Pillow Princess: What Does It Really Mean to Be Labeled as One?

Not sure what a pillow princess is? Here’s everything you need to know about what they are, how to spot one, and how not to be one.

what is a pillow princess

When you hear “pillow princess” you might be thinking that this girl is living a life of luxury. And you’re right. If you’re a pillow princess, it’s a cushy ride. However, it’s also likely that no one wants to have sex with you. So what, exactly, is a pillow princess?

If you think pillow princesses are mythical creatures, think again. You may have been standing behind a pillow princess at the grocery store or even ordering your mocha latte from a pillow princess.

If this is your first time hearing about pillow princesses, then you’ve been lucky. But just because you haven’t heard of the term doesn’t mean that you’ve never met one. I didn’t even know the term pillow princess existed until my best friend admitted to me that she was one.

[Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving]

What is a pillow princess? 

The term “pillow princess” refers to ladies who lie there during sex and do nothing. Firstly, the term pillow princess, is usually directed towards women who are bisexual or in a lesbian relationship who enjoy receiving oral sex but don’t want to reciprocate.

They’re women who love sex, but only on their terms and only if they don’t have to do anything. Get the gist? Let’s get it straight, though, we’re not here to simply attack women.

There are also straight men who simply enjoying having sex without making sure their partner is having an orgasm or even enjoying the sex. Regardless, both are characters everyone wants to avoid in their sex life.

[Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]

Is a pillow princess a term that’s restricted to the LGBTQIA+ community?

Once upon a time, yes, it was specifically associated only with the lesbian or bisexual women. This was a phrase that was common in the LGBTQ community to begin with. But these days, the word has evolved, and people aren’t surprised to hear a man proclaiming that a girl he dated was a pillow princess.

Today, the pillow princess is a term that’s just evolved to define a girl who doesn’t put in the effort to reciprocate in bed, especially when it comes to giving oral sex. Can them lazy in bed or just pure inexperienced and shy, but at the end of the day, a pillow princess is a girl who enjoys receiving pleasure, but doesn’t make the effort to give it back. [Read: The evolution of the word MILF and the surprising truths and thoughts behind it]

In the lesbian community, there’s been a longstanding assumption that a pillow princess doesn’t like going down on a girl because she’s still questioning her sexual orientation and status. She enjoys receiving oral, but doesn’t want to return the favour because she’s not “really gay”. Or that she’s just not sure herself if she’s into queer women or queer relationships.

What sets these princesses apart in bed?

Let’s face it, when it comes to sex, most of us are either givers or takers. Some like it on top, some of us like to be on the bottom. And then, we have the pillow princesses who just like to lie down like a starfish in bed with their hands and legs sprawled across the bed, and lying almost motionless and kinda uninterested too.

A pillow princess is the real definition of a taker in a sexual relationship, they just lie back and hope to be pleased by the person they’re having sex with. Okay, to be fair to the pillow princess, maybe she’s just inexperienced *we’ll get to that in a bit* but usually it’s because she’s entitled. [Read: How to get rid of the sense of entitlement that’s ruining your life]

This sounds like some kind of princess bashing here, but usually, a girl is a pillow princess because she believes she’s just so awesome she doesn’t have to put in any work to please her sexual partner. After all, she thinks she’s so hot her mere presence is enough to make anyone weak in their knees and orgasm at the first sight of her nakedness!

But then again, some people just enjoy having sex only in certain ways and positions. And we also have men who enjoy receiving a blowjob but have absolutely no inclination to return the favour and go down on the girl. Pillow princesses are everywhere, in the form of men and women.

How to recognize the selfish pillow princess before you take her to bed

Now there are a few women who are pillow princesses because it’s their preferred way to enjoy sex. But if you’re looking for the selfish pillow princess, the one who feels entitled to receive pleasure in bed without giving it back, here are a few quick signs to help you recognize her.

1. She seems almost uninterested

From the conversation to the flirty banter, she just seems a bit lazy. She’s talking to you, but not really putting in the effort, you know? [Read: Are you boring her? 20 clear signs she’s just not interested]

2. She’s shy and prudish

Okay, not all shy and prudish girls end up as pillow princesses. But if she’s just unwilling to open up sexually, and expects you to take the lead all the way from the conversation, to flirting, to dirty talk, all the way to bed, there’s a good chance she’s one.

3. She puts in very little effort

You’re in bed, and the first thing she does is lies back, and looks expectantly at you!

4. She expects you to put in all the effort

Okay, her favorite sex positions may be ones where she gets to lie on her back and watch you make all the effort. it’s one thing to just lie back like a starfish. But does she get offended if you’re not mesmerizing her with your sexual moves? If a girl expects you to go all out to please her, but puts no effort in returning any favor, you’ve hit the pillow jackpot!

5. Sex is boring

Well, what do you expect? Okay, maybe the first five minutes is hot and steamy because you’re “aroused by her mere presence”. But if all you see is her staring at the ceiling or enjoying herself while you put in all the work, it’s only a matter of time before you realize you’re not enjoying sex, but providing some kind of service instead. [Read: How to make someone go down on you without a push]

Why do pillow princesses exist and what makes people lazy in bed?

Good question. No one wakes up in the morning and decides to become a pillow princess. Honestly, it’s not the trait that you want roaming around the neighborhood.

Personally, I love when a guy goes down on me. I could let me go down on me for days, and I usually leave him down there until he feels the need to come up for air.

Though at some point, when I see his face dripping wet, I feel that I should give back. It’s courteous and shows mutual respect. But let’s not jump to conclusions and assume that pillow princesses are these selfish beings that want to make sex slaves out of their partners. There are various reasons as to why someone is a pillow princess.

1. Inexperience

If she doesn’t know how to do a specific sexual position, then she probably won’t try it. It’s not because she doesn’t want to, but simply because she doesn’t want to look like she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Inexperience can lead a girl pulling a pillow princess act simply because she’s insecure. Thus, inexperience can really hinder someone’s sexual drive, causing them to freeze up and seem like a pillow princess, when in reality, she’d really like to try to spice things up. [Read: The virgin’s guide to acting like she has experience]

2. Fear

In many instances, women are not encouraged to explore their sexuality alone or with a partner. However, exploring sexuality is a crucial part of developing your sexuality and understanding your own body and needs.

Pillow princesses may just be women who are scared to explore themselves sexually. If they’re bi-curious, this hesitation to reciprocate could be simply because they’ve never performed oral sex on another female before.

This just means that her partner will need to engage in effective communication and be patient. It may take some practice before she gets the hang of it, but, I mean, that doesn’t sound like a bad deal. If you’re a pillow princess reading this, there’s nothing to fear. We’re all on the same sexual ride as you, so get down there and start exploring. [Read: Female masturbation: 17 facts about the naughty secret]

3. Previous partners

If a pillow princess was with a previous boyfriend or girlfriend who was sexually dominant, then they’ll be used to a specific sexual experience. For example, they may have dated someone who only had sex in specific positions, such as missionary. That means this pillow princess did a whole lot of nothing.

When you’ve had sex with one person for a long period of time, you get used to their sexual preference and vice versa – this is only natural. So, you can’t really blame them in this case. All you can do is teach them. [Read: Is missionary sex really boring? How to spice up this underrated move]

4. Traumatic sexual experience

A guy once told me that he didn’t think I gave good blowjobs. When I think of it now, it’s not a big deal, as people like different styles and methods of oral sex.

However, at the time, I didn’t want to give him another blowjob, ever. For me, this was a hit to my ego and really traumatized me.

When someone’s been sexually traumatized, they usually pull back and refrain from performing that sexual act. If someone tells you that you’re bad at sex, you most likely will become insecure when having sex, even with other people. Dissociation can also occur. This is when the person essentially mentally checks out and thinks about something else to help them remove themselves from the situation.

This leaves the woman basically like a noodle on the bed. The only way to get through this is with effective communication. Instead of insulting her, simply show her or describe to her what you prefer she do. [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up about sex]

5. Sheer laziness

This is the true form of the original pillow princess. Some people are just lazy and only want their partners to perform sex on them. I get it. It feels great and you don’t do any work. I see the appeal. However, at some point, your partner, after working up a solid sweat, would also like to receive some pleasure.

Pillow princesses, this is a direct message to you. Don’t be selfish. If, for example, you’re having sex with a man and he would like you to get on top, there are ways to alleviate the sheer exhaustion of riding him. Put pillows under your knees, use your arms for support, use your partner’s body for support.

If you’re a woman having sex with another woman, you’ll just have to go down on her. You can’t expect everyone to go down on your forever.

That’s a nice dream to have, but it’s time to give it up, girl.

Maybe you’ve never heard of a pillow princess before this feature, but now that you’ve read it, you know that you’ve either been with or been one yourself. Remember that everyone brings their own set of baggage to the table, so just be sure not to judge too quickly.

Want to stop being a pillow princess, or want to find out why your girl is a pillow princess? Check out these articles:

How to ride a man confidently and look and feel sexy doing it

How to read the signs your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you

Top 50 kinky sex ideas to take your sex life to a whole new level of lust

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