Quoiromantic Confusion: What It Is & Signs You’re Experiencing It

There are times when we have feelings for someone that are outside of our understanding of what is normal. But being a quoiromantic is not unusual.


Okay, how honest do we all want to be here? Have you ever had a romantic crush on someone, whether guy or girl, and it feels romantic, but you aren’t sure?

Just like you leave a party sometimes thinking why did I say that, and overanalyzing your every move, there are some relationships that we get into that confuse us, even if it is uncomfortable to admit it.

What is a quoiromantic?

Being a quoiromantic is when you can’t decide for yourself how you feel about someone, which is a total mind fuck.

When I looked up quoiromantic in the Urban dictionary, it said that it is a romantic orientation that makes it difficult for someone to know whether their feelings are platonic or sexual.

Although it sounds like a permanent condition, I would suggest that there are times when you know what your sexual orientation is, but there are people who come into your life and make you question what you thought you knew. [Read: A condensed list of sexualities and what you need to know about each of them]

Why you might be experiencing quoiromantic feelings

There are some people that you just click with. They are like your BFF, but awesome looking, engaging, and just make you come alive. Even if you know you are straight, some personalities just make you question “what the hell is this feeling?” So, if you are feeling quoiromantic, fear not, we have ALL felt that way at times, we just keep it to ourselves.

I am sure there are times when being quoiromantic is a permanent condition, but for most people, I think it is just meeting that dynamic person that makes you come alive and makes you wonder how you feel about them because they make you feel so good inside.

That’s what love is really about, isn’t it? When someone makes you feel good about you, heterosexual, homosexual, or quoiromantic makes no difference. A good feeling is a good feeling. [Read: Interpersonal attraction – Why we like someone people and hate others]

Here’s why you might be a quoiromantic.

#1 Someone is your squish. A squish is someone that you have romantic feelings for, but it has nothing to do with any sexual feelings. If it sounds confusing, it is. Have you ever met someone that you are just magically drawn to, but you aren’t exactly sure why or how you feel about them?

A squish is something like a bromance or when you have a crush on your bestie. Sometimes relationships can cause confusion and make you wonder what the hell is going on in your own head. [Read: Who’s your main squish? 15 signs you’re squishing on someone]

#2 They are your twin flame. A twin flame can sometimes feel like your soul mate, but you would be mistaken to think that they are. A twin flame is someone who is literally your twin from another mother.

They are the one who makes you see all the things about yourself that make you feel comfortable and like it was meant to be. It can be confusing because you think that you are supposed to be in love, but there is something not right, and it can feel more like best friends, lost twins, or just something that feels like home.

But, that doesn’t mean that you necessarily have romantic feelings for someone. It can be confusing to meet your better half only to find that they are really your identical half. [Read: What are twin souls? 16 signs you’ve found your one]

#3 They are your partner in crime. Everyone needs that one person who is always there for them and always has their back. If you have ten minutes, your partner in crime is the one that you want to spend every second with.

A partner in crime is someone you have loving feelings toward, but aren’t sure if you are in love, in like, or just besties. It just doesn’t make any sense. If you haven’t ever had lesbian or gay feelings before, your partner in crime can be someone so fun that you can see yourself spending a lifetime with them. But, you aren’t gay, or are you… see how it can be so confusing? [Read: Are you lesbian or bisexual? How to understand your true desires]

#4 You have a biromantic crush. A biromantic crush is when you have a crush on someone of the same sex, but you don’t want to have sex with them. Extremely quizzical, if you have biromantic feelings for someone, then you aren’t sure what you want, you just want to be with them and spend some time.

It isn’t exactly about sex, but then again, you can see yourself kissing their fun lips sometimes. There isn’t a soul in life who hasn’t been so attracted to another person that they don’t question “what if?” Yep, it is normal and happens to all of us. [Read: Biromantic vs. bisexual – How to understand what you’re feeling]

#5 You are smitten with someone. Smitten is something that is such an old-fashioned word that you can find someone at the nearest nursing home who will be talking about how smitten they are with someone.

Smitten means that you absolutely can’t live without the person at your side. You haven’t ever felt alive, or seen something so bright and shiny; they are just the most amazing creature that you have ever met.

When you are smitten, it is hard to know sometimes if it is something sexual or not. It can make your head do flips wondering if what you always thought you knew about your sexuality might not be real after all. Yep, being smitten with someone can really mess with your head. [Read: Totally smitten or mildly crushing? How to tell them apart]

#6 A queer platonic relationship. A queer platonic relationship is one where you feel something romantic for someone, but have no intentions of it becoming sexual. It has all the makings of something fantastic and lasting, but it is lasting in the sense where you are going to be hanging out and having fun forever.

We have all met someone who we just want so badly to be their bestie, hang out with them, and get butterflies in our stomach when they’re around. Yet, we become kind of sick when we think about doing anything sexual… weird. We are all weird! [Read: Panromantic asexual – What it is and what it isn’t]

If you have quoiromantic feelings, fret not, we have all been in a situation where someone turns us on, but doesn’t exactly turn us on. Those strange romantic feelings with butterflies can pop up when you least expect them or want them to, and they might be having you guessing what it is that you want, who it is that you want, or second guessing what you always knew about your sexuality.

In the end, we are all malleable creatures with romantic feelings, emotions, and love connections that can have nothing to do with sex. Many relationships challenge us in one way or another.

[Read: Romantic orientations – Just how many different kinds are there?]

A quoiromantic relationship is something that makes us all over-question, overanalyze and wonder what the hell we are thinking, who we are, or what we have always known about our sexuality. But don’t worry, it’s pretty normal.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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