20. Ask them out alone

While it is convenient to see them while under the screen of common friends, it won’t get you out of the friend zone. People interact with people differently in dating and group situations.

If you keep hanging out with them and your common friends, they’ll keep thinking and seeing you’re a friend and not a romantic interest.

21. Back off a little

No one likes someone who’s constantly catering to them, day and night. Of course, no one would say no to it, but no one wants to date someone who does that. You come off as needy and desperate, and it’s easy for them to involuntarily take you for granted!

So back off. Back way off.

If you’re pushy with a combination of desperate, well, that’s not going to get you anywhere. [Read: People pleaser? 20 signs you’re in the friend zone because you’re one]

22. Don’t always be there

As a friend, you want to be supportive, but don’t let yourself be that person who’s always available. When they need something, they know you’ll do it for them, and you feel like a hero whenever you do. Now, it’s good that they see you as reliable. However, you don’t want to become their maid.

That’s the thin line you should be wary of. You can be there for them, but if they’re asking you to do things like giving them a ride to somewhere or picking up their dry cleaning, then put your foot down. They wouldn’t ask a new partner to do that. [Read: The complete guide to flirt and seduce a girl – The friend way]

23. Make them see some competition for you

It could be that they simply don’t see any competition for you, and that doesn’t engage their competitive side. We mentioned making them jealous earlier, but showing a little competition doesn’t hurt.

But if you have another girl or guy you hang out with, plus you’re slightly mysterious about them, that spikes their interest.

Who are they? Are they more attractive than me? Do they want them? These are all questions we ask ourselves when we hear about other attractive friends. At the same time, it could be a plan b just in case things don’t work out. As they say, don’t put all your eggs in one basket, so actually seeing somebody else or having a new crush is not a bad idea. [Read: How to make a girl jealous and leave her begging for your attention]

24. Show you’re not interested in being their friend

If you want to get out of the friend zone, decide what you want. Do you want to keep the friendship or not? Because if they tell you that they don’t see this as anything else but friendship, you have two paths: accept it or cut the friendship.

If you don’t want to be their friend, you need to make it clear that you’re not interested in friendship with them. But don’t just cut them off without an explanation; they deserve to know the reason why you can’t be their friend. [Read: Love your best friend? Why it’s best to back away right now]

25. Don’t pity yourself because you’re in the friend zone

We see this all the time. Those who are in the friend zone always have this sad look on their faces. As if they’ve been chosen to be in the friend zone.

You decide if you want to be a friend or not. If not, then stop talking to them or just accept things how they are and be their friend. You decide how you want to live your life.

And trust us, that pouty look on your face isn’t sexy. If anything, they see that as a sign that you’re a whiny bitch. [Read: Naughty ways to get out of the friend zone in no time]

26. Be a little mysterious

This isn’t going to be easy, especially since you really like them. But if you’re not sure how to get out, try to be more mysterious. They don’t need to know all the intimate details about your family life or the person that’s hitting on you.

Let them become curious, and that way, you become more appealing because you’re not giving them everything.

27. Stop kissing their ass, figuratively speaking

It might be time to stop kissing their ass, seriously. We mean, if you were to do it literally, you wouldn’t be reading this, so we hope you know we’re talking figuratively. Kissing their ass won’t make them change their mind and like you more.

In fact, they may just end up using you because you literally do anything they say. Also, one of the reasons why men and women find themselves in the friend zone is because they worship their crush. Don’t get to the point where you become their bitch. It’s not healthy, nor does it put you on an equal footing. [Read: 21 obvious signs she’s just leading you on and taking you nowhere]

28. Refuse to be their go-to problem solver

They call you for every problem they have in their life, and you’re their shoulder to cry on. Now, if you were dating, they would also see you as a problem solver, which is good, as that’s part of a healthy relationship.

However, in this case, you don’t want to be the one they call only when they have a problem. You know what we mean?

29. Get out of the friend zone through texts

Have you ever thought that maybe you’re in the friend zone because the person you’re crushing on actually thought that’s all you wanted? Look at the way you interact with them carefully and identify whether or not you’ve put yourself in the friend zone. Maybe they don’t know you like them!

The best way around this, if you want to simply learn how to get out of the friend zone through texts only, change how you communicate. Stop with the self-deprecating remarks; instead, highlight your strong points. Don’t send plain texts, make them a tiny bit flirty. [Read: How to text flirt with a friend by starting slow]

Make them wonder whether or not you’re flirting or joking. It will confuse them to the point where they start to think of you in a slightly different light, because they’re not sure whether they’re now reading into things wrong.

The tables have turned! [Read: How to get your friend to like you more]

30. Don’t respond as quickly as before

It could be that you’re answering texts and calls very quickly. Whenever your crush reaches out, you reply straightaway. Bad move. You must make them wonder where you are and what you’re doing. By making them wait, you create a sense of mystery.

In some cases, you’re friend zoned because they’re testing you out. They don’t want to see you with someone else, but they’re happy for you to see them flirting with others. It’s cruel, right? Well, dating is cruel sometimes. [Read: How to be mysterious without being too distant]

It’s possible to escape the friend zone

It’s easy to panic and assume that if you’ve been friend zoned, that’s it, it’s a permanent place you’re always going to be in their eyes. That’s not necessarily the case.

For sure, it’s hard to change someone’s perception of you if they only see you as a friend, but by changing your behavior a little, it’s possible to learn how to get out of the friend zone. If all else fails, you can talk to a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to kind of relationship status you have. It will take time and effort, and only you can answer whether it’s worth it or not!

[Read: The sneaky ways to seduce a friend and get her to have sex with you]

Being in the friend zone doesn’t have to be a permanent sentence. If you’re trying to claw your way out of this dreaded zone, you’ll need the tips above to help you get out.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...